Only Time Can Save Us
by ElusiveSoul
Summary: Meddling with the Time is a very dangerous thing. Hermione Granger knew that very well, but when things got really bad, she found herself wishing that she could just go back and fix everything. She had never expected her wish to actually come true, but when she wakes up in a completely different era, she realizes that you really have to be careful what you wish for.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Welcome to my story! It's been here for quite a while, but I've decided to correct it, since it's... well, very first-drafty. This chapter is already corrected, so enjoy... As for later ones -if they have the A/N's, saying that they're _safe to read,_ it means that I've re-uploaded them :)**

 **I hope you'll like the story, although I still have many things to correct :) If you find some inconsistencies -let me know, but you can be almost sure that I already know about them :)**

* * *

Hermione dodged another spell that had been sent in her direction, and immediately countered the attack. Her muscles screamed from exertion, while sweat trickled down her forehead, mixing with blood covering her face. She didn't even know if the blood belonged to her or someone else. It was nearly impossible to tell, considering the number of lifeless bodies lying on the ground, all of them massacred and violated.

" _Stupefy,"_ she yelled with force, but the movement of her wand came a bit later, along with the incantation chanted in her head. It turned out to be enough to break the Shield charm casted by her opponent in order to stop her spell.

He fell on the ground with a loud thump that almost disappeared amid the roaring sounds of the battle. Hermione felt relief washing over her body, when once again, she managed not to _die_. She knew though that she had to keep moving. Her friends were still out there or so she hoped. There was nothing of bigger importance, than saving Ron and Harry -especially the latter. As long as he lived, there still was a chance that somehow they'd get to see yet another day, that maybe they could somehow stop the unimaginable force and cruelty of Voldemort's army.

Her legs were nearly giving out, unable able to hold her weight anymore, but she knew that if she stopped, she would be as good as dead. Various curses and jinxes constantly flew over her head, and only sheer luck prevented her from being hit by one of them. She didn't have time to dwell on it, though. She kept going, ignoring the blurriness of her eyes and the darkness that threatened to overtake her any second. None of those things truly mattered.

The Great Hall took her breath away, but this time it didn't have anything to do with its undeniable beauty. The floor was covered with bodies, staring back at her with their empty eyes, filled with nothing but a void that only death could bring. The sight, stretching before her eyes, was the most dreadful thing she had ever seen. Her eyes filled with tears, making her vision even more blurry, but it didn't matter anymore.

She had failed. It was too late and everyone had died. Voldemort had officially won and there was nothing she could do, except for staring at the dead body of her best friend and the silhouette of Tom Marvolo Riddle, standing over him and laughing hysterically.

"No... Please, no..." she whimpered, allowing her legs to finally give way.

She collapsed to the floor, making Lord Voldemort notice her arrival. He opened his arms, as though he wanted to welcome her into his embrace.

"Ah, finally, the last missing part of the _Golden Trio_. I'm delighted that you decided to join us. I was just looking for something I could give as a reward to my lovely Bellatrix here. What do you think, my dear? Is that mudblood sufficient?"

Dark Lord's high-pitched voice was cold and terrifying, but it still wasn't enough to make Hermione feel anything, but the overwhelming pain, eating up her soul. ' _So Ron is dead too?'_ she thought with agony, while her sobs got louder and more desperate. Oh, Merlin... How did it happen? How could both of her boys be dead, after all that happened? After everything she'd done to save them, how could they just leave her here alone?

"Oh, yes, my Lord, this filthy mudblood is the perfect gift for me."

Hermione forced herself to tear her eyes away from Harry's dead body and face the woman, who caused her so much pain. She could almost feel the scar on her forearm burning, just as though it recognized its maker. How could it be that this vile woman, this messed up lunatic could still be alive, when everyone Hermione cared about was gone?

Even though just a second ago she felt completely dead inside, she knew that giving up wasn't an option. She would die fighting and doing everything in her power to take that bitch with her, even if it meant getting out of her own grave, which seemed to be ready for her even now.

Hermione stood up and clutched her wand fiercely, shutting off the pain consuming her body. She had to hold on just a little longer. Maybe the Death Eaters had a massive advantage, but the castle wasn't dead yet and there still might have been someone, who could help her.

"I am going to kill you, Mudblood. But before I do it, I'm going to have so much fun with you".

Bellatrix's laughter had always sounded as it was coming straight from hell, making everyone want to run for their lives. This time it was different, though. Hermione felt as a new surge of power washed over her half-dead body, making her determined to give this bitch a decent fight.

"Not if I kill you first," she stated, forcing her voice to sound as tough as possible.

She may have even succeeded, but it didn't seem to make any difference to Bellatrix, who watched Hermione with a predatory smile. It took her only a quarter of a second to raise her wand and cast the first spell. She was so quick, that Hermione barely got out of the way in time, ducking to her left and immediately casting a counter-attack.

It took only few minutes to know that Bellatrix was going to be the winner of the duel. She was unbelievably fast and nowhere near as tired as the girl she was fighting against. Few more spells were enough to break Hermione's defenses and send her flying through the wall of the Great Hall with a scream of pure agony. Her eyesight went black for a second, as pain once again invaded her body, this time with twice the force. She couldn't even breathe, not speaking about getting herself up and returning to the abandoned fight.

 _That's it. This is how I die_ , she thought to herself and felt tears rolling down her cheeks in an act of powerlessness.

She had failed once again, unable to avenge the death of her friends, unable to do anything to reverse the outcome of the battle. Her eyes fluttered open and she forced herself to stare at the body lying next to her. A girl... Younger than her, violated and left for everyone to see. Hermione closed her eyes, terrified and defeated. She started to feel glad that death was coming for her, because she couldn't imagine living her life after seeing all these horrors, that were now embedded into her mind for eternity. She _wanted_ to die.

Bellatrix's footsteps grew nearer and Hermione noticed that Voldemort apparently couldn't be bothered with watching her die, as he stayed inside the Great Hall, basking in his glory over Harry's dead body. Even though normally Hermione would see that as a chance for her to change the outcome of this very uneven duel, she didn't care anymore. She couldn't bring herself to do so. It was so much easier to just close her eyes and wait for the inevitable.

Her ears told her that the mad woman finally stopped and picked up Hermione's wand, lying next to her hand. A cracking noise that followed was just as painful as hitting the wall of the Great Hall and making a hole in it. Her wand... Her precious wand, a symbol of her being a witch, snapped in two pieces by the woman that she hated the most.

"Now, little Mudblood, I'm going to have fun with you. But not until I tell you exactly what I am going to do to you. First, I'm going to make you feel so much pain that you're going to lose that brilliant mind of yours. Then, I'm going to cut each piece of your filthy body and then feed it to the wolves. Or the werewolves... I've heard Greyback going on and on about how much he'd like to taste your filth," she said with excitement and Hermione couldn't help, but to shiver uncontrollably.

How could someone be so cruel, so disgustingly evil? Her _brilliant mind_ couldn't find an answer to that question for a very long time, but now she really wished it had. Maybe then she could have saved them all, being able to predict the actions of someone who was as mad as a hatter.

"Leave her alone!" A furious voice sounded in the hallway, causing Hermione to open her eyes immediately.

"Ron?" she whimpered almost inaudibly and started to wonder if she wasn't dead already.

Although she wanted to move and see if she was right, she seemed unable to do so. Everything hurt and the floor was slippery from the blood surrounding her.

"Hermione, get up! You fucked up bitch, get away from my girlfriend!" The voice yelled again and this time, Miss Granger had no doubts that it belonged to Ronald Weasley.

"Ron, you have to run, she'll kill you..." she tried again, her voice sounding a little bit stronger, but not enough for him to hear it.

However, it managed to capture the attention of Bellatrix, who kicked her in the stomach, making her gasp for air and cough up blood.

"Quiet, Mudblood. You and I are not finished. I guess you'll just have to wait till I've killed that Blood Traitor of yours."

Ron however seemed to have a different opinion on that matter, as he cast the first spell upon the woman. Even with the pain dulling all of Hermione's senses, she could tell that the boy was doing much better than she had, causing Bellatrix to break a real sweat. He tried to do everything to drag her away from the Great Hall, in hopes that Hermione would get up and run for her life.

His sacrifice almost made her smile. Tears rolled down her cheeks once again, when she realized that his actions were all for nothing, as she wasn't able to move and the darkness was slowly embracing her. She knew that it was the end, but she didn't want to go until she'd seen him for the last time. _I have to get up_ , she thought to herself and groaned out loud, trying to hoist herself up. Why did it have to be so difficult?

She felt like it took her hours to change position, but when she finally did, she saw Ron casting one spell after another with such force, that Bellatrix couldn't do anything except for shielding herself with panic forming in her dark eyes. Hermione knew that the woman was losing, but it simply didn't seem to be enough. All it would take, was one mistake and Ron would be dead, just as Harry and everyone else. _I couldn't save Harry. But him -I can save,_ she thought, pushing herself off the ground and doing everything in her power not to fall down once again.

Her wand lied on the ground, broken and completely useless, but Hermione knew that she wasn't called the brightest witch of her age for nothing. Mustering all of her remaining strength, she focused on that one, simple incantation that was the signature of her fallen friend, and slowly raised her hand.

" _Expelliarmus,"_ she merely whispered, but it was enough to disarm a completely surprised woman.

She watched as Bellatrix's wand flew right into her own hand. As soon as it came to contact with Hermione's skin, it forced her to flinch, when the burning sensation spread throughout her arm. The wand was undeniably evil and definitely didn't suit her, but in that moment, she _needed_ evil.

Ron's spell brought Bellatrix down and Hermione watched with relief as her body fell to the ground, immobilized. She knew though that it wasn't enough. Bellatrix Lestrange didn't deserve to live, not after what she had done. Hermione wanted nothing more, than to kill her with her own wand wielded by the hand of a _Mudblood_.

"Karma's a bitch," she whispered and raised the wand at the motionless woman.

"Hermione, don't!" Ron yelled, and in a blink of an eye, he found himself by her side, grabbing her wrist with his own hand. "You can't do this. I know she's evil, but if you kill her, you can't go back from that, not ever."

She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears once again.

"Voldemort's back in the Great Hall. If you want any chance at defeating him, she has to die."

"What about Harry?" he asked with sadness in his hazel eyes. "What about _you?"_

"There's no way I'm going to make it, Ron. I should be dead already," she choked out and watched his eyes go watery.

"No, 'Mione, don't say that. You're going to be just fine. We're going to defeat him together, alright? You're not going anywhere."

The boy's voice sounded strained and panicked, and she couldn't blame him. They had just found the courage to confess their feelings to each other. They were supposed to have a happy life after it was all over. And now, everything was lost. If she wasn't so bloody tired, she probably would panic as well.

"It's alright, Ron. Just promise you'll kill him for me," she whispered and turned her gaze to Bellatrix, whose body started to twitch, when her paralysis started to wear off.

She felt the boy let go off her hand. Muffled cries came out of his mouth, as he held her close, while she prepared herself to cast that one last spell. Summoning all the hatred she could muster, all the pain that Bellatrix had caused her, she forced herself to say those two words, that she had never wanted to use, not ever.

" _Avada Kedavra,"_ she whispered, watching as a stream of green light erupted from the wand and hit Bellatrix's body, making her freeze again, this time once and for all. It felt almost cleansing to watch the fear that appeared on her face, right before she died, but watching her eyes fill with void felt even better. It made her smile to know that one of her biggest enemies was now dead.

Her smile faltered quickly, though, as she collapsed right into Ron's warm embrace, letting darkness finally take over her body. She heard his cries, she also heard Voldemort's scream, when he realized that Bellatrix was not coming back from the corridor, and her crazy laughter was no longer to be heard.

Hermione felt as her back came to contact with a hard, cold surface and Ronald's hands left her body. He had to fight -not everything was lost yet. She might be dying, but there was still a chance that at least one person from their Golden Trio would live to tell the story of their bravery and sacrifice. She wanted nothing else. Not anymore.

Well, except maybe going back in time in order to change its course. It was too late for that, however, cause, even though the Time-Turner she snatched from Dumbledore's office was covered with her shirt, lying safely between her breasts, she didn't have enough strength to use it. If only she had thought about it earlier... Maybe Harry wouldn't be dead, maybe Ron wouldn't have to face Voldemort alone.

The last thing she felt was a tingling sensation on her chest, before the darkness embraced her completely.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: This chapter is already corrected.**

 **It's also a bit longer than the previous one (and the next ones, for that matter), but I hope you'll like it :)**

* * *

She gasped loudly, feeling completely horrified. How could it be that even after her death, the nightmares wouldn't stop plaguing her? Reliving the battle over and over wasn't something that she had planned to do after she'd died. Of course, she couldn't really say that death had been in her plans _at all_ , even though she always knew it certainly qualified as one of the possibilities. Nonetheless, she had never thought that it would hurt so much, both physically and emotionally. Maybe it was because of the fact that she hadn't been such a good person? After all, she had killed Bellatrix and possibly many others, even though she had only used the Killing Curse once.

"Ah, I see you're finally awake, my dear!" A woman's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and caused her to immediately reach for her wand.

Obviously, it wasn't there. Bellatrix snapped it in half right before her eyes. Sorrow clenched her heart, but she knew better than to let her emotions get the best of her, so she turned her head to face the woman, who walked into the room.

Hermione thought that she was hallucinating at first, when she looked right into the face of Madame Pomfrey, who seemed much younger than when she had last seen her. The conclusion dawned at her, when she realized that she probably wasn't the only one _dead_. There probably might not have been anyone alive, if Ron hadn't succeeded. _I wonder if there's a way to learn if he managed to kill that son of a bitch,_ she wondered briefly, before returning back to reality.

"Are you dead too?" she asked, her voice hoarse and raspy from not being used for a long time.

Or at least she thought it had been long. How could she know? She was dead after all.

"Dead? Oh, believe me, you came really close to dying, but fortunately, I'm very good at my job, dear," the nurse stated and gave her a warm smile, causing Hermione to furrow her brows.

"Are you telling me, that I'm not dead?"

Her voice sounded a lot better the second time, but the words coming out of her mouth seemed very unlikely. She rememberedher heart slowing down, as her body began to shut down. How could she be alive, when there was no one who could have saved her at the time?

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. Now, how do you feel?"

Hermione really didn't know what to make of it. Instead of answering the nurse's question, she looked around and noticed the familiar walls of the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. Was it really possible that Ron had killed Voldemort and somehow managed to save her? She always knew that he was smarter than everyone had thought, but still, even in her mind it seemed nearly impossible for something like that to happen.

And yet, here she was, breathing and having a conversation with Poppy Pomfrey, who looked better than ever.

"What the hell happened? The last thing I remember is Ron leaving me behind to fight Voldemort," she said, ignoring the pain she felt and discarding the sheets covering her body.

"Miss, you should stay calm. Some of the wounds you suffered were very severe and they haven't healed yet. They could reopen any second," the nurse seemed really disturbed by her actions and also seemed to have no idea what Hermione was talking about.

Something was wrong. Madame Pomfrey fussed over her just as she normally would, but she looked at her without any recognition. She called her _miss._ And Hermione knew that considering her numerous visits to the Hospital Wing, Poppy decided to stop with the formalities and just call her by the name. It was almost impossible for that habit to change out of the blue, especially considering the Battle that took place right here, in this castle.

"Why do you look so young?" she asked with her brows furrowed and watched with suspicion as Poppy's cheeks tinged red with embarrassment and annoyance.

"Excuse me? Don't you think that's a little rude, Miss?"

Hermione didn't answer, feeling as though someone punched her in the stomach, when she realized that it wasn't just her imagination and Madame Pomfrey really had no clue whatsoever, who she was talking to. But how the hell was that possible? The fact that she somehow survived the Battle was a miracle on its own, but this? Maybe someone cursed her, after she lost her consciousness? Hermione quickly skimmed her mind looking for a spell that could do that. She knew an awful lot about memory charms, considering the fact that she used one of them on her own parents.

Her mouth suddenly flew open, when she remembered that tingling sensation on her chest right before she surrendered to darkness.

"What year is it?" she asked, her voice a bit absent.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Madame Pomfrey rushed to her side and waved her wand, probably checking Hermione's temperature. When it turned out completely normal, she performed some other spells and Hermione had no doubts that the older woman made sure that she didn't suffer any injuries to her head.

"I'm fine. I just really need to know what year it is."

"1976."

Hermione looked at her with her eyes wide open, trying to find any signs of deception on the nurse's face. The only thing she found was worry and distress. Oh, God... How on earth did she manage to travel twanty years back in time, without even trying to? How was it possible? How the hell was she supposed to get back without altering the time line? How...

Her world started spinning and waves of nausea flooded her body, causing her to breathe rapidly. She felt her stomach twist into a tight knot, and she closed her eyes, unable to take the dizziness anymore.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she breathed out and Madame Pomfrey summoned a bowl immediately.

Hermione grabbed the vessel and retched violently, unable to stop herself when all of the facts dawned on her. If it really was 1976, she shouldn't even be born as of yet. She remembered what Dumbledore and McGonagall said to her before her third year about using the Time-Turner. There was nothing more dangerous than that, considering the fact that no one could handle meeting their future selves very well. Not mentioning the huge impact it had on the future itself. The fact that she was here meant that everyone she'd gotten to know in the meantine, would recognize her as soon as an eleven year old Hermione Granger had walked through the Hogwarts' Gate. It also meant that she would have to keep hiding, awaiting for that precise moment of her own disappearance, so she could step into her old life once again. Of course, by the time it happened, the future would be so altered that there could be no guarantee that the Final Battle would even take its place on that day in the same place.

Another wave of nausea hit her when she realized that even by lying in the hospital bed, allowing Madam Pomfrey to look over her, she had already changed everything. There could be no doubt that the woman would remember her face and connect the facts, when an eleven year old Hermione showed up at Hogwarts. The only way to fix this would be to Obliviate the nurse and everyone who had seen Miss Granger, and then go into hiding for 20 years. Every other option would disrupt the future completely.

There would be no guarantee that Harry and Ron would be born and even if they would, what if they didn't become friends with her? What if they would die before the Final Battle?

Memories of Harry's dead body and desperation in Ronald's eyes flooded her brain, making her eyes sting. She felt tears rolling down her face, when the agonizing pain erupted from deep inside her body. Hermione could have sworn that being Crucioed by Bellatrix was the worst feeling in the world, but now she wasn't so sure anymore. Her heart got ripped to pieces, just as Voldemort's soul had been.

"They're dead. Oh Merlin, they really are dead," she sobbed hard, letting her body tremble uncontrollably, as her wailing echoed through the walls of the Hospital Wing.

"My dear, who is dead? What happened to you?" She heard Madam Pomfrey's voice, but even if she wanted to answer that question, she couldn't.

Not only because her pain and sorrow made it impossible to speak, but also because she knew that no one could know the truth. The situation was bad as it was and anything she could have said would only complicate it even more. She knew that it would be best if she simply run away, leaving everything behind, but her body was in no condition for doing so. Instead, she decided to let herself fall apart completely.

"Please, leave me alone," she sobbed and hid herself underneath the cover.

Madame Pomfrey apparently decided that whatever was going on with her, she couldn't help. The nurse left the room, while Hermione lied on her bed, wide awake, her eyes staring into the ceiling but not seeing anything, except for the scenes constantly playing in her mind, like a broken TV.

She was grieving. Even though it probably wasn't the best thing to do, considering her situation and the fact that she disrupted the entire future by coming here. But she just couldn't stop. Her brain refused to work properly, making it impossible to plan her further steps. Hermione knew though that whatever happened next, it would probably require her to be brave and determined, and she couldn't do that just yet. Her heart was bleeding too much.

* * *

"Are you ready to speak, Miss?" Professor Dumbledore's voice echoed through the room, sounding so effing familiar that she wanted to scream.

She felt like she was talking to a ghost or worse, a zombie of some kind. Hermione remembered the night of his death very well, the image of his lifeless body etched into her mind for the eternity. And yet he sat next to her bed and looked at her with gentle, reassuring smile that she used to see on his face very often. Back then, she thought that the man's spirit couldn't be broken, but today she was smarter and much more observant. Beneath the sparkles in his eyes, she could also see weariness and curiosity. He didn't want to scare her, but she knew that he had waited for this conversation long enough to start feeling a bit impatient.

"I'll never be ready, Professor," she admitted quietly, looking straight into his eyes, surrounded by much less wrinkles than she remembered.

"I understand that, but I still believe it is necessary for you to tell me about yourself. All I know is that you simply appeared out of nowhere in front of the Great Hall, in a state that can only be described as _half-dead_. I need to know who you are and how did you get here." His voice had some urgency to it and she felt the need to tell him everything.

Hermione knew though that she couldn't do it. Not until she had the absolute certainty that there was nothing she could do to fix this whole situation. Besides, she didn't even know how to answer his question. ' _How did I get here?,_ she thought to herself once again and sighed, when her mind went blank.

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I have nothing to say," she murmured quietly and looked down to her hands resting on top of the covers.

"Are you scared?" he asked, looking at her intently.

Was she? No... Terrified would be a better word to describe her state of mind. Hermione, being the brilliant witch she was, knew very well that Dumbledore wasn't going to leave without any answers. She could lie of course, but having read _Hogwarts: A History_ so many times, she knew that nothing would convince Dumbledore that she somehow managed to break the anti-apparition ward that had been there for centuries.

She desperately tried not to look at him, knowing that he was one of the most powerful Legilimens in the Wizarding world and could easily gain access to her mind if she still refused to talk to him. Judging by his sigh, he knew very well what she attempted to do and didn't like it at all.

"My dear, your efforts to keep the truth to yourself are very admirable, but I already know about your Time-Turner. And even if I didn't confiscate it, there are no other ways of you getting inside the castle out of nowhere. So, let me ask you again, who are you?"

Hermione jerked her head up, her eyes wide with pure shock. How did he... Oh, of course, he must have figured it out. He was Albus Dumbledore, after all. The man planned his own death and made them believe that it was actually a murder -terrible one at that.

"Professor, if you know how I came here, you must know that it's not wise for me to tell you anything," she protested weakly, making Dumbledore smile for the first time during their conversation.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. And seeing as the Time-Turner you used most definitely belongs to me, your being here cannot be accidental," he said and Hermione shook her head.

"I have no idea how did I manage to activate the Time-Turner, not mentioning the fact that it took me twenty years back."

Before she realized her mistake, professor Dumbledore looked at her with disbelief. She cursed in her thoughts and furrowed her brows. _Way to go, Herms. When did you become so lousy at keeping things to yourself?_

"Twenty years, you say? That is very interesting, indeed. Seems like I am much smarter than I thought..." Dumbledore chuckled and Hermione looked at him questioningly. "My dear, your Time-Turner had definitely been charmed to activate itself in the right moment. I am fairly sure that it had to be my doing, considering the fact that it belongs to me. Did I give it to you?"

Hermione blushed furiously and looked away, trying to fight her embarrassment.

"Not exactly, Professor. I kind of... Snatched it from your office along with some other things," she admitted and sent him an apologetic gaze.

"Ah, I see. I must have been already dead then," he stated cheerfully, making Hermione's mouth gape. "Nonetheless, I probably wanted someone to take it, otherwise I wouldn't have charmed it. Do you think that I meant for you to have it or maybe it was someone else?"

The girl closed her mouth and considered his words. If what he said was true, he certainly would want her to have it. After all, she had experience with Time-Travelling and had known all the rules to make it as safe as possible. Of course, by sending her here he probably broke all of them at once, which was a serious problem for Hermione.

"If you meant for someone to go back in time, it had to be me. Although I can't say that I understand why on Earth would you want me to do that. It's dangerous even if you travel only few hours into the past, but twenty years? Do you know how much I have disrupted the future?" she asked in a panicked tone and covered her face with her hands.

"No, I don't. But I'd very much like to know, so that we could figure out what to do about it. One thing is sure -you cannot go back to your own time, as it is simply not possible."

"I know that," she moaned and tried to fight back the giant bile that started to form in her throat. "But do you honestly think that telling you everything will make it better? No one is supposed to know the future."

"We have no choice. I am fairly sure that you must be very intelligent, otherwise I wouldn't have picked you, so you realize that everyone who had already seen you, will recognize your face as soon as you appear in Hogwarts for the first time. They will start asking questions and we simply cannot have that. The future is already disrupted, as you've said. We have to make sure that it won't completely fall apart."

Professor Dumbledore was right. She couldn't just refuse to talk to him. He was probably the only person that could handle the information that she had to offer and it would be much easier to figure out her next step with his help.

"I'm sorry, Professor. It's just that you were the one who told me about the rules of travelling through the time and I know what are the of the dangers of not following them. But I also know that I've already broken every single one of them and that fixing it, is not entirely possible. The future will have to change, since there is no way of avoiding it and it would be best if it changed for the better," she admitted with a sad smile.

Maybe that was the reason why the older version of Professor Dumbledore decided to send her back in time, if things got really bad? To fix everything? To make sure that nothing as horrible as the Final Battle would ever happen? Even if that meant sacrificing her own life and completely changing the timeline, she knew it would all be worth it. Maybe she could give Harry a normal life, without death waiting for him behind every corner. Maybe she could prevent everyone she cared about from dying. It didn't matter if they didn't recognize her. Not if they would be happy in the end.

"How bad is the future?" Dumbledore asked after a moment of silence and Hermione closed her eyes, letting the images of the Battle resurface once again.

"More than bad, sir. It's... almost unimaginable."

Her voice was merely a whisper, but it seemed to have a huge impact on the wizard sitting in front of her. His peaceful face suddenly turned white and he started to look much older, reminding her of the Albus Dumbledore she'd known.

"I assume that the state of things had much to do with Lord Voldemort, correct?"

"It had everything to do with him."

"Twenty years of fighting and we still lose in the end? That's not very good news, I'm afraid."

Hermione didn't respond to his words, as it wasn't necessary. Dumbledore fell silent and seemed to be deep in his thoughts, which were probably much more sensible than her own have been. He happened to be the most powerful wizard she had ever known, even if he was also the one that ended up dead, while Voldemort slowly gained more and more power. His mind though... Hermione always admired it, even if his decisions seemed very unreasonable to her sometimes.

She actually believed that she was far too stupid to understand his choices completely, and it motivated her to no end. Hard work was the only way that could turn her into someone as brilliant as Albus Dumbledore and she knew that it was all she ever wanted. His death touched her more than she would ever let on, but it also turned her into a responsible, clever, and cunning witch, determined to do everything she could to ensure her friends safety. And she had failed miserably.

"You still haven't told me your name, my dear," Dumbledore spoke, causing her to flinch.

"Oh. Is it safe for me to tell you?" she asked with concern in her voice.

"I believe so. There are no doubts that you're going to be a vital part of the time that we are currently in, making it impossible for someone not to notice the similarities between you and your future self, who probably hasn't even been born yet, if my assumptions are correct." He looked at her from above his half-glasses and she nodded, confirming his words. "Therefore, we cannot allow your future self to attend Hogwarts, as you were supposed to. It would probably be best if you could reach your parents and convince them to move out to a different country. United States maybe?"

"I guess it's fine..." she murmured, holding back the tears that threatened to escape her eyes.

She couldn't believe that the history was about to repeat itself, and no one beside her would ever know about it. Hermione hated herself for Obliviating her parents, even if she'd done it to keep them safe. The second time wasn't going to be any better, but there was no other choice, but to accept it.

"Good. Now, can you tell me what's your name?"

She smiled bitterly and shut her eyes tightly. In that precise moment she had to say goodbye to her future self and all of her memories. As of now, Hermione Granger would belong to 1976, and nothing could ever change that.

"My name is Hermione Jean Granger, sir. I'm eighteen years old and I've been attending Hogwarts for six years. Then I had to drop out of school. There were things that needed to be done in order to stop Voldemort from winning and those were far more important than finishing my education. I come from 1998, 2nd May to be precise. That's when the Final Battle took place. That's when everything went wrong," she explained quietly and lowered her head, letting her tears roll down her face.

"Those things that had to be done in order to stop him. I take it you didn't succeed?"

"Not entirely. In the end, we had to go back to Hogwarts anyway and finish the job, but we were too late. The Battle had begun and it was a bloody massacre."

"What were you supposed to do? How did you want to stop him?"

Dumbledore's voice was very serious and gravely. She couldn't blame him for wanting to know everything about the future, but she still hesitated. Had Voldemort even made a Horcrux by now? He must have. After all, in a couple of years he would be gone, defeated by her best friend. Dumbledore from her time was fairly sure that all of the Horcruxes were made before his disappearance, except for Nagini and Harry himself. If she somehow managed to destroy all of them, before he had managed to kill the Potters, maybe none of the bad things would happen.

"The Horcruxes, sir. He's made seven of them. Or at least, he will make seven."

"Do you know what Horcruxes are?" he asked her quietly and she nodded. "They are very Dark Magic, very terrifying. If the knowledge of their existence reaches anyone else... Miss Granger, this _has to_ stay a secret."

"I am aware of that, sir. Just like I am aware of the fact that if Voldemort manages to capture me, he'll have access to all my knowledge. I'm not an Occlumens and I think that no matter what we decide about my future in here, I have to become one."

Dumbledore nodded eagerly and smiled at her.

"Yes, yes. That thought has crossed my mind, of course, but I am very content that you've thought about it yourself. At least I know that I made a really good choice by picking you to be a Time-Traveller." His eyes twinkled at her gleefully and Hermione smiled, finding comfort in his familiar behavior. "Now, I think it's necessary for us to discuss your future. I'd very much like you to help the Order of the Phoenix, even though we don't usually allow such young people to join."

"It's too late for me anyway. I've already lived through one war and I really want to make sure that the second one will be also the last. I can't do that if I'm not in the loop of what's going on. Besides, technically I'm eighteen years old and a grown-up." She shrugged and Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, Miss Granger, but I'm afraid that in this timeline, you'll have to become sixteen again."

Hermione looked at him with surprise visible in her brown eyes. Dumbledore chuckled lightly and explained:

"I know that you've already finished your sixth year, but I don't think that the Order would ever get another chance of having eyes and ears amongst the students in Hogwarts. I'm sure that it could work as a huge advantage if you agreed to repeat your sixth year, and then move on to seventh. It would also be a great opportunity to gain new friends and settle into the new era."

Hermione stayed quiet for a few seconds and then smiled.

"I've always loved this castle. Going back for another two years doesn't sound bad at all."

Except this time she was going to be all alone, without Harry and Ron by her side. That thought made her scared and unsure of herself, but she knew that she would have to face the world sooner rather than later, and doing that at Hogwarts seemed so much better than having to do it in the real world.

"I must warn you, however. The sense of fashion is definitely much different than the one you're accustomed to." Albus giggled and Hermione looked at him with horror, when the images of bell-bottoms popped into her mind.

She thought that it was absolutely ridiculous to wear something so hideous, but fashion tended to be completely illogical. Hermione sighed and realized that she will have to adjust her entire wardrobe.

A memory appeared on the surface of her mind and she looked at Dumbledore anxiously.

"Sir, could you by any chance tell me what happened to my bag? I'm sure I must have had it on me when I came here."

"Oh, yes. Pardon me, Miss Granger, but I had to search it in order to figure out who you were. I was very surprised to see that one of the books in there definitely belonged to me." He looked at her with twinkles in his eyes and Hermione smiled apologetically. "Did you... snatched that too?"

"No, sir. You gave it to me. It was... It was a very important piece of puzzle we were trying to solve for years," she said as cryptic as she could and Dumbledore noticed it right away.

"The Deathly Hallows, correct?"

She nodded her head trying to avoid his gaze. Harry would be dying to ask him the questions that circled her mind right now, but she felt as though it wasn't the best time to prod him about his past.

"Voldemort found out about them and decided to get them, especially the Elder Wand," she said and her gaze flickered to Dumbledore's wand that lied safely in his lap.

If he noticed, he decided not to comment on that. Instead, he caressed his beard, seeming to be deep in thoughts.

"It took him long enough," he murmured to himself and then snapped out of thoughts, smiling at her cheerfully. "Well, I am sure you must be getting very tired, so let's get to the most important thing. We have to come up with a decent cover for you, don't you agree?"

"Of course, sir. I can't just join everyone in their sixth year and hope that they won't have any questions. I do have one question of my own, though. What about my scars? Most of them are cursed and I know very well that they won't come off. They are also very hard to conceal and someone might notice them eventually. Is that going to be a problem?"

"No, Hermione. I am going to make sure that your story will be compatible with all of your scars. Actually, I've been thinking about that part for a while now. I think it would be safe to tell everyone that both of your parents were Muggleborns and that blood purists targeted them specifically because they were powerful wizards, and they apparently gave you the same strength. They escaped Britain and moved to France, thinking that you would be safe there. Unfortunately, the blood purists had found you, killing your parents and forcing you and a couple of your friends to drop out of school and go into hiding. It would explain why you are so thin and it wouldn't be an exact lie, would it?"

"No, sir. Actually, it sounds almost exactly like my true story," she admitted with sadness lacing her voice.

"Yes, it does. As of yours scars, it would probably be best if you told the truth on that matter - blood purists found you and your friends, tortured you and killed everyone beside you. You managed to escape and apparate to England and that's how we found you," he finished, looking at her intensely.

Hermione knew the reason behind coming up with a story that was so similar to what actually happened. The fact that she was determined to get herself together didn't mean that she would succeed without anyone noticing the emptiness in her eyes and the pain hidden deep inside her heart. No... It would be best to just tell everyone something that resembled the truth so much, that she would be able to allow herself those rare moments of sorrow, when no one was looking.

The story was very good and most definitely convincing. It wasn't perfect, though, and Hermione couldn't help but voice her concern.

"Professor... I think that when it comes to my colleagues, it might actually work. But what about Voldemort and his Death Eaters? I know that as of now, he tries to keep them a secret, as he's nowhere near as powerful as he was back in my times, but still… Blood purists might be common, but the fact that I survived a meeting with some of them would definitely capture the attention of Voldemort's supporters. And as a matter of fact, it's also not very difficult to check if I had actually been going to Beauxbatons for six years. All of this will surely make me a target and I've already told you that I can't defend my mind from the invasions."

"Yes, Miss Granger, you are most definitely right. That thought crossed my mind and so I decided that it probably would be best if we made sure, that you were able to keep your secrets from everyone, including Tom. The summer holidays in Hogwarts are about to start and I will have plenty of time to teach you how to Occlude your mind. Occlumency is however only one of the things I'd like you to learn. We can't afford loosing you to Death Eaters, which is why I think it would be good if you decided to practice dueling and defending yourself."

Hermione's eyes went wide with surprise, but it quickly faded away, when she realized that professor Dumbledore was, once again, right. She would lie if she claimed to be an expert duelist, even with what happened in her fifth year with Dumbledore's Army and later on. She never considered herself much of a fighter, not in a physical way at least. But did she really have a choice now? There was no way in hell that she would allow Voldemort to capture her and discover everything.

"I'll do it, professor. But I don't think I will be able to learn anything by myself."

"Of course not, Miss Granger. We have quite a few Aurors in the Order of the Phoenix. I'll make sure to talk to one of them and convince him to train you."

"Can you give me a name?" she asked, thinking about all the Aurors she had ever met.

"Alastor Moody. He's young, but very bright. Are you familiar with him?"

Of course she was. She remembered the night of his death as it was yesterday. Even though he wasn't _really_ her professor, she respected him greatly. It was hard not to do so, when you'd read all about his achievements and bravery. But still, he was a very harsh man and she knew very well that training with him would be a nightmare.

"I see that the name rings a bell to you," Dumbledore said with amusement clear in his voice.

"Oh, yes. I knew him back in my time and I can't say that I'm entirely looking forward to meeting him again, considering the fact that he will probably turn me into a puddle of tears and sweat," she murmured and smiled. " _Constant vigilance!"_

Dumbledore chuckled and nodded his head agreeably.

"Yes, yes. No doubt, you must've known him. I must also apologize for forcing you to endure his harshness, but I'm afraid he's also the best man for the job I have. He's going to be a brilliant Auror, as I'm sure you know. He will make you much safer, Hermione."

"Of that -I have no doubt."

Hermione watched as Dumbledore stood up and smoothed out his purple robes. Seeing it made her feel weirdly at home, as his eccentric taste was always something that reminded her of the magic present in her life on daily basis. He was the spitting image of a Wizard, and she had no doubts that he intented to look like that. Somehow, it made Hermione's heart warm up again, reminding her that there were still people worth fighting for, even if she really didn't want to do so anymore.

A question popped into her head and she hesitated for a moment, before opening her mouth.

"Professor, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Miss Granger," he answered, his eyes twinkling kindly.

"You've said that we were now in 1976. Is there any chance that the Marauders are here in Hogwarts?"

Dumbledore looked very surprised for a moment, but then he nodded, causing her heart to flutter hard against her chest.

"Undeniably, Miss Granger. I'm pretty sure you're going to notice it sooner than later, considering the fact that it's almost summer and they have just finished their exams. They have this peculiar habit of pranking everyone, which causes them to end up in the Hospital Wing quite often," he said and smiled at her. "Although, I'd suggest you to pretend to be dead, or seriously ill when they come here. They will be very interested in you, but I'm afraid that till you're ready, it would be best to stay away from people, especially the Marauders."

"I'll try to remember that," she said in a small voice, trying to overcome the emotions that appeared out of nowhere.

Professor Dumbledore smiled once again and then exited the Hospital Wing, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She almost couldn't believe that she was going to meet Harry's parents, a young Sirius and Remus, and even that foul rat that betrayed all of them. It seemed very unreal, but it also made her whole body tingle with anticipation. Merlin, how she wished Harry could be here and experience it on his own. He would give everything to get to know his family, she knew that very well. His longing for something that he had never had was so strong, that it almost got them killed when they'd visited the Godric's Hollow. He would have loved the opportunity. Hermione knew though that he would have loved to have his parents by his side, alive and unharmed, even more.

Suddenly she knew why Dumbledore wanted to send her to this exact place and time. It had all started with that one prophecy and betrayal. And now she had the chance to fix it.


	3. Chapter 2

"Padfoot, look", a muffled voice reached her ears and she did everything she could not to jump out of bed immediately.

It wasn't so difficult to figure out that Dumbledore's words had finally came true. The Marauders visited Hospital Wing, just as he had predicted. Hermione had no doubt that the voice she heard belonged to James Potter, although she has never heard it before. There was something about its cheerfulness and mischief that made her entirely convinced. She almost couldn't stop herself from opening her eyes and looking right at him. She wondered if he looked anything like Harry did when he was his age. Of course, everyone said that her best friend was the spitting image of his father, but she really wanted to see by herself, if it was true.

"Look, there's a girl in here. I don't think I know her. What about you? You shagged her yet?", James asked again and Hermione really hoped she didn't blush.

It was her best friend's father and he has just asked if Sirius Black had shagged her. How weird was that?

"Nah, I don't think so. I am fairly sure I've never seen her before", the smooth, deep voice answered him, sounding nothing like the Sirius Black she'd known.

His voice was velvety and full of emotions, whereas the one she remembered was quiet and reserved almost at all times. Of course, she couldn't blame him for being a little bit indifferent after spending 12 years in Azkaban. But even in those rare moments when he couldn't hold his emotions inside anymore, he didn't sound so happy and chilled out. No, the Sirius Black she'd known was a ghost compared to his younger version.

"Although if I had seen her before, I'd probably shag her", barking laugh filled the air and this time she flinched visibly.

Did he just say... Merlin, help her. He was so much older than her. Maybe not in this time but technically she shouldn't even be born as of now. How could he say that he'd shag her?! Oh, that's right. He had no clue about any of this.

"Shush, Padfoot, you'll wake her up", hissed James and she heard his steps coming closer towards the bed. "Fuck"

At this exact moment she realized that her forearm was fully visible, just as the scar Bellatrix that gave her. She wanted to cover herself up so badly, so that they wouldn't see it, but she knew she couldn't do it. Instead, she tried to breathe in and out as smoothly as possible.

"Bloody hell, that poor girl", Sirius murmured when he joined James at the foot of her bed and this time his voice was nowhere near as cheerful.

Actually, Hermione knew that he must have been even more disturbed than anyone else would have been, considering that most of his family were blood purists. Hell, his _cousin_ did this to her!

"I'd make all of those bastards suffer so badly, James"

"I know, mate. I'd do it with you. What do you think has happened to her?"

"I have no idea, but it must have been pretty fucked. This scar doesn't look that new, so it's probably cursed"

' _Right on point_ ', she thought to herself. ' _My whole life is cursed, Sirius_ '.

"Maybe she's an Auror?"

"Way too young. Even if she's older than she looks, I've never seen her at Hogwarts, so it's not possible", Sirius disagreed and James hummed in response.

Damn, they really were smart. No wonder that Dumbledore ordered her not to talk to them before she was comfortable enough with her story to pull it off effortlessly.

"So why is she here now?"

"No idea, Prongs"

Even though their voices died down, they were still standing near the bed and watching her. This time, she could feel the heat rising up to her cheeks, so she decided to turn around in her sleep, murmuring something incoherent.

"Her hair is really beautiful, though", a chuckle escaped Sirius' mouth and James sighed loudly.

"Seriously?", he asked and another barking laughter cut the air.

"You know I'm always Sirius"

She wanted to smile at their exchange so badly, but somehow she couldn't. They were friends, happy and carefree. They had no idea that in just a couple of years, one of them would be dead and the other sent to Azkaban for something he didn't do. Hermione felt even more determined to fix everything as she simply couldn't stand the thought of their happiness being destroyed once and for all.

"We should go. I'd really like to know who she is and what happened to her, but I feel like she should be left alone for now", James said and sighed again.

"Yeah, probably. Maybe we could ask Dumbledore about her? Or maybe Minnie?"

"They probably won't say a thing, you know them. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask. It's not like they will give us a detention. We already have one", he chuckled and Hermione heard his footsteps drift away from her bed.

Sirius however stayed behind and kept looking at her. Finally, he whispered so quietly, that only she could hear it.

"Fingers crossed for you, love. I hope you're going to be okay and whoever did this to you will be punished".

She felt his fingertips caress her temple and then he tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear. In just few seconds, Sirius was gone, but his scent lingered in the air, reminding her of the man she used to know. Leather, mint and a cologne that was his favourite, even after spending 12 years in Azkaban.

If she didn't know any better, she would have never recognized him. The picture of Sirius Black was very clear in her mind, but somehow it didn't fit the person that had just caressed her so tenderly, even though he didn't know a single thing about her. No... Azkaban destroyed him even more than anyone could have thought. And that made her hurt all over.

*** _over 2 months later ***_

Hermione knew very well that dealing with stress has never been her strong feature. She always felt nauseous, her palms were sweaty and her heart rate was so high that it made her feel really sick. Even after two months of murderous trainings, she still wasn't able to hide her anxiousness when she stood at King's Cross and stared at Hogwarts Express.

Well, the fact that she was completely alone out here was not helping either. She missed her parents who were always there for her, when she boarded the train. There was also no Harry and Ron to greet her and tell her about their holidays. Harry's probably would have been pretty terrible and Ron would just shrug and claim that his were nothing special as well, although Hermione knew that summer holidays at the Burrow were something that was always worth remembering.

She was alone and she had to deal with it. A shaky breath escaped her mouth, as she decided to move forward, dragging her trunk behind her. Even though she knew perfectly well what she was supposed to do with it, she was the _new girl_. In the eyes of everyone else on the platform, she was a mystery, someone that they've never seen before. It would raise a lot of suspicions if she wasn't completely lost.

Hermione looked around, trying to find anyone who looked nice enough to help her, but everyone was busy saying goodbyes to their close ones and she couldn't bring herself to interrupt them. The fact that she didn't have anyone with her didn't mean that she should try and make this moment miserable for everyone else. No, she would have to just wait until someone came over and helped her out of their own good will.

It turned out that she didn't have to wait that long. A group of three boys entered the platform, immediately catching everyone's attention as they were laughing loudly and walking with such confidence, that Hermione couldn't help but stare at them with her eyes wide open. Her wish from just few months ago has now been fulfilled, as she watched Sirius Black, James Potter and Remus Lupin cross the platform in long strides.

Her gaze immediately travelled to Harry's father, soaking in the image of his younger self. He really did look almost exactly like her best friend, except for the eyes. James' were hazel and warm, while Harry's reminded her of emeralds. He was also quite tall and lean, making him a little more impressive than her best friend. The happiness gleaming in his eyes was something that caught her attention the most. His smile reminded her so much of Harry's that she wanted to cry. Before she actually started to do so, her gaze flickered to the taller boy walking right next to him.

Sirius Black was probably every girl's dream. Clad in black jeans and a leather jacket he definitely stood out, but not in a bad way. Hermione really appreciated every man who didn't wear flared jeans, but young Sirius was so captivating, that she actually thought he would be able to pull off even the most ridiculous outfit on the entire planet. He was simply beautiful. His aristocratic features shined through the curtain of raven hair covering some of his face. And his smile... Sweet Merlin, that dimples would be able to make everyone's knees go weak. Hermione decided that if she looked at him any longer, her thoughts might take her to a very dangerous place, considering the fact that this man was her best friend's god father.

Her eyes switched to the last of the three boys, the tallest and lankiest one. Future professor Lupin looked much younger than he did back in her time. His face didn't carry as much worry lines and his hair was blonde without some grey streaks in it. He also looked much happier and much less tormented. She knew that Hogwarts was always the place he felt the most at home, especially with his friends still there, helping him on every single full moon. He was the only one that she would have recognized within a heartbeat, though. Remus Lupin that walked towards her was almost exactly as she remembered him.

Hermione looked down at her feet, deciding that it would be best if she stopped staring at them. They were headed her way and she was pretty sure that they would recognize her in a blink of an eye. Sirius did mention her hair after all, and those were... very distinctive to say the least. She had to play it safe and appear very lost and unsure, so that they wouldn't think that she was waiting explicitly for them. ' _Constant vigilance'_ ¸ she thought and smiled bitterly realizing that she was now as paranoid as Alastor Moody.

"Hey! Hey, you there!", she heard James' voice and looked up, wondering who he was yelling at.

She looked around with confusion and decided that he must have been speaking to her. Her assumption was proved right when the three of them stopped in front of her and grinned like a bunch of Cheshire cats.

"I'm so glad to see you're alright!" James exclaimed and Hermione frowned, pretending that she had no clue what he was talking about.

"Excuse me?, she asked suspiciously. "Have we ever met?"

"Well, yes, although you were... Kind of sleeping at that time", he explained and ruffled his already dishevelled hair.

Hermione wanted to laugh seeing that Harry's father could be almost as awkward as his son, but she remained calm and summoned a purely disturbed look to her face.

"Fuck, James, you can be such a creep sometimes. No wonder Evans keeps turning you down", Sirius said and rolled his eyes. "What that moron tried to say was that we have seen you at the Hospital Wing before the summer holidays"

Hermione was once again surprised at the sound of his voice but now that she had seen his face, she knew it matched perfectly. Velvety and deep, but also very cheerful and full of life. It actually made her smile a little, her whole body relaxing.

"Oh... Yes, that sounds way less creepy", she answered and looked at James who was smiling at her apologetically. "Don't worry though, I've heard weirder things in my life"

Hermione didn't even lie. After all she's been through, James' awkwardness was actually something that seemed familiar and soothing.

"Pardon our manners. I'm Remus Lupin and these two are James Potter and Sirius Black", the third boy spoke up and gestured towards his friends. "And to be clear, they are both morons"

Hermione couldn't help the giggle that escaped her mouth and extended her hand towards Remus.

"It's very nice to meet you. I'm Hermione Granger"

"Hermione. Nice name", Sirius said and gave her a lopsided grin, that somehow looked very flirty.

She was never the one to blush while having conversations with boys, even if they tried to pick her up. Most of them seemed to be idiots and she actually loathed their company. It made her somewhat confident because usually she had been the one intimidating them and not the other way around, which was probably why no one ever tried to win her over. It's not like she wasn't pretty. Hermione knew very well that there were girls that could be described as simply striking, Ginny Weasley being one of them. Miss Granger certainly lacked that _wow factor_ , but her reflection in the mirror was more than acceptable.

This time however, she was very close to blushing and becoming just as awkward as James. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't feel exactly at ease with being complimented by Harry's godfather, or maybe it was just because he looked like a Greek god brought to life by some of the finest artists, no matter how cheesy it sounded.

"Thank you, I suppose", she said, ignoring her thoughts with a silent reminder to thank Moody for his training in concealing emotions, even if she still sucked at it.

"You're welcome, I suppose", Sirius chuckled lightly and winked at her, making her even more uncomfortable.

"Anyway, what are you doing here? You're joining us at Hogwarts?", James asked, looking rather curious and Hermione smiled at him.

"Well, it's not like I enjoy standing like an idiot in the middle of random platforms, watching everyone board the train, you know"

James once again flustered slightly, causing Remus and Sirius to laugh at him.

"I like this one already", young Messer Black purred at her, and swung his arm around her. "C'mon, Hermione, I'll show you around. And you can take her trunk", he ordered James and Remus who didn't look all that happy.

Before they could protest, Sirius steered her away from his friends, leading her to the train. Hermione went along with his actions mostly because she was too surprised to do anything about them. This man... Was it really him? How could someone change this much? ' _Oh, yeah... Azkaban would do that to you'_ , she thought gravely and sighed.

"So, why are you here? Apart from the obvious, I mean. You must have went to a different school before, right?", he asked completely unaware of her tension.

Or at least, so it seemed. His voiced was laced with curiosity, but she could have sworn she heard something else too. Something, that sounded a lot like worry.

"I did. But some things happened and... Well, let's say that it was my only choice", she answered as cryptic as she possibly could.

"Ah, you're the mysterious kind. I guess I like that too", he said and turned his face to grin at her.

"I just... I don't really want to talk about that"

His smile faded, as he looked at her carefully. Somehow, it made her even more self-conscious, so she dropped her gaze to hide her insecurity.

"I get it. Sorry for asking", he finally apologized and let go of her, gesturing her to board the train.

She complied and entered the Express, trying to look as curious as she did in her first year. Mere seconds later, Sirius' hand was at the small of her back, pushing her to go forward as the line started to form behind them.

"Our compartment is at the end of the train", he informed her and she nodded her head, speeding up.

There were some students in the corridor and all of them looked at her with interest visible in their eyes. Hermione couldn't really blame them, although she couldn't say it made her comfortable to the least. Being the new girl sucked majorly, especially if she generally hated to be the centre of attention. It was okay when everyone pointed at her saying things like: " _Oh, look. That's Hermione Granger, she's the brightest witch of our age_ ", but when it came to anything else, all of the looks made her anxious. She remembered her fourth year and the Yule Ball, where everyone was shocked by her appearance and, more importantly, her date. She was a bookworm after all and he was a world-known Quidditch star. No one could have believed that he actually liked her, although Hermione knew that it truly was the case.

Now, she felt even weirder. Back then, her dress made her feel really pretty and all the looks were filled with appreciation rather than excitement and curiosity bordering on nosiness. It was plain rude, but she could understand why a new face was quite a sight here, especially that she was no eleven year old.

She rushed forward, making Sirius giggle quietly. He matched her tempo with ease and soon they were both taking their places in the compartment at the end of the train.

"Don't like attention very much, huh?", the boy asked her, clearly amused and she sighed in response.

"Not exactly. I just don't like the attention that comes with being a new attraction. I am okay with people noticing me, but I'd prefer if it had something to do with who I am and all that stuff" she said and rolled her eyes, making Sirius chuckle.

"That one you've got to earn", he informed her and plopped down on the seat, sighing contently. "Although it's not so difficult at Hogwarts. All it takes is not being boring and dull and I guarantee that being friends with us makes it impossible to be any of those things"

"Being friends with you?", Hermione asked with her eyebrows raised. "Haven't we just met?"

"Yeah and I told you I already like you", he grinned at her and lied down on the seat, yawning and stretching his arms over his head.

Hermione turned her gaze away and glanced through the window, deciding to leave his comment without an answer. It was weird not seeing Mrs and Mr Weasley waving at her from the platform, but she knew that even if she hadn't been sent back through time, the chances of seeing them ever again were slim. They were probably dead anyway.

A pained sigh escaped her lips, causing Sirius to prop himself on his elbows and look at her closely.

"You okay?", he asked quietly and she gave him a small smile.

"Not really, no. Nothing about this is easy for me", she said and shrugged. "Someone could say that I was given a chance to start over. Except I didn't want to start over. I wanted the life I had already had to work itself out. I didn't want to end up alone and broken. So, no. I'm not okay. How could I be?"

Her explanation was true in some ways, but also said nothing concrete about her past. Judging by the expression on Sirius' face, he was fully aware of that fact and it made him even more curious. Hermione wondered if he was going to respect her privacy or rather decide to satisfy his curiosity. Finally, he looked away and smiled.

"Guess I'll have to work really hard to befriend you, so I can question you more, huh?"

Hermione looked at him with amusement and her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, good luck with that. I can be really stubborn, you know", she informed him and he chuckled.

"So can I, sweetheart"

Before she could respond, the rest of the Marauders joined them at the compartment, whining about the ever present crowd. Hermione's gaze rested upon the shortest of the three boys that joined them. Seeing Peter Pettigrew made her heart clench, as a wave of memories flooded her brain. The man that she remembered looked nothing like the boy standing before her. Young Peter was plump and cheerful, just like the rest of the boys have been and Hermione had a really hard time believing that this was indeed the same man that betrayed Lily and James, then killed so many people and sent one of his best friends to Azkaban. He looked completely ordinary and that was very unsettling.

"Hermione, I believe you hadn't met our friend Peter here"

She shook her head, not trusting her voice and stood up, extending her hand towards the boy that looked at her with a blush tainting his cheeks.

"Hermione Granger, it's a pleasure to meet you", she smiled, trying to fight the nausea that hit her and watched as young Peter raised his own hand to greet her.

"Peter Pettigrew"

Even his voice didn't sound like the man she knew. For fucks sake, he was just a boy. She couldn't act like a bitch towards him, not if there was still any chance of saving him and leading him back towards the light, no matter how cliché it sounded.

Just as she let go of his hand, he immediately sat down near the door and looked at her with curiosity in his blue, watery eyes. When she smiled at him once again, he blushed even more and pried his gaze away from her.

"So, Hermione. Do you know what House you're going to be in?", Remus asked as he settled into the seat, making himself comfortable.

"Well, not really. Professor Dumbledore wants me to get sorted as everyone else, during the feast. But I've read about the houses in _Hogwarts: The history_ and I think..."

"What?! You've read that book?", James asked looking at her like she had just grown a second head.

"Fuck me. I've been here for five years and I haven't even touched that thing", Sirius laughed loudly and James soon joined him.

"I thought it was brilliant", Hermione answered and furrowed her brows. "For people like me, it's probably the only source of reliable information about the castle"

"People like you?"

Remus' voice was laced with curiosity and Hermione couldn't help but be surprised. She looked at Sirius and James wondering if they had actually seen the scar on her forearm when she had been lying in her hospital bed. The girl could have sworn that they had looked right at it. But why not tell their best friend about it then?

"I'm a Muggleborn", she stated firmly, watching as their expressions changed.

Lupin looked at her with a small smile, while James and Sirius tried to hide their uneasiness. She supposed they couldn't be blamed. Her scars weren't pretty and they were the ultimate proof of the upcoming war that made everyone scared and unsure.

"Oh! Wait till you meet Lily, she's going to be so happy that she's going to have someone to talk to! I'm half-blood and I grew up in a Muggle household, but it still had been very different from being a Muggleborn. She's going to enjoy having someone that will understand her completely", Remus explained and looked at her with a huge grin.

"I guess I'm going to enjoy that too", she said but her smiled was forced.

Lily Evans may have grown up in a Muggle household, but Hermione doubted that the girl would ever be able to understand her. Actually, she was pretty sure that no one could.

"Oi, if you're going to be friends with Evans, maybe you could talk to her about me?", James' voice held so much hope that Hermione couldn't help but smile.

"You fancy her?"

"Fancy... He's completely lost it, love", Sirius laughed and shook his head with compassion. "The minute he's laid his eyes on that redheaded menace, he fell in love..."

His sarcastic tone made Hermione giggle, while she looked at James who seemed truly offended by his best friend's words.

"Yes I did. And I am really proud of it, as at least I'm not being called a man whore"

That had other boys laughing out loud, especially when Sirius rolled his eyes and punched James in the arm.

"I'm not a whore, I have my standards"

"Oh, yes. The girl has to have two legs, two arms, two boobs, two buttocks, one vagina and no penis. The head is irrelevant in that equation, cause Sirius's not into brains", Remus explained to Hermione, causing her to laugh freely, even if she was a little embarrassed.

"Shut up, Moony!", growled Sirius and Hermione looked at Remus with a pretended surprise.

"Moony? Where did that come from?"

Hermione was very curious to see if they would be able to come up with an excuse for his nickname, without actually betraying his secret. The fact that she knew all about it didn't mean that she was going to just outright tell them the true, as there was absolutely no way she could justify her knowledge. Right now, she just have to opt for watching them trying to direct her attention elsewhere.

"Remus here likes to take his dates on long walks in the moonlight. His dates are usually books though, but who cares right?", James said, patting Remus on the back to the boy's great displeasure.

"There's nothing wrong in reading books", Hermione shrugged and sent a sympathetic smile towards the werewolf.

"Then maybe you should go out with him, Hermione!", James proposed with a huge grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Could you please shut up?!"

Hermione had rarely seen Remus angry, but this time he certainly looked that way. His face was red and brows furrowed. She thought he looked rather cute, considering the fact that his exasperation was mixed with clear embarrassment which reminded her of his older version so much.

"You really like each other, don't you?", she laughed and the boys looked back at her with grins.

"We're The Marauders, love! Of course we like each other", Sirius said and the others nodded in agreement.

"We're basically brothers"

They certainly acted like it, she had to admit. Even though they were completely different people, they bore such a high resemblance to the Weasley brothers that her eyes started to water and her smile faltered. In an instant, the atmosphere changed and the boys looked at her with worry.

"Everything all right?", Peter asked, surprising her completely.

"Yeah. I just remembered something"

Everyone fell quiet and it definitely wasn't a comfortable silence. Hermione felt really bad for spoiling the mood, but she knew that if they really were going to be friends, they would have to get used to it. This summer she was way too busy and exhausted to be able to cry her eyes out, but now, she had all the time in the world to think and recall the past. There was no way that she was going to just put everything behind her and move on, especially if she was to spend her time with the Marauders, who reminded her about everything she's lost.

The boys must have noticed that she wasn't in the mood for talking anymore, because they left her alone and started to exchange summer stories. Hermione listened to them for a while, trying to soak in as much information as she possibly could, but after the subject changed to Quidditch, she decided that she'd heard enough. Her beaded bag turned out to be useful once again, as it provided her with an interesting book to read. Hermione was really glad that she decided to take her textbooks from the sixth grades with her when she had been packing for her journey with Harry and Ron. It turned out that even in 1976, the list of the textbooks looked pretty much the same and all it took was to charm them not to show their real publication dates.

It made her feel much better to know, that the money that she'd earned working in Honeyduke's in Hogsmeade could be spent on a new wand and robes rather than massive amounts of books. She didn't want to catch more attention than she already did and walking around in clothes from 1998 would certainly do just that. If it wasn't for her delicate situation and the need to keep her past a secret, she would be completely fine with being picked at for wearing _weird_ clothes, as long as it would mean that she wouldn't have to squeeze into this super tight flared jeans that every girl seemed to be wearing.

"Why are you reading a textbook?", Sirius asked her after some time, when they had run out of subjects and James went to sleep.

Judging by the clear amusement in his eyes, he's found her reading material very funny.

"Because I want to?", she answered with a slightly questioning tone, pretending that reading a textbook before the school year had even began, was completely normal.

"Yeah, but _why?_ "

"I like to know things. A lot of things, actually"

Hermione blushed a little and furrowed her brows. Since when was she ashamed of being a bookworm? Her extensive knowledge had saved her ass multiple times and it wasn't as though grades were her only motivator. Sure, she enjoyed being praised by all the professors (except from Snape, of course) but it wasn't a priority, not anymore at least. Hermione knew more than well that there was a life outside Hogwarts, even if for her it turned out to be absolutely shitty.

She shouldn't feel like a child caught red-handed, since there was nothing wrong in studying and knowing things. The amusement visible in the Marauders eyes had her feeling very self-conscious though and she snapped the book shut.

"I also like to know things", Sirius laughed and sent her a very suggestive glance.

' _Merlin, does he ever stop flirting?'_ , she thought, looking at him with wonder. _'Probably not. He's Sirius Black, after all'_

"Please... No one wants to hear about this _things_ ", Remus groaned and looked at Sirius with exasperation.

"Oh, I don't know. Hermione could be interested"

The girl rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Sorry, Sirius, but I think that it's not my area of expertise"

"It's never too late to learn, yeah?"

"It's also never too late to shut your mouth and let others sleep, yeah?", James murmured from underneath his pillow and made everyone chuckle.

"You should have packed during the day, like a normal person. Not my fault that you stayed up half the night, cause you weren't able to find matching socks", Sirius stated with a smirk and Hermione couldn't help but share his expression.

"Matching socks are very important", James defended himself, his head showing up from underneath the pillow as he looked at all of them with an offended stare.

One minute later, he was fast asleep again, his quiet snores making everyone laugh. The rest of the journey went on as smoothly as possible and before she even realized it, Sirius informed her that she needed to change into her school robes. He also offered his help in that matter, although she was pretty sure that he did that only to see her blush like crazy.

When she exited their compartment and turned right in order to find a bathroom, she collided with someone and landed on the floor.

"Watch where you're going", a familiar voice snapped at her and she looked up with annoyance only to find much younger Severus Snape staring at her angrily.

"You were the one storming through the corridor", she answered and pushed herself up, massaging her aching buttock. "Are you alright?"

The surprise was clear in his dark eyes, as he looked at her suspiciously. She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms on her chest, waiting for his response.

"Yes. You?"

"No irreversible damage", she stated with a smile and shrugged. "What's your name?"

"You're new here?", Snape asked completely ignoring her question and she rolled her eyes in response.

"Well, I must be, since you have never seen me before, right? Hermione Granger, it's nice to meet you, although also a bit painful", she joked, extending her hand towards him.

Snape eyed her hand with a distrustful gaze, as if she was trying to kill him with that polite gesture. Finally, he decided that she was harmless and squeezed her hand lightly.

"Severus Snape"

She must have admit, meeting a young Potions' Professor was a very weird experience, although it was much more pleasurable than meeting Pettigrew. If anyone has told her that she will be talking to him with such ease, she would probably never be able to stop laughing and here she was - chatting with a man that turned out to be a hero, after he almost destroyed everything...

"Well, Severus, I hate to say it, but I have to go change into my robes. I guess I'll see you around then, yeah?"

The boy nodded in response and walked past her without as much a goodbye, the only things missing were his billowing robes. She fought the urge to roll her eyes at this familiar behavior and resumed her search for the bathroom. Minutes later, she was dressed in her robes and headed back to the Marauders' compartment. She tried to ignore all of the glances she earned but it turned out to be really hard, since they've become even more intrusive than before. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she must've been new even before, but the lack of the House emblem on the front of her robe made it even clearer.

When she stepped into the compartment, her whole body was tensed and highly uncomfortable and the boys noticed that almost immediately.

"Hermione, what took you so long? Is everything alright?", James asked with worry shining in his brown eyes and she forced herself to smile at him.

"Yes, sorry. I bumped into someone and we've talked for a while", she explained, hoping that they won't ask questions.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that Snape and the Marauders hated each other. Back in her times, even after years of isolation, they couldn't stand being in the same room, which was often the cause of fights between them. Sirius always looked at him like he wanted to murder the Potions' Professor and Snape snarled every time Black opened his mouth. She figured that their mutual hatred must have gone a long way back, which made mentioning him now a very bad idea.

Though her hopes were not high to begin with, curiosity in Sirius' eyes has diminished them to none at all. When the boy opened his mouth, she instantly knew that she would have to do a lot of explaining, as she had no intentions of lying.

"Oh, who was it?", Sirius asked and Hermione shrugged.

"He said his name was Severus Snape. Do you know him?"

A deadly quiet set in the compartment and Hermione blinked a couple of times, pretending not to understand this weird behavior.

"Guys?"

"We know him, unfortunately. You should stay away from him, love. He's dangerous and completely bonkers", stated Sirius and Hermione furrowed her brows.

"Is he? He certainly didn't look like it. Maybe he wasn't the most pleasant, I'll give you that, but I don't think he'd hurt me"

"Last year he called Lily a Mudblood. And she had been friends with him for a long time. That is, until he found himself new friends, and trust me, you don't want to mess with them", James said clearly angry.

"What are they, serial killers?", she snorted and everyone looked at her with grim expressions.

"Yes, actually. Cause that's what you call soon-to-be Death Eaters"

James' voice was very gloomy and Hermione started to wonder if the Marauders really were so innocent and careless as she originally thought.

"Are you telling me that Severus is one of them?", she asked trying to sound very skeptical, as her eyes traveled from one boy to the other.

"I wouldn't be surprised. He dabbles in Dark Arts and his dueling skills are way above average. Someone must have taught him that, yeah?"

Hermione bit her lower lip, trying to figure out a relatively safe answer, that wouldn't raise any suspicions but would also prevent the boys from snapping at her if she tried to defend Snape. Finally, she sighed and said:

"He didn't look all that dangerous. Maybe he just made a mistake, you know? When he called Lily a Mudblood, I mean"

"No way! All she wanted to do was to defend him and he made her feel like shit", James growled looking enraged and Hermione supposed she couldn't blame him.

She knew that Harry's mother was fiery and full of temper, but still, according to Remus, Harry inherited not only her eyes, but also her kindness. For someone so delicate on the inside, someone who tried to do everything to protect other people, having been called a Mudblood by a friend must have been a blow straight into the heart. It was rather obvious that James would not be able to walk past it as if nothing ever happened.

But why was she defending Snape or rather from who? When she asked that question, the compartment became quiet once again. Hermione raised her eyebrows, expecting someone to answer, but they clearly didn't want to talk about it. She could see the guilt on Remus' face and that was enough for her to figure it out on her own.

She shook her head and turned towards the window, a look full of disapproval painted on her face. Sure, their hatred wasn't a secret. But somehow she still cherished the thought that they were good people, that fought against Lord Voldemort to save the wizarding world from an awful fate. And tormenting Snape didn't really fit into this perfect image of them that her mind has created even before she went back in time. It was much easier to just assume that it was Snape's fault, that their relations looked the way they did, but it was also very unfair, as it turned out.

"Hermione, you have to understand, that Gryffindors and Slytherins don't exactly tolerate each other", James tried to explain after he has noticed her expression.

"What if I'm sorted into Slytherin?", she asked quietly. "I know that it probably won't happen, considering my blood status, but still, what if? Will you hate me then? Call me names, perhaps?"

"Of course not! We're not idiots! There are no chances at all that you're going to be a Slytherin and it's not because of your blood status. You seem like a very kind person, someone who apparently is much like Lily. And the Slytherins are _vile,_ Hermione. You'll know that soon enough", Sirius stated firmly and she looked at him carefully.

He seemed really moved by her question and it proved to her that she was indeed right thinking that they were good people, even in these times. The dark-haired boy looked very offended at her assumption and it made her feel ashamed to the point where she felt blush creeping up her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you're so shallow to just push someone away only because of their House. I just... I'm not really a fan of bullying", she admitted grudgingly causing Sirius to snort.

"We're not bullying Snivellus. He's a creep! Trust me, in a few years we will probably hear a lot of nasty things about him"

"You can't know that! I mean, the fact that you're calling him names and talking about him like he's a piece of trash probably doesn't help him stay on the right path, don't you think? I get all that Gryffindor versus Slytherin thing, but there must be something else that got you lot to hate him so much. I refuse to believe that he was a _creep_ and a _Death Eater in making_ since the beginning of school", she said against her better judgment.

Getting into fight with the Marauders even before the year has officially started was a really bad idea. After all, her main objective was to _save them_ not _piss them off_. Sure, she didn't need their friendship to change the course of history, but she _wanted it_.

"He was always a creep. He followed Lily everywhere or kept staring at her all the time, completely bonkers", James shook his head and Hermione furrowed her brows.

"Didn't you say that they had been friends?"

"Yeah, but it always seemed like he wanted a lot more than just friendship. He couldn't understand that him and Lily could never work out", he rolled his eyes and Sirius chuckled loudly.

"You've seen him, Hermione. He's not even near her league"

"Oh, cause that's not shallow at all", she hissed before she could have stopped herself. "Had he ever hurt her before? Had Lily minded his attention?"

Nothing but silence answered her questions and she looked at the Marauders with anger boiling in her eyes. So far it seemed that they started to hate her future Potions' Professor based solemnly on the crush he had. Pure accident decided that Potter started to fancy the same girl, making Severus the _creep_. Not that bugging the poor girl for five years to go on a date with him wasn't creepy at all.

"You guys... You're unbelievable", she murmured and started to pack her things as the train started to slow down.

Her hands were shaking from all the pent-up emotions rushing through her body and she was pretty sure that they could see it. She couldn't help it, though... The disappointment she was feeling was so strong that she was actually very proud of not bursting into tears. They were Harry's family, Harry's, who would never shame somebody just because they fancied the same girl. Hell, he even managed to be on friendly terms with Cedric Diggory while he was still infatuated with Cho.

' _James is not his son',_ she thought to herself and tried to ignore the stabbing pain in her heart, when she realised how awfully depressing it was. And she would have to live with that knowledge till the end of her miserable, fucked up life.

* * *

Hogwarts was as beautiful as it had been the first time she'd laid her eyes on it. She could never forget the sight of this gigantic castle emerging on the horizon filled with billions of stars. It was simply breathtaking and Hermione found herself wishing she could just go back to that precise moment, to relieve it once again.

What she wouldn't give to be able to see the castle without the memories of Battle flooding her brain like a very contagious disease. If she hadn't spent her entire summer inside these rock walls, going back would be almost too hard to endure.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?", a voice asked her and she turned around to find herself face to face with Remus, who looked at her apologetically.

She couldn't blame him, considering the fact that both James and Sirius left the compartment murmuring incoherent goodbyes. If it didn't hurt so much, she would definitely find it ironic, since Sirius was very offended by being called 'shallow' and this word seemed to fit perfectly into this situation.

It wasn't like Hermione couldn't understand their actions though. Being the new girl made her highly uncomfortable but also not exactly entitled to have her own opinions on matters such as James' and Sirius' behaviour, as she didn't know them all that well. Actually, there was no doubt in her mind that Alastor Moody would probably yell at her for an hour straight if he found out about her fight with the Marauders. It was completely unnecessary and put her in a difficult position. She should have kept her thoughts to herself, instead of blabbing her mouth like that.

"Yes, it is. I kind of expected it to be a lot like Beauxbatons, but my former school was nowhere near this incredible", she admitted, pushing her thoughts aside and smiling his way.

Remus took a step forward and put his hand on her shoulder, looking down at her.

"Hermione, I'm really sorry about James and Sirius. They don't really take criticism well, especially if it makes them feel like a pair of idiots that they actually are"

Hermione giggled and waved her hand, dismissing his apologies.

"Well, I can't say that my actions were smart either. I have troubles with keeping my mouth shut and, this time, I should have done it. Even if I was right"

"You were... I used to dislike Severus very much, but now... I kind of feel a little responsible for what he had become. Maybe if we weren't so cruel to him...", he stopped talking for a moment, letting his guilt speak for him. "Anyway, Sirius and James will come around, I'm sure of it. You just embarrassed them and being the kids they are, they decided to run away. They're not exactly the most mature people"

"Yeah, I've noticed", she admitted and smiled, looking up to gaze at the stars. "But they are also good people and it makes me really angry with myself, because they didn't deserve such harshness"

"They probably didn't", murmured Remus and sent her an unsure look.

Hermione smiled in response, making the boy relax visibly as he reciprocated her gesture.

"Well, let's go. The carriages are waiting and you have to get to the castle before the ceremony"

Hermione followed Remus feeling grateful that at least one of the Marauders was acting decent. She has always liked him, as he was one of the sweetest and most caring people she had ever met. He was also really smart and talented, making him a perfect candidate for a teacher. If only Snape has kept his mouth shut, maybe he wouldn't have to quit his job and their defensive skill would be much bigger.

She tried not to show how much pain she felt when they approached the carriages and for the first time in her life, Hermione was able to see the Thestrals. Judging by Remus' worried look, her sadness managed to seep through the peaceful mask she has created. Concealing her emotions was always the hardest part of her training. Moody tried to rattle her every time and she was supposed to control her temper. She found it quite easy when she was just angry, even if her earlier display proved otherwise. But when it came to the feelings she was hiding deep inside her heart... That was when things got very tricky.

"What's wrong?", Remus asked carefully, watching her closely.

"Nothing", she answered, her voice completely hollow. "Let's just go"

Young Messer Lupin was smart enough to keep his mouth shut, something that none of his other friends would have done and she was immensely grateful for that. Silence was all she needed right now, as her memories once again fought to capture her attention. Instead of just letting herself fall apart, she watched as the castle grew bigger and bigger, replacing her sorrow with anxiousness.

She really didn't like the idea of being sorted in front of every student. The Sorting Hat would probably be baffled by her memories and Hermione really feared its reaction. What if she got sorted into Slytherin, despite her heritage? It wasn't common, but it could happen, especially that Salazar Slytherin was known for so much more than just his ideology. And what if Gryffindor would become her House once again? Could she really endure living in the same tower that she shared with her two best friends for such a long time?

Her mind was overwhelmed with all the questions that kept popping into her head and she squeezed her eyelids shut, trying to calm herself. Breathe in, breathe out... Breathe in, breathe out...

Remus must have seen her weird behaviour as he chuckled lightly and patted her shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Don't worry, Hermione. I'm sure that you're going to be just fine"

"You don't know that", she groaned in response causing Remus to roll his eyes.

"A bunch of eleven year olds can do this and you're chickening out?"

"Yes"

A cheerful laughter escaped his mouth, making her whole body relax. Merlin, how rare it was for him to laugh. After she had realised that all this time ago, she decided to saviour every moment when his defences disappeared and he allowed himself to let go of all this pent-up fear and anxiousness that were his every day companions. And right know he was laughing so effortlessly, so joyfully. How could she be nervous after seeing _that?_

"Seriously, Hermione. You're going to be just fine", he repeated and this time, she believed him.

They walked through the entrance together and when she has asked him to show her the way, he complied with a warm smile. She tried to look amazed and stressed at the same time, even though the familiar walls managed to calm her even further. Just one month ago they made her feel trapped and depressed, as all she could see were dead bodies lying everywhere, looking at her with their dead eyes. It was Dumbledore who made her see past all of the terrors that took place here. He has been walking with her through every single corridor, talking absolute nonsenses and somehow it helped her remember that this walls meant everything to her. It was her home and she refused to let Voldemort ruin it, as he had done with the rest of her life.

Remus left her with Professor McGonagall who looked much younger than she remembered. She was wearing ruby red robes and Hermione couldn't help but smile at this obvious sign of allegiance. The McGonagall she'd known was much more reserved, but Hermione thought she actually liked the bolder version of her favourite Professor.

"Miss Granger, welcome to Hogwarts", the woman greeted her with a tight smile and Hermione nodded.

"Thank you, Professor"

"I'm afraid that we have to wait here for a while. The boats should arrive any minute now"

Hermione nodded once again and took a deep breath. This was it. In an hour, she will be resorted into her House and her new life will officially begin. As much as it was painful to leave the past behind, she felt as ready as she could to do so. The possibility of her life turning out to be even worse was so slim that she actually started to look forward to the future, even if it made her feel scared and insecure.

The first years arrived shortly after and professor McGonagall started her usual speech, which sounded almost exactly as Hermione had remembered. Apparently, some things wouldn't change, not ever. When the older woman left them for a moment, Hermione felt that everyone started to stare at her with curiosity mixed with fear.

"You're not eleven years old, are you?", a little boy asked her with suspicion and she chuckled in response.

"No, I'm sixteen"

"Then what are you doing here? Did you fail the sorting test so many times?", another voice asked her with panic and Hermione shook her head, trying not to scare this little girl even more.

"No. I am a transfer student, which means that I am as new here as you are", she explained with a warm smile and the girl relaxed instantly.

"Did they kick you out?", the same boy asked her, making Hermione raise her eyebrows in amusement.

"No, I just decided to switch to a different school"

The boy nodded and then he leaned into his friend and whispered:

"I bet they kicked her out"

Hermione giggled once again, but stopped very quickly as McGonagall came back and gestured them to move forward. The Great Hall was as breathtaking as ever, but honestly, she was way too nervous to pay attention. All she could see was the Sorting Hat lying safely on a chair at the top of the few stairs leading to professors' table. Her nervousness got even worse when the whispering started...

" _Look, I told you that she's new here"_

 _"What is she doing here?"_

 _"I heard that she's from France"_

The students wouldn't shut up and Hermione did everything in her power not to send all of them a couple of murderous stares. She knew that she could pull that off very well, as Harry and Ron often told her she was scary as hell if she wanted to. ' _Dangerous thoughts, Herms'_ , she told herself off and tried to fade all of the comments out. Their opinion didn't matter, she was here for a reason and putting an old hat on top of her head was the easiest part of the task lying ahead of her.

The time was passing quicker than she thought it would, as she soon found herself standing alone in the middle of the Great Hall. She looked up to see the Headmaster stand up and raise his hands to quiet everyone down.

"First of all, I'd like to welcome all of you to Hogwarts. As you can see, this year is definitely going to be special, as we have to sort a student that is quite older than eleven years old", he stated and smiled at her from above his half-glasses. "Miss Hermione Granger is a transfer student from France, where she attended Beauxbatons Academy of Magic for five years. She will be joining the sixth years and I can assure you, she's more than prepared to do so. But right now, we have to sort her into her new House. Minerva, if you please"

Professor Dumbledore sat down and allowed Professor McGonagall to resume the Sorting Ceremony. The woman smiled at Hermione once again and urged her to go forward. Mere seconds later, Miss Granger was seated on the chair with the Sorting Hat lying on top of her head.

Hermione expected that the Hat would talk and talk, as it usually did. Instead, her mind was quiet. She moved nervously and looked at professor McGonagall, who didn't seem all that concerned. ' _Of course not, no one besides you should be hearing anything',_ she thought to herself and then she heard the Hat chuckle. Out loud.

Whispers erupted in the Great Hall as no one had ever seen something quite similar and Hermione couldn't help the blush that showed up on her face instantly.

' _I must say that I'm baffled, Miss Granger. You clearly have memories of me and of this place, but I've never met you before and I'm never wrong. I can see that you were in Gryffindor. Yes, yes, you fit there very well. Your bravery and loyalty are truly admirable, just as the sacrifices you're willing to make to ensure your friends' safety. But you're also incredibly smart and hungry for knowledge. Yes, it's very difficult to sort you'_

Hermione started to feel very anxious. She was sitting on this damn chair for so long that she actually could feel how terribly uncomfortable it was and it did nothing to calm her racing heart.

 _'I felt good in Gryffindor'_ , she suggested hopefully and the Hat chuckled once again.

' _But what about Slytherin, my dear?'_

 _'Sure thing. I'd love to be there. If I had any suicidal thoughts'_

 _'I see. Yes, the Gryffindor suited you well, but I feel like this is not the path you should be taking, girl'_

 _'What?!'_

 _"_ RAVENCLAW!", the Hat yelled and cheers erupted in Great Hall, leaving Hermione completely stunned.

She was a Ravenclaw. How did that happen?


	4. Chapter 3

There was no need to get panicky, right? After all, it was not like the Hat had sorted her into Slytherin, or even Hufflepuff. Besides, she was just as scared of being sorted into Gryffindor once again... The Hat really couldn't be blamed for its choice. Ravenclaw was a decent House and it wasn't exactly shocking that she got sorted there.

Hermione kept telling herself that, trying not to notice all the stares she was earning. It was bloody annoying, to say the least and now that her mood faltered so noticeably it got even worse. The only thing stopping her from showing her displeasure was a group of eleven year olds that got sorted into Ravenclaw. Listening to their constant babbling was quite soothing, as it reminded her of her first feast at Hogwarts. Besides, Remus was right saying that if they could do it, she would too.

Not being able to stop herself, she looked up and scanned the Gryffindor table in order to find familiar faces of the Marauders. They were laughing loudly and talking to each other, completely unaware of the fact that she was staring at them. It was quite rude of her, but she couldn't help it. How she wished she could sit with them without having to worry about fitting into a new House. She wasn't very good at making friends and the fact that she didn't know any Ravenclaws that attended Hogwarts at this time made it even worse. The young Marauders were strangers, but she knew so much about them that talking to them felt almost natural.

Just as she wanted to avert her gaze, Sirius' grey eyes found hers and a warm smile graced his face. Well, it certainly seemed that Remus was right and young Messer Black wasn't going to stay mad at her forever. She reciprocated his gesture and then looked away, deciding it would probably be best if she focused on her food and then found someone who could show her to the Ravenclaw Tower, instead of stalking the Maruaders.

Hermione finished her food, feeling as though she would puke if she ate anything else and raised her head to see if the feast was coming to an end. Some people were still eating, but most of the students kept chattering cheerfully, waiting for professor Dumbledore to call it a night and send them to their dormitories. She sighed out loud and propped her head on one elbow, staring monotonously at the table. Finally, the food has disappeared and professor Dumbledore stood up, ready to bid them farewell.

"I hope that your stomachs are fully satisfied, as it is time for you to get some sleep. The school starts tomorrow and I expect you all to do your best this year! But right now it's time for you to get to your dormitories. Prefects, please escort our new students to their beds! Good night!"

Everyone started to move around, trying to find their way to the exit and Hermione caught herself wanting to do the same. She almost cursed out loud when a first year old asked her suspiciously if she knew where she was supposed to go. Fighting of a blush, Hermione shook her head and looked around trying to find a Prefect from Ravenclaw.

Finally, a smiling girl approached them and waved her hand enthusiastically.

"Welcome, everyone! My name is Amelia Bright, but you can all call me Amy! I'm a Prefect and I'm at your disposal if you need any help at all", she stated and Hermione couldn't help but smile.

That girl was really sweet. Her blonde her reminded her of Luna's, but her green eyes glowed with excitement rather than dreaminess. She was also very short and tiny, making her cute as a button. Of course, Hermione knew better than to tell her that as it would probably be taken as an insult rather than a compliment, but nonetheless, the Prefect looked like someone who could certainly bring light into her new life.

"Follow me everyone and try not to stray away. The castle is very mischievous when it comes to new students", the girl giggled lightly and then spun around, making her way through the remaining crowd.

Hermione complied and joined the girl, who seemed surprised at her presence.

"Oh, I completely forgot that you don't know your way as well. You're Hermione, right?"

"Yes, Hermione Granger. It's nice to meet you"

The girl grinned at her widely and said:

"You have no idea how happy I am to meet you! You're sixth year, yeah? That means that you'll probably going to share you dormitory with me and my friends. Ever since Mary's parents decided to move and took her with them, it's been so weird and lonely... Although I can't say that an empty bed didn't come in handy. We're all such awful slobs that our clothes are scattered everywhere most of the time., the girl kept babbling and babbling reminding Hermione of someone else she used to know.

' _Oh God, it's Lavender Brown all over again'_ , she thought to herself with horror and then snorted quietly. ' _At least that one won't steal the guy you like... Since he's dead and you're as single as ever'_

"Anyways, the girls will be so happy to have someone else in our room! Can't wait till I introduce you to our traditions! I'm telling you, Friday nights are always soooo great! We're having tons of fun and all"

"Does she ever shut up?", a familiar voice whispered from behind and Hermione couldn't help but giggle, knowing that it was the same boy that questioned her earlier before the Sorting Ceremony.

"Yes, she does!", spat Amy and shot him an angry glance, before returning to her normal cheerful smile. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm just really excited and when I'm excited I talk a lot"

"Yeah, I've noticed. But that's okay. It makes me much less stressed, to be honest", Hermione admitted and smiled at the girl.

It really did. Even though Lavender Brown was not her favourite person, she was still familiar. And Amy didn't seem even half as bad as the girl that Hermione used to share her dormitory with. She was a Ravenclaw after all, which certainly said a lot about her intelligence.

"Being a new girl sucks, yeah? I figured... You looked absolutely mortified when you were sitting on that chair with a Sorting Hat on top of your head. Honestly, what took you so long? Did the Hat required your _curriculum vitae_ , or something?"

"No. It was pretty weird actually, since most of the time, it has been quiet", she shrugged and Amy furrowed her brows.

"Yeah, pretty weird. Maybe that's because that Hat has no idea how to deal with someone who's not eleven years old", she offered and Hermione shrugged once again.

"It doesn't matter. It did sort me, in the end"

"I think you're going to love it here in Ravenclaw. I know that we seem like very boring people, but I don't think that's the case. We are just much more complex and complicated that most of the students. We have _issues_ , you know", Amy whispered and Hermione raised her eyebrows with amusement.

"What issues?"

"Well... For example, most of the boys are scared of us. You know, our brains work on completely different level and it can be pretty intimidating", she laughed and Hermione rolled her eyes.

Of course, _boys were an issue._ Her sixth year had been a true disaster as she had to listen to Lavender and Parvati going on and on about guys, Quidditch players, eligible bachelors and all that crap. And then Lavender started to talk about Mon-Ron all the time, which made her jealous and nauseous at the same time, turning her life into a nightmare.

"No, but seriously. We're kind of that misunderstood fraction that everyone claims to know without really giving a shit about the truth... When you're a Ravenclaw you're doomed to be a big-headed nerd that doesn't do anything but reading", Amy said with a gravely expression and Hermione felt blush creeping up her face.

Maybe she really was a Ravenclaw, after all? Cause that sounded _a lot_ like her.

"Isn't it true?", she asked and Amy furrowed her brows.

"Of course not!", the girl exclaimed with indignation. "Most of the time..."

Hermione couldn't help but laugh out loud, which made Amy giggle as well. Soon, they fell into a comfortable silence that allowed Miss Granger to look around carefully, as she was probably supposed to do, being the new girl. She soaked in the sights of familiar walls and corridors, letting herself drown in memories. Yes, this castle was definitely so much more than just pile of stones. ' _Home_ ', she thought once again and smiled nostalgically.

Her peace didn't last long though, as she felt someone wrapping his arms around her shoulders, giving her a huge scare.

"What the hell?!", she gasped and looked straight into Sirius' grey eyes.

Her heart was racing against her chest and she shot him an angry glance.

"Sirius, a little warning would be nice"

"Oh, you know each other?", Amy asked and Hermione didn't have any trouble recognizing the unhealthy excitement in her voice.

"Yes, we're on our way to becoming best friends"

Sirius' voice was filled with amusement, but Hermione couldn't help but to blush at his statement.

"We've just met", she reminded him and looked at Amy. "They've helped me with my trunk and invited me to their compartment"

"Invited? More like, kidnapped you and gave you no other choice than to sit with us", Sirius corrected her, making Amy chuckle. "Anyway, I wanted to make sure you're alright, seeing as the old Hat decided to separate you from us"

"Yeah, I almost died out of disappointment, but I think I'm okay now"

Her voice was laced with irony, but Sirius decided to completely overlook it as he smiled fondly and said:

"Oh, sweetheart, I knew you loved me already, but this is really cute"

"Shut up... And you should probably get back to your dormitory. From what I've heard today, we're not allowed to stay outside our common rooms after the curfew"

Barking laughter filled the air, as Sirius tilted his head back. Hermione knew very well that the word 'curfew' meant nothing to any of the Marauders but she had to keep the appearances, so she furrowed her brows and looked at him expectantly.

"You're so innocent, love. I totally dig that", he finally winked at her and seconds later, he was gone.

Heat rose to her cheeks, when she caught Amy's jealous stare. Judging by what she'd said earlier, the lack of attention from boys really _was_ an issue and Hermione just got hugged by Sirius Black, who was probably one of those guys that every girl dreamt of.

"What?", she asked pretending not to know what Amy was thinking about.

"You have no idea how much I envy you. That man...", she sighed and her eyes became dreamy for a second.

"I'm going to puke", the eleven year old stated firmly and Hermione giggled once again.

Amy didn't look all that happy at his comment, but she sent Hermione a suggestive glance that seemed to say: 'We're going to talk about that later', and kept her mouth shut. After few more minutes, they have finally reached the stairs leading to the Ravenclaw Tower. Hermione was really grateful for the training she has had during the summer, otherwise she would find the climb very exhausting. No wonder she had never seen a Ravenclaw student that would be rather on the plump side...

When they've finally reached the top, most of the eleven year olds were panting loudly, while Hermione's breath was only slightly quicker. ' _Thank you, Mad-Eye. You've been a huge pain in the ass, but my ass has never looked better'_ , she thought to herself and tried not to giggle.

Amy seemed to be in quite good shape as well, as she turned around and smiled brightly, reminding Hermione of a light bulb.

"All right. I know that the journey is very tiring, but I need you to focus. The door behind me is the entrance to our Common Room. As you can see, it has a handle that's shaped like an eagle, a symbol of our House. In order to enter the room, you need to solve a puzzle that is given to you by the eagle"

"Solve a puzzle? What kind of puzzle?", one of the children asked with curiosity, while the others looked at Amy with pure terror on their faces.

"Well, as a Ravenclaw you are required to use your brain at all times. The eagle will require you to do just that and give him a correct answer to a logical puzzle", Amy explained, but the children didn't look any better.

"It can't be that hard. Considering the fact that the Sorting Hat put us all in the House known for its students intelligence, you should have no problems at all", Hermione added and smiled reassuringly.

"And how would you know? Aren't you new here?"

Oh dear, that little boy really was something. He fit into Ravenclaw perfectly, with all the questions that floated around his mind.

"I'm as new as you, I told you that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not also right, you know"

"Hermione is correct, actually. The riddles are not that hard, especially if you have to solve them few times a day. I have to warn you though, if you can't find the right answer, you'll have to wait till someone does it for you. And now...", she said and spun around, facing the eagle that looked at her instantly.

"We see it once in a year, twice in a week, but never in a day. What is it? _"_ , the eagle asked and Amy grinned confidently.

"The letter 'E', I believe"

The door immediately flew open and Amy gestured them to come inside. Hermione instantly noticed that her new common room was much bigger than the one she had previously shared with her friends. There was also no ruby red colour to be seen anywhere, as the whole room was decorated with brown and blue accessories. Nonetheless, Hermione found it quite cosy and decided that she'd rather liked it.

"Okay, everyone. Welcome to our common room! The most important thing about it is that you can spend all the time you want in here, but you _cannot_ leave it after the curfew. Breaking this rule can be very painful not only for you, but for your House as well. As for your dormitories... The ones that belong to girls are on the right side and boys on the left side. Of course, each door is labelled with names of everyone who's staying there, so you won't have any trouble at all finding your own bed. Your trunks are already there and I suggest you to go to sleep as fast as possible. Tomorrow, the school starts and you need to get up a lot earlier if you want to make it in time to classes. Trust me, it's going to be difficult at first. Feel free to ask anyone for help. Do you have any questions?"

Hermione was really impressed with Amy's speech, as she knew more than well that it wasn't easy to stand in front of a bunch of kids that were more interested in looking around and doing... basically anything that didn't require focus and attention. The girl seemed to be very good at her job as a Prefect and it made Hermione like her even more.

"No questions? Then off you go!"

Before Hermione could say anything, Amy's hand was wrapped itself around her wrist as the girl started pulling her towards the stairs. Their dormitory was very high up and Hermione decided to stay quiet in order to breathe regularly, as Moody has taught her. Before they've reach the end of the stairs, one of the doors flung open and a tall girl showed up on the threshold.

"I'm so excited! Come on, quickly, we can't wait to meet her!", she squealed hysterically and Amy sighed with annoyance.

"Calm down. Don't you see she's right behind me?"

Hermione was really surprised seeing the other girl so excited, as apparently, she was the main reason for it. She couldn't tell if it made her feel really happy or really crept out. When the stranger moved aside to let them in, Hermione found herself in a tight embrace that made her highly uncomfortable

"Grace, for fucks sake, you're choking her with that death grip of yours", another voice reached Hermione's ears and she felt an instant spurt of sympathy towards its owner.

"Oh, sorry, sorry... I'm just so excited!", Grace apologized and grinned so widely that Miss Granger was worried that all of her teeth will simply fall out.

"Yeah, no shit", the second voice snorted once again and Hermione turned around to face the girl.

She was quite tall and her posture seemed completely laid-back. Her hair was dark and extremely short for a girl and, considering her lack of make-up, she probably liked looking like a boy. She was very pretty though, with her pink, plump lips and eyes blue as the sky.

"I'm Leslie", she introduced herself and extended her hand towards Hermione. "And that freak that nearly killed you is Grace"

"I prefer Gracie!"

Miss Granger turned to look at the smiling girl and took in her appearance. And Merlin, there really was _a lot_ to look at. That girl could basically be a model; tall, lean, incredibly shapely and beautiful. Her face was pretty angelic, even considering her raven-black hair. She was a female version of Sirius Black and that made Hermione feel really envious.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both", she stated and smiled warmly, ignoring the nasty feeling poisoning her mind.

"You have no idea how happy we are! I mean, it was pretty great to have the dormitory to ourselves, but after our friend switched schools, it was so quiet in here..."

"Quiet? With you? You have got to be kidding me. I swear, I have no idea how that place is still standing", Leslie laughed and plopped onto her bed.

"Shush, Les! You don't want to scare Hermione, do you?", Amy told her off, making Hermione giggle.

"It's alright. I'm used to mayhem"

They had no idea how true that was... And they never would. Even though, Hermione thought that the girls were rather pleasant variation of chaos and that she would actually enjoy living with them.

"With that hair of yours, you certainly have to", murmured Leslie and grinned at her. "I had the same problem, so I've..."

"...cut them all of. And there, problem solved!", Amy chirped, earning herself a murderous stare.

"Yeah, it doesn't matter that you look like a boy", added Gracie and rolled her eyes.

"I still have boobs, you know. Guys dig that, although you wouldn't know, since you don't have any", Leslie spat back, making Amy laugh like a crazy person.

Hermione couldn't stop herself from giggling, when she has noticed Grace's outrage, that obviously wasn't all that serious. Her new roommates acted a lot like the Marauders and it made her feel pretty awesome. She didn't usually connected with girls that well, Ginny being the exception, but those seemed really nice and easy-going. Certainly, it was nothing she'd expect from a bunch of Ravenclaws.

"Sorry, Hermione. I mean, you must be tired and really stressed out. We should probably shut up and let you unpack yourself and go to bed"

Miss Granger smiled at Amy gratefully and finally managed to look around the dormitory. Her bed was situated near the window, judging by her trunk standing right next to it. She immediately walked towards it and plopped down on the floor in order to open the lock. The girls looked at her with curiosity, as she started to unpack in the traditional, Muggle way. Of course, for someone who wasn't raised in a Muggle household, it seemed only like a waste of time, but she found it very calming and soothing. It reminded her of where she came from and how valuable her heritage actually was.

Even if they found it strange, no questions have been asked. Instead of prodding her, girls started to chat about their holidays and the upcoming year.

"I think it will be bloody fabulous!", Amy stated and Gracie sighed dreamily.

"I totally agree... I mean, have you seen all these boys? They must have really worked out during the summer..."

' _Merlin, here we go...'_ , Hermione thought to herself and rolled her eyes with amusement.

"Speaking of boys, did you know that Hermione had travelled to Hogwarts with the Marauders?! I mean, Sirius Black has even flirted with her when we were on our way here!", Amy exclaimed, making Hermione blush terribly.

"It didn't mean anything. From what I've noticed, he's completely unable to stop himself from doing that", Hermione shook her head and kept unpacking her trunk.

"Are you kidding me? Yeah, he does flirt a lot, but he seemed genuinely interested in you and that doesn't happen all that often"

"James called him a man whore, so I kind of doubt it"

"Man whore he may be, but still... He likes you. Likes as in enjoys talking to you and stuff like this", Amy pinpointed and Hermione turned around just in time to see her triumphant glare.

"So what? It's not like I'm interested in him... He seems fun and I don't have anything against being friends with him, but really, I know better than to fall for his pretty eyes and lopsided grins. Besides, there's no way he's really interested", she shrugged, dismissing their ideas.

"What are you, nuts?! Have you seen this man?!", Grace squealed again and Hermione sent her an amused glance.

"Yes. And honestly, if you like him so much, why won't you talk to him?", she asked, furrowing her brows.

Leslie started to laugh maniacally and Amy seemed equally amused.

"Oh, she tried last year. It didn't go so well..."

Grace's face turned scarlet red and Hermione looked at her with curiosity.

"Yeah, I've made a complete fool out of myself. He mistook me for a second year... He said I was freakishly tall for someone so young"

"I told you, guys dig boobs...", Leslie kept laughing, making Grace even more flustered.

"What is he, blind? You're absolutely gorgeous", Hermione stated and earned herself a timid smile.

"Thank you, Hermione, but I don't think that I'm in Sirius' type. Despite what everyone is saying, he tends to be very picky with girls"

"Yeah, it almost seems as he's looking for that special one and can't find her", Leslie rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Don't try to romanticize everything and everyone. He just likes to shag"

"Les, do you have to be so blunt all the time?!", Grace yelled, waving her hands frantically.

"Yeah, someone in this madhouse has to..."

"I'm going to remind you that the next time we're having our Bookish Friday!", Grace spat at the short-haired girl, making her blush furiously.

"What's a Bookish Friday?", Hermione immediately asked, hoping that the subject would finally change.

Not that talking about Sirius was terrible, but she really didn't want to think about Harry's godfather walking around the school and picking up every girl he would see. And even more, she didn't want to think about the possibility that he's going to try that with her...

"Oh, it's a tradition! We came up with it back when we were in our second year. We used to read all those romantic novels. But now we sort of... Modified our tastes"

"Thank Merlin!", Hermione stated with a pure relief, what made everyone giggle and exchange suggestive glances, which Miss Granger didn't like _at all_.

"Yeah. We've switched to reading romantic novels with a lot of smut in them", Amy giggled with twinkling eyes.

"And then we've just dropped the 'romantic novel' part and decided to read outright smut", Leslie laughed and Hermione's eyes went wide.

After few moments of silence, she finally managed to choke out:

"You're kidding, right?"

The girls chuckled and shook their heads simultaneously.

"Of course not... We're bookworms, after all, aren't we?", Amy stated proudly and other girls nodded.

"I'm a bookworm too! And I definitely don't read _porn!"_ , Hermione gasped and looked at them with pure disbelief.

"You don't... But you will", Leslie assured her and smiled mischievously.

' _Oh boy... This cannot be real_ ', she thought to herself, staring at the girl with her mouth wide open. Here she was, a witch that was destined to change the future, sitting on her dormitory's floor and talking about reading smut.

Just when she thought that her life couldn't get any weirder... _this_ must have happened.


	5. Chapter 4

Her head hurt. Hermione always hated sleeping in a new place and apparently, that rule applied to Hogwarts as well. Even though the Ravenclaw Tower seemed quite cosy, it was really hard for her to sleep, knowing that in just few hours the old Hermione Granger would be inevitably gone. Her brilliant mind was something that couldn't go unnoticed and she was well aware of that fact... There was no going back from it, as Hermione Granger would soon be described as the brightest witch yet again, but this time, she will be the brightest witch of the '70s. ' _Hermione Granger - making flared jeans look smart since 1976',_ she thought to herself and slapped her forehead with her palm. Sleep deprivation really did nothing to help her get herself together. She really hoped that this day would be over soon, or else she would end up embarrassing herself in front of the entire school.

It was still so early, that the common room has been entirely empty. The new Ravenclaw was actually grateful for that, as it allowed her to sink into her own thoughts, not caring if anyone would see her seriousness. Despite her roommates enthusiasm concerning the upcoming year, she knew better than to just wave her hand and embrace the unknown. Her task was way too complicated to be careless, as meddling with time was a very dangerous thing.

Even if the future had already been altered, she couldn't just tell everyone what is going to happen to them in her times. No, she had to be smart and cunning, so that they were strongly convinced that the choices they've made were truly their own, not dictated by the fear of dying or hurting their friends in the future. It was by far, the most difficult part of her task, as the temptation to just blurt out the truth to the Marauders was almost too great to ignore. Her life would be so much easier, if she could just stop pretending.

"Hello there!", a polite voice reached her ears, making her jump up with her heart racing inside her chest.

"Merlin, you scared me...", she gasped and look at the boy who was sitting in an armchair that was facing her own seat.

"Sorry. My name's not Merlin, though", he laughed and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"What is it, then?"

"Ewan. Ewan Hughes. It's nice to meet you. Hermione, wasn't it?"

Ewan extended his hand towards her and smiled warmly, making her relax entirely.

"Yes. Hermione Granger, this school's new attraction", she murmured and sighed, making him laugh again.

"You'll have to get over it, I'm afraid. For such a prestigious school, we surely gossip a lot"

"It's hard not to notice it. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was too busy trying to soak in all the information that my roommates gave me", she chuckled lightly and Ewan nodded with understanding.

"You're very lucky to be living with that bunch of lunatics. I'm pretty sure that their previous roommate didn't change school because of her parents. It was to run away from them.", he whispered theatrically and Hermione did her best not to burst out with laughter.

"Well, it's good that I'm very stubborn and resilient"

"We'll see about that. So, you came here from France, right? How was it?"

"It was a school, with students and professors inside", she stated seriously and Ewan raised his brows with amusement. "No, but really, Beauxbatons is nothing compared to Hogwarts. Although I can't say I hated it there", she shrugged, earning herself a curious glance.

"Why switch, then?"

Hermione fell silent and averted her gaze. She had practiced telling her cover story to the point when it became almost natural, but still... Sharing that with someone she had barely met didn't seem appropriate. Talking about the death of her parents wasn't supposed to be easy, nor shouldn't it come lightly.

"Personal reasons", she managed to say and bit her bottom lip.

Ewan's eyes lit up with understanding and he scratched his head, looking at her apologetically.

"Sorry, it's not any of my business. I just... Well, I was curious. We don't get transfer students all that often"

"Don't worry. I just... It's hard for me to talk about it", she offered with a weak smile and Ewan shook his head.

"No, seriously, I get it. Although I have to say that you're going to get used to the questions... We're Ravenclaws after all!"

Hermione's smile widened, as she looked at the boy sitting in front of her. He seemed really nice and she felt that people from this House must really be much more pleasant than she had originally thought. It was the ultimate proof that Amy was right saying that they really were misunderstood and misjudged most of the time. It was something, that Hermione could relate to very well.

Harry and Ron had been her friends for a time that felt like an eternity, but they had never understood her passion for books and studying, just as she couldn't understand their Quidditch enthusiasm. Their friendship worked really well, but she completely gave up the hope that one day they might actually listen to her going on and on about theories and various magical laws. Maybe here she could find friends that would be able to do that? Maybe being a Ravenclaw will turn out to better than she thought.

"Anyways, it's still early but if you want, I can show you some of the castle and then lead you to the Great Hall for breakfast", Ewan offered and Hermione smiled gratefully.

"I'd like that very much"

* * *

The Great Hall was already full when they got there. Hermione found Ewan really smart and easy-going, as he talked about Hogwarts' history effortlessly and with a smile plastered on his face. Even though most people would find that really boring, Hermione always liked history. Hogwarts was such an incredible place, that listening about its past felt almost like being sent back through time once again, but his time, not against her will.

She thanked Ewan for showing her the castle and parted ways with him, as his friends have been seated in a different section of the table, as they were in their seventh year. Hermione quickly made her way towards her roommates and sat down with a huge grin on her face.

"Hey, stranger! Where were you?", asked Amy and Hermione glanced towards Ewan who was looking at her as well while talking to his friends.

"Oh, I met Ewan there and he offered to show me around", she explained and Amy sighed.

"You do realize that he's the Quidditch captain of our team and like... probably one of the most attractive guys here? But like, attractive in that nerdy, Ravenclaw way", she purred and Hermione shook her head.

"Do you ever talk about anything else than _boys_? Ewan's very nice, but honestly, I don't really care if he's even Merlin himself", Hermione stated and furrowed her brows.

"Which is probably why he likes you. He doesn't go out very often, as apparently he refuses to be treated like a piece of meat", Gracie explained and looked at Hermione carefully.

"Good for him!", cheered Leslie and shoved her fist into the air. "He's like a feminist trapped in male body"

Hermione looked at Leslie with amusement, while Amy and Gracie sighed with exasperation.

"For fucks sake, it's not like we're ripping his clothes off, yeah? We just like to look", Grace tried to talk Leslie down, but the short-haired girl wouldn't have it.

"It's objectification, if you ask me. Not very pleasant when it's done to you, isn't it?", she said with a scowl, making Amy roll her eyes.

"Oh, shut up. You have to spoil the fun every single time", the blonde muttered, but had no intentions of pursuing the subject anymore.

Everyone felt quiet and Hermione couldn't help but to look at Leslie intently. The girl seemed as calm and laid-back as ever, but Miss Granger found her behaviour really peculiar. One did not simply defend someone like that, if it wasn't for personal reasons and that worried her greatly. Had someone mistreated her? Is that why she chose to look as boyish as possible?

Leslie's eyes crossed her own and she sent her a tight smile, that made Hermione turn away her gaze. Nosiness was hard to tame, but the girl knew better than to prod Les about it. She wouldn't be happy if someone started to question her against her will, so she decided to let the subject slide.

"So anyways... We've forgot to ask you. What classes are you taking?", Amy cleared her throat and asked Hermione with a smile.

"Oh... Yeah, I think it's going to be Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Trasfiguration, Potions, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Herbology", she recited and the girls looked at her with curiosity.

"Are you planning on becoming an Auror?"

"Maybe. I don't know yet. It's just that those classes were my favourites, maybe except from Herbology, but I decided that it would be reasonable to choose it nonetheless"

"That's a lot of classes. But hey, if anyone can pull it off, it's a Ravenclaw!", Gracie stated cheerfully and pointed her fork at Hermione, spilling her pumpkin juice all over Amy in the process.

"What the fuck, Grace?! How on Earth has anyone thought it would be a good name for you, if you're literally the clumsiest person I know?", the blonde raged, while Grace was trying to dry her robes with a spell.

Her hand was shaking too much from laughing, so instead she has turned them pink, making Amy even more flustered. Hermione tried to hold back laughter, seeing that the colour of Amy's face now matched her clothes. She picked up her own wand and waved her hand while muttering an incantation, making everything go back to normal and shook her head with amusement.

"You're unbelievable", muttered the blonde girl and shot Gracie an offended glance.

It did nothing to spoil everyone else's moods, especially when the Marauders appeared in the Great Hall, catching the attention of every student and teacher.

"HELLO SCHOOL! WE'VE MISSED YOU TERRIBLY!", James yelled as loud as he could, making everyone chuckle.

Hermione shook her head when the boy threw his arms into the air and tilted his head back with his eyes closed in pure ecstasy.

"Ah, the smell of sausages and toasts.., Nothing quite as beautiful as this. Maybe except for Lily!", he stated and another roar of laughter rolled through the hall.

Hermione instantly looked at the Gryffindor table and searched for red hair, that would undoubtedly belong to James' love. When her eyes laid on a beautiful girl that was now incredibly angry and embarrassed, she knew it had to be her.

"Did he just called her as beautiful as sausages?", Leslie chortled and Amy nodded with a purely terrified look on her face.

"Oh boy, Evans is going to kill him"

How the hell could James expect that he's going to win Lily over with that sort of behaviour? It sure had been hilarious, but it wasn't exactly... well, flattering, to put it mildly.

"Mr Potter, could you please take your seat and stop causing such a raucous?", professor McGonagall stood up and asked James with a grievous voice, but Hermione could have sworn she had seen a smile tugging at her lips.

Sirius pushed his friend forward, laughing madly while tears kept rolling down his face. If she didn't know any better, she would think that they were both drunk.

"They are completely bonkers... Honestly, this school would be so boring without them", Leslie giggled and Hermione couldn't agree more.

Hogwarts seemed like a completely different place and it was undoubtedly thanks to the Marauders and their infectious happiness. It was almost as nothing bad was going on in the outside world and Miss Granger found it incredibly tempting to just let herself drown in that overwhelming feeling of joy.

* * *

"Welcome to yet another year at Hogwarts. I must say, I'm very pleased with your exam results and I expect you to do equally good this year", a stern voice of Minerva McGonagall immediately captured the attention of everyone in the classroom.

Hermione couldn't help but to feel weird, sitting in the exact same place that she had been occupying back in her times. The only thing that was different was the lack of her two best friends at her side. Instead, Amy and Leslie sat behind her desk and Grace shifted impatiently next to her.

Apparently, the classes were something that truly brought out their nerdy nature, as the girls were finally quiet and listened to every word with great focus. Hermione was really glad that they weren't entirely obsessed with boys and hormones coursing through their bodies.

"This year you're going to be required to work very hard as in each class you'll have to practice your nonverbal spells", professor McGonagall has stated and looked around the classroom. "Can anyone tell me what those kind of spells are?"

Hermione's hand shot upwards almost immediately, which earned her a couple of curious glances.

"Miss Granger..."

"A nonverbal spell is a spell which is performed without saying the incantation out loud. It requires extreme focus, as you have to visualize the spell and its destined outcome and combine it with the correct wand movement", she recited without hesitation and received a satisfied smile from McGonagall.

"Correct, Miss Granger. 10 point to Ravenclaw. Now, can you tell me why the nonverbal spells are so important?"

Hermione raised her hand once more and professor nodded at her, allowing her to speak.

"It's very useful especially in a duel, as it is hard for the opponents to figure out what kind of spell you are going to use, which gives you a huge advantage. It allows you also to mislead them, because the incantation that you say out loud doesn't have to be the one that you actually cast. Also, nonverbal spells used correctly are much faster to cast, once you practise often enough to make them feel as natural as breathing", she explained and smiled contently, when Professor McGonagall looked at her with appreciation.

"Very good. Seems like you really were the top of your class at Beauxbatons. Another 10 points to Ravenclaw. And now... I want you to take your rat and turn it into a cup, using only nonverbal spells. Just as Miss Granger had said, it requires a great focus and I don't expect that any of you will succeed in this lesson. Nonetheless, by the end of the semester, it will be necessary for you to use those spells decently at least. Now, get to work", professor McGonagall finished and everyone stood up and went towards the cages standing at her desk.

Hermione didn't look even half as pessimistic as the rest of the class, since nonverbal spells were nothing new to her. She expected everyone to ask her a lot of questions after the lesson, since she had no intention of pretending not to be able to do this. It would be much easier to explain that she had already learned them at Beauxbatons than to constantly control her actions. Casting spells without incantations has become so natural for her, that she almost didn't need to focus. Stopping herself from doing something so effortless would be really hard.

Instead of practicing, she decided to look around and check everyone's progress. All of her housemates were doing their absolute best to hone that skill as fast as possible, but it didn't turn out to be all that simple. Frustration and even anger were painted all over their faces and Hermione smiled nostalgically, when an image of Ron waving his wand impatiently appeared in her mind. Professor McGonagall was very displeased with him, as he managed to stab his rat and make it squeal in pain.

"Miss Granger, why aren't you practising?", Transfiguration professor asked her, with her brows furrowed and Hermione looked down, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, I've already practised nonverbal spells at Beauxbatons", she admitted and McGonagall sent her a surprised gaze.

"How is that possible? As far as I know, the students in France learn those spells in their sixth grade, just as it is at Hogwarts"

"Yes, but I wanted to challenge myself and had learned how to do it last year", she made up quickly and blushed.

Her pink cheeks seemed like an obvious sign of embarrassment, but Hermione knew that it wasn't the case. Even for someone so ambitious, learning how to cast spells nonverbally was a bit difficult. She should have been more careful and thought about a reasonable explanation much earlier. Moody wouldn't be pleased with her sloppiness.

"Is that so? Well then, by all means, please demonstrate your skills"

Hermione couldn't blame McGonagall for being sceptical. In her impressive career as a Hogwarts professor, she probably hadn't seen anyone who would possess this kind of skills so early on. 'Well then, let me change your mind', she thought to herself and raised her wand, focusing on her rat.

A flick of her wand was enough to begin the transformation. Hermione watched with satisfaction as the rat turned into a golden goblet incrusted with beautiful red stones. It was absolutely perfect and Hermione couldn't be more proud of herself. She smiled contently and raised her eyes to look at professor McGonagall, who was watching here with amazement.

"Miss Granger, this is... Simply outstanding! 50 points to Ravenclaw! I don't think I've ever taught a student that would be able to use nonverbal spells with such ease only in the beginning of their sixth year", the woman praised her and this time, Hermione's blush was entirely from embarrassment.

"Thank you, professor", she said quietly and smiled timidly.

"Outstanding. If you please, Miss Granger, I'd like you to help other students"

Hermione nodded her head and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"That was brilliant, Hermione!", Grace whispered looking at her with a flushed face.

"Yeah, absolutely wicked. 70 fucking points in one class. What are you, a _god?_ ", Leslie asked and patted her shoulder from behind, making Hermione giggle.

"Miss Donaghue, it would be much appreciated if you would get back to your task and stop swearing, otherwise your House will lose all the points earned by Miss Granger", professor McGonagall's stern voice scolded Leslie, causing the girl to mutter few uncensored words so quietly, that only Amy has heard them and tried to mask her laughter with coughing.

Several minutes later, all the students started to pack their things as the lesson came to an end. Hermione felt so happy, that she couldn't care less for the stares that she received, mostly from the Slytherins. They all looked very angry and Hermione wondered if it had anything to do with her blood status or it was solely her skills' fault. She had no doubt that they must have known about her being a Muggleborn, as there was no Pureblooded family by the name of 'Granger', even if she had often been taken for a distant relative of Hector Dagworth-Granger. Even if they knew, at this moment she was way too happy to worry about it.

"There's no way in hell that the Gryffindors are going to beat us this year. They might be Quidditch stars, but with you earning points like this, they have no chance!", Amy laughed and her other roommates nodded their heads enthusiastically.

Hermione couldn't help but grin, even if those kind of statements made her feel terribly responsible. After all, she was allowed to make mistakes, just as the rest of them. Although hers would probably be much painful, even if no one besides her would ever realise that.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that", a cold voice said from behind their backs, making them stop instantly.

Hermione turned around and found herself face to face with a tall boy, whose expression could only be described as 'terribly unpleasant'. She furrowed her brows, noticing some other students standing beside him, reminding her a lot of Malfoy and his entourage consisting of Crabbe, Goyle and Parkinson.

Suddenly, the tension in the air became very noticeable, as other students started to form a circle around them. ' _Merlin, this is not good. Not good at all",_ she thought grimly and smiled against her better judgement.

"Well, it's only the beginning of the year. Anything could happen, yeah?", she asked cheerfully. "I don't believe we've been introduced. Hermione Granger"

The boy looked at her extended arm and sneered. Ah, so they really knew about her blood status... The news traveled faster than she'd originally thought they would. She lowered her hand after a while and raised her brows.

"That's not very polite, you know? Someone might think that you haven't heard of proper manners"

"What would you know about manners, Mudblood?", the second boy spat, making everyone gasp in disbelief.

The girls standing beside her instantly covered her with their bodies, looking at the Slytherins with rage.

"Take that back, you asshole!", Leslie yelled and Hermione put her arm on the girl's shoulder, trying to calm her down.

Boy, that girl had temper. _A lot_ of temper, actually.

"Stand down soldier", Hermione joked and pushed the girls aside. "I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that and you're going to pretend that you need to go somewhere else very quickly", she stated with a tight smile and turned around, deciding that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to stay and teach them a lesson.

"You should be careful, Mudblood. I'm not going to let someone like you to talk to me like that"

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. That guy seemed to be a lot worse than Malfoy, since the ferret had always managed to sound funny and pompous as hell, but this guy over here... He was dangerous. His dark eyes were filled with hatred and disgust and made Hermione feel very cold.

"You mean, someone so much more intelligent than you, right? Because otherwise I would be really offended and, just in case you'd forgotten, I can cast nonverbal spells that are especially useful in duels", she informed him with a sweet smile, making him even more pissed. "What's your problem anyway? I didn't do anything to you. If you don't like my blood status, then go to hell, instead of picking fights you obviously can't win"

Having said that, she turned around and wanted to walk away, when she heard movement behind her back. Her hand grabbed her wand and put up a Shield charm before anyone could interfere.

The guy that cursed her fell to the floor, completely immobilised, while the rest of his friends started to walk backwards, clearly afraid of her. Whispers erupted from the crowd, but Hermione couldn't care less, her anger so huge that she felt her hair frizzing.

"Here's a suggestion for you, asshole. You should go to a library, borrow a dictionary and then look up a definition of a coward. I feel like you could really relate to it on a very personal level. Cause only cowards attack someone from behind", she hissed with fury and then turned around and started to walk away, her steps fast and energetic.

The crowd stepped aside, letting her walk through, but she couldn't ignore the cheers that erupted from it. Her roommates trailed behind her, laughing loudly and it made Hermione feel a little better.

"Holy fuck, you're unbelievable!"

"Yeah, absolutely badass!"

And she really felt like it.

* * *

Hogwarts was a very fascinating place. For a castle this big, the rumours travelled incredibly fast in here. When Hermione has entered the Great Hall, hoping to finally get some rest and fill her stomach with delicious food, it turned out to be completely impossible.

The whole room went quiet and then erupted in whispers. ' _Oh, great... All I wanted was to get promoted from a new girl to a freak'_ , she thought and scowled, trying to ignore everyone and everything. She plopped down on her seat and was greeted by the glowing smiles of her roommates, that seemed to be very proud of her.

"Hello there, superwoman", Gracie chirped and raised her hand in order to high-five her, but changed her mind as soon as she had noticed Hermione's glare.

"I really don't want to talk about it. I hate being stared at"

"You should have thought about that before you went Medieval on Mulciber", Leslie chortled and Hermione sighed.

"So that was his name. The asshole hasn't even introduced himself"

The girls started to laugh, but Hermione kept stabbing her food with anger. She really had to be more careful. Dumbledore had warned her about showing her true potential too early... And here she was, a _superwoman_ that couldn't keep her fury in chains. ' _Way to go, you bloody idiot'_. Since when had she been so temperamental anyway? Sure, she'd punched Malfoy in her third year, but still... She usually preferred to be a diplomat, someone who could always contain her emotions in order to figure out the best course of actions. Apparently, traveling back in time and nearly losing her life had bigger impact on her than she could have thought. Nonetheless, it had to be dealt with as there was no way in hell that she would save anything or anyone if she got killed by Death Eaters even before she has actually started to do anything useful.

Having lost her appetite completely, she sighed and pushed her plate away. She stood up and said:

"I'll meet you guys back in our dormitory. I think I'm going to hit the library"

With that, she walked away not waiting for a response. She had been so caught up with her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed that someone followed her outside the Hall. Hermione almost screamed in terror when an arm wrapped itself around her waist.

"Hello there, kitten!", a very smiley Sirius Black greeted her and she sighed, trying not to punch him.

"Why have you done that?! Don't you think at all? I could have..."

"... cursed my balls off? Yeah, I heard you're capable of that", he chuckled and looked at her with that lopsided grin that made her heart skip a beat.

"Sirius, I'm really not in the mood., she said and sighed tiredly.

"Yeah, I've noticed. That's why I decided to cheer you up!"

"By scaring me to death and reminding me of the fact that I broke the rule of not duelling in corridors and had managed to do so during my first day at school? Thank you, my friend"

"Oh, stop it, you. I think I'm blushing like a virgin. And for the record, I, most definitely, am _not_ a virgin"

"I don't want to hear that., she muttered, causing him to laugh.

He fell quiet for a moment, but didn't let go of her waist and she found that she really didn't care. What was the point in trying to fight that infuriating man? They walked next to each other for a minute or two and then Sirius steered her to the left, into a corridor that definitely did not lead into to the library.

"What are you doing?", she asked suspiciously and Messer Black looked at her with a huge grin.

"You like chocolate?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because we're going to get some", he stated and smiled even harder.

How did his cheeks manage not to explode with all that smiling, she had no idea. Instead of trying to wrap her mind around it, she decided to just let him take her wherever he pleased, as his company felt much more pleasant than she thought it would.

A couple of minutes later, they have finally arrived at the portrait of a pear and Sirius tickled it slightly, opening the door leading to the kitchen. Hermione managed to look very surprised when she had noticed the House Elves running around the room, trying to prepare some more food for the students that were still feasting inside the Great Hall. As soon as they walked into the kitchen, a small creature approached them and squealed with happiness:

"Master Sirius! Meeny is very happy to see Master Sirius! What can Meeny get Master Sirius?"

"Two hot chocolates, Meeny. Thank you very much"

He then pulled her towards the table and sat her down on the chair. Hermione looked at him with amazement, making him giggle.

"How did you find this place?"

"I'm a Marauder, love. This castle doesn't have any secrets I wouldn't know of"

"Oh, really?"

"Really. Might show them to you, if you play nice. Meaning, you actually won't curse my balls off. I feel like I'm very attached to them"

Hermione's mouth twitched as she tried to stop herself from laughing, but finally she gave up, making Sirius smile triumphantly.

"See? Told you, I'd cheer you up"

"Thank you", she rolled her eyes. "What would I do, if you hadn't come to rescue me?"

"You would go to the library and read yourself to death", he stated firmly and Hermione shook her head.

"Now that I think of it, I actually fit into Ravenclaw perfectly. I could read books all day"

"Me too... Especially _Kamasutra_ ", he laughed at her expression and winked at her. "Just kidding. Probably"

Hermione decided to let that comment slide and started to ask him some relatively safe questions. She didn't even notice the time passing by, but when they both got to the bottom of their cups of chocolate, Sirius stood up and smiled at her gently.

"I hate to say it, but I think it's time to get back"

Hermione followed his actions and reluctantly moved towards the exit. Sirius opened the door for her and put his hand on the small of her back when she crossed the threshold, making her want to roll her eyes. She was entirely convinced that he did that only to feel her up, but she wasn't going to complain. After all, he made her feel so much better that she probably would have to find a way to make it up to him.

"Sirius...", she said quietly and stopped in the middle of a corridor.

He looked at her with curiosity and raised his eyebrows.

"Thank you. I really needed that"

"I know. I always go to the kitchen when I'm having a bad day and it always helps a bit. I would be grateful, though, if you didn't tell anyone about it. This could be our little secret", he winked at her and then his expression changed, making her shift uncomfortably.

He walked towards her and stopped just inches in front of her.

"And for the record. What you did to Mulciber was pretty awesome", he said quietly and then leaned forward, his lips right next to her ear. "You have no idea how hot it is..."

A moment later, he was gone and she was left alone with her racing heart and his scent lingering in the air, making her feel lightheaded. That man... She was pretty sure he could convince a rock to go out with him, if he wanted to. And Hermione _definitely_ wasn't a rock.


	6. Chapter 5

Peaceful Friday was all she needed. Her mind kept wandering to the moment when she would finally be able to surround herself with tons of books in the library, not having to endure constant stares.

One could think that being a novelty would wear off pretty soon, since she really hadn't been _that_ interesting in her own opinion. Ever since that incident with Mulciber, Hermione did everything she could to stay away from trouble. Being stupid didn't go well with her plan to fix the future and drawing unnecessary attention to her person definitely could be described as such. The library had become her asylum, the only place where people left her alone with her thoughts and even here she couldn't shake off the anger that resided in her body since her first day of school.

Luckily, her roommates seemed to understand her pretty well, as they have completely abandoned the plan to force her to attend their... _Bookish Friday_. Hermione had no doubts that having to spend an entire evening listening to their giggles while reading one of these ridiculous books would be the end of her. She would officially go mental.

"Hi!", a sweet voice reached her ears, making Hermione almost murderous.

She was just on her way to the library. Her day was supposed to be _perfect_. How did that girl dare to spoil that?! Miss Granger turned around, ready to tell the girl off, when she noticed those beautiful emerald eyes, that she had been looking into for the past seven years. Lily Evans, Harry's mother was standing in front of her, smiling gently.

"Hi", she answered, immediately abandoning her plan to kill her.

"You're Hermione, right? News travels fast in here, and I heard a lot about you. The Ravenclaw rolled her eyes and pursed her lips, trying to remain calm. Of course Lily had heard of her. Everyone in that bloody castle had.

"I figured", she stated dryly and forced herself to relax a bit.

She didn't want to scare her off, after all. Even if it meant having to postpone her Friday evening plans... So be it.

"Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you angry. I'm Lily Evans, a Prefect from Gryffindor", she introduced herself and smiled timidly, making Hermione feel very guilty.

That girl seemed to be sweet and gentle and completely undeserving of Hermione's murderous mood. The Ravenclaw smiled apologetically and shook Lily's hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Lily. You didn't make me angry. Everyone else managed to do that much earlier", she admitted, making Miss Evans' eyes light up with understanding.

"I know how you feel. Since Potter and Black talk a lot about you, I figured you must know that I'm the victim of very unwanted affection.

"Unwanted and very loud affection", Hermione pinpointed, making Lily scowl. "Yeah, James seems to be doing everything wrong in that matter"

"He's terrible. Immature, childish, vain and doesn't listen to a word I say... So, yeah. I know how it feels to be stared at all the time. It's one of the reasons I wanted to meet you. Just so you'd know that not everyone treats you like some kind of exotic animal"

Hermione felt the residues of her anger melting away and couldn't help but smile fondly. Harry was so much like her. Oh, Merlin, how she missed him. She'd give everything to be able to talk to her best friends. But that wasn't possible and she had to find a way to keep her feelings inside of her aching heart. Maybe being friends with Lily would actually be the remedy she needed so much?

"Thank you, Lily. You know what, I was just on my way to the library. Do you want to join me?", she offered and looked at the girl with uncertainty in her brown eyes. "I'd love to!"

The Ravenclaw grinned and turned around to resume her walk towards her sanctuary. Lily caught up to her immediately, smiling lightly and allowing the comfortable silence to settle between them. After spending her entire days with Leslie, Gracie and Amy, she appreciated Lily's serenity much more than she probably would have otherwise.

They've walked into the library and picked out a table for two, making themselves comfortable. Hermione could almost feel as though she had been there alone, as the redheaded girl was focused on her own essays and research, looking up only to see if her new studying partner was still present. The Ravenclaw didn't even know how much time had passed before one of them decided to say something, but judging by the darkness taking over the horizon, it must have been quite long.

"Hermione... Can I ask you something?", Lily muttered quietly, making Hermione jerk her head up with confusion painted all over her face.

"You just did", she stated and then blinked a couple of times, realising that it probably wasn't a proper response.

She blushed a little and shook her head.

"Sorry, Lily. You woke me up from a studying trance", she admitted, making Lily chuckle. "Sure, ask away"

The redhead fell silent for a moment and then let a pained sigh escape her mouth.

"You probably won't like it, but... I wanted to ask about Mulciber"

Hermione's brows twitched, as she tried to remain calm. Questions about that git weren't exactly her favourites. Nonetheless, Lily looked positively haunted by whatever was on her mind, so Miss Granger decided to just ignore her exasperation.

"What about him?"

"Well... It's just that he's really dangerous. Dangerous _and_ incredibly skilled at duels. And you managed to kick his ass. That's kind of admirable. Not because you beat him, but because of the reasons behind your actions. You're a Muggleborn, yeah? Just like me?", she asked and Hermione nodded, looking the girl intently. "I know that it must've been really hard to stand up like this... Half of the Slytherins want you dead, and the other half wouldn't mind if their housemates succeeded. Aren't you afraid of what they might do to you?"

Okay, Hermione definitely didn't expect _that_. Her eyes grew wide, as she kept staring at Lily with amazement. In all those stories she had heard about young Miss Evans, the redheaded girl never lacked bravery or courage. That woman gave away her life to save her only son, and she had been only 21 at that time. She stood up for those who couldn't do that on their own... So where did all that famous courage go?

"It's not that I'm not afraid. When Mulciber looked at me, I felt shivers running up my spine and those weren't pleasant. But no matter how scary he might be, how vile and dangerous... I can't let him win. If I hadn't stood up to him, I might have as well admitted that he was right. And we both know that that isn't the case", she explained quietly and closed her book, suggesting Lily that she was okay with continuing the subject.

"Ever since Severus has called me a Mudblood, I can't shake off this feeling... Feeling, that I'm in danger and I can't do anything about it. The war is coming and people like me. Well, like us, actually, are You-Know-Who's target. And that makes me so scared that sometimes I can't sleep at night..."

"There's nothing wrong in being scared"

"No, but there is something wrong with being impassive. I feel like I should be doing something to oppose them. Something that would make them realise that I'm worth so much more than any of them. But every time they pass me in a hallway, I freeze", Lily whispered and Hermione's heart clenched in pain as she has spotted tears filling her emerald eyes.

She was a perfect picture of a normal, teenage girl that didn't deserve bad things happening to her. She was beautiful, smart and incredibly talented. Her life was only beginning, a bright future spreading ahead of her. And yet, here she was, trying to make a choice between giving up and fighting; an impossible decision that no one should have to make.

Hermione suddenly remembered her fourth year, when Harry arrived back from the cemetery with Cedric's dead body lying in his arms. The horror of that exact moment haunted her dreams for a long time, before she finally accepted what it had truly meant. Voldemort was back and she had to fight if she didn't want her friends to die. She had to sacrifice her life in order to ensure the safety of everyone that was dear to her, just as those who weren't even born yet.

Looking at Lily, who had just started to realise that her choice wouldn't be much different, physically _hurt._ It hurt so much, that Hermione wanted to scream in fury. That bloody bastard had to be destroyed, even if that meant killing him with her own bare hands.

"Lily. What I'm going to tell you now has to stay a secret. The only reason I'm telling you this, is the fact that I've faced those fears and choices and I know how terrifying they seem"

"What do you mean?"

Hermione took a deep breath and slowly rolled up her sleeve. Her forearm was smooth and unblemished, but all it took was a flick of her wand and the letters started to appear on her skin, forming a word ' _Mudblood'_. Lily gasped in pure shock, as her hand covered her mouth. Her eyes were glued to that uncovered part of Hermione's forearm, making Miss Granger shift uncomfortably.

She almost jumped when Lily's fingers traced the scar delicately and then entwined themselves with her own.

"My God, Hermione... Who did this to you?"

The Ravenclaw shook her head and bit her bottom lip.

"It doesn't matter. They were blood purists, just like Mulciber and his stupid friends. They had taken everything away from me and it almost killed me. But I decided to fight, so that the sacrifice of those who died to protect me, wouldn't be in vain. I know that this hard, cruel and completely unfair, as none of us deserve it. But this is our life and we have to make it our own, even if that means finding the courage that no one expected us to possess"

"I don't think I have it, Hermione. I really think I don't. I couldn't even stand up to my sister and she has never threatened to kill me. She has never made me feel as helpless as them"

"You're not helpless. A woman's never helpless, not with all those feelings and doubts coursing through our bodies on daily basis. We question ourselves, but it doesn't make us stupid. It makes us smart. Only a fool is not afraid of getting hurt, of dying even. But all those fears and insecurities are the things that prove that life is worth fighting for. Not yours, not mine... _Everyone's._ As soon as you realise that, nothing else will ever matter, because in order to save everything, you often need to sacrifice yourself. And that is an easy choice, Lily. The easiest choice I've ever made"

* * *

"Good morning, sleepyhead!", Amy's voice chirped, making Hermione's head explode in cascades of pain.

"It's Saturday. Do you really have to yell so loudly first thing in the morning?", she muttered, trying to cover her head with a pillow, but Amy took it away from her with laughter.

"Yes. You absolutely deserve that for ditching us last night in order to read your own books, which, for the record, are nowhere near as interesting as the ones we read yesterday"

The blonde stated proudly and smiled, making Hermione sigh in defeat. She somehow managed to sit up and blinked a couple of times, trying to make her eyes a little less blurry.

"Actually, I wouldn't have woken you up id it wasn't for the fact that the Marauders are standing outside our doors, asking everyone that passes if they could get you"

Miss Granger looked up and noticed a sly smile gracing Amy's lips, that could only mean one thing. Hermione would have a lot of explaining to do after she got back to their dormitory. Which made her strongly convinced that whatever the Marauders had planned for her, she'd rather do that instead of listening to her roommates' constant babbling.

Grudgingly, she made her way towards the bathroom in order to get herself at least presentable. She knew that James is probably going to ask her all about her evening with Lily and when she refuses to tell him, the boy will switch to making fun of her hair, trying to get her as flustered as possible. Hermione noticed that due to her recent mood, it was incredibly easy to annoy her... And even easier to convince her to give up whatever information she possessed in exchange for peace and quiet. Not that James could ever be quiet.

Looking in the mirror turned out to be a terrible idea, as it made her feel even worse. Hermione felt as though each day was a _bad hair day_ for her, but some were even more disastrous. James would never let her see the end of it. Biting her bottom lip, she decided to break her rules of not trying to look pretty for a boy (or a group of them) and walked back into the room, stopping in front of Amy with a pitiful look painted on her face.

"Could you please help me with my hair?"

As expected, the blonde girl squealed in happiness and run towards her with a wand already in her hand. Hermione had never paid much attention to beauty charms, but seeing Amy casting a spell after spell made her feel quite jealous. The blonde girl had always looked pretty in an effortless way, while Hermione felt as though a bird could live in her hair without having to actually build its own nest.

"You hair is so pretty, Hermione. I wish you could take better care of it. You'd probably look like a princess with that smooth waves of yours"

Nothing about her curls was smooth. They were frizzy and rebellious and didn't like to be taken care of, as Hermione knew perfectly well. They also refused to be cut, which made them even more annoying.

"Yes, Amy. My smooth waves are just as real as Leslie's manners. They're simply _not there_ "

"You underappreciate me so much. Go and see for yourself"

Hermione complied and walked back to the bathroom, sighing tiredly. She hoped that the mirror won't crack at the sight of her bird's nest.

She almost screamed as she realised that her hair had really turned into smooth waves that fell on her back gracefully. How the hell did that happen?! There was no charm that could make her look this beautiful. It took about two bottles of Sleekeazy's Potion to get them under control, and Amy had managed to do it with a couple of wand movements.

"How the hell did you do that? Are you a witch or something?!"

Amy laughed in response and smiled proudly.

"Why do you think my hair always looks so good? It's my family's secret. Apparently, we had this really weird obsession with beauty spells. My ancestors had used all kinds of charms that made them look much more attractive than they actually did. Call it cheating, but those spells are pretty incredible..."

"Yes, they are", Hermione admitted. "Any chance you could share at least one of them with me?"

"Absolutely not. At least not till you prove you're actually worth it!", Amy giggled, making Hermione roll her eyes. "And now, get dressed and get the hell out of here. I'm dying to hear about what they wanted."

Hermione shook her head with amusement, but decided to actually follow the girl's order and started to dress. Couple of minutes later, she was running down the stairs, wondering what the boys had actually wanted from her. Since the beginning of the school year, she had talked to them quite a lot, although she did her best to avoid Sirius. Or at least to avoid staying alone with him.

She still couldn't wrap her mind around his words. Sure, he had been a gigantic tease, but the way he looked at her... It made her body tingle all over. And she did not like that feeling at all. Hermione knew more than well that she wasn't resilient to all of the boys. Talking about them all the time had not been her favourite thing to do, but she would be lying if she had claimed not to be able to appreciate men's looks at all. And Sirius was really easy to look at.

It still did nothing to change the fact, that shortly before being sent back through time, she was in love with Ron, one of her best friends. He almost died to save her, just as she was ready to die for him. The kisses they had shared during their hiding were still so fresh in her mind, that even thinking about doing the same thing with Sirius made her feel guilty as hell.

Despite her guilt, she couldn't deny that there never was so much chemistry between her and Ron. Those kisses were pleasant and they had felt right at that time, but the moment they'd decided to move forward with their affections, things got really awkward. None of them knew if it had truly been love, but none of them wanted to die without finding out what it feels like to be with someone. Hermione wanted to blush furiously just thinking about how stupid it was, but back then, it felt right. It continued to feel that way during the battle, where they have said _those_ words and actually meant them. Even after what turned out to be an unpleasant and awkward intercourse, she had still been sure that she had loved him.

With Sirius, it felt completely different. His lopsided grins made her feel hot and bothered, no matter how hard she tried to deny it. She had to constantly remind herself that he was no good for her, that he was her best friend's god father, but the longer she tried to convince herself that it had mattered, the more ridiculous it seemed. Even if he was Harry's god father, there was no chance that Hermione would ever be calling herself Harry's friend again. The 1970' were now her home and young Sirius Black, just as the rest of the Marauders had become a part of her life.

Still, getting involved with him wasn't exactly a good idea. He flirted with basically everything that moved and probably would never care for her enough to stay faithful. Besides, he gave no indications whatsoever that that situation in the corridor meant anything to him. She shouldn't read more into it than it probably had been.

With that thought, she left the Ravenclaw Tower and found the Marauders sitting on the stairs, talking to each other lightly. The moment they've heard the door opening, they've stood up and faced her, annoyance painted on their faces.

"Finally. What took you...", James started to scold her, but Sirius interrupted him.

"What the hell happened to your hair?!"

Hermione glared at him, when he stepped forward and tried to touch a strand of her hair.

"Don't! Amy's going to kill me if I ruin it", she muttered, pushing away his hand and trying not to flinch at the sudden contact of their skins.

"Yeah, but why did she do it?", he asked with his brows furrowed.

"Because I looked like a scarecrow and didn't want James to tease me about it till the day I die. Besides, I think I look pretty", she shot him an offended glare and crossed her arms on her chest.

"You look beautiful. It's just very different from you every day look", James protested instantly making Remus groan in disbelief.

"Thank you, James. I feel so much better now", she sighed and shook her head, when Harry's father flushed bright red when the realisation dawned on him.

"I didn't mean..."

"Stop it, mate. The words coming out of your mouth are only making things worse", Sirius snorted and smiled at Hermione. "You really look beautiful, though. It's just that your hair is so awesome and wild. It feels weird seeing you so tamed, kitten"

Hermione shrugged, desperately not wanting to blush. She couldn't determine whether she liked being called 'kitten' or hated it. Sirius claimed that it was the perfect nickname for her, because of that thing with bloody Mulciber. He couldn't call her a lioness, because of her being a Ravenclaw, but kitten was perfect according to the Marauders. Even Remus started to call her that, although it didn't have nearly as much impact on her as when Sirius did it.

"I am not an animal", she murmured, but decided to let it slide. "So, can you tell me why I'm here?"

"Oh, that's because we're going to Hogsmeade and you're going with us!", James stated with a self-satisfied smile, making Hermione frown.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but Hogsmeade visit is scheduled for just before Halloween"

"No correction needed", Sirius shook his head, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"So, why are you going to Hogsmeade? And how are you planning to get there?"

Hermione knew about the secret passage leading straight to Honeyduke's, but decided to keep it to herself. It wasn't that it could blow her cover, but she simply couldn't wait to see the boys' faces when they realise that Hermione had actually worked there and knew about the passage all along.

"We have our ways", James said smiling mysteriously.

"And we want to let you in on that one, so you should really consider yourself lucky", Sirius added, making Remus snort.

Clearly, the Gryffindor Prefect hadn't been so keen on breaking the rules. Hermione knew that the only reason he decided to go with them, was to keep them out of trouble. Something Hermione herself had been very familiar with. Loyalty to her friends had always been much more important than her own well-being and the thought that Remus was so much like her made her smile fondly.

"Does that way of yours involve breaking rules?"

Sirius and James snorted loudly, and Peter giggled, catching her attention for the first time.

"Do you really have to ask? Of course it does!", Sirius exclaimed and shook his head with theatrical outrage, making Hermione sigh with amusement.

"You must know that I absolutely condemn breaking the rules when it is completely not necessary and..."

Before she could finish the sentence, Sirius picked her up and tossed over his shoulder. His hand landed on her thighs, as a terrified squeal escaped her mouth, when her head found itself upside down, with a terrific view on his buttocks.

"Sirus Black, let me go right now!", she yelled hysterically, making everyone laugh.

"Can't do, sweetheart! I feel like you would decide to ditch us, if I put you down and I absolutely condemn that"

Hermione tried to squirm as much as she could, until she felt Sirius' hand grazing her butt. She stiffened immediately and the boy chuckled lightly.

"Good girl...", he purred, making everyone laugh once again, while Hermione tried to calm her heart desperately.

Her resolution to stay away from Sirius hadn't worked out all that well, she thought to herself, staring at his ass with fascination.


	7. Chapter 6

Hermione couldn't say that being carried by Sirius was completely unpleasant. Of course, it was absolutely humiliating and she wanted to kill him every 5 seconds, but a least she didn't have to worry about betraying her secret that she knew the way to Hogsmeade all along. And the view...

No. She had to stop thinking about Sirius. Sure, he was a Quiddich player, a Beater at that, so he had to have a great physique, but still... There was no way in hell it would be enough to convince her that falling for him would be a good idea. Even if his thumb caressed her thigh in small circles, making her brain very fuzzy and unable to focus.

Hermione sighed and decided to speak up:

"You can put me down, you know. I'm not going to run away"

"Oh, but Kitten, I like having you on me", Sirius chuckled and bounced her up, causing her to grab his leather jacket in an act of panic.

"Stop doing that! I'm not a bag of potatoes!"

"Definitely. Potatoes don't wiggle like that", James laughed and Hermione sent him a murderous glare.

If only she could reach her wand without risking falling down... James would have the chance to learn more about potatoes from a first person point of view.

"Prongs, stop making her angry. She gets all tensed up and it really makes it hard to carry her", Sirius said and James giggled happily.

"Then put me down, you idiot!", Hermione yelled, making Sirius sigh.

"I'm going to put you down when we get to the passage"

"What passage?", she asked instantly, trying to sound as curious as possible.

"How did you think we wanted to get inside Hogsmeade? Walking out through the castle's gate is rather impossible, without anyone noticing"

"I didn't think about it _at all_! I have no idea how that school works", she snorted and relaxed her muscles, burying her face in Sirius' jacket.

He smelled really nice. So nice, that it was actually very easy to forget about her earlier decision to be tough and not let his charm get to her. She jerked her head up when a giggle reached her ears.

Remus Lupin stared at her with a knowing glance that made her blush furiously and furrow her brows angrily. He didn't seem to care and smiled at her gently. Oh great... Not only was she having troubles with keeping Sirius out of her head, now she would also have to worry about Remus and his ludicrous ideas. She knew more than well that convincing a werewolf to change his mind about something was a really painful and long process, which wasn't very optimistic.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Sirius put her down and grinned at her. That man hadn't even broken a sweat, although he carried her for a really long time. _'Guess that's what being a Beater would do to you'_ , she thought to herself and scowled. It really was quite impressive, actually, but Hermione decided that she was too much offended to praise his fitness.

"You're never going to do that again, if you want your limbs to stay attached to your body", she threatened angrily and sent him a glare that probably would put even the Basilisk to shame.

"Yeah, yeah... Although I must say, having my limbs attached to your body was actually really nice. You have really great physique, you know. You work out a lot?", he asked completely seriously and Hermione flushed.

What was she supposed to say? 'Oh, yeah, you know... I've spent my entire summer being dragged through the mud by Alastor Moody. You heard of him?'

"She's more into brain exercising, Padfoot", James giggled. "And besides, you were supposed to carry her, not feel her up"

"Why can't I have both?", Sirius asked stretching out his arms and grinning contently.

"Fuck me", Hermione swore completely unlike herself and scraped her head with exasperation.

He made her _crazy_ sometimes.

"Be careful what you wish for!"

Sirius' laughter was enough to send her over the edge. She grabbed her wand and flicked it, making Padfoot fall silent, despite his opened mouth. When he had realized that no sound was coming out of it, he pouted and looked at her with puppy eyes. Her resolve almost broke, but she decided to stay tough.

"Stop pissing me off! I know spells far worse than this one and I won't hesitate to use them! Unless you promise to behave yourself and stop laughing at my expense, you're going to get silenced every 5 seconds!", she stated and then finished the spell after seeing him nod in agreement. "And now, where are we going?"

Sirius looked at her dumbfounded, while James tried so desperately to stop himself from laughing, that his face got red, while tears kept rolling down his cheeks. Remus must have seen that and decided to take the lead, along with Peter, whose face was lit up with amusement. Hermione decided to follow them without sparing Sirius and James a second glance. Unfortunately, that didn't mean that her ears stopped working.

"Bloody hell, she's so hot. Reminds me of a hellcat", Sirius whispered, making James hiss.

"She can hear you, you idiot"

"It's not like she doesn't know that, I've already told her"

"STOP TALKING!", she yelled and started to walk faster.

They could be so infuriating that she wanted to scream sometimes. Sure, they had also been hilarious, but right now, she felt the urge to suffocate them with her own bare hands. What the hell happened to her? She used to be described as calm and sweet, even in the times of war. Ron had outright told her one day, that her kindness and gentleness were one those things that captured everyone's attention immediately and now she could barely recognize herself.

It scared her. She didn't know if her behaviour had been caused by stress and the situation she found herself in or maybe was it something completely else. Time Travelling has been a mystery, as there was no safe way to research it. Going back in time must have had its repercussions, and Hermione went back a really long time. What if she was changing, because she was slowly forgetting who she was?

That thought made her so uneasy that she could hardly keep a straight face. If she was to forget everything that happened, how could she save the world? After all, the future version of herself had no longer existed, making her theory very likely... Had Dumbledore known it could happen? Honestly, what was that man thinking? He was supposed to be brilliant and know better than to pull a stunt like this one, making Hermione stuck in completely different time, with that boiling anger and fear and with a terribly sexy Sirius Black who started to be impossible to ignore. What the fuck was she supposed to do?

"Hermione? Are you okay?", quiet voice belonging to Remus reached her ears and she looked at him with a forced smile.

No. She wasn't okay, not to the least. She wanted to scream, cry and vomit at the same time, but she wasn't going to tell him that, right?

"This week's been tough for me, Remus. I am angry all the time, I feel murderous towards everyone and that's scares me, because it's not really like me", she answered deciding that telling him part of the truth wouldn't hurt.

"Hermione, honestly I'd be surprised if you felt okay. From what I know, changing schools must be hard on its own and... Well, you didn't do it without your reasons, yeah?", he asked gently, making Hermione bite her lip with sadness.

"Yes"

"I'm not going to ask you about those, as I believe you'd tell me if you were ready to talk about it. But whatever happened, I truly think that it justifies all the feelings inside of you. It must be hard to see everyone staring at you and calling you a badass, while the only thing you want is to turn back time", he whispered and Hermione looked at him with astonishment.

How on Earth could he know that? It was so true that it almost made her fall apart, but she knew better than to start crying in front of James, Sirius and Peter. She was sure that they were listening, as no sounds were coming from behind her. It made her feel very vulnerable and she wasn't sure if that was something she should be happy about. Letting them in would have a tremendous impact on her course of actions and would solidify their place in her life, making it irreversible.

She would fight hand in hand with them, she would help them get through the worst times, she would become part of Harry's life. They would remember her, making it impossible for her to disappear after her mission was complete. Did she really want that? Was she ready for it?

"My parents have died to protect me", she whispered quietly. "Blood purists weren't exactly happy with them having a child, especially that they were both pretty powerful wizards and clearly passed it onto me. While I was safe at school, they were hiding most of the time. But before the end of the fifth year, blood purists managed to kill them, forcing me and a couple of my friends to go into hiding. We managed to survive almost an entire year, but then our luck run out and they'd found us. I was the only one to survive", she explained, her voice hollow.

The story was not entirely true, although very close to some parts of her past. Nonetheless, saying it out loud hurt like hell. Unconsciously, her fingers started to rub her scar, while a single tear rolled down her cheek and disappeared in her smooth curls.

She felt an arm encircling her waist and pulling her closer to a warm, familiar body. She had no doubts that it was Sirius who hugged her, as the cool material of his jacket came in touch with her cheek.

"Those fuckers", he murmured in her hair, his voice sounding strained. "I'd kill them with my own bare hands, kitten. I'm so sorry they did that to you and your family"

No one seemed to be surprised to hear Sirius' words, although he seemed more than moved by her story. Hermione understood that. Coming from the Black family, he was schooled and trained to hate people like her and her parents. He decided that he'd rather be a bastard than a part of something so vile and despicable. Nonetheless, she was entirely sure that each report of crimes against Muggleborns touched him on a very personal level, as he knew that it might have been his family's doing.

She hugged him back, with all she had. Words couldn't describe how much pain she felt and how much she appreciated his embrace. Even though couple of minutes ago, she was thoroughly pissed at him, right now he made her feel like she had actually been wanted, like she belonged here despite being new and foreign.

Suddenly, James joined their embrace, followed by Peter and Remus. It was too much for her to take, so she started sobbing, letting all the pain and sorrow drain from her body. She cried and they held her, taking away all of those pent up feelings that made it impossible to function.

In that exact moment, she realised that even if her memories would fade away, she still had the chance to regain everything she'd lost and that thought was something that she wanted to hold on to forever.

* * *

"Listen, you have to be very quiet. The end of this passage leads to Honeydukes, so we have to be very careful. If anyone sees us, we're going to be in for a lot of troubles", Remus warned her, making Hermione bit her bottom lip.

Everyone must have thought that it was a sign of anxiety, but Hermione could barely contain her laughter. After they had finally broken their embrace, her mood improved tremendously, making her actually excited for the trip, even if the boys gave her a chance to back out. And right now, she couldn't stop herself from squirming excitedly, as she decided to pull a prank on them.

"Guys, I'm really terrible at being deceptive and quiet. I'm not sure that this is a good idea", she tried to convince them that it might turn out really bad, but they seemed to ignore her warning.

"No worries, love. I'm sure it will be alright. They probably don't have much clients as of now, it's not even noon", Sirius waved his hand and Hermione nodded timidly.

"How are we going to leave the basement without anyone seeing us?", she whispered and the boys exchanged amused looks.

"Ah, well, that passage is not the only one of our secrets", said James and pulled the Invisibility Cloak from his bag, making Hermione gasp.

"Is that an...",

"...Invisibility Cloak? Yes, it is", James finished her sentence and grinned widely.

"You know how rare they are? And still, they don't last forever. The charms put on them are usually very unstable..."

"Oh, but this one is special! As far as I know, no spell has ever been placed on it. The material it's made of is unique"

Hermione looked at him with her brows furrowed, trying to decipher whether James knew about the Deathly Hollows. He seemed very proud of the cloak, but her stare didn't make him uncomfortable even in the slightest. She decided that he wasn't aware of the cloak's origin, otherwise he wouldn't be so quick to show it around.

"Incredible", she stated and nodded with acknowledgment. "But still, I highly doubt that we will fit underneath. You guys are way too tall, there's no way that the four of you will be completely covered, not speaking about the fifth person. Wait. Where's Peter?", she asked and looked around.

Of course, Hermione was completely aware of the fact that Peter decided to stay behind them and transform into his rat form. Even though, she was very interested in how the boys would explain his absence.

"Yeah, he must have forgotten something from the castle. I'm sure he's going to catch up. We'll get him later, he'll probably be waiting", Sirius shrugged and send James and Remus suggestive glances.

The boys took his clue and nodded eagerly, making Hermione want to roll her eyes. Seriously, how could they think that she wouldn't find it suspicious? Especially taking their nicknames under consideration.

"Alright", she said, but looked at them intently, forcing them to shift anxiously.

A minute later they started to climb the ladder, one by one. James went first, hidden underneath the cloak, Sirius and Remus followed him almost instantly. Hermione grinned widely and started to walk up, until she reached the hatch and pulled herself up. The boys tried to pull her underneath the cloak, but she dodged their hands and started to walk around the basement.

"What the hell are you doing?!", hissed Sirius, panic lacing his voice.

Hermione smiled sweetly, looking in the boys direction and then she accidentally knocked down a can that stood on top of the wooden case. Almost instantly, the owner of Honeydukes run down the stairs with his wand raised.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...", she heard James' panicked voice and couldn't help but to giggle.

Ambrosius Flume descended the stairs and pointed his wand at her, ready to fire a spell. His expression changed instantly when he realized it had been her. A huge grin graced his lips as he stretched his arms out, wanting to embrace her.

"Hermione, my dear! What on Earth are you doing here?! I shouldn't have told you about the passage, I know I shouldn't", he laughed, hugging her briefly.

"Sorry, Mr Flume. I have been feeling so lonely and stressed out that I couldn't stop myself. I can go back, but I promise to behave myself. It's not like anyone knows me here well enough to figure out that I should be at school!"

"Of course, of course... You know that I have troubles saying no to you, after how you've helped us this summer!", the man chuckled and Hermione looked at him with gleaming eyes.

"Actually, do you mind if a couple of my friends go with me? It would mean the world to me, and I promise not to do that ever again"

"Are they here?", he asked, looking around carefully. "I can't see them"

"Boys, show yourselves!", she chirped sweetly and soon, she was standing face to face with very angry Marauders. "There they are!"

"Oh, Hermione! Don't tell me you're friends with that lot. They make my life hell!", Ambrosius said laughing and Hermione giggled.

"That makes the two of us. They are still very likeable though!"

"That they are. Keep an eye on that girl here, would you? I'm going to tell the Headmaster all about your unsupervised visits in Hogsmeade, if something happens to Hermione!", he threatened but a smile was still plastered on his lips.

"Sure thing", murmured James and sent Hermione murderous glance.

Soon, they were all outside Honeydukes and the Ravenclaw looked at the boys with pure happiness.

"WHAT THE FUCK, KITTEN?!", Sirius yelled at her as soon as the door had closed behind them.

"I'm sorry, I just... Couldn't stop myself", she laughed, not feeling guilty at all.

"Merlin, I have almost shat myself, you bloody minx!", James added angrily and ruffled his hair. "Do you have any idea what would happen to us if we got caught? Moony would lose his Prefect badge, me and Sirius would be banned from Quidditch. Oh, and we could have been expelled!"

"No, you couldn't. I know everyone at Honeydukes, I've worked there all summer. They wouldn't rat me out", she shrugged and the burst out with laughter. "I wish I could have seen you faces when I knocked that can down"

"Hilarious. You scared the shit out of us", Sirius sighed, looking positively disturbed.

"And it serves you right, breaking rules like that! It could be dangerous, what if something happened to you?!", she scolded him and shook her head.

"You'd be worried about us?", Sirius asked, his usual grin returning to his face.

"Of course I would, you idiot! Next time you're going to pull a stunt like that, you're going to be twice as careful!", she stated and then corners of her mouth twitched again. "Besides, you have no idea how hilarious you looked"

And then she started to laugh once again, tilting her head back as her vibrant voice echoed through the air. Even with her joyous outburst, she couldn't help but notice Sirius' expression soften, as he looked at her with pure amazement. And boy, how great it felt.


	8. Chapter 7

"Miss Granger. I'm glad you could come here", Albus Dumbledore greeted her with a warm smile, making Hermione furrow her brows.

"Why wouldn't I, professor? You summoned me and it must be important, otherwise you wouldn't have done it", she stated firmly and Dumbledore chuckled.

"Yes, my dear, it is very serious. It's just that I wasn't sure if your friends will let you leave them", he jokes and Hermione sighed.

Sure enough, recently her time was split between the Marauders, her roommates, Ewan and library. Unfortunately, the library seemed to be losing terribly. Hermione almost couldn't believe that so many people wanted to spend their time with her. At her own time, it was always Harry and Ron. Merlin knows how much her roommates hated her. Hermione actually couldn't blame them, as the feeling was definitely mutual. But still... having so many friends seemed very unlike her, but it was a change that she was willing to accept.

"Oh... I actually told them that I'm going to study. It's always the best excuse, at least when it comes to me", she answered and smiled.

"Yes, yes. I've heard about your incredible knowledge. Minerva can't stand the fact that you're not in her House. She claims that you would be a perfect Gryffindor", Dumbledore chuckled and Hermione sighed.

"She's right. I was a perfect Gryffindor, but I guess Ravenclaw fits me just as good. I don't blame the Hat for putting me there"

"Spoken like a true Ravenclaw, I must say. I'm very satisfied with how you cope. I believe it must have been hard, especially with Mr Mulciber's behaviour", Dumbledore looked at her from above his half-glasses and Hermione flinched visibly.

"So you've heard", she muttered and turned her gaze away.

"Of course I have. Let me tell you a secret, Miss Granger. The portraits in this castle are sworn to inform me about everything that's going on. And you've put on quite a show"

"I'm sorry about that, professor. I should have been wiser"

"Undoubtedly. Nonetheless, nothing bad has come out of it as of now, so I think we should simply let that matter slide", he stated cheerfully and Hermione nodded. "I've summoned you here, because I'm in a great need of your help"

"You? Or the Order?"

"Both, Miss Granger. You see... Voldemort has been very active recently. Of course, you won't hear about it, as the Ministry is trying to keep things as quiet as possible, in order not to raise panic, but things are happening... Bad things, I'm afraid", Dumbledore explained and a pained sigh escaped his mouth, as his brows furrowed.

"How can I help?, Hermione asked instantly, not wanting to hear any details about Voldemort's activity.

She's already been there and heard everything she possibly could. She didn't exactly need to live through that once again, if it wasn't truly necessary.

"The Ministry has troubles with identifying people who stand behind those attacks. As of now, Death Eaters are hard to spot, because they maintain a façade of being perfect citizens who support the Ministry in fight against Voldemort. However, it is absolutely crucial for the Order to figure out their identities. We can't spy on them and prevent the attacks, if we don't know who they are"

Hermione bit her lip, looking at the Headmaster carefully. Her mind had already figured out what was this all about, but she wanted to hear the words from the man sitting across from her, behind his desk.

"Miss Granger, I hate to ask this of you, but it would be a great advantage if you could look at the files of our suspects and tell us who we should tail. We don't need to know any details concerning their actions in the future. All we want are names", the man asked and looked at her apologetically.

Hermione looked down at her entwined hands. Giving those identities away would surely give the Order advantage, but it was also destined to raise questions. She doubted that the members of the Order were just going to agree on those names, without trying to confirm reliability of those information's source. What answer was Dumbledore going to provide them with? Also, Voldemort hadn't been an idiot. It wouldn't take long for him to figure out, that Dumbledore must have someone amongst his people who knows more than anyone else. However, there was also an option that he's going to blame his henchmen and that would definitely work to the Order's benefit.

"Professor, I can give you those names. But I believe that you must come up with an impeccable explanation on how you got them. I'd prefer my own identity to be kept a secret, as no one should know about my past. Or rather, the future", she smiled weakly and Dumbledore nodded his head.

Normally, she would feel very proud of herself, considering the respect and admiration shining in professor Dumbledore's eyes, but this time her brilliant deduction wasn't satisfying at all.

There were too many questions and doubts concerning that case. It was risky and there was absolutely no guarantee that the men she would pick were actually the ones worth spying on. They had been skilled wizards and had played a very important role in Voldemort's plans, there was no doubt about it. The only thing that was worrying her was the fact that it had all taken place 20 years from now, back in 1990s.

What if they weren't all that important right now? It probably wouldn't hurt to monitor their actions, but there was a great chance that they weren't the people Dumbledore was looking for.

She voiced her thoughts, making the Headmaster sigh. He looked tired and desperate and Hermione couldn't exactly blame him for it. The Order was stuck and innocent people were dying. They had to do something.

"I am very aware of that, Hermione. Trust me, I wouldn't risk exposing you like that without a reason. I don't think that any harm will come out of trailing bad men, even if it is going to be years before they reach their full power", Dumbledore explained quietly.

Hermione nodded and shifted slightly on her chair. Recently, she'd made a lot of important decisions that affected her life irreversibly. It was probably time to make another one.

"Where are those files, professor?"

Headmaster smiled tightly and opened the drawer of his desk, taking out a pile of folders which looked as inconspicuous as possible. He handed them over to her and she slowly opened the first one, trying to calm herself.

The man looking at her from the picture was very familiar. She remembered that night of Fleur's and Bill's wedding, when the Death Eaters had struck, making everyone flee in panic. Hermione managed to apparate Harry and Ron out of the Burrow, but it hadn't been the end of their problems. None of them was aware of the Taboo spell that Voldemort cast in order to trace everyone who has dared to say his name.

Antonin Dolohov and Thorfinn Rowle attacked them that night and forced them to run once again. Hermione spent quite some time staring at their faces as she was Obliviating them. And now, the latter was looking at her from the picture, even if his face looked much younger.

"That one", she whispered and picked up another file, as shivers run through her body.

Next one was even easier. Her scar tingled, as Bellatrix smiled at her madly from the paper. She looked so young and beautiful, her skin radiant and unblemished. The Azkaban had undoubtedly destroyed her, just as in Sirius' case.

Even though her appearance made her look innocent, she was definitely mad. Hermione saw exactly the same sparks in her eyes when she was torturing her in Malfoy Manor. Sparks, that haunted her dreams even today.

"This one", she muttered, trying not to give away how much fear had the woman evoked in her body.

"Bellatrix? I was sure that Tom would never trust a woman"

Hermione laughed bitterly and shook her head.

"I have no doubts that she will be trusted. I don't know if it is going to happen soon, but her involvement is undeniable.", she managed to choke out and then squeezed her eyelids. "I've killed her, you know. Back in my times"

Dumbledore didn't answer, looking at her intently. She couldn't tell if he was shocked, disappointed or rather impressed. One thing was clear - he had no intention of speaking, so she forced herself to open another file.

She didn't know how much time has passed since she arrived at Dumbledore's office. Reading all of the files over was tiring and extremely disturbing, as many of the suspects faces had been etched into her mind as those appearing in her worst nightmares.

Hermione managed to identify some of them as especially dangerous, but others seemed to be common soldiers that didn't struck her as incredibly dangerous. Nonetheless, she informed Dumbledore that she had no doubts of their affiliations and that the Order members should be careful around them.

After what seemed an eternity, she has left Dumbledore's office and decided she was way too tired to study, so she took a turn right and began walking towards the Ravenclaw Tower. She wasn't all that surprised when one of the Marauders bumped into her on the corridor.

"Herms! What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were studying", James exclaimed and looked at her with his brows furrowed.

"Yeah, I've studied for a while and then Dumbledore asked me to come to his office", she admitted and smiled a little.

"Dumble? What did he want from you?"

"I'm a transfer student. He wanted to check if everything was alright. He forced me to drink his tea and eat a couple of cookies", she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, that sounds like him", James chuckled and the looked at her once more. "You look like shit"

"Wow, thank you, James. You always know how to make me feel special"

"No, but seriously. Had you been sleeping lately?", he asked and ruffled his hair, which he tended to do quite often, especially if he was worried or nervous.

"Can't say that I haven't. Although it could be better, I suppose", she admitted and smiled weakly.

She was getting enough sleep to go on, but definitely not enough to function properly. Even if her mood improved immensely, the nightmares refused to go away, as they plagued her every night. Hermione didn't know what has been worse - the fact that she had nightmares or the fact that they kept changing each night, opening new wounds.

"Bad dreams?", James asked her with sadness in his hazel eyes.

Seeing his worry warmed her heart and she smiled at him genuinely.

"They're terrible. But I think that sooner or later they will disappear", she shrugged, feeling guilty as hell for lying to him.

Not that he bought it. He looked entirely unconvinced and she couldn't blame him. Looking at the shadows beneath her eyes and at her pale skin, she probably wouldn't have believed herself as well.

"If there's anything that I can do", he started, but Hermione shook her head and smiled once again.

"I'm alright, James. Even with the nightmares, my body will finally be too exhausted and I'll sleep eventually. Don't worry about it. What are you doing here, anyway?, she changed the subject, looking at him with curiosity.

"Oh. I was actually on my way to the library. Sirius told me that your roommates chatted him up and said something about trying to find you. Well, at least that's what he thought they've said. Those girls seem completely bonkers, no offence"

Hermione giggled and nodded her head. She was very surprised that they've managed to talk to Sirius and actually say anything coherent. Considering the crush they all had on him, it was very impressive.

"That they are. But I love them anyway. They're so much better than my previous roommates", she stated and then furrowed her brows, when a realisation dawned on her. "Why were you trying to find me then and not Sirius?"

James blushed slightly and looked away, clearly abashed. Hermione raised her eyebrows and sent him a questioning glance, making the boy sigh.

"He was busy, actually. Like 'going on a date' busy", Potter explained, making Hermione very grateful for her training with Moody, as it would be very hard to keep a straight face otherwise.

"Sirius? Dating? Don't you mean 'shagging someone in the broom closet'?, she asked casually and James sighed with annoyance.

"Yeah, that's usually how he rolls. He's been... off lately. I don't know what's the matter, but he actually started to pay attention to girls in a completely un-Sirius-like way"

"Maybe that's a good thing? Maybe he wants to... settle down?"

James looked at her with amusement and chuckled. It was pretty obvious that he didn't agree with her in the slightest and it made her somewhat satisfied.

"You're talking about a guy that refuses to get married, like _ever_. He thinks it's pointless and completely unfair, considering the amount of beautiful women walking the Earth. Unfair to him, obviously"

Hermione laughed despite her grumpy mood. Yeah, that sounded like Sirius, a giant tease and flirt that had no intentions of letting himself fall for a single girl. More like a dozen would be accurate.

"Well, it didn't seem like him, but you never know, yeah? Maybe he had a change of heart", she shrugged and James sighed again.

"Still, it would be nice to know about it. I'm his best mate..."

"Maybe he doesn't know how to explain it. From what I know, you guys have trouble expressing your feelings"

James looked at her offended and pouted.

"Oh excuse me, I'm terrific at expressing feelings! I have been sharing my feelings with Lily for almost five years now"

"James... Honestly, do you think that saying she's as beautiful as sausages counts as telling her how you feel?", she asked with disbelief and chuckled when James blushed a crimson red.

"Okay, so I'll admit. That wasn't all that great. Fuck, you have no idea how loud she yelled at me back in the common room. I thought about going to the Hospital Wing because my head wouldn't stop aching", he said with a dreamy smile that didn't fit the situation at all, but made Hermione's heart clench.

James loved Lily so much that it was almost impossible to imagine. She didn't blame the girl for turning him down all the time, as he also acted like a wild baboon, but still... Hermione was sure that once the boy has grown up, they would be a perfect couple, making everyone jealous of their happiness.

"Have you thought about acting a little bit more maturely towards her? I mean, instead of yelling how you feel and constantly rivalling for her attention, why don't you just talk to her like you're talking to me right now? I'm sure she doesn't need fireworks. She just needs someone who's not a moron", she informed him with a smile and James looked at her with puppy eyes.

"Thank you, Hermione. Being called a moron has never hurt so much before"

"Hey, you were the one to tell me that I looked like shit"

"I was just worried!"

"And I want you to win Lily over! You'd be great together, honestly. You just have to grow up"

"That's sounds terribly boring", James furrowed his brows and ruffled his hair.

Hermione giggled and shook her head.

"At one point you'll have to decide if you'd rather be boring or alone. And now, I think I should go and find my roommates", she stated and smiled widely.

She was just about to walk away, when James pulled her into a bear hug, that almost crushed her bones.

"Thank you, Herms. I really appreciate you helping me, even with all the problems you have on your own. You're a good friend"

A sloppy kiss has landed on her cheek, making her smile brilliantly. She raised her hand and ruffled his hair as a sign of affection.

"You would do the same for me. Actually, you already have, so we're even", she chuckled and James grinned at her.

Soon, she was on her way to the Ravenclaw Tower with a huge smile on her face and warmth spreading throughout her body.

* * *

"... and then he said 'What?' and I swear I almost lost it", Grace sighed with a dreamy smile, while Hermione was wiping the tears from her cheeks.

Merlin, those girls were hilarious. After she had left James, her mood has already been awesome, but when she got back to the dormitory, it improved even more.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!", Leslie chortled and shook her head. "You were supposed to ask him if he knew where Hermione was! And then you started to mumble some incoherent words and almost shat yourself when he asked you what were you going on and on about"

"It's not my fault that he's so gorgeous! I mean, I have absolutely no idea how do you manage to talk to him without blushing and fainting all the time, Hermione!"

"Gracie, you read _smut_ every Friday. Talking to Sirius is actually much less embarrassing", Miss Granger said and Leslie chortled again.

"Oh, I bet that Grace's behaviour was caused by reading smut! She probably looked at him and the pictures popped into her mind", she laughed and then stood up, striking a sexy pose. " _Sirius... When I look into your glistening eyes, I can feel my special place start to glisten as well..."_

Hermione burst out with laughter and bent in half, not able to catch her breath.

"That's not what happened, you bitch!", Grace yelled and then blinked a couple of times. "Although it might have, if I had been brave enough to look into his eyes"

Merlin, how she loved them. It seemed completely surreal that she, Hermione Granger, laughed at jokes this smutty and enjoyed it, but Leslie seemed to be right when she had said that it was only a matter of time before she started to participate in Bookish Fridays with them. Those seemed to be more about laughing their asses off rather than actually reading and it made this idea much more tempting.

Suddenly, the door opened and Amy walked through them with excitement written all over her face.

"You guys! Look who I've found!", she squealed happily and then moved aside, letting a big, black dog into their dormitory.

Hermione recognized him immediately and it took all of her strength not to betray herself. What the fuck was Sirius doing in their dormitory?!

"Oh my God, where did you find him?! He's so cute", Gracie chirped and started to scratch Padfoot behind his ear, causing him to wiggle his tail like crazy.

"I don't know, he was standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to our tower. He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and I couldn't just leave him there. Isn't he adorable?"

Hermione came closer and kneeled in front of the dog, which immediately started to lick her face, forcing the chuckle out of her mouth.

"Stop it, you", she said and then looked up at Amy. "You realise that dogs are forbidden at Hogwarts?"

"Duh? Of course I know, which is why I think he must be a stray dog. Strangely, he looks very taken care of. Maybe he belongs to Hagrid?"

"I've never seen him out there", Leslie disclaimed instantly and shrugged. "For all I care, he can be ours"

Sirius let out a short bark at that statement, making all the girls giggle. Hermione wanted to stand up, but he whined and nudged her hand with his nose. ' _Bloody hell_ ', she thought with resignation and started to scratch him once again.

"He seems to like you very much, Herms. Apparently, all the boys do that!", Amy laughed and Hermione couldn't help but notice that Sirius looked at her with curiosity with his grey eyes, that could only belong to one person.

"Stop it, Amy. You're delusional"

"AM NOT! This is so true. You're friends with the Marauders, Ewan likes you and that Frank person from Hufflepuff looks at you all the time", Amy pointed her finger at Hermione with triumph, making her sigh.

She really didn't want to have that conversation in front of Sirius. Even if he was currently a dog.

"Marauders are, as you pointed out yourself, my _friends_ , Ewan likes me and I like him, but there's nothing more to that and that Frank person is scared of me", she shrugged and the dog started to bark, reminding her of Sirius' laughter.

"What are you laughing at?", she murmured and sent him an angry glance.

"Because he knows you're full of shit", Leslie answered, smiling sweetly. "Come on, Herms, you're actually the only one of us that doesn't swoon over Black and you're also the only one that he notices. It's kind of obvious that he likes you"

Padfoot barked again, this time wiggling his tail and looking at her sweetly. She blushed a little and then rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I think he does. It would be kind of weird to be friends with him if we hated each other, huh?"

"So are you trying to say that his _glistening eyes_ don't make your special places...", Leslie started, but Hermione interrupted before she could finish.

"No! What the fuck is wrong with you, I've just said we're friends!", Miss Granger yelled, making girls chuckle.

That situation was getting out of control, very fast.

"You can be so dumb sometimes, I swear it's almost unbelievable", Amy shook her head and threw herself on the bed, yawning loudly.

Hermione decided that it would probably be for the best to end this conversation. Other girls have followed Amy's footsteps and settled in their bed as well, making Hermione relax slightly. She stood up and gathered her toiletries.

"I'm going to shower. I'm really tired", she stated and marched off to the bathroom.

Girls giggled and she turned around only to see that Sirius was walking by her side, with his tongue out. She tried not to blush, knowing that it would look very weird, since no one else realised that the dog in their dormitory has really been an Animagus.

"No! Stay here", she ordered and Padfoot whined miserably, but she wasn't going to change her mind.

Hermione went inside the bathroom and undressed quickly. Hot water was everything she wanted right now, even though she couldn't enjoy it as much as usual. The thought that Sirius Black was probably entertaining her roommates, while she was naked in the bathroom didn't sit well with her. What seemed to be even more fucked up was the fact, that she would have to leave the bathroom wearing only her shorts and a t-shirt.

When she returned to the dormitory, she found Sirius lying contently on her bed. He immediately jerked up his head when he'd noticed her and Hermione felt really weird with being looked over by a _dog_. It was so disturbing, that she almost let the fact that he was lying in her bed slip.

"Oh no! Get out of here!", she ordered, putting her hands on her hips.

"Come one, Hermione!", Gracie instantly protested. "He's just a dog, a very smart and adorable one at that. And he seems to like you very much. Let him stay!"

' _Bloody hell, what did I do to be punished like that?'_ , she thought to herself and bit her bottom lip. Finally, she sighed and slowly entered the bed, pulling the covers over her body. Padfoot was wiggling his tail like crazy, while he snuggled closer to her. His grey, familiar eyes bore into hers and she couldn't stop herself from caressing his smooth fur.

"Play nice, alright? I really need to sleep", she whispered and smiled gently, when Padfoot licked her fingers affectionately.

And then she closed her eyes and sighed contently. She would be lying if she'd said that she hadn't thought about what sleeping with Sirius would be like. Not even in her weirdest dreams would she consider something like this.


	9. Chapter 8

She woke up, feeling incredibly rested. It was such a pleasant sensation that it made her reluctant to open her eyes. A small smile appeared on her lips as she sighed contently and forced herself to face the world once again.

As on clue, memories flooded her brain and she blushed a crimson red. Oh, Merlin... Sirius Black had spent the night with her. What should she make of it? Of course, Hermione wasn't supposed to know that the dog had been an Animagus, but still... Sirius had come to the Ravenclaw Tower especially for her, she was sure of that. Considering that she had finally managed to sleep through the entire night, his presence must have made her feel safe. The fact that he would do something like that for her... It was so sweet and unlike the boy she knew, that she wanted to grin like a lunatic.

Of course, she stopped herself from doing that, as it would undoubtedly be considered very weird.

"Where's the dog?!", Amy yelled out of a sudden, waking Leslie up.

The blonde's scream has been so loud, that Grace run back to the dormitory from the bathroom, wearing nothing but her hair. ' _Thank Merlin he's not here'_ , Hermione thought to herself as she realized that he would probably take advantage of this situation and ogle Gracie like crazy.

"The dog is gone?! But how?! Why?!", the naked girl yelled and dropped down to her knees, trying to look underneath the bed.

"For fucks sake, Grace. No one wants to see your pale, skinny ass. Go away!", Amy covered her eyes dramatically and sighed. "Besides, the dog was clearly a stray. He probably got out"

Grace looked like she was going to cry, but decided that it would probably be best if she did that in the bathroom. Hermione smiled and shook her head with disbelief. Those girls were impossible sometimes.

"What time is it?", she asked and sat up on the bed, stretching and yawning.

"Early. Probably something around six"

"Why are you up so early?", surprise in her voice made Amy chuckle.

"We have Potions with Slytherin first thing in the morning", she reminded and Hermione sighed.

Another day with Slughorn praising her skills and trying to set her up with Snape, who looked at her with anger and contempt. Apparently, his views on the blood purity had been very defined. Calling Lily a Mudblood wasn't exactly a fluke. Hermione knew though that Snape hadn't been an entirely lost cause. He never truly believed in all this crap, as the power had always been the thing that he craved the most. Power and respect. Hermione knew that she could give him at least the latter and it was her goal to make him acknowledge her sympathy towards him. Preventing Snape from repeating the prophecy to Voldemort could turn out to be crucial in her mission... She had to at least try to fight for him.

"Awesome", she stated, snapping out of her thoughts and tried to locate her clothes.

"Yeah, tell me about it. You're at least good at Potions. And me? I am kind of surprised that Slughorn hasn't kicked me out yet"

"I've seen worse, actually. There was this student at Beauxbatons that was terrible at brewing. I've tried to help him all the time, but somehow, he still managed to blow up cauldrons or make a potions so toxic that it literally melted them", Hermione laughed, thinking about Neville.

Amy joined her instantly, making Leslie grunt out with anger.

"Why the fuck can't you let me sleep?!"

Leslie was the only one that didn't have Potions as she claimed not to be a masochist.

"Because we hate you for having a free period first thing in the morning!", Amy explained, probably louder than it was necessary.

"Fuck you", Les answered her and covered her head with a pillow.

At this exact moment, Grace has left the bathroom, this time fully dressed and smiled widely.

"Oh, today is such a beautiful day, don't be a bitch!"

"It would be even better if you would shut up"

Amy clicked her tongue and chuckled.

"You're not very nice, Leslie. I wonder if your mum would be proud of that dirty mouth"

"My mum would tell you to go fuck yourself and let me sleep"

"The dirty mouth must run in the family, then!", Hermione giggled and then started to walk towards the bathroom.

"Yes, along with laziness", Amy answered with a serious expression, making everyone even more amused.

* * *

"Morning, kitten!", Sirius greeted her with a huge grin, that was unexpected even of him.

She looked at him carefully, trying not to blush. He was extremely cheerful and that didn't happen all that often, especially not with double Potions ahead of them.

"Why are you smiling?", she asked suspiciously and he raised his brows.

"It's hard not to smile at you, sweetheart"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Stop teasing me all the time. I was serious"

"Me too", he laughed and winked at her. "I guess I just woke up in a great mood. Without a particular reason"

"Speaking of waking up... Have you seen a dog in here? Black, quite big, very adorable and smart?", she asked innocently and furrowed her brows with theatrical worry.

"A dog? In Hogwarts?", Sirius asked with disbelief that looked so sincere that Hermione wanted to praise his acting skills.

"Yes. Amy brought him to our dormitory yesterday, but he has been already gone when we woke up. Pity, really", she sighed and Sirius looked at her with curiosity.

"Why is that?"

"Well, the dog seemed to like me. And I finally managed to sleep through the entire night, so I wanted to thank him", she stated quietly and smiled, avoiding Sirius' gaze.

The boy looked at her suspiciously for a moment and she was afraid that he's going to realise that she knows his secret, but eventually he smiled with satisfaction.

"Guess we all have to thank him. You look much better, love. Now everyone can see how pretty you are", he murmured and tugged a strand of hair behind her ear.

She blushed but didn't look away, even if the intensity of his gaze was very unnerving.

"You should stop complimenting me like that. I've heard you're dating now", she said and raised her brows with amusement.

Sirius sighed and looked up to the ceiling.

"Let me guess. James has told you that?", he asked and when Hermione nodded he clicked his tongue. "That's not exactly true. I've been sneaking out to meet up with this girl, but we definitely aren't dating. She's tutoring me... She's a Ravenclaw from the seventh year and is terribly good at Charms", he explained making Hermione gape with surprise.

"You're having troubles with Charms? Why didn't you ask me for help? Or James, he's quite good at this too", she scolded him, but regretted it almost instantly.

"James is not a teacher material and asking you would be completely pointless. There is no way in hell I'd be able to focus. You're way too hot when you talk about academic stuff"

Hermione looked at him with her mouth open, as heat rose to her face. She was completely flabbergasted and Sirius started to laugh loudly at her expression.

"You can also be incredibly adorable", he admitted softly, looking at her with sympathy in his grey eyes, making her heart race.

Before she could answer, Slughorn appeared in front of the classroom and urged the students to go inside. Sirius winked at her and walked away, while she was trying to get herself together. What was wrong with her? Since when has it been so easy to leave her speechless?

She shook her head and went inside the classroom, avoiding Sirius' gaze, even though she was positive that his eyes have been trailing her every step.

"What was that with Black? I saw him touching your hair", Amy whispered excitedly, making Hermione sigh.

Of course that bloody girl has seen it. She was like a radar sometimes. Nothing could escape her brilliant eyes, which made Hermione wonder why Amy has never tried out for Qudditch team. No snitch would ever be able to get past her.

"Yeah, he does that a lot. It doesn't mean a thing, we were just talking"

"Then why are you resembling a particularly ripe tomato?"

"Shut up", Hermione murmured, making Amy giggle.

She couldn't stop herself from glancing towards Sirius, who was currently laughing with James and shifting impatiently. Oh, boy... They were up to something, she just knew it. Hermione squinted and looked around in order to find anything unusual, but failed to do so. It made her even more anxious, especially when she remembered Sirius' good mood.

"This is going to be fun", she mumbled and turned her gaze towards professor Slughorn who was about to begin the lesson.

"Welcome everyone! Today is a very special day, indeed! I have an assignment for you and the prize is more than valuable", the professor stated and Hermione immediately recognized the potions standing in front of him.

 _Felix Felicis_ simmered lightly in the cauldron, making everyone shift with excitement. Of course, not many of the students knew what kind of potion was that, but it looked like pure gold and it was enough to capture their attention. Hermione knew that besides herself there were two more people able to identify it - Severus Snape and Lily Evans.

"Alright. Who can tell me what's in that cauldron?"

Hermione's hand immediately flew into the air, but Slughorn had his eyes fixed on Severus. When the man let him speak, a burst of giggles reached her ears from the table that was occupied by the Marauders. She stopped herself from sighing and looked at Snape, who was as cool as always.

"Ah, Severus!"

The Slytherin smiled with superiority and stated:

"A giggling turnip"

Hermione looked at him with surprise and then chuckled, just as the rest of the class. Slughorn blinked a couple of times and then asked:

"Pardon me, m'boy?"

"A giggling turnip", Snape stated once again, completely oblivious to the fact that the words coming out of his mouth were ridiculous.

"I'm afraid that there's no potion that would be called 'a giggling turnip', my dear boy. Are you feeling well, Severus?"

"My name's Tinkerbell"

At this statement, no one was able to stop themselves from laughing. Hermione felt horrible, seeing as Snape looked around with disorientation and annoyance, but the amusement was too great to hold it in. It wasn't hard to figure out that the Marauders have somehow managed to charm him, so that his words would stop making any sense to everyone but himself. It was a really advanced spell and Hermione couldn't help but feeling appreciative, even if making fun of Snape wasn't sitting with her all that well.

She had to give it to them though, this prank _was_ actually funny, not because Snape was its target. If it had been anyone else, she would be equally as amused, although Miss Granger had to admit that his rage made things even better. He stood up rapidly, pointed his finger at the laughing Marauders and exclaimed furiously:

"They stole my honker!"

The students erupted with laughter, while James and Sirius turned around and snorted simultaneously.

"Professor, that's actually not true!", James stated seriously and Padfoot nodded.

"His honker is still there, _obviously_!"

Hermione stopped laughing, noticing Lily's furious stare and Severus' red face. This might have been a good prank, but the Marauder's comments could easily turn it into an unnecessary show.

She decided that it might be a good idea to interfere, so she stood up and said:

"Professor, I think that Severus has been struck with a spell that twists his words without him knowing about it. Maybe we should take him to Madam Pomfrey or Professor Flitwick?", she offered and Slughorn nodded, looking at Snape with worry.

"Yes, I believe it would be the right thing to do, Miss Granger. Could you please escort Severus to the Hospital Wing? It might have been something he ate, it'd be best to check it"

Severus didn't seem to be keen on that particular idea as he pointed his finger at Hermione and stated:

"That llama is not dancing!"

Which was obviously very insulting. Hermione bit her bottom lip, trying not to laugh and muttered:

"Come on, Tinkerbell"

She knew she should have stopped herself, but it was just too tempting. Severus glared at her, but moved towards the exit, storming through the door like the Potion's Master she had remembered. Considering his height, it was very hard to keep up with his incredibly long steps, which caused her almost to run.

When they've arrived at the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey run out of her office and looked at them expectantly.

"What is it?"

"Sorry to bother you, but Severus here had been struck with a spell that made him talk... funny. His words make perfect sense to him, but no sense at all to everyone else", she explained and smiled gently.

"Are you sure it had been a spell?", the nurse asked Severus and he nodded. "Alright, first of all I have to check what kind of nonsense leaves you mouth. Can you tell me who did that to you?"

"A hippogriff"

"Are you sure?"

"Merry Christmas", an annoyed answer followed the nurse's question, making it really hard for her not to laugh.

Hermione though couldn't stop herself from giggling. Never in her entire life has she expected to hear Severus Snape wish her a 'Merry Chistmas', but she was positive that it would sound exactly like this - more like an insult, rather than best wishes.

"Merry Christmas to you too, dear boy", the nurse finally answered and then started to wave her wand. "Miss Granger, if you wish, you can go back to your class. I'm sure Mr Snape here is going to be alright"

Hermione nodded and then shot a final glance towards Severus.

"I'll tell professor Slughorn that you're going to be fine", she promised and then left the Hospital Wing.

* * *

Hermione couldn't believe that the end of October came so quickly. She could have sworn that the year has started only a couple of days ago, but when Ewan approached her in the corridor and asked her if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with him, she realised that the time had definitely tricked her.

"You want to go to Hogsmeade with me?", she asked surprised, causing him to frown.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean, you don't have to agree or anything, I just thought that..."

"I'd love to", she interrupted him and smiled gently. "Although I have to remind you that I am interested in being only your friend"

"I am well aware of that, Hermione. It's one of the reasons that made me ask you in the first place. There's something I'd like to talk to you about and I feel like Hogsmeade would be perfect to do that"

The boy looked so unsure of himself, that Hermione frowned and eyed him suspiciously.

"What have you done?", she asked gravely and Ewan chuckled nervously.

"I didn't do anything, I promise. I just want to talk somewhere more private"

"And you think Hogsmeade will be better?"

"In Hogsmeade no one will pay special attention to us. And here? You know that everyone's talking about our friendship", he explained and rolled his eyes, making Hermione chuckle.

Oh, yeah, she knew. It was completely ridiculous, as they have never implicated that there might be something more going on between them. They had been spending a lot of time together, sure, but not even remotely as much as Hermione had been spending with the Marauders and no one seemed to accuse her of dating them. Well, maybe apart from her roommates who thought of her and Sirius as of a couple-in-making.

"You might be right on that one", she admitted and shrugged. "Fine, Hogsmeade it is. Should I wear something nice?"

Irony in her voice was clear as the sunshine and made Ewan laugh.

"Of course, I won't have it any other way"

Hermione chuckled and then said her goodbyes, departing for the library. She has already been late for her studying session with Lily and it didn't make her exactly happy. Miss Granger hated being late and couldn't stand people who had clearly no respect for her time. She hoped that Lily wasn't as insanely oversensitive and would forgive her late arrival.

She sped up her steps, muttering few uncensored words. The library was just a corridor away, but unfortunately, fate decided to piss her off as much as possible. Someone's hard body bumped into her own, sending her flying towards the floor with a yelp. She squeezed her eyes shut and awaited painful fall, but when two large hands wrapped themselves around her waist, Hermione blinked a couple of times, trying to focus.

A pair of fairly familiar grey eyes started back at her, making her very uneasy. If she hadn't known any better, she would think it was Sirius, only a bit younger and much leaner. It took only a second though, to figure out that Regulus Black was _nothing_ like his brother. As soon as he has realised who she was, his hands were gone from her waist and he started to rub them against his robes.

' _Of course. He's a future Death Eater, even if he ends up reformed in the end'_ , she thought and sighed.

"Thank you. That would have been a very unpleasant fall", she said, despite her grim thoughts and smiled.

"A deserved one. You should watch where you're going, Mudblood. It would save us, Purebloods, from having to touch you or even look at you", he snarled and lifted his chin.

He shot her a final glance, full of contempt, and then swept past her, reminding her of Snape.

"Nice to meet you too, you prick", she murmured and shook her head.

No wonder Sirius has never mentioned his family. If that was his brother, his mother must have been exactly as pleasant as her portrait that was hanging at the Grimmuald Place. She actually felt sorry for him, as that place probably reminded him of hell and nothing else. Maybe no one abused him the same way the Dursleys abused Harry, but being raised to become a Death Eater didn't seem much better.

Hermione walked in to the library with a scowl on her face, making Lily look at her closely as soon as she sat down at their usual table.

"I'm sorry for being late. First Ewan wanted to ask me out to Hogsmeade and then I bumped into Regulus Black, out of all the people", she sighed and closed her eyes for a brief moment.

"Did he hurt you?", Lily asked, clearly disturbed and Hermione shook her head.

"No. Being called a 'Mudblood' stopped hurting a long time ago. They can't exactly make me feel bad for something I feel so proud of. Anyways, I get why Sirius doesn't talk about his family"

"Yeah, it completely sucks. It probably would be a good idea not to mention your meeting with Regulus to Sirius, though", Lily advised and Hermione couldn't agree more.

The Gryffindor had a really tough relationship with his brother even without adding Hermione and her heritage to the equation. No, it would be for the best if he didn't know about any of it.

"Okay, so before we start studying. You've said that Ewan asked you out?", Lily smiled, her emerald eyes gleaming excitedly.

Hermione knew that it was probably unavoidable subject so she answered:

"Yes. Only as friends, though. I mean, we've talked a while ago, when the rumours about us had started. He's not interested in me that way and I'm certainly not interested in him. We're good as friends"

Lily giggled and looked at her knowingly.

"Well, I definitely know that _you_ are not interested in Ewan"

"Why is that?", Hermione furrowed her brows, making Lily giggle again.

"Come on. If I had to choose between Ewan and Black... I'd probably choose the latter, even though I can't stand him sometimes"

"Why would I choose between them? They're both my friends"

"Yeah. And I'm Queen Elizabeth", the redhead rolled her eyes and smiled gently. "Don't give me that crap. I mean, I know that you are friends, but I've never seen Sirius befriend a girl before. You must be special. Besides, he is kind of hard to resist"

Hermione bit her bottom lip and looked down in thoughtfulness. Well, of course Sirius was hard to resist. She had known that would be the case the moment she had laid her eyes on him. Whenever he opened his mouth, she had to fight with the blush threatened to appear on her face, while her heart continued to thump against her chest like a hammer. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was falling for his charm and boy, was she falling _hard_.

It still didn't mean that she had any intentions of acting on it. Sirius was a free spirit, a man that had to be tamed first, before he could become this loyal, faithful guy. And she definitely didn't feel like she was the best person to do it. She had a lot on her mind, even without thinking about Sirius Black most of the time.

"Lily... I know what it looks like. Do I like him? Yes. Do I find him attractive? Merlin, yes. Do I think it would be a good idea to let myself fall for him? A big no", she sighed rubbed her forehead.

"Why not? I mean, I've already told you, if someone could get him to settle down, it would probably be the girl that he finds interesting enough to actually become friends with her and I know for a fact that his feelings for you aren't exactly platonic. He doesn't compliment girls he doesn't truly like"

"Let me ask you this. Why don't you give James a shot?"

Lily looked at her, clearly surprised and then anger appeared in her eyes, making Hermione smile.

"Are you kidding me? He's a complete moron! I mean, they are both childish and really irresponsible, but at least Sirius manages to have a normal conversation with you from time to time. And James? I feel like I would never be able to talk to him. I don't need a fling, I need someone who would actually be there for me and Potter is kind of the opposite of that", she explained and it was Hermione's turn to giggle.

"You've thought about it an awful lot for someone who claims to be uninterested"

Lily blushed furiously, her face starting to match her hair. She looked absolutely adorable and Hermione grinned at her.

"Okay, I'll admit. It's not like I would be entirely opposed to the idea of dating him if he grew up a bit. I don't mean for him to get all serious and boring, but... You know", she finished lamely and Miss Granger nodded.

"Yeah, I do", she murmured in response and Lily nodded. "For the record, I think that James will come around much sooner than Sirius. He really loves you, you know. He talks about you with that stupid, dreamy smile that could only mean one thing"

Lily smiled gently and then looked at Hermione seriously.

"You haven't answered my question though. What are your excuses?"

"Similar to yours, in some ways. Except I don't mind his behaviour most of the time. He makes me flustered and incredibly uneasy, but in a good way. But it's not so easy. Even if he suddenly decided that he wanted to settle down, I'm way to complicated. My situation is complicated", she whispered and closed her eyes. "There are people looking for me. The second I'm out of this school, I'm going to join the fight. It doesn't actually favour relationships", Hermione explained quietly, deciding that it was safe to tell the truth.

After all, her beliefs were known amongst the students and it wouldn't be much of a surprise for them to know that she was determined to join the resistance. Especially not with the power she possessed. And even though that it wasn't all that unexpected, Lily paled slightly and looked at her with worry.

"You're going to join the Order?", she whispered and reached out to grab her hand.

"Yes. There is no other way"

Lily seemed to accept her answer without as much as a word of protest, which Hermione really appreciated. Despite her silence, she didn't stop looking at her intently.

"You're so brave, Hermione. I'm pretty sure that it is one of the main reasons why Sirius finds you so alluring. We still have this year and our seventh left. Maybe you should at least try to make it work. After all, he's a fighter too. He has always been one"


	10. Chapter 9

Hogsmeade was as beautiful as always. It seemed almost impossible, but the weather was perfect, surprising everybody completely. All of the students that decided to spend their Halloween walking around the village have been extremely pleased with the aura, as it was particularly good for all kinds of romantic nonsense.

Hermione would lie if she said she didn't enjoy the weather, though. She missed sunny days, even if they meant running laps around the Quidditch pitch in an incredible heat. According to Moody, it was a perfect way to toughen her body and make her ready for everything that life decided to throw her way.

Today, however, no running was necessary, as she walked leisurely besides Ewan, who had been incredibly quiet the whole time. To everyone, their walk seemed like a very boring date, but she actually understood that whatever bothered the boy, it was important enough to risk even more rumours about their relationship. She decided to give him time to think everything over. Besides, it wasn't like she didn't have her own problems that required her attention.

"Hermione...", Ewan spoke after what seemed like hours and she looked at him with a gentle smile. "I want you to know that I consider you my friend. Great one, actually, but... I didn't start talking to you without a reason. The second I heard that you're going to join the other sixth years, I knew it would be a perfect opportunity to...", he broke off and squeezed his eyes.

"To what?"

Her voice was gentle and warm, despite the fact that he had just told her that he didn't befriend her without an ulterior motive. She didn't want to scare him, as it was very clear that talking about it made him even more nervous.

"I don't know where to start. I tried to figure it out, but I guess there's just no way to say it right, without offending you a bit"

"Well then, let's get it over with, shall we?"

"Fine. You see, couple of years ago, me and Leslie... We were best friends. It was hard not to be, since we've known each other forever. Our parents go way back and it seemed to have an obvious impact on us. We were simply inseparable", he stated, his voice bitter and completely different from the one she was used to.

Her brows furrowed, as she looked at him carefully.

"Why aren't you anymore?"

"That's actually a good question, you know. I mean, we started to grow up, to change, and it was bound influence our friendship. We were still pretty close, though, and I..."

"You fell for her, didn't you?", Hermione asked with a smile, forcing Ewan to look away in embarrassment .

"Yeah. It was hard not to fall for that girl. Before she cut her hair and started wearing those baggy clothes, she was the epitome of beauty, at least in my eyes. But then everything has changed. When she finished her fourth year, she went home just as always and when we came back to school. I could barely recognize her, Hermione. And I don't mean the hair and clothes, although they were certainly something else. I mean her behaviour. From my best friend, who shared all her secrets with me, she became someone who avoided my gaze and flinched at every touch. She distanced herself from everyone, except for her roommates and I've really tried to talk to them about it, but they always brushed me off", he said, his voice breaking down to merely a whisper.

Hermione was way too disturbed by his story to be mad, but now his reason for chatting her up became quite obvious. Ewan has certainly been hoping that she would get close to Leslie enough to be able to tell him something about her.

"They are loyal friends, Ewan. If Leslie didn't want them to talk to you, they never would", she stated and he nodded with bitterness painted all over his face.

"I know, Hermione. I'm not mad at them for protecting Leslie. I just... I can't wrap my mind around it. Why would Les think that she needed to be protected from me? I'd never hurt her. I love her, for Merlin's sake!", he groaned and Hermione looked at him with compassion.

Man, this sucked. She would be lying if she said that she didn't wonder about Leslie's behaviour sometimes, but even in her darkest thoughts, Hermione would never assume that something this bad has happened to her. Miss Granger had no doubts, that her roommate must have been hurt, undoubtedly by a male, possibly on a sexual background. And what made this even worse, she must have been 15 at most when it had happened.

"I just wish I knew what happened to her. I would leave her alone if she needed me to, but being left out in the cold is not exactly nice. Not when you'd do basically anything for that person..."

Hermione bit her lip, looking sympathetically at Ewan, who covered his face with his hands, as he sat down at the nearest rock. She didn't know what to tell him, except for her suspicions and those seemed very harsh. She walked towards the rock and took a seat beside him.

"Ewan... Do you have any ideas what might have happened to her?", she asked as gently as possible and the boy snorted in response.

"I'm not an idiot, Hermione. I know that someone must have hurt her and it makes me even more sick. She was such a sweet girl. I'd kill that bastard"

Damn, it was difficult. Miss Granger couldn't blame him for wanting to talk outside the castle gates, as those kind of information were way too delicate to risk the possibility of anyone hearing them talk. Ewan looked simply devastated and Hermione felt a surge of respect towards him. He managed to live with all those suspicions for so long, only because that's what Leslie wanted him to do, apparently.

"Why are you telling me this?", she asked quietly and looked at the boy sitting beside her.

"It's my last year at Hogwarts, Hermione. After that, I'll probably never see her again, as she refuses to talk to me even here, where it's bloody hard to forget about my existence, since we see each other on daily basis. I'm ready to move on. I'm starting to want to move on, actually. But I can't do that without closure. Without trying everything I could to make sure that she's safe and that she really doesn't want me in her life anymore"

Hermione sighed and looked down to the ground, analysing her options. It was pretty obvious what Ewan wanted from her, but she wasn't sure she should be doing it. Leslie was her friend, just as Ewan. Choosing one of them over the other didn't seem fair at all, not mentioning the delicate nature of the problem.

Maybe it would be best to talk to the other girls about it? They must have known something, as they were the ones who blew Ewan off constantly. There was probably no harm in mentioning his name in a context of his friendship with Leslie. And if it would lead to something more concrete. Hermione couldn't say that confirming her theory would be a bad thing, especially if Leslie really pushed Ewan away because of her fear. There was no way she'd let the girl destroy her own life, because of the past.

"I'll try to find out something, but I want you to know that I cannot promise anything. Leslie is my friend and I don't want to lose her. If she's not ready to tell me, then I won't push her. That would be simply wrong", Hermione finally stated and Ewan smiled at her weakly.

"I know that I shouldn't be asking that of you. I wouldn't, if I had any other choice"

"Yeah, well. I tend to find myself very demanding and complicated friends", she sighed theatrically, making Ewan chuckle lightly.

The boy suddenly looked up, when some voices started to come near their hiding spot.

"Speaking of your friends, I believe that Black is headed this way"

Hermione followed his gaze and noticed the silhouette of the Gryffindor emerging from behind the trees, with a pretty girl attached to his arm. Sirius had a charming smile plastered on his face, as the girl looked at him with awe. Miss Granger couldn't remember the blonde's name, but she was sure that Sirius' companion had been from Slytherin.

"Well, I guess it should be our cue to leave", Hermione muttered, trying to force down the bile in her throat that arose at the sight of the couple coming their way.

"Woah!", Ewan gasped, looking at her with shock. "You like him", he whispered and then laughed out loud, catching the attention of Sirius and his companion. "I can't believe it! Aren't you a bookworm that basically lives in library?"

She looked at him with a murderous glance, praying that Sirius would just turn around and walk away, but she knew better than to believe that it would actually happen. Before she could calm Ewan down with another set of glares, Padfoot led his girl towards them, smiling widely.

"Herms! Fancy seeing you here!", he greeted her and then looked at Ewan, his smile faltering a little. "And you, Hughes"

"It's very surprising that she has left the library, yeah?", Ewan chuckled and raised his brows, looking at Hermione with amusement.

"Not really, she does that often if I ask her", Sirius stated impassively and then smiled at Hermione.

His companion gave a slight cough, reminding him of her presence. Padfoot didn't seem all that ashamed, as he pulled the girl forward and put an arm around her shoulders.

"This is Celia", he stated simply and Hermione forced herself to smile at her.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Hermione and this is Ewan!"

"Oh, you're the new girl, right? The one that has been trailing Sirius and rest of the boys?", the girl asked with a smile, making Hermione frown.

Miss Granger looked at Sirius, who didn't seem all that happy with his companion's words, but decided to stay silent. It made Hermione's heart clench with disappointment, but she tried her best to hide her feelings deep inside her body.

"No. I'm the new girl that has been _friends with them_. A slight difference, if you ask me, but who cares, right?", she asked with a sweet smile, making the girl giggle lightly.

"Exactly!"

Miss Granger looked at Sirius with disgust and then gazed towards Ewan, who did everything in his power not to laugh at the blonde's stupidity. Hermione remembered her talk with Lily concerning Sirius and almost sighed with exasperation. That would be the end of thoughts about him settling down. Although, she had to admit, Sirius must have found something about her incredibly alluring if Celia was the type of girl that he usually went for.

"Glad that we agree on that", Hermione stated dryly and then smiled at Ewan. "We should get going. The whole point of coming here was to be alone and that's not the case, anymore, yeah?"

"Let's go then!", Ewan responded and grinned widely, while Hermione looked at Sirius with a forced smile.

"I'll see you... sometime", she murmured and swept past him, trying not to look disappointed as hell.

Sure, she was fully aware of the fact that he had flirted with her just for fun. She had actually expected him to be dating and fucking around, and even though jealousy was present in her body without even a slightest doubt, it was not what got her so worked up.

Hermione considered him her friend. Someone who spent the whole night with her because he cared for her, someone who cheered her up whenever she was having a bad day. Someone who had the decency to protect her in front of his newfound shag. He didn't even try to correct that bloody Slytherin, when she described Hermione as someone who trails them like a puppy...

It hurt, even if it seemed really petty to be pissed at something like this. The jealousy certainly didn't make things better, but still... Wasn't he supposed to pick her over a girl that he had just met?

"Guess we both have a terrible love life, huh?", Ewan asked with irony lacing his voice and Hermione actually chuckled.

"Yours definitely sucks. Mine is non-existent. Even if I fancy him more than I'd like, I'm not delusional enough to think that it could work out. I just hate the fact that he chooses girls with no brains at all and then fails to defend me from their stupidity"

"That was very Ravenclaw-ish of you, my friend. But I agree, he's a complete moron. Although judging by the look on his face, he's going to regret his behaviour very fast. He almost forgot that the blondie was there, as soon as he has looked at you. Maybe he feels more than you think"

"Stop romanticizing him like that. He just wants to shag", she quoted Leslie and made Ewan laugh. "With that attitude you should be that blondie's Housemate"

"We wouldn't want that"

"No, we wouldn't", Hermione grinned and decided to enjoy the rest of her visit at Hogsmeade, despite Sirius' idiotic behaviour.

* * *

There was no good way to start this conversation. Hermione knew more than well that Leslie, Amy and Gracie have been friends for a long time before she came along. It wasn't difficult to figure out that they would surely take Leslie's side over Ewan's and Hermione couldn't blame them for it.

There was no good way to start the conversation, but it was necessary for her to at least try. Sure, she probably wouldn't be so keen on doing it if Ewan hadn't asked her, but it wasn't the only reason. Hermione couldn't stand the fact that something happened to Leslie and caused her life to turn upside down. No one deserved to live in constant fear of being hurt, and Hermione had no doubts that Leslie was afraid. It was the only rational explanation of her actions, even if didn't make them any more acceptable.

She finally sighed and looked up from her book, gazing towards the blonde girl that was lying on her bed and reading a novel. No one else was present in their room, making this situation perfect for a private talk.

"Amy... Can I ask you something?"

The blonde jerked her head up and blinked a couple of times, trying to return to reality.

"Of course you can"

"I wanted to ask you about Ewan", Hermione stated quietly and Amy shifted excitedly.

"You're having boy troubles? I thought I'll never hear you say something like that", the blonde laugh making Hermione sigh.

"We're just friends, how many times do I have to tell you that. Actually because we're friends, we talk a lot and recently Ewan has told me that he and Leslie had been friends", she stated and looked at Amy expectantly.

The blonde girl paled and bit her bottom lip. At this point, Hermione was sure that every word of what Ewan has told her was true.

"Yeah, they were friends, but it's ancient history. Why would you ask about that?"

"It might be ancient history, but I find it interesting. I mean, if you're friends with someone for most of your life, how can you just... move on all of a sudden?", she asked and furrowed her brows.

Amy looked away, trying to come up with a good explanation for Leslie's behaviour that would ensure that her secret will stay safe. Hermione rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead.

"Spare yourself the trouble, Amy. I kind of already know the answer"

"You...You do?", the blonde stammered with shock.

"Yes. I realised that something must have happened to Leslie back when we were talking about Ewan in the Great Hall, during my first day. She seemed really offended at the idea of treating someone like an object. I thought it had to be personal, although I didn't know it was that bad, until I have learned that Ewan was her friend", she explained with a grim voice, making Amy gasp.

"Hermione... It's not something that Leslie shares with anyone. I mean, the thing that happened to her... You have no idea how terrible it had been", Amy whispered and Hermione's heart clenched painfully.

"I can imagine. I don't need any details, Amy. I really, really don't. I would be glad to wait for Leslie to tell me, and that's what I wanted to do, until Ewan told me about their friendship. She basically left him without any explanation..."

"She was raped, Hermione. And Ewan is a _boy_. You can't possibly blame her for acting this way", Amy protested, but the brunette had no intentions of backing out of a fight.

"It was a natural reaction, I suppose. Natural reaction to something very terrible. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely despise whoever did this to her, but destroying a relationship that should have been her beacon of light doesn't seem all that reasonable"

"Leslie was scared..."

"I get that!", Hermione yelled and squeezed her eyes shut. "I get that she was scared, hurt, humiliated and full of self-hatred. I've been there and I know those feeling all too well. But I also know that Leslie is a sixteen year old girl, who has a whole life ahead of her!"

"How can you say those things, Hermione?! Whose side are you on?! She was raped. For fucks sake, I can't even imagine how hard it must be to live with that. How can you shame her for trying to cope?!", Amy asked with outrage and Hermione shot her an offended look.

"Shame her?! Oh yeah, I'm definitely doing that. But here's the thing. I'd kill that bastard who did this to her and then I'd hold her, cry with her and do everything to help her get through the worst. But then I'll also do everything to help her get back to her life, not forgetting about it. She cut her hair and started to hide herself in those clothes she's wearing. And I would be perfectly fine with that, but it's not a sign of change. It's a sign of fear. Forgive me if I don't want to see my friend going through life just to _endure it_. I want her to actually _live it_ and learn how to trust people again, because not everyone out there is terrible!", she started of yelling, but then her voice dropped to merely a whisper.

Amy went quiet for a minute and then she sat down on her bed, clearly jittery. Her hands were shaking, as she looked at Hermione with sorrow. At this moment, Miss Granger realised that her outburst was probably much more personal and revealing than she wanted it to be. She squeezed her eyes shut once again and swallowed the salty tears that appeared out of nowhere.

"She just gave up, Amy. And I don't care about her friendship with Ewan, even if I'm sure that he truly loves her and would never hurt her. She pretends to be tough, so that no one can touch her again. She hides herself behind this façade of a tomboy and I believe it's not who she really is. I know how difficult it is to be in a dark place, but I also know that it is possible to come back from it. And she deserves that, she truly does"

Amy stared at her in awe, making Hermione so uncomfortable that she decided to finish this discussion and simply back out of the room, but the blonde's voice stopped her.

"What happened to you, Hermione?"

She said it so quietly that it could have been a figment of her imagination, but the brunette knew that that wasn't the case. She sighed and bit her bottom lip, avoiding Amy's gaze.

"I was broken, Amy. My parents have been killed by blood purists. My friends died to protect me...", her voice cracked, but she knew she had to go on. "And I've been tortured by a complete lunatic. She gave me this"

Her scar suddenly became visible and Amy covered her mouth. Hermione wanted to laugh bitterly, seeing this reaction once again, but it was a sign of her pain and desperation.

"That's..."

"Horrible? Terrifying? Disgusting? Well... this is not the only scar I've gotten from that bitch. But this one is special. It was was carved into my body with a cursed knife. It's going to stay there forever, always reminding me of that night", she said quietly and then looked straight into Amy's eyes. "The point is, I've been through hell. I might have not been raped, but I know what pain feels like. The _Cruciatus Curse_ will teach you that within a second. I wanted to die so badly, Amy. But I didn't. I didn't and I decided that I have to fight. My life's not over yet"

"And neither is Leslie's", Amy whispered, not even trying to conceal her tears.

Hermione nodded and smiled sadly.

"So forgive me for saying this, but I'm going to make her acknowledge that, even if it means forcing her to relive everything. I will not let her destroy herself. She can hate me for all I care, but at least I'll know that I did the right thing".


	11. Chapter 10

"Are you going to be mad at me forever?", a whisper sounded right next to her ear, causing her to jump up and yelp with fear.

Her wand was out immediately, pointing at a guy standing right behind her. Hermione was ready to curse him into oblivion, but stopped herself when she noticed that familiar grin that could only belong to Sirius.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up on me like that?!", she yelled and rubbed her forehead, listening to her racing heart.

"It's not my fault that the books absorb you to the point that you have no clue what's happening around you", he observed with a smile, his hands stuck into his pockets.

He looked slightly uneasy, even though he tried his best to hide it. Hermione could tell that he wasn't doing all that well, since his muscles have been tensed and eyes betrayed discomfort.

"You don't have to take advantage of it, you know", she murmured and sat down once again, getting back to her essay.

She heard his question perfectly well, but decided to ignore it for now. Avoiding Sirius was her main objective those past few days and it was working very well, since the man had no intentions of stepping inside the library. Until now, that is. She could no longer pretend that he doesn't exist and it made her stomach clench.

It wasn't like he had done something unforgivable. Hermione couldn't even say that she was still mad at him. No, the case was much more complicated. The emotions that he managed to evoke in her were dangerous. She kept telling everyone that they were just friends, but her mind, her heart and her entire body started to want something completely else from him and that scared her.

What happened in Hogsmeade proved the theory that this man was nowhere near ready for a relationship. And that meant that she had to stay away from him, until she would be sure that her feelings were under control.

"So... You didn't answer my question", Sirius said, sitting down in front of her.

Hermione looked at him briefly, but stayed silent, causing the boy to frown.

"Come on, love. Talk to me. You forced me to come to the library. Isn't that enough to prove that I'm kind of sorry?", he groaned and Hermione snarled.

"Kind of? How can you be _kind of sorry?_ ", she asked dryly. "Do you even know why I'm mad in the first place?"

"No. That's why I'm kind of sorry"

"Any theories?"

Hermione's voice was laced with sarcasm as it was really hard not to be angry. You really needed to be Sirius Black in order to apologize for something that you had no clue about.

"Actually, one. And I must say, I like this theory very much", he murmured and leaned forward, his grey eyes boring deep into hers. "You might have been jealous"

Sweet Merlin, his voice could sound like a pure velvet, so rich and enticing that she almost forgot that she was mad at him. It took all of her willpower to keep a straight face, when he purred at her like that, but she somehow managed to do so.

"Jealous... Yeah, keep trying", she answered and shook her head.

He didn't have to know that she _might_ have been a little jealous. Hermione was sure though that nothing good would come out of sharing that information with him. That man was vain as it was, adding to that would simply be stupid.

"Are you sure? Cause I think that you started to be angry right after you've seen me with Celia"

"Not exactly, although it has a lot to do with that girl", she admitted, making Sirius laugh.

" _That girl?_ Yeah, definitely not jealous. Come on, Hermione. You know that she doesn't mean anything", he shook his head and smiled at her brilliantly.

She slammed her book shut and looked at him with a murderous glance.

"She's a _woman,_ Sirius. Not a sharp one, I agree, but still a woman. And the fact that you're okay with flirting with me, then going on a date with another girl and then trying to trash her so I would forgive you, scares the hell out of me", she snapped at him and squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm not naïve enough to think that you're actually interested in me. But I was naive enough to think that I'm your friend. And you let Celia refer to me as 'the girl that's trailing you all the time'. You didn't protest and I expected you to pick me over her. After all, she means nothing to you, yeah? Makes me wonder what the hell do I mean to you. So yeah, I'm mad at you and I'm going to stay mad, because apparently this is all a joke to you", she stated dryly and stood up, looking at him with disappointment.

Sirius' mouth was gaping, as he stared at her with shock. He probably didn't see that coming and Hermione was very proud of herself to be the cause of Padfoot's unintelligent appearance. She wasn't going to dwell on that though, as she grabbed her books, her bag and stormed out of the library.

It took only a minute for Sirius to follow her, though. Even her furious steps couldn't keep him away, as he basically sprinted towards her and pushed her onto the wall.

"What the hell are you doing?", she growled and tried to free herself from his grip, but he was, obviously, way too strong.

His athletic body had absolutely no trouble to keep her in the same place, but she knew that thinking about his body so close to her own wasn't exactly a good idea.

"Stop wriggling, Hermione, and just listen", he pleaded and she sighed loudly, looking at him with fury. "I wanted you to be jealous, alright?", he admitted and sent her a shy gaze. "I've heard about your date with Hughes and I kind of... Well, I thought that you were interested in _me_ , not him. So it pissed me off and I wanted to make you jealous"

Hermione blinked a couple of times, her anger dissipating completely. Did he just... No. There was no way in hell that Sirius could have meant it.

"You... You what?"

"I wanted you to be jealous. Are you really this surprised?", he asked and smiled at her.

"Um... Yeah? You flirt with everyone, for Merlin's sake. Did you really expect me to feel special?"

"I honestly didn't even expect you to _be_ special. But you are", he whispered and cupped her cheek with his hand.

This was not going well. Especially not with that passionate look in his eyes, that made her want to... ' _Get yourself together, you idiot",_ she basically yelled to herself, hoping that it might actually help her shake off those feelings boiling inside her body.

"Sirius, stop. I like you. I really, really like you. But there can't be anything more than friendship between us", she said quietly and watched Sirius' expression change to somewhat amused.

"Oh yes, I know. You're complicated and I'm shallow, you're looking for a real relationship and I'm just looking for a good shag. I thought you may say something like this", he informed her with a smile, making Hermione frown.

"I don't think you're shallow, Sirius. But the second part is kind of true"

"Okay, I'll admit, I'm not a saint. But the thing is, I have never actually met a girl that would make me want to change. But you do. You have this fire inside of you. Life treated you like shit and you're still fighting and walking with your head up high. You're incredibly smart and beautiful, but you're not vain in the slightest. How could I _not_ be interested in you?"

Hermione blushed furiously and did her best not to let his words get to her. A proof of his ability to be sweet and charming was definitely not necessary, especially given her resolution to turn him down. Instead, she snorted and shook her head with disbelief.

"Because I'm the opposite of what you usually like. I mean, look at Celia. That girl is pretty stunning. In comparison to her, I'm really bland and common. My personality may be alluring to you right now, but I'm sure it's going to pass, Sirius. It makes me complicated, just as you said. I don't have the luxury to waste time on games and fooling around"

"You really need to stop being so harsh to yourself", Sirius murmured in response, his body pressing into her own even more.

"I am being honest, Sirius. I'm simply not right for you"

Barking laughter filled the air, as his chest vibrated against her own, making shivers run down her spine. It was almost impossible to think straight with him this close to her. All she wanted to do was to wrap her arms around his neck and let herself sink into his silvery-grey eyes, that kept staring at her with passion.

"How can you know that, Herms? It's not like you can decide what's best for _me_ and I'm pretty sure I can be best for _you_. I can make you forget every single one of your stupid arguments for turning me down", he whispered against her lips, brushing over them with a feathery touch.

Her breath hitched, as she forced herself to still, afraid of making a move and even more scared of staying in one place and letting him do whatever he pleased. She was absolutely unable to make a decision, so she stayed quiet and hoped that maybe he would see her uneasiness and back down.

Of course, no such thing happened. A smirk graced his lips merely seconds before he kissed her. The fact that he was skilled in that area posed no mystery. After all, he had quite an impressive history of previous experiences. But Hermione would never expect him to be this gentle and passionate at the same time. His lips brushing against her own felt so right, that she couldn't stop herself from kissing him back and making his smile widen.

His thumb kept running small circles on her cheeks, while the other hand landed on her waist, bringing her body even closer. Hermione's heart kept thumping against her chest, its sound so deafening that it was impossible to hear anything else. The whole world around them might as well become non-existent, since there was no power that could make her care about the surroundings at that moment.

It took only a brief flashback of her past to snap out of her daze. She forced herself to break the kiss and push him away, even a little. Kissing Sirius felt right, but it shouldn't have. Hermione was supposed to save that man from an awful fate, not engage in a relationship with him. There were simply too many risks coming with giving this relationship a shot and she knew that. No one could ever give her the guarantee that it was going to be this one in a million thing, when the couple so young actually managed to stay together for life. And she had to be sure that when they've finished school, she would still be part of everyone's life in order to stop all those bad things from coming. If she and Sirius hated each other, how could she possibly achieve that? There was also this fact, that she couldn't picture herself lying to him all the time. She would have to tell him the truth and after he knew, there was a chance that he might not even want her anymore.

"I can't, Sirius. You may think all you want, but my arguments for turning you down are actually way too solid for you to be able to just kiss them away. I have my reasons, and I would be grateful if you could just respect them and never mention that again", she stated dryly, making his brows furrow with disbelief.

"You _kissed me back_ , Herms. And I know you want to do a lot more than just that, I'm not blind, yeah? Why are you so hell-bent on stopping yourself?", he asked with anger.

His words caused her to blush and bite her bottom lip so hard, that it had actually hurt. Pain was something that cleared her mind completely and gave her the strength to stick to her resolve, though.

"You're attractive, Sirius. I don't claim to be immune to that, but I find it way beneath me to just use you like that, when I have no intentions of engaging myself in a serious relationship. Not with you, not with anyone else. I'm better off on my own and everybody else is just going to benefit from that"

Padfoot looked at her with a smirk on his face and anger clouding his eyes. It wasn't a pleasant look, not on him, but nonetheless, she expected him to take it far, far worse. If he decided to throw a tantrum, it would actually make it so much easier for her to consolidate her opinion on the matter. But right now, his eyes seemed to scold her and her stupid resolution and it made her feel very unsure.

"For someone so bright you sure can be stupid sometimes", he muttered and shook his head with disappointment. "I kind of expected you to be stubborn and deaf to all my pleas. James even told me that being honest with you on that matter was an awful idea, because you would just run away like a scared mice. So let me just say this - you can't protect me from danger, Hermione. I know that you consider yourself to be a target and you're probably right, but being _just friends_ doesn't make me any safer. It won't hurt you any less if something happens to me, because the feelings would still be there, even if you keep turning me down at all times", he said quietly and stuck his hands into his pockets, looking at her with intent.

Sometimes it was way too easy to forget that he had actually been quite brilliant. He acted so carelessly most of the time, that he reminded her rather of a child, than a man that was about to be grown up. Those rare moments of seriousness, like this one, were merely forerunners of the person who he has yet to become. Maybe that man would be able to bring down all those walls that she built around herself, making her unable to keep saying no. Until then though, she would have to hurt him over and over again.

"Maybe you're right saying that being my friend puts you in danger. But I also know that I've been forced to join a war that none of you is ready for. And until you are, I can't give you what you're looking for. That would be a relationship based on lies and deceive and that's not something that I want. It's also way beneath both of us"

"So instead you're just going to lie to me as your friend, yeah?", he asked with sarcasm, making her sigh tiredly.

"I actually try to avoid lying in general, Sirius. But the thing is, it's not possible to keep certain things away from the person you're in relationship with. It doesn't work the same way with friends and you know that"

"Had it ever occurred to you that maybe it would be best if you would just stop lying and told me the truth? How do you expect me to become ready for the upcoming war, if you keep me in the dark? Besides, we're at Hogwarts, Herms. There's no better place to actually loosen up a bit. The war is still going to be there after we finish school and right now, there's not much we can do anyways. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to actually _live_ ", he sighed and looked at her with determination. "For your information, I'm not giving up on this. Even if I want to strangle and kiss you senseless at the same time. Now that I have found someone who made me want to change, I'm not letting you go so easily"

With that, he kissed her again, closing the distance between them in a second. This time, the kiss was forceful and demanding, as he poured all of his anger into it. It ignited the fire inside of her body almost instantly, but before she decided to break her resolve once again, he pushed himself away and stormed off, leaving her hot and cold at the same time.

' _He's going to be trouble_ ', she thought and bit her lip that still had Sirius' taste lingering on it. ' _So much trouble'_

* * *

The night was surprisingly cold, but Hermione guessed she could blame only herself for staying up so late. After her encounter with Sirius, she decided to go back to the library and finish the essay she was writing before the boy had interrupted her. It managed to dull her racing thoughts concerning Sirius and the situation she found herself in.

The arguments he pulled out of his sleeve were more than reasonable, although she knew that it was not enough to change her mind. After all, he didn't know the entire truth and probably never would, which made this whole thing even more difficult. The fact that she simply couldn't let him win did nothing to help her extinguish that longing and want boiling inside of her heart.

Being at war with her own emotions made her so unaware of the passing time, that when she had finally snapped out of her daze, the moon was shining brightly, just as the stars surrounding it. She cursed under her breath and started to gather her things in haste. It was somewhat surprising to see Madam Pince sleeping in the chair by the desk, as she usually took care of students who were breaking the curfew by staying in the library so late. Tiptoeing past the librarian's desk, Hermione managed to sneak out to the corridor and faced the darkness of the Hogwart's halls.

She stopped being afraid of the darkness a long time ago, but the castle always managed to make her uneasy, since it had been so old and full of mysteries. At times like this, her memories of the battle became even more prominent, making her stomach clench violently. In a matter of seconds, Hermione grabbed her wand and muttered a spell, not wanting to stay in the dark any longer.

The way to the Ravenclaw Tower was long and filled with traps. Oh, how she wished she could have had Harry's cloak with her or even her beaded bag with the Marauder's Map in it. A realisation dawned at her and she started to search her school bag. She made a point of never leaving her purse in the dormitory, where the girls could always find it and start asking questions. After all, Undetectable Extension Charm she put on it wasn't exactly legal. Not mentioning the purse's other secrets, including the infamous Marauder's Map. There would be no way to avoid questions if they have found _that_.

Hermione stuck her arm inside the purse, trying to find the piece of paper which could ensure her safe return to the Ravenclaw Tower. The corridors were quiet, so she took her time, not wanting to make a mess of all the books and other things she stored inside of the bag. Finally, the map was out and she unfolded it carefully.

" _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good",_ she whispered pointing her wand at the old parchment and watching as the letters started to show up, making Hermione amazed as usual.

It really was a piece of art. Very advanced magic and incredibly useful at that. She had always assumed that Remus has played the biggest part in making it, but now that she has met James and Sirius, she knew that they were incredibly talented as well. It must have been their joined effort and the effects were absolutely brilliant. The map, despite her first doubts, turned out to be useful and life-saving at times.

She skimmed the map over, trying to find the safest way to her dormitory. The corridors were mostly empty, although seeing James' and Sirius' names wandering near the Trophy Room made her want to roll her eyes. Of course, they were _up to no good_. Those boys and their endless pranks. Hermione admitted that those were usually funny and really clever, but some of them could be really childish and embarrassing. She wondered briefly which one would boys pull off tonight, but decided that she didn't have time to dwell on that. If she could see them on the map, they could do the same thing with her and the last thing she wanted to endure was endless teasing from James.

Hermione sighed quietly and started to fold the map in order to put her inside her robes' pocket, when other two names caught her eye. Marcus Avery and Theodore Mulciber were standing on a corridor not so far away from the library. Most students avoided it, as it didn't lead to any important parts of the castle and made their way to classes much longer. Why would those two be standing there in the middle of the night? Miss Granger bit her lip, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, but her mind went blank. There was no way she could just go back to her dormitory without finding out what they were up to. It was important enough to make them leave the dungeons, so that not even their peers could listen in on their conversation.

Making a decision, she tapped her head with the tip of her wand, casting the Disillusionment Charm. An unpleasant sensation run through her body, as her figure began to disappear, taking the colour and texture of the wall behind her. She smiled with satisfaction at performing the spell correctly. She took a deep breath and started to rush through the corridors, trying to reach the Slytherins as fast as she possibly could. The map informed her that they were still there, making her slow down right before the corner leading to their location. Her arm disappeared inside her beaded bag once again, as she started to look for the Extendable Ears.

After disillusioning Weasley brother's invention, she levitated one ear towards the Slytherins and then put the other one next to her face. Hermione hoped that Snape didn't share his brilliant spells with his housemates, as it would make her effort completely pointless. Apparently, the future Potions' Master wasn't friendly enough to let them in on his secret inventions, as words flew into Hermione's ear without any interference.

"...he's getting impatient, you know that. That Mudblood has to be dealt with. Black is miserably infatuated with her, that Blood Traitor. Dark Lord still hopes to get him on our side and will not be happy to learn about his involvement with that bitch. Same goes for Potter", Mulciber's voice reached her ears and she almost gasped at the realisation that they were talking about her.

"She's skilled, Mulciber and she never leaves the library. It's hardly a place to curse her. No one can know about our involvement. The Dark Lord needs spies at this bloody school"

"I am aware Avery. Which is why we need to target somebody else. We can then threaten her and make her choose between her life and some other Mudbloods. The Dark Lord would reward us greatly for bringing her to him"

Hermione felt a wave of nausea fill her body, as she realised that those bastards planned to hurt someone just to be able to manipulate her. There was no way for her to protect everyone in that huge castle, just as it was literally impossible for her to figure out their target before it would be too late. What was she supposed to do?!

"If someone gets hurt, all eyes would be on us. Dumbledore's no fool, he'll figure it out in a matter of seconds", Avery protested with a hiss. "We're not supposed to capture her, just send her a message. She can't know that it had been us or else Dumbledore will learn about it"

"Fine. What do you propose then?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should use Snape? She had been friendly towards him, Merlin knows why. He had also already been friends with a Mudblood before, so it wouldn't raise any suspicions from anyone else"

Hermione wanted to cheer Avery for coming up with something like this. That way, she would be able to convince Snape to switch sides. Or maybe at least implant him with a seed of doubt. It would still be considered a success, at least for now.

"He's never going to agree on that. He's obsessed with Evans and is more interested in spying on her than actually doing something useful", Mulciber snorted, making Hermione frown.

Severus spying on Lily? That thought seemed very disturbing and she would definitely have to check if there was any truth to it.

"The Dark Lord gave us orders. He won't ignore them if he wants to be part of his plan. Snape's not stupid, otherwise our Lord would have no interest in him. He'll make the right choice", Avery stated and the Slytherins fell quiet.

Hermione started to wonder if they were still there, but after a moment, Mulicber spoke again.

"We should get back to the dungeons. It's getting really late and Filch is probably starting to patrol the corridors"

The Ravenclaw took his words as the cue to leave. She carefully withdrew the Ear from the corridor and packed it into her bag. Hermione was thankful that the way to the dungeons required the boys to go in a completely different direction, as she could calm her breath and gather her thoughts in peace.

The conversation between the boys was disturbing, to say the least. Voldemort has targeted her, just as she and Dumbledore had expected, but it still was somewhat frightening. What was even more important, Riddle apparently had a way to contact the students without any risks and that meant that the measures taken by the Headmaster to prevent that were not enough.

She certainly had a lot to tell the man. But right now, she needed to get back to bed. Nothing good would come out of her getting caught and having to explain herself.


	12. Chapter 11

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Gracie was clearly disturbed, as she stared at Hermione with a look that could only mean that she was on a verge of crying.

"I could ask the same thing, you know? Why are you crying?"

"Am not! But I will be, if you're not going to explain to me why have you turned him down?! Who does that?! He's Sirius Black!", the girl yelled and Hermione opened her mouth with disbelief.

"How did you find out?!"

"Because he turned down Alicia Flemmings from Hufflepuff, saying that he was interested only in _you._ And I don't see you snogging him senseless, so I figured you must have said no to him. Thus, my question. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Hermione scowled, as her ears threatened to burst. Grace certainly had a voice that could shatter glass, making everyone around very uncomfortable.

"Nothing's wrong with me. I just don't want to date him", she shrugged and readied herself for another outburst.

"I'd kill to be in your place. He's..."

"... Sirius Black, yeah, I know. Which is exactly why I don't want to date him. We're better as friends", she explained trying to sound as convincing as possible, but Grace was too caught up with her own point of view to accept Hermione's opinion on that matter.

"He doesn't seem to think so. He turns other girls down, Hermione! And not by saying no. He explains that his heart is already taken! How cute is that?"

Yes. Very cute. And very troubling, in Miss Granger's eyes. She had to give to the man, he was incredibly clever. Portraying her as a cruel, heartless woman would certainly annoy her, as she desperately wanted peace and quiet. Everyone talking about her yet again was the last thing she could describe as 'desirable'.

"It doesn't matter, Gracie. I don't _want him_. No matter how cute he appears to be. He probably wants to get me riled up, so that I would say yes to him to gain some peace and privacy"

"Liar! Everyone wants Sirius!"

At this exact moment, Leslie joined them in the dormitory and snorted loudly.

"Not true. He's super hot, true, but I don't want him"

"You're a weirdo, that's why!"

"Well, that makes me a weirdo too", Hermione smiled and shrugged once again.

Her nonchalance might look authentic, but her insides were screaming with shame. Gracie was right, it wasn't normal not to want Sirius Black in the slightest, at least in the physical aspect. True, his personality was way too flawed to like everything about it, but his appearance. That was a completely different story and a very shallow one at that.

Hermione looked at Leslie and tilted her head to the side with curiosity.

"Why don't you like him, actually?"

"He's arrogant and treats women like toys. I know that they are not really opposed to this, but still... He shouldn't do it"

It was so easy to figure out that Leslie hated Sirius. Maybe not in a way that most people would, but he must have reminded her of someone who did wrong by her. Was it possible that someone she knew took a 'no' for a 'yes'? Or had it been something entirely else?

"He's not a bad person. Actually, his loyalty to his friends is admirable. I have no doubts that he would die for them. According to him, he had never met someone who would make him want to settle down. Those girls basically throw themselves at him and, I agree, he should turn them down and not take advantage of their stupidity. But other than that, he's a decent person", she said and furrowed her brows.

Leslie seemed to be a little embarrassed and Hermione knew that it had something to do with her thoughts, rather than words. She almost couldn't believe how no one managed to notice this girl's obvious animosity for men in general. Those _Bookish Fridays_ were actually a nice way to blend in, but Hermione could tell that the girl did everything in her power not to participate actively in them most of the time. The girls knew about her past and yet she wanted to pretend to be unharmed, even before them. The question was: 'Why?'.

"I'm not saying he isn't. I just don't like the way he acts towards women, that's all", Leslie shrugged and averted her gaze, clearly not comfortable with Hermione's scrutinizing stare.

"Well, apparently he decided to stop and focus on just one", Gracie said, her tone a bit offended.

It was hard to blame her, since she had been one of those girl who 'threw themselves' at Sirius. Hermione knew that the girl's infatuation with Padfoot was rather platonic now, but back then, she was crazy about the guy.

"I give him a couple of days before he changes his mind", stated Leslie and dodged a pillow flying towards her.

"You can be horrible sometimes! Maybe he's decided to grow up and shaming him for the past definitely is not helping!"

"It's not like he can hear us, yeah?"

"Doesn't mean you can trash-talk him! Would you feel so good if someone called you a whore?!", Gracie asked before she could stop herself.

The room went quiet and Hermione looked at both girls with faked misapprehension. She watched as Leslie's face paled and her eyes started to fill with tears. Grace seemed to be truly horrified by her words and run towards the girl, with a guilty expression painted on her face.

"Les, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay"

Leslie's voice was quiet and so different than her usual vibrant tone that Hermione couldn't stop herself from scowling. It took everything she had to stay quiet and not ask any questions, but she decided it was the right thing to do, even the girl's behaviour pretty much told her that something bad had just happened.

Grace looked at Hermione with uncertainty, as she tried to decide whether she had just gave up Leslie's secret unintentionally, but Leslie didn't seem to care. Her eyes stayed trained on Hermione's face, betraying lots of different emotions.

"You know", she stated quietly and Hermione nodded her head, seeing no point in denying. "Who told you?"

"Actually, no one. I've noticed that some subjects made you feel uncomfortable and then I've heard that you and Ewan had been friends before. I added those two together and it became pretty obvious"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it's not my business, Leslie. Only you can decide whether to trust me or not. I don't know any details and, honestly, I don't care for them. All I care about is that you're hurt and scared", Hermione said and watched Leslie's expression change rapidly.

"I'm not scared!", she denied angrily, clenching her fists.

"Of course you are. You stray away from every single boy, not mentioning leaving Ewan without as much of an explanation. One doesn't do those things out of pure desire"

Leslie fell quiet, colour returning to her face as her cheeks tinged pink.

"You don't know everything about everyone, Hermione. You're not a fucking oracle", she snapped after a moment, clearly outraged.

Grace looked at both of them with a disturbed expression, chewing on her bottom lip and trying to figure out best way to behave herself. Apparently, she decided against joining their discussion and Hermione felt really grateful for that. Leslie was going to be enough trouble on her own.

"I don't claim to be. It's just very easy to spot someone's pain and suffering when you're so familiar with those feeling yourself"

Hermione's voice was quiet and calm, posing a harsh contradiction to the anger painted on Leslie's face. Hearing someone talking about pain and suffering surely seemed inappropriate to her. In her mind, no one could understand her feelings and terrors she'd been through. All those people who claimed to 'know how she felt' were liars, as none of them could relate to something so horrifying as rape.

Miss Granger would lie if she'd said that it was something she was familiar with. No... Besides Fenrir Greyback, none of her torturers has ever wanted to touch her. She was a filthy Mudblood, after all.

It didn't mean that she wasn't scarred though. Her nightmares were the ultimate proof of that. Physical pain was nothing compared to that feeling that was ripping apart her entire body, when she thought about her friends and all those horrors that they have all been through.

"Oh yeah, I've heard that one before. You probably understand how I feel, huh?", Leslie asked with irony and bitterness in her voice.

Hermione furrowed her brows and shook her head.

"No. I've never been through _that_. But I didn't have to. There are so many things that can make you wish you were dead, so that you wouldn't have to face living ever again. It hurts so much that you feel like you're falling apart, your whole body tearing and ripping, as your very soul tries to get away from the omnipresent pain. But it doesn't end there", Hermione's whisper seemed to dissipate Leslie's anger, that was now replaced with shock and disbelief.

"Life doesn't wait for you. It demands you to keep going, just as nothing has ever happened. And maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for the nightmares. They make you relieve all those things you wish to forget, over and over, until you can't take it anymore. You're so broken, that it seems impossible to fix you. So you give up, letting your fear win"

The room was so silent, that Hermione could her Gracie's muffled breath, as she clearly tried to stop herself from sobbing. Hermione's words have been filled with raw emotions, something that couldn't be faked even by the finest actors. It felt weirdly liberating to say all of those things out loud, instead of trying to keep that part of her closed off from the world. It had gotten so natural for her, that she was surprised that it had still hurt so much, despite the passing time. Connecting with her feelings proved that even though she was forced to change, the old Hermione was still there, gentle and delicate as always.

Miss Granger opened her mouth with surprise, when Leslie's arms wrapped herself around her body.

"That's exactly what if feels like. But how do I ever make it stop?", her shaky voice sounded close to Hermione's ear, causing her to smile sadly.

"You don't. You just learn to live with it. You acknowledge it, but don't let it dictate the terms..."

"But what if someone hurts me again?"

Hermione fell silent for a moment, but then sighed and pushed the girl away, looking deep into her beautiful, blue eyes.

"The risk of being hurt again will always be there. But the only way to prevent it from actually happening is to _fight_. With everything you have. You don't let those bad people do that to you. You don't quit life, just because it got hard and almost unbearable. You make it your own again, creating new memories and a future that will outshine every single nightmare. You _live_ "

' _You live for those who no longer can',_ she thought as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

* * *

"Is that seat taken?"

Severus Snape stopped right in front of her desk, making Hermione blink with surprise.

"Um, yes. Amy sits here", she responded and smiled apologetically.

A moment later, the Slytherin sat down beside her and started to unpack his things, completely ignoring her words. Hermione knew very well that his behaviour was probably a result of a chat between Avery and Mulciber, but it still surprised her that he had actually decided to introduce their plan so early on.

"Haven't you heard me?"

"I have and she can sit somewhere else"

His tone was so cold and firm that Hermione saw no point in arguing. Amy would probably be angry at first, but the blonde knew that Severus Snape was not the guy to be messed with.

"Why do you even want to sit here? I was under the impression that you don't like me very much", she muttered and looked at him with puzzlement.

"I don't. You seem decent at Potions, though. Obviously not great, but definitely better than Avery"

Of course she wasn't any good. His statement made her want to roll her eyes with amusement, but she stopped herself and smiled instead.

"Thank you, I suppose. It's a great compliment coming from you"

Severus Snape flicked his gaze to her for the first time and narrowed his dark eyes. That man had the power to intimidate almost like nobody else she'd known and it took all of her strength not to flinch under his powerful stare.

"It wasn't a compliment. You're average, just like everyone else. The fact that you're not entirely brainless doesn't make you any better"

"Well, for your information, the fact that you're better at Potion's than most people doesn't mean you're actually smarter", she retorted and furrowed her brows.

It felt liberating to be able to talk back at him, without risking losing many, many points for her House, but the fact that he called her downright stupid didn't sit well with her. He used to call her an insufferable Know-It-All! And maybe he meant it as an insult, but it also implemented that she had known answers to every single question. Sure, maybe she didn't feel like 'the brightest witch of her age', but she didn't deserve to be called stupid.

She was offended enough not to notice the Marauders walking into the classroom. When Sirius had spotted her and her new partner, fury appeared on his face, as he started to walk towards them with long strides.

"Snivellus, I believe you're in the wrong place", he stated coldly, making Hermione look up with anxiousness.

Was he really going to start a fight right in the middle of the classroom? Of course he was. He was Sirius Black, after all.

"I don't think so", Snape's cold reply did nothing to lighten Padfoot's mood, as his muscles tensed even more, making Hermione chew on her bottom lip.

"Sirius...", she tried to interrupt, but her voice sounded way too weak for the Gryffindor to even acknowledge it.

"Yes, thinking is not one of your qualities, is it?", Sirius laughed, but the sound reminded her of Bellatrix rather than his usual self.

"Sirius...", she tried again and this time managed to capture his attention.

"Why are you letting him sit here, Herms?"

"It's not like it's forbidden. He's not exactly hurting me and I can't force him to move, can I? It's fine, really", she sighed and flicked her hand dismissively hoping that Sirius will do the right thing and just walk away.

That man had never been the one to think clearly, though. He sent her an offended glance and shook his head with disbelief.

"His not the right company for you. He's dangerous, Hermione!"

"And what's he going to do? Kill me with his textbook?", she snapped angrily and regretted her words as soon as they've left her mouth. "Come on, Sirius. It's really not worth to fight over something so trivial"

Padfoot looked at her with fury and it became clear that he was hurt by her words. After all, he had been her friend and yet, she'd decided to side with Snape. Guilt flooded her body, as Sirius slumped down to his chair. She knew that there was no other choice, but it still made her feel like crap.

"I don't need your protection", Snape hissed at her, contempt visible on his face.

Hermione sent him a glare that probably seemed murderous.

"You both act like children. Instead of staying away and ignoring each other, you fight like a bunch of kids. I didn't defend _you_ , Snape. I merely stated the truth, so don't flatter yourself"

Her voice was filled with bitterness and it was enough to make him fall silent. He didn't stop looking at her though, making her even more angry and miserable. All she wanted to do was to run away and cry her eyes out, as the old Hermione would do. The new one, however, had to be tough and act like she didn't care. All of her feelings were irrelevant, even if that meant she had to face the world alone.


	13. Chapter 12

November was her least favourite month, without any doubts. She hated rain and the ever-present cold, that seemed to seep through every layer of clothing, leaving her body trembling and in a desperate need for warmth. Hermione disliked it for more than just the weather, though. November had always meant that the Inter-House Quidditch Cup was about to begin. Unfortunately, flying on broom required an open space, which forced every student in the school to go out and sit in the rain and wind as both teams tried to end the game as quickly as possible.

The fact that she had managed to miss the first game of the year between Gryffindor and Slytherin did nothing to lighten up her mood. It made her feel guilty, as Sirius and James were both part of Gryffindor team and they were her friends, who really wanted her support. Sirius was so disappointed that she hadn't been there that he stopped talking to her once again, right after she apologized to him for what happened in Potions. Of course, it hadn't been her fault that Moody decided to use the opportunity to see if she was still in condition to defend herself, had anything bad occurred. Sirius didn't know that though and she had to lie to him and say that she got busy with her essays.

A week has passed and now she was on a good path to be late to the game, _again_. This time, it was entirely her fault and it made her even angrier. She completely forgot to leave her books in the dormitory and she wasn't stupid enough to take them to the Quidditch pitch, where everyone would be able to destroy them. By the time she got to the Ravenclaw Tower, she had already known that there was no way she would be on time. And to think that Hermione had always been a punctual and reliable person.

She had also been the one to avoid running through the corridors like a crazy person, but this time her usual rules seemed to be forgotten. It was not like many students decided to wander the halls anyway. Most of them preferred to get down to the pitch as quickly as possible in order to get the best places. Most, but not everyone.

"Bloody hell!", a voice groaned from underneath her body, as she slammed into its owner at her highest speed.

"Remus? Did I kill you?", she asked short of breath and looked at the boy with worry.

"I'm pretty sure that being dead would hurt less", he managed to say weakly, making Hermione get up immediately. "I'm fine, Hermione. Actually, I was looking for you"

Miss Granger blinked with surprise and watched as the Prefect stood up and started to brush off his robes.

"Sirius told me to get you, because he was worried you might miss your own House's game", he explained and smiled apologetically.

"Sirius? Why did he send you instead of coming here by himself?"

Remus chuckled and shook his head with amusement.

"Because he's too busy being a child, Hermione. To him and James, Quidditch is holiness. They simply don't understand how someone can miss a game. And Sirius took it very personal, since..."

Hermione raised her hand, stopping him mid-sentence. She knew exactly what he was trying to say and was in no mood for hearing anything about it.

"Yes, I get it", she said dismissively and then took her time to look at Remus.

Her brows furrowed immediately as she'd noticed the circles under his eyes and the pallor of his face. It was so hard not to tell him that his _furry problem,_ as the rest of Marauders referred to his lycanthropy, was no secret to her... But she needed to wait at least a couple of months to talk to him about it. No one, even as bright as her, could be able to jump to that conclusion after merely two months. Students weren't supposed to be werewolfs, after all...

"You're sure I didn't hurt you? You don't look so good", she stated quietly, despite her thoughts.

It might have been way too early to admit to knowing the truth, but it was never too early to express concern about her friend's health, even if it made Remus slightly uncomfortable. He probably figured that with her sharp mind it was a matter of time before she would find out his secret, which was probably why he decided to stay away from her, rather than befriend her the way that James and Sirius had. Hermione didn't hold it against him, as the society could be very cruel towards people like him. She was, however, determined to gain his trust and make him comfortable around her.

"I think I'm coming down with something. The weather is simply appalling", Remus answered and sighed.

Hermione nodded and started to search her bag for a Pepper-Up Potion. She made a point of carrying it with her, as the last thing she wanted to do was to lay in the hospital bed with a fever. And now she could use it to make Remus warm up to her.

"Here! You should take this! It can save you a trip to the Hospital Wing!", she exclaimed brightly and handed the vial to Remus, who took it with a surprise.

"Pepper-Up? Are you seriously carrying that around?"

"Yes. You've said it yourself, the weather is awful and I have no intentions of being sick. It would be incredibly hard not to fall back with the schoolwork then"

Remus looked at her for a second and then started to laugh. Hermione furrowed her brows and sent him a questioning stare.

"You're such a bookworm. For what it's worth, I really hope that you're going to use your newly found power over Sirius to make him study..."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm going to make him and James cram so hard that this whole place will be peaceful for at least an entire month!", she chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"I'd like to see that happen. But for now, we should get going, otherwise Sirius is not going to speak to both of us"

Hermione sighed and decided that the boy was probably right. Actually, the silent treatment that Padfoot was giving her wouldn't be so bad. If only she'd stop missing him so terribly.

* * *

"Look who's decided to show up!", James exclaimed and laughed seeing her grim expression.

Hermione wasn't all that happy about sitting amongst the Gryffindors. Not that she didn't like them. It was just that her roommates would use her absence as a perfect excuse to blackmail her into being a lector during their next Bookish Friday. They claimed that she had the most perfect voice and intonation for reading smut. Hermione didn't know if that should be taken as a compliment or rather an insult, but she learned that it was best not to ask. She learned it the hard way.

"Yes, hello to you to, Jamie", the Ravenclaw rolled her eyes and sighed, sitting next to Sirius, as it was the only place left.

It probably wasn't a coincidence, as Sirius' arm wrapped itself around her shoulders almost immediately and pulled her closer to his warm body. Hermione could feel all the stares burning holes in her robes, but decided that she didn't care. If she had to sit out here for a couple of hours, she might as well get as comfortable as possible and Sirius' warmth was _very_ pleasant.

"Remus, where did you find her? In the library?"

"She actually ran into me, as she was rushing to get here on time", Remus explained with a grin and Hermione blushed slightly, when Sirius' arm tightened around her.

"Anxious to see me, love?", he purred like a cat, sending a shiver down her spine.

"Not really. It's not like we were talking much those past few days", she reminded him impassively, making James laugh.

"That's because you weren't there for our game, woman! And Sirius likes when his women are watching him"

"Well, _his women_ were definitely watching him and _I_ was busy doing something productive"

The boys laughed again and Sirius sighed clearly displeased. He withdrew his arm and stuck his hands inside the pockets. Hermione immediately shivered, making him smirk with satisfaction. She was way too proud to ask him to embrace her again, though, so she clenched her teeth and started to look around the pitch.

It seemed that the game hadn't even started yet. No one was flying around and Madam Hooch was nowhere to be seen. Hermione furrowed her brows and asked:

"Wasn't the game supposed to begin like 15 minutes ago?"

"The weather is terrible. Hooch is probably trying to get everyone to play fair and square as it can be really dangerous in those conditions", James explained, reminding Hermione of the most important reason for her dislike of Quidditch.

It could be deadly and she had no intentions of dying with a stick between her legs. Not only was it utterly pointless and stupid, but it also sounded very dirty.

At that exact moment, the players flew out of their changing rooms and the uproar erupted from the stands. She decided to quit being a buzz killer and cheered along with everyone else, earning herself satisfied glances from James and Sirius.

It turned out to be surprisingly easy to fall into the mood, as the Marauders commented on every single action and explained all the interesting manoeuvers to her. That part of Quidditch she could actually enjoy. Learning something new had always been interesting, even if it required her to actually stay focused throughout the game. She couldn't believe that she had never took interest in all those tactics, as they seemed to be really demanding to understand. Being able to spot different manoeuvers made the spectacle so much more entertaining, that she almost forgot about the cold and her clattering teeth.

But then, a lightning cut the sky in multiple places, making everyone gasp. Hermione tensed up immediately, as a flashback of her memories took her breath away for a minute. She could almost see Harry falling down from his broom and then flying towards the ground with an astonishing speed. And now the history seemed to repeat itself, even if she was the only one that could possibly know about it.

The moment Ewan started to fall, Hermione knew what had to be done. Before anyone could react, her wand was out and an incantation left her mouth.

" _Arresto Momentum!"_

Her scream could probably be heard on the other side of the pitch, but she couldn't care less. She was focused on saving Ewan's life. His body slowed down just before the ground and then slumped down on it with a soft and very wet thump. Her heart was beating against her chest like crazy as she stood there, completely frozen with her wand still pointed towards Ewan.

The whole stadium went quiet and even the players stopped for a moment to just stare at her with shock. Hermione couldn't blame them, as her entire body seemed to be in denial as well. It was hard to breathe, as she watched some of the Professors run towards Ewan to help him, as his body continued to just lay there without a sign of life.

Was she too late? She could have sworn that her spell worked before he hit the ground, but what if her mind decided to play tricks on her? What if he was dead, because she wasn't able to save him on time?

"I need to go", she muttered and ran towards the stairway.

The Marauders yelled after her, but none of them had actually tried to stop her. It took her only a minute to find herself right next to Ewan's body, while the teachers started to scold her.

"Miss Granger, you shouldn't be here. The game is still taking place", Minerva McGonagall informed her with a stern look, but couldn't hide the pride shining in her eyes.

"Actually, Minerva, I believe we have to end the game. Mr Hughes managed to catch the Snitch", Dumbledore said with his brows furrowed and nodded to Madam Hooch who kept hovering over their heads, keeping an eye on the game, but staying close to the injured boy.

Mere seconds later, the commentator announced that Ravenclaw has won the game, but Hermione couldn't help but notice worry in Headmaster's eyes. She shifted impatiently and asked:

"Professor, is Ewan alright?"

"You probably saved his life, Miss Granger, but I'm afraid that he's not unharmed"

"Was it..."

"...the fall? No, unfortunately", Dumledore shook his head and exchanged grim looks with Professor McGonagall.

Hermione's heart clenched when she realised that whatever happened, it must have been serious.

"Please, professor. Ewan's my friend", her voice cracked as she tried to blink away the tears that started to form in her eyes.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dumbledore spoke and made her heart stop completely.

"I'm afraid Mr Hughes has been cursed right before the fall"


	14. Chapter 13

"Miss Granger, I'm afraid that our assumption has been wrong the entire time"

Dumbledore's worried voice sounded in his office, snapping her out of the grievous thoughts running through her head. Her bottom lip hurt from all the chewing she'd done in the past hour and she was sure that it would start bleeding any minute now.

"We assumed that Voldemort had his supporters in the school, but we were sure that he would target the Slytherins. As the attack on Mr Hughes has proven, that seems to be completely incorrect. It must had been done by someone from Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, as it would be impossible for anyone else to curse your friend so high up in the air"

The Headmaster seemed to be truly disturbed by his musings and Hermione had to admit that his feeling was mutual. Nothing about that entire case had been easy and pleasant. A student had been hurt and she had every reason to believe that it had been entirely her fault. She was on a verge of a breakdown, for the first time since her stay at the Hospital Wing had ended and Moody took her under his wings.

Ewan was hurt severely and his only fault was being friends with her. A Mudblood, that couldn't keep her mouth shut. Couldn't, even though she knew she should have.

"Professor, I don't think that anyone from Hufflepuff would be able to do something like that", she said, despite the guilt that's been eating at her soul, threatening to rip it apart.

"Yes, under normal circumstances, I would agree with you on that matter, Miss Granger. However, nothing about this situation is normal. Dark Arts had been used on the school grounds and they've been used in the most vile way. The attacker had undoubtedly tried to kill Mr Hughes, making it look like an accident. Your friend wasn't supposed to survive the fall, making it very unlikely that somebody would check his body for the residues of a dark spell. It was very clever, you have to admit", the man stated and frowned slightly.

In Hermione's mind nothing about what happened was clever. It was vile and repelling, making her sick to her stomach. Killing somebody was one of those things that she would never cease to forget. She felt dirty and unworthy, even if there had been no other choice at that moment. Bellatrix deserved what she got, but Hermione had no doubts that she wouldn't be able to do it again. The burden she had to carry was way too great.

The thought that someone might actually want to carry it and revel in the feeling of taking somebody's life was even more terrifying to her now, when she had known what it was like to kill someone. There was also nothing clever about deciding to follow the dark path.

"What are you suggesting, professor?", she asked, not being able to stop herself from lacing her voice with all the pent-up emotions.

Dumbledore seemed to be fully aware of the inner battle raging inside her body, but chose not to comment on that. There was no time for talks about morality.

"I'm saying that it seems almost impossible that a student from Hufflepuff would be able to plan something like this. I believe that whoever did this to Mr Hughes, had been under the influence of the Imperius Curse"

Hermione gaped her mouth in surprise and sent her mind into motion. The solution proposed by Dumbledore seemed very likely, she had to admit that. Even though, that theory had some major holes in it. As far as she knew, casting Unforgivable Curses in Hogwarts had been strictly prohibited. There was simply no way to curse someone without Dumbledore knowing about it beforehand. Was that why he came up with this theory?

"Professor, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it be impossible to cast an Unforgivable without triggering the wards?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. However, it might be possible that the spell was casted during a Hogsmeade visit"

But that would have been even before she overheard the conversation between Mulciber and Avery. Was it possible that they had planned this whole thing in advance? Maybe after they've heard about her 'date' with Ewan? But if that was truly the case, why hadn't they said anything about it during their meeting?

"I see you're having doubts", Dumbledore observed and she sighed loudly.

"I'm not sure, Professor. Why would they speak about trying to get to me, if they'd already had plans?"

"Miss Granger, are you absolutely sure that they hadn't been aware of you presence?"

Hermione frowned and tried to recall every moment of that night, as she had done a thousand times before. Mulciber and Avery might have been Slytherins, but there was no chance that they would be able to act out the entire scene. They'd started talking way before she'd appeared on that corridor.

"I'm positive", she stated decisively, making Dumbledore smile tightly.

"Then maybe we should take under consideration that Messers Mulciber and Avery are not the only spies inside of the castle"

That thought wasn't exactly comforting, Hermione noticed with worry. Those boys were trouble even on their own. Another spy would make the situation even worse. The Marauders Map might have been helpful when it came to trailing Mulciber and Avery, but wouldn't be exactly useful in finding out the identity of another Death Eater.

"We need to find the person that had been Imperioed", she said forcibly and Dumbledore smiled with appreciation.

"Yes, Miss Granger. I believe that would be the right thing to do. The person that had cast the spell must have been pretty close to our victim. We should undoubtedly use the fact, that human minds record so much more than it would've seem. Maybe we will be able to find the true attackers identity by searching through the memories of the cursed person"

Hermione nodded eagerly and allowed herself to relax her tensed muscles. They had a plan and at this moment, it was quite an optimistic realisation. It meant that whoever attacked Ewan, he would probably be brought to justice...

"Professor, do you mind telling me how Ewan is feeling?", she asked quietly, when another realisation popped into her mind.

She hadn't been able to monitor his condition, as she was way too busy with explaining her actions to every student. After what seemed like hours of constant babbling and repeating the same story over and over, she got summoned to Dumbledore's office, leaving her without the ability to visit her friend in the Hospital Wing.

Frankly speaking, she was glad that she didn't have to face him so early after the accident. The guilt refused to go away or even ease and that put her in a very terrible mood. Hermione was incredibly scared that Ewan would simply blame and reject her, after he had learned what happened. She had no intentions whatsoever of lying to him, as he deserved to know the truth. He deserved a choice between being friends with her and taking care of his own safety. It was not like she could ever hold it against him.

"Why won't you see for yourself, Miss Granger?"

The silence in the office seemed like an adequate answer to the Headmaster's question. Hermione couldn't bring herself to talk about her feelings in front of a man that she found so utterly superior to herself. He was the leader of a powerful organisation and shouldn't be bothered with her feelings. And yet, he seemed to be interested in those depressing thoughts residing inside of her mind.

"Miss Granger?", he asked again and looked at her from above his half-glasses.

A sharp intake of breath on her part was enough to show him how many doubts have gathered inside her body, so he smiled gently, urging her to speak.

"I just... I can't stop feeling guilty, Professor. I messed up. I was supposed to fix everything, not make it worse. Ewan wouldn't become a target if it wasn't for his friendship with me. He deserves better than to be caught up in a war between me and those morons, pardon my language", she explained quietly and squeezed her eyes shut. "I didn't want anyone to end up hurt and I'm starting to think that maybe my presence at Hogwarts isn't needed, that maybe my skills might be useful somewhere else, where I could truly be responsible for myself and only for myself"

Her voice quiet and full of sorrow managed to capture Dumbledore's attention fully. The man looked at her with tension visible in his entire body and that didn't make her feel any better.

"Miss Granger. Hermione...", he started and sighed lightly, making her lower her gaze to stare at the clasped hands, resting in her lap. "There was no way to predict the course of actions, even with your vast knowledge. We agreed that the future you knew, no longer exists. I believe that it would be reasonable to use your memories to build a new one, rather than stick to that improved version of what you know. Whether you like it or not, you're a vital part of what's yet to come and your role will be completely different than the one you've held previously"

Tears rolled down her cheeks, as her defences had finally given up, letting all of her emotions flow out of her body. She trembled violently and covered her face with her hands, trying to stop herself from falling apart completely.

"I don't know if I can. I don't belong here, Professor. Whenever I look at all these people, I realise that many of them will be dead by the time I was supposed to be born. When I think about the future, I see Harry's and Ron's faces, smiling brightly at me. I should be with them, even if that means being dead"

She knew she was right. Future was not to be messed with, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it had already been done. It was the reason why she tried to avoid any distractions. If no one remembered her, maybe the future would turn out to be similar, only better? After all, she didn't need to be a part of it, after she ensured everyone's safety.

"I chose you, Miss Granger. Even if it was reckless and completely irresponsible. I trust myself to the point where I'm willing to believe that there had been no other choice left. And I chose you"

She knew that. Her brain had managed to process that information a long time ago, but it still wasn't enough to force her to leave everything behind and just forget about it. Hermione was desperately trying to hold onto the girl, a young woman, she'd left behind back in the '90. But she just couldn't. It felt like splitting her soul into two different pieces, that were supposed to stay untouched until the day she died.

But she did die on that day. A realisation hit her like a lightning, making her gasp violently in a desperate need for air. No... It was not possible. It simply wasn't.

"Professor...", she whispered weakly and Dumbledore shifted in his chair with anxiousness. "How exactly do you create a Horcrux?"

The Headmaster looked at her with shock, his mind trying to follow her trail of thoughts. Finally, he opened his mouth as his face paled considerably.

"Hermione... If you're implying what I think you are..."

"I believe I am, Professor. I believe that I had actually died on that day. I was sure I had. But just minutes before it happened, I killed Bellatrix. I killed her with conviction and cold blood. And then... Then I started to think about going back through time, to save everyone. What if I somehow managed to create a Horcrux, before your spell activated and took me back to these times?"

Her words sounded morbid, but unfortunately, they seemed very probable. Dumbledore looked at her with consideration and then he rubbed his forehead tiredly.

"Are you sure that it's possible?", he finally asked and Hermione bit her lip.

Her heart was racing, as her palms started to sweat uncontrollably. Was she sure? No. It took Voldemort years to get his body back, after his Killing Curse had rebounded and struck him instead of taking Harry's life. But he had split his soul six times before that night, making it completely shredded. Maybe the first Horcrux didn't actually cause someone to lose his body? Maybe she had somehow managed to transfer most of her soul into the Time Turner, allowing her to keep her personality and appearance.

"I don't know, Professor. But I think there's an easy way to find out. Do You still have that Time Turner that sent me here?"

Dumbledore stood up and started to rummage thorough one of his cabinets, the one that seemed to be the least interesting out of them all. After a minute, a familiar golden necklace with a small hourglass attached to it appeared in his hand, making Hermione shift with anxiety.

"From what I know it is possible to feel somebody's soul in an object. There was this locket... It managed to influence the mood of everyone carrying it, but we could also feel its pulsation", she muttered quietly, doing everything in her power not to look in Dumbeldore's direction.

The tension had been so unbearable, that she found it hard to breathe. It felt like hours filled with grievous silence, while she awaited the Headmaster's verdict.

Finally, the man spoke, crushing her hopes and dreams.

"I can feel a pulse, Miss Granger. You were right. I believe you've managed to create a Horcrux"


	15. Chapter 14

Dirty. There was no better word to describe how she was feeling. Her whole body ached, as she stood under the hot stream of water, rubbing her skin with force. The pain did nothing to distract her from all those thoughts running through her head with such speed, that she felt dizzy.

It was a nightmare, worse than anything she had ever experienced. There was nothing more vile than creating a Horcrux. The act itself had been despicable, as it required murdering someone with conviction. But when she had casted the spell, she hadn't thought about creating something so evil. Some of the people she cared about had been dead, but not everyone. She had to save them, even if that meant sacrificing her own purity and innocence. But this?

This was simply unbearable. Her soul had been split into two pieces, and she had no idea why. Her body had been taken back to 1976, but right before it happened, the Time Turner had become her very own Horcrux. Hermione had no other explanation than to just assume that the spell casted upon the hourglass by Dumbledore must have had something to do with this entire situation she had found herself in.

Her body was dying, when she got send back through time. What if the spell required her to be alive for the Time Turner to work? Maybe it has created a Horcrux, so that she would survive even if her body had died? But then, Madam Pomfrey had managed to save her, making her the second living person to own a Horcrux.

But how could it be? She remembered carrying the Slytherin Locket around her neck. She knew that it had changed her, that it kept feeding off of her emotions, making her miserable, angry and depressed all the time. She hadn't been able to cast a Patronus Charm while wearing it, actually none of them were. And the small hourglass, that had been hanging around her neck right now, seemed to have no effect on her. Its slow pulsation might have been a figment of her imagination, as it had no influence on her abilities to cast any charms at all.

How was it possible? Hermione could swear that her personality had been intact, even if she became more sarcastic and angrier, but considering her situation it seemed very justified. She didn't feel like this vile person that could intentionally split her soul in half. Immortality was not something she had ever wanted or at least not in that literal form of it. She wanted to be remembered, to be praised for her achievements and the work she'd done, but never wanted to actually outlive everyone.

There were so many question revolving around that discovery and Hermione knew that there hadn't been a single person that would be able to answer them. It made her feel so horrible that she stepped out of the shower immediately, deciding that no water could cleanse her. Instead, she stopped in front of the mirror and wiped the steam away from it, looking at the familiar face on its surface.

Same hair, same eyes, same nose and mouth. Nothing seemed to be different, but she had barely recognized herself in the reflection. She wiped her face with a towel and then glanced in the mirror once again, only to realise that the liquid running down her face was something more than just water. She was crying, shedding tears of agony and sorrow, that no one could ever ease.

* * *

"Ewan...", she whispered quietly, as she sat down next to his bed, looking at his pale face.

He seemed to be so peaceful. It hurt her even more to know that it had not been the case. The boy had suffered terribly, as the curse that hit him caused his entire body to attack itself, forcing Ewan to endure agonizing pain.

It was really disturbing to know that curses like that one existed and weren't strictly forbidden, as it had been the case with the Unforgivables. She had no way to tell if it had been worse than the _Cruciatus_ , but she would be glad to accept the pain if that meant sparing Ewan from feeling it.

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut, a shaky breath escaping her mouth. She told herself that she wouldn't be crying, but she simply couldn't keep her promise. Why was she able to feel this compassion? Why was she able to mourn the pain of others, when she was a monster?

"Hermione...", a hoarse whisper caught her attention, forcing her to open her eyes immediately. "What... What happened?"

"Merlin, you're alive", she cried out and started to sob uncontrollably.

"I told you... I'm no Mer-Merlin", he choked out in response, making her cry even more.

Madam Pomfrey run into the room, alarmed by her emotional outburst and rushed towards Ewan, after she had realized what had been going on.

"Miss Granger, step aside, please", the woman ordered and Hermione shifted, wrapping her arms around herself.

Ewan was awake and that meant that he had fought of the worst danger. Madam Pomfrey kept waving her wand over the boy, checking his vitals and every possible body function, but a small smile tugging at her lips was enough to inform Hermione that she was right in her assumptions.

The nurse has left Ewan a couple of minutes later, forcing at least ten potions down his throat, making him scowl at their taste and groan out in disgust. Hermione watched this with a teary smile, revelling in the warmth that kept spreading in her body. Seeing Ewan's bright eyes was enough to lighten up her mood, even a little. Once Madam Pomfrey had left, Hermione approached the boy's bed once again and sat next to it, looking at him intently.

"You look terrible", Ewan stated, his voice much stronger than before and Hermione looked down in guilt.

"Yeah, I know. I don't sleep much lately"

"How long was I out?"

"Couple of days. I was so worried. We all were"

"We?", the boy asked and frowned.

"Yes. The entire school is kind of devastated. Leslie included", Hermione informed him with a small smile, looking up for a second to check his reaction. "She was here with me, you know"

Ewan smiled widely, but it lasted only few seconds, before his brows furrowed, as he sent her a scrutinizing gaze.

"What happened?"

"You fell off your broom"

"Yes, but why am I even alive?", he shook his head, making Hermione sigh.

"I've saved you from the fall. _Arresto Momentum",_ she explained and looked at her hand that had been now entwined with Ewan's.

"Hermione...", he whispered with agitation lacing his voice, but the girl couldn't let him thank her.

"No, Ewan. It has been my fault in the first place that anything has happened to you"

Ewan opened his mouth, but then closed them, averting his gaze. In a second, he became very thoughtful, clearly remembering something from before his fall. A realisation dawned on him, as a gasp escaped his mouth. He squeezed her hand so hard that it hurt, but the pain meant nothing to her at that moment.

"Someone cursed me"

Hermione nodded, not able to say anything. She didn't want to look at him, but he forced her to, reaching for her face. His finger lifted up her chin, revealing guilt hiding in her eyes.

"It's not your fault, Hermione. Why would you even think so?"

"The curse that hit you... It was very dark, Ewan. And there are not many people who would be able to do that. I think it was a message. For me. They've hurt you because we're friends and I'm a Mud..."

"Don't call yourself that!", he scolded her with outrage, but his expression softened almost immediately. "You're my friend and you're a wonderful person. If anyone has trouble seeing it, they are completely blind. Or they've forgotten to take their heads out of their asses", he added lightly, and Hermione smiled weakly, appreciating his efforts to cheer her up.

"This is not about me, Ewan. This is about you and your safety. I knew that making friends could be risky, but I didn't think that I would capture anyone's attention so fast. I shouldn't have let you get close to me"

"You're not my mother, Hermione and I'm very able to make my own decisions. If I say that I'd rather be your friend and be endangered than stay away and be a coward, I mean it".

Ewan's voice was firm, but it still hadn't been enough to convince her to change her mind. Not after her latest discovery. She didn't deserve his friendship, just as she didn't deserve anyone else's. And maybe that sounded like a pathetic excuse made by a coward, but deep down she knew that the effects of splitting her soul might simply be postponed. Hermione could turn into someone very terrible and that wasn't something she wanted anyone to witness.

"What happened, Hermione? I thought you were smarter than to pity yourself and push everyone away because _you_ think it's the right thing to do. There must be something else that's bugging you"

Hermione bit her lip and closed her eyes, as a pang of pain stabbed her heart. Ewan was not stupid, he was a Ravenclaw after all. She should have known that he would be able to see past her superficial explanations.

"I have recently learned that something bad happened, before I got here", she murmured and inhaled deeply, trying to buy herself some time. "Something that turned me into a very, very bad person, Ewan. Someone, who's not exactly the best friend material"

"What was it?"

"I can't tell you. If anyone found out..."

She would be dead or imprisoned before anyone could say 'Hogwarts'. Besides, the knowledge about the Horcruxes should stay hidden from as many people as possible. Hermione had never dreamt of immortality, but to the mind that had already been corrupted with Dark Magic, the idea might seem very tempting.

"Fine. But if you claim that you had only learned about it recently, how can it make you a bad person? You weren't even aware of it, were you?", he asked and Hermione looked at him carefully.

"I've done something despicable. Not intentionally, but it had happened nonetheless", she said, but Ewan didn't look convinced. "If you'd kill someone by accident, you wouldn't be a murderer. But you would be a killer. Even if you didn't mean for it to happen"

The boy's eyes widened as he stared at her with shock.

"You've killed someone?", he hissed, looking around to make sure that no one could hear him.

He didn't sound all that scared or disgusted, making Hermione look at him with her brows furrowed.

"What if I tell you that I have? Only it hadn't been an accident?"

Ewan fell silent for a moment, but then his gaze flickered to her forearm. Anger appeared on his face, but Hermione felt as though it wasn't directed at her actions.

"Your life had been pretty shite, Hermione. I don't know the whole story, as you're very secretive about it, but I know this... You have fought with all you had to save yourself, to get out of there alive. Even if you'd kill someone intentionally, I know that it must have been very justified. But I also know for a fact, that you're not talking about taking someone's life. You can't do that with conviction and _not_ be aware of it"

He was too smart for his own good. Hermione couldn't help but to feel this magnetic pull towards him. Not as a man, but as a friend. His intelligence offered her a chance, an opportunity to share her burden with someone else. She had no doubts that Ewan would be able to understand her situation completely... He wasn't a bad person, his views were similar to her own. It would be so easy to entrust him with everything.

She couldn't do that though, no matter how appealing it sounded. Moody would tell her to keep her mouth shut, Dumbledore would strongly advise her against telling anyone the truth and her own mind seemed to agree with both of them. Her heart though... Her heart was bleeding even more than before.

"I really can't tell you, Ewan. Trust me when I say this, but some things are just too horrible to be spoken of. Which is why I still believe that it would be wise to stay away from me", she forced herself to say, making Ewan snort.

"I know that you have your secrets, Hermione. Unlike Black, I'm able to understand that you have to keep things away from me in order to keep many people safe. I'm not blind, nor am I stupid. And maybe one day, not so far from today you would be able to come clean about them, after I've joined the Order", he muttered and then his expression softened. "But I won't let you push me away. I might not know everything, but I know that you need my support. The guilt that's eating you from the inside is not something you can face on your own. And you would be stupid to think otherwise"

With that, he squeezed her hand once again, destroying her defensive walls in a mere second. She started to cry, but this time she was relieved. Her soul had been thorn, but maybe, just maybe, she still had a chance for a relatively normal life? After all, this was all she had left, as her death would bring her no solace. She would be stuck in a Limbo, somewhere between Life and Death forever. Maybe she had to cherish whatever pleasures she had left, even if it was selfish. Why should she even care?

Miss Granger had a purpose and her Horcrux changed nothing in that matter. As long as she would stay on track, no one would be able to call her a monster. No one, beside herself.


	16. Chapter 15

Getting back to her life was difficult. Somehow, nothing seemed quite the same. The library stopped being her favourite place in the entire castle, since it no longer allowed her to forget about all of the problems. It had become her only source of possible knowledge about the Horcruxes and the Dark Arts in general. She tried to be secretive about her research, but she knew that someone was bound to notice sooner rather than later that she was spending an awful amount of time in the Library, even for such a bookworm like herself.

Her roommates looked at her with caution, whenever she managed to get back to their dorm before the curfew, which didn't happen all that often those days. The Marauders' Map proved itself quite useful and the Headmaster gave her permission to stay in the Library past its opening hours. Of course, it had made Madam Pince quite unhappy, but she didn't ask any questions. Dumbledore was, after all, the Headmaster of Hogwarts and Hermione proved herself to be an exceptional student.

She knew though that it was only a matter of time, before someone tries to 'talk to her' and find out what was wrong. And coming up with an explanation that would be convincing to all of her friends and would allow her secrets to actually _stay_ secrets. Well, it was hard. _Bloody hard_.

So when the Marauders, Lily, Amy, Grace and Leslie surrounded her on her way back to the Great Hall for dinner, it was hard not to be nervous. Despite her anxiousness, she managed to pull off a surprised face, while she stared at their firm stances.

"Love... Fancy seeing you here", Sirius said with a lazy smile, that posed a harsh contradiction to his tensed muscles.

"Um... Likewise?", she responded, flicking her eyes over every person in that small group of support. "Is something wrong?"

"You tell me!", growled Leslie and clenched her fists.

"Les is right! We're worried, Hermione! You're barely sleeping, you're avoiding us and you keep studying all day, which is uncommon even for _you",_ Amy stated much calmer than the short-haired girl, making Hermione frown.

"It's not exactly my fault that I have so much to do"

James snorted loudly and earned himself an angry glance from Lily.

"Potter, this is serious!", she scolded him and this time, it was Sirius' turn to speak.

"No. I am Sirius"

Grace giggled uncontrollably, making Sirius very pleased with himself. Amy pulled an annoyed expression and smacked the girl standing next to her on the arm.

"What the hell is wrong with you? We're supposed to be talking to Hermione, not making stupid jokes!"

Hermione would probably be very amused by this entire situation if it wasn't for the determination shining in Lily's, Amy's and Remus' eyes, making it really hard to forget about the reason why she was avoiding them in the first place. They had gotten so close to her, that it started to be pretty impossible to keep things away from them. She'd never been much of a secretive person, especially when it came to her friends. Miss Granger didn't make friends easily, but when she did, she treasured them more than anything else in life. And those people standing in front of her didn't deserve to be lied to. It was simply cruel and unjust.

"All right, sorry, princess", Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed. "We're worried, love. I understand your need to avoid me, since I'm pretty irresistible, but..."

"Black! Stop with those stupid comments!", Lily snapped again and rubbed her forehead with anger. "How can you be surprised that she doesn't want you, if you act like a complete moose!"

Sirius snorted at her statement and James cleared his throat with a charming smile.

"I think you've mistaken me for someone", Padfoot replied with a serious expression, making Peter giggle like a girl.

"This was a terrible idea", Remus muttered and sighed, rubbing his temples.

Hermione had to agree with the Prefect. That intervention of sorts wasn't going very well. Although it certainly was amusing.

"The point is... We know that something must be going on with you. You're pale, you've lost weight and those bags under your eyes. You look like you're twenty something"

Hermione had to stop herself from chuckling. Well, she definitely wasn't sixteen.

"Guys, I meant it. Nothing's wrong, I just have tons of work"

At this point Sirius sneezed very theatrically, making everyone look at him at once.

"Oh, sorry I'm allergic to bollocks!", he yelled and shot her an angry glance. "Remus and Evans are taking the same classes and they're not wasting their days and nightsin the library. If you hate sleeping so much, I can provide you with much better ways to avoid it, you know?", he asked, but this time his voice was filled with irony and anger, so no one dared to scold him again.

"Hermione... Talk to us. We're your friends! We don't deserve to be pushed away", Grace looked at her with her big eyes and Hermione's lip trembled slightly.

"No, you don't. But you also don't deserve to get hurt, because of me. You're not supposed to spend your days trying to figure out", she stopped herself and sighed, averting her gaze.

She knew that explaining her behaviour wouldn't be easy. But now it just seemed impossible, as her mind went completely blank. Everyone was watching her intently and all she could offer them was silence.

"There are many things that I should tell you. But I simply can't. It's dangerous, not only for you, but also for me. Telling you would be so irresponsible and stupid, that you would scold me for doing so. If only you knew..."

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip, trying to stop herself from crying. Why did everything have to be so complicated?!

"I don't get what could be so important, that you'd rather lie to us than simply tell the truth. Don't you trust us?", James asked and ruffled his hair.

A moment later, a book struck his head, causing him to groan out in pain.

"Why the hell would you do that?!", he gasped, looking at Lily with exasperation.

"Because you're an idiot! Haven't you seen her arm?! It's not like she'd been on a picnic before she came here! Don't you think it might not be a good idea to prod her about those things?!", she exclaimed, earning herself a grateful look from Hermione.

When it came to understanding and simple logic, Lily had always been the one to excel. It didn't matter if it was the Arithmancy or friendship. She simply knew what to say and how to act. Always loyal, always full of apprehension. She was so much like Harry.

"It was your idea in the first place to talk to her!", James defended himself, waving his arms comically and not noticing the teary gaze that Hermione sent towards the redheaded girl.

"It was my idea to make sure she was alright! To make sure that she knew she could talk to us! I certainly didn't want to barge into her life and ask her to do something she clearly cannot do!"

"Guys, I'm still here", Hermione reminded them in a small voice, gaining everybody's attention. "Lily's right, actually. I cannot tell you, because it's not my decision to make. I just... I thought that if I had stayed away, I wouldn't have to lie to you, to keep things from you. I know that it was pretty stupid, especially coming from someone who's supposedly brilliant", she rolled her eyes and smiled weakly, before looking at them once again. "But no matter how many times I had pictured this conversation, it had always ended up terribly wrong"

"You don't have to apologize, we understand", Lily assured her and sent a murderous glance towards James, who snorted once again. " _WE DO_. It's just that none of us knows how to act. We don't want you to push us away, but we have so many questions. All I'm asking is to just let us help you, be there for you!"

"Besides, what the fuck, Herms?! You're our lector! Bookish Fridays suck without you", Grace stated with a sad smile.

Hermione's gaze flicked to Sirius, who stared at her with his brows furrowed. Oh, she was so screwed. There was no way he would forgive her for ditching him every Friday, so she could read books. And she would be even more screwed if he'd found out about what kind of books she had been reading. He would never stop teasing her.

"I'm sorry, I really am. It's just impossibly hard to be... To be normal", she admitted, pushing away her inappropriate thoughts.

At this moment, Peter stepped forward, looking at her with an insecure smile. His sudden initiative was surprising enough, but his words that followed. They were simply staggering.

"It doesn't matter who you are, Hermione. Not for us. I used to think that I'll never find someone who'll like me. I wanted to have just this one person to talk to, so I wouldn't be alone all the time. But now I have brothers and I belong with them. And so do you"

Hearing him say that was like being smacked in the face with an anvil. Peter Pettigrew standing before her was nothing more than just a boy, who had dreams and plans just like the rest of them. He didn't plan on betraying his friends, he didn't plan on hurting anyone. Even if he kept hiding in James' and Sirius' shadow, he felt good doing that. It didn't matter if they were stars. Not if they kept giving him the gleam he had always wanted. The gleam of brotherly love.

Before she could stop herself, her arms wrapped themselves around Peter's body, hugging him closely.

"Thank you, Peter", she whispered so quietly, that only he could hear it.

He was someone worth saving, after all. Even if she had to save him from himself.

* * *

"Granger..."

Cold voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked around, stopping her gaze at the silhouette of Severus Snape, who looked at her with... Well, with nothing. It was very surprising, considering the fact that his eyes usually held so much contempt for everything, that Hermione began to wonder if he had even been capable of a different expression.

It seemed that somehow, she has managed to gain his respect, because there was no way he would decide to talk to her out of his own volition.

"Severus, fancy seeing you here", she chirped and looked around once again.

His presence here was very awkward, as the weather didn't exactly encourage anyone to spending time outside, which was precisely why she decided to do it. Hiding from Sirius was terribly difficult and it required special measures. Even if those measures meant freezing her ass off next to the Great Lake. At least the view was tremendous.

"Do you realise it's bloody cold? Are you really that stupid to sit here instead of locking yourself in the Library, like you always do?", the Slytherin asked with irony, but she knew better than to take offense at his snarky comment.

"It's very sweet of you to worry about me, but I really like it here. It's very _quiet"_ , she stressed the last word, hoping that maybe he would take the hint.

Of course, no such thing happened, as he sat down on the ground right next to her. A sigh escaped her mouth and she looked down to her book once again. Hermione didn't mind his company, not really . That boy possessed such a brilliant mind, that having conversations with him was like talking to herself in the mirror. Well, it had also required being able to look past all of his mean remarks and the ever-present contempt for the world in general, but she was used to a much, much worse version of him.

"Why are you here?", he asked, his brows furrowed, as he tried to spot the title of the book she was currently reading.

"Sirius decided that the Library is not scary anymore, so I can't hide from him there. He's been watching me like a hawk lately and it drives me crazy", she opted for telling the truth, since Snape had proved himself to be rather observant and would probably guess anyway.

"Black is acting even more brainless than Potter", Severus answered with a scowl. "And I thought it simply wasn't possible"

"He's just worried"

Hermione knew that Sirius' reasons were much more complicated than that, because he seemed to be the only one to still pester her about her secrets. As much as annoying it was, she couldn't really bring herself to be angry with him. He made sure of that. Whenever he walked by her, their shoulders brushed against each other, while he looked at her with a passionate gaze that made her knees go weak. Whenever he smiled at her, she wanted to kiss him and forget about everything.

Wanting him felt so good and so bad at the same time, that it seemed almost impossible. What made her situation even worse, was the fact that she had known the man much longer than anyone thought, himself included. And Sirius Black was a great man. Rough around the edges, sure, but his heart... His heart was so great that it was really hard not to adore him. Hermione always believed him to be reckless and irresponsible, posing a threat not only to Harry, but also to himself. But now that she got to see his younger version, his behaviour became so obvious and justified that her opinion took a rapid turn.

Life has locked him in a cage. A cage that was tiny and incredibly uncomfortable, leaving him miserable and depressed. Azkaban was one thing, but everything that happened later... It had only made things worse. Being trapped in the same place that he had managed to escape at the age of fifteen must have been a living nightmare and she felt for him so badly, that it almost broke her heart.

She knew that her _infatuation_ with him was something much, much deeper and it scared the hell out of her. Her mission was to save him, to give him a chance at a normal, happy life, but the only thing Hermione would be able to offer him was even more suffering. Because that's what it would mean to succumb to his pleas, as it would leave her no choice but to lie to him over and over again and lies happened to be the same thing that had destroyed his life previously.

"I can't believe you fell for that dunderhead", Snape snorted, forcing her back to reality.

Hermione sighed and rubbed her temples, trying to ease the ache that was starting to form inside her head. Too much thinking, too many problems. If she didn't find a way to stop obsessing over the same things again and again, she would get locked up in the psychiatric ward very soon.

"I didn't fall for him", she protested weakly, but her voice didn't sound convincing even to herself. "And even if I did, I wouldn't do anything about it"

Why was she even talking to Snape about that? His friends would undoubtedly use this information to hurt her even more.

"He's not good for you", Severus murmured and averted his gaze with anger.

"Yes, well... I actually think that I'm not good for him"

"Stop being pathetic", he snapped at her, making Hermione's eyes widen. "I know you're not completely relieved from the ability to use your _brain_ , so it would be very wise to benefit from that particular asset, rather than talking bollocks"

Miss Granger blinked a couple of times and then giggled. Oh boy, young Snape was so much more entertaining than his older self. His smooth voice was capable of making an offence sound like a compliment and his choice of words made it really hard for everyone to understand him sometimes. He was brilliant, but also incredibly funny, if you could see past his cold demeanor.

"I don't have to agree with you on everything, you know? The fact that I had somehow managed to make you talk to me out of your own, free will is making me utterly happy, but not obedient", she stated with her eyebrows raised.

"Don't flatter yourself"

"Oh, so you're saying you're not talking to me out of your volition?", she asked sarcastically and watched as shadow of nervousness passed through his face. "Since I'm not _completely relieved from the ability to use my brain_ , I am very aware of the fact that you must have an agenda. So maybe we should both just cut the crap, yeah?"

And then, Snape looked at her and the corner of his mouth twitched in something that could only be a seed of a smile.

"Insufferable Know-It-All", he spat, making her heart skip a bit at the familiar term.

"Greasy git", she retorted with a smile.

Silence fell between them, but it definitely wasn't uncomfortable. Never in a million years would she think it was possible to be talking to Snape like that. Never in a million years would she think that he was actually likeable.

But here they were, sitting next to each other without a shadow of uneasiness on their faces.

"I hated you"

After what seemed like eternity, Severus has finally spoken, breaking the silence. Hermione looked at him intently, waiting for his next words with curiosity.

"You don't anymore?", she asked, when it became clear that he had no intentions of continuing his speech.

"I've never met someone who would be able to hold a conversation with me for more than five seconds. Except for Lily", he said quietly, his voice seemingly impassive, although Hermione had no troubles with spotting his lie. "But you seem to be capable of doing so and I value that very greatly. It makes it insanely difficult to ignore your presence or carry out my assignment without any doubts"

Oh, how badly she wanted to just smile in victory. Being right was one of her favourite feelings in the entire world, and being right when Severus Snape was concerned... It had been even better. She had misjudged that man once and that was more than enough.

"Your assignment had been stupid from the start", she muttered and shook her head. "My eyes and ears are fully intact, so it's not like I could have ever failed to notice your previous resentment towards me. And when you'd started talking to me... It became pretty obvious that something wasn't right"

Her explanation left an amused expression on Severus' face, making Hermione furrow her brows.

"What?"

"My friends are strongly convinced that your parentage makes you stupid. They have every proof of your brilliance right in front of their eyes and yet they fail to see it. That makes them very foolish and will undeniably cost them a lot. And I'm going to be there to see it happen", he explained with a pleased expression and then looked at her.

His dark eyes seemed completely void of emotions, but Hermione knew that his expression was a way to say that he had no intentions of betraying her. And somehow, she believed him.


	17. Chapter 16

The night was cold and unpleasant. Clouds veiled the sky, making the moon and the stars completely invisible. The village seemed to be in desperate need of light, as the mist hugged the houses and trees giving them an eerie appearance. All those things in addition to a deadly silence bore a striking resemblance to a scene taken straight out of those horror movies, that Muggles loved so much.

Everyone was fast asleep, so no one noticed two hooded figure that appeared out of nowhere on a cobbled street. Judging by their heights and silhouettes, both of them must have been men, although no one would be able to tell for sure, since their faces had been hidden underneath black hoods.

At once, both of the men reached inside their robes, taking out two slim pieces of wood. A moment later, hell broke loose.

Colourful streams of light started flying through the air, making walls explode, as scared people started running outside, trying to save their lives. Screams of pain and agony sounded shortly afterwards, as two strangers kept waving their sticks, yelling weird incantations towards scared inhabitants.

Bodies started to drop on the cobbled streets without any signs of life in their hollow eyes. Blood covered the ground, making the scene even more horrifying. It took only a couple of minutes for the village to fall quiet again, just as nothing had ever happened. The air was filled with reek of blood and death, a smell that couldn't be mistaken for anything else.

The hooded figures stood still for a moment, holding their wooden sticks high up in the air, as if they wanted to make sure that there was no one left to kill. Suddenly, one of them moved, spotting a little girl hiding behind the fence. He rushed towards her and caught her in a matter of seconds, as she wasn't fast enough to run away. Tears kept streaming down her face, sobs escaping her mouth uncontrollably. She was way too young to fully realise what had just happened, but one look at her parents' still, lifeless bodies was enough to make her eyes squeeze tightly, as despair washed over her face.

The man dragged her to the middle of the street and gestured his companion to join him. Their silhouettes towered over the girl, making her small body tremble violently, as sobs kept escaping her throat.

"Just kill her, we don't have time", one of the men hissed, shifting impatiently.

His partner seemed to ignore his words and kept staring at the girl. He raised his hand slightly and another stream of light shot through the air, making the child scream in pain, as her body started to bleed from multiple wounds. Soon, she was lying in a pool of her own blood, making her torturer laugh mercilessly. He raised his hand up in the air and yelled:

" _Morsmordre!"_

The sky lit up for a moment, and the clouds seemed to disperse, when a terrifying sign of a skull with serpent protruding from its mouth started to form. Soon, both men were gone, leaving a massacre behind.

* * *

Hermione couldn't help but stare at the _Daily Prophet's_ front page. Her fists were clenched so hard, that her nails dug into her skin painfully. The pain didn't matter though, as nothing could have made her heart feel less hollow.

Staring at Voldemort's sign had been terrifying. She'd remembered seeing it before her fourth year in Hogwarts, just as she'd remembered the panic that it awoke. Everyone had been scared, as the sign hadn't been seen for fourteen years, since the day of Lily's and James' deaths. Right now, the reactions had been entirely different.

No one knew what it really meant. What happened in Little Crosby was terrifying and absolutely appalling, but reading about it could never unveil the true terror of what has happened there. People were angry, outraged and sad, but not many were afraid, not truly. Whispers of some lunatics who wanted to seize control over the wizarding world were not that uncommon, after all. Besides, the Ministry was supposed to catch them and prevent anything from happening. Not many people realised that the situation had been much more serious.

But she did. And it made her sick to her stomach. It also made all the memories resurface from the depths of her mind, destroying her resolve to stay strong. Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably and no one seemed to be able to stop them. Her roommates looked at her with sadness and worry, as Hermione kept rubbing her scar absentmindedly, but none of them tried to say something, to comfort her in any way. They knew it simple wasn't possible.

"I'm not really hungry. I think I'll just skip breakfast", Hermione muttered in a small voice and stood up slowly.

She was grateful that today happened to be Saturday. It meant that she didn't have to put on a bright smile that opposed her mood so strongly. She could just break down, at least this one time.

There was no better place to do that than the Room of Requirement. After all, not even the Marauders knew about its existence, making it fairly impossible for anyone to find her. Hermione paced in front of the wall three times, focusing on her memories of the Burrow. She wasn't sure if the Room would be able to provide her with an exact replica of Weasleys' house, but decided it was definitely worth the try.

When she walked through the door, she found herself in a place so familiar, that it made her insides clench painfully. It took her a minute to fight down all of those overwhelming emotions and memories, but when she finally did, a sentimental smile graced her face.

Everything looked exactly the same. It felt so real, that Hermione couldn't help but to hope that one of her friends would soon tread down the stairs smiling at her with excitement. It took her another minute to realise that no such thing could happen and it made her sigh with pain, as tears threatened to break free from her eyes.

"What the hell is this place?", a voice sounded from behind her, making her turn around rapidly.

Of course, she should have been used to this by now. After all, Sirius Black sneaked up on her every single time, turning it into a habit of sorts.

"What are you doing here?", she sighed, annoyed to no end. "And how did you manage to get inside?"

Sirius smiled at her, holding up James' Invisibility Cloak. Another sigh escaped her lips, as she turned around and sat down at the kitchen table. That man was simply impossible sometimes. How was she supposed to explain everything to him, without risking exposing her secrets? After all, the Room of Requirement looked exactly like a place that existed even in those times. If somehow Sirius was to visit the Burrow, he'd surely connect the facts and ask her questions she couldn't possibly answer. Not without lying to him, anyway.

"So, what is this place? I mean, I know Hogwarts pretty well, but I had no idea such a room existed", Sirius said, sitting down on a chair next to her.

He watched her intently, even though his whole body was relaxed, as he stretched his legs forwards and stuck hands inside the pockets. Hermione wanted to roll her eyes when she realised that he was probably the most elegant object in the entire house and yet somehow, he fit in here perfectly.

"It's called the Room of Requirement or Come and Go Room. You've probably never encountered it before, as it responds only to a person who's in a great need for it. It provides you with the things you seek for, if you're specific enough", she explained quietly and smiled a little.

Sirius shifted in his chair, keeping his gaze fixed at her. Hermione didn't have to look up to know that his face was lit up with excitement, as it was pretty obvious.

"You can ask for _anything?_ ", he asked leaning forwards, making her giggle, despite her foul mood.

He could be such a kid. And no matter how annoying it was sometimes, today it reminded her that the fight hadn't been lost yet.

"There are some exceptions. For example, you cannot ask for food, according to the first of the Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration", she explained and Sirius snorted with amusement.

"I'm just going to pretend I know what you're on about", he muttered.

Hermione sighed heavily, forcing herself to refrain from scolding him. Honestly, how could he be so intelligent and so unwilling to learn _anything_ at the same time? That man aspired to be an Auror... What did he think was required to become one? Immaculate hair and flirting techniques?

"You really need to take studying more seriously", she said firmly making him laugh.

"Love, don't you know me?"

"Yeah, I do. And I know that you're really smart and you'd be able to learn that stuff in a heartbeat, if you tried"

"And I will learn them in a heartbeat, since there's no way you're going to make me study faster than a month before the finals"

She shot him a murderous glance, but decided to drop the subject. Her mood was not exactly rebellious right now.

"So, why are we here?"

"I'm here because I want to and you're here because you're stalking me"

"Can't blame me for worrying, love"

His quiet answer surprised her to the point, where she simply had to look at him and let herself drown in his grey eyes. Merlin, he could be so sweet sometimes... Especially when he went out of his way to make her feel better or at least make sure she was alright. How could she be immune to all of this?

"I'm grateful for it, Sirius. It's just that...", she started with hesitation, but he smiled at her softly, making her heart skip a beat.

"I know, love. There are things that have to stay a secret... Evans made it pretty clear. And I hate to admit it, but she's right. I decided that I'd rather be with you, not knowing everything, than keep pestering you and drive you away from me"

His words seemed to be honest and completely void of humour. It seemed so weird to see Sirius act mature, that she tried to pinch herself discretely to see if she wasn't dreaming. Padfoot looked at her with amusement, as a smirk appeared on his lips, but didn't comment on her behaviour.

"That's good", she stated sheepishly and averted her gaze. "I don't really like pushing you away. Even if you're driving me crazy most of the time"

"How crazy?"

Once again, she was surprised to hear his voice all serious, without even as much as a hint of flirt in it. He seemed genuinely interested in a truthful answer and she felt really inclined to give it to him.

"Very crazy. I know you're a great person, Sirius. You're loyal, brave and charming to a point where it's very hard not to like you. But at the same time, I have no idea what to expect from you"

Sirius sighed and ruffled his hair, making them far less perfect than usual. He seemed annoyed, although Hermione had a feeling that she wasn't the reason for his feelings.

"I wish I was better at this crap", he muttered. "If you were any different, you would be mine long time ago. But then I wouldn't want you"

Hermione highly doubted it, since girls with no respect for themselves didn't seem to repel him all that much. She kept her thoughts to herself though, deciding to just let him speak.

"You know, you're not really my type. Actually, you pose a strong contradiction to my usual type, to phrase it better. And I don't mean physically, because you're obviously gorgeous, without even trying to be"

Hermione blushed at his words and bit her bottom lip, trying to force her face to return to its previous colour. Sirius chuckled and shook his head, clearly amused by her embarrassment.

"You're so determined to follow the rules and yet not boring. You have this defined sense of right and wrong, of loyalty and bravery. It's so impressing that it actually makes me feel like I'm being struck with a thunder when I look at this fire in your eyes. I've never been the mature one, I've never wanted to be. But you make being an adult look like an adventure. Adventure that might be the most important one in my life. And that is simply unbelievable, Herms", he said and looked at her with amazement.

"It's not an adventure, Sirius. Life is cruel, dangerous and often void of any beauty. But being an adult means that you know it could be different and you fight for it. You try to make the best out of it, not only for yourself, but for everyone else"

She didn't feel comfortable listening to his words. He made her seem like a hero, like someone who was a rarity that needed to be treasured and admired. Hermione was sure though, that it wasn't the case. All the people that died during the Battle proved it, as they were all courageous and loyal to their cause. Hermione Granger wasn't as special, as he believed her to be.

"You're sixteen Hermione", he said and furrowed his brows. "But somehow you are also the only one who cried after reading that article. Because you're the only one capable of understanding the situation and its consequences. Most of the people aren't familiar with terror and evil. But you are and you still decided to fight"

"It's not a choice, Sirius. I was too weak to save everyone that I cared for. But there are so many people out there, people worth fighting for. It's not a choice, if I can save their lives. It's not a choice if there are so many things that can be done to stop those monsters", her voice trembled from restrained emotions, making Sirius close his eyes and lean forward to rest his head on his palms.

"You can't say those things and expect me to leave you alone", his whisper clutched her heart so hard, that it almost hurt. "I've been raised to be one of those monsters and I resent my family for it. I resent them so much that I decided to run away, even if that meant becoming a bastard... I know all of those terrors that you've seen. I've lived through them. And even though I rebelled against them, I've always known that it's not going to be enough. I've known that those people, who happen to be my _family,_ are dangerous and vile. They need to be stopped, but I desperately tried to stay out of it, deciding to just let other people handle it"

Hermione blinked a couple of times, trying to get rid of the tears that formed in her eyes, while listening to Sirius' speech. He sounded so unlike the Sirius she'd known. That man had been irresponsible, reckless and hot-blooded, but there had been so many things boiling inside his head, so many unspoken thoughts, that Hermione had often wondered if she had really known him all that well.

It was like seeing him for the first time. Sirius Black that sat before her wasn't a little boy, who had a lot of maturing ahead of him. He was a man, that desperately tried to stay childish, because it allowed him to cope with impossible choices that he would be forced to make in the nearest future. He was a man, who resented his family just as much, as they resented him... He was a man that looked everywhere for the attention and love that he had never truly experienced. But most importantly, he was a person that needed someone, who could fully understand him. He needed her, just as much as she needed him.

"But you, Hermione. I can't imagine what life must have been like for you. Sometimes when you think that no one is looking, you allow yourself those rare moments of sorrow... Sorrow, that is almost agonizing to watch. But then you smile and determination shines through your eyes and it simply takes my breath away, every single time. You inspire me, you give me hope and you give me strength. How could you ever expect me to let you go, when you're the only one that shows me the man I could be?"


	18. Chapter 17

"SNOOOOOOOOOOW!"

Hermione jumped out of bed, her heart racing as survival instincts kicked in, making her grab her wand lying on top of the nightstand. Her mind stopped being fuzzy in a matter of seconds and she was able to notice incredibly excited Grace jumping up and down on her bed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!", Leslie spat, clutching her chest. "I nearly had an heart attack, you lunatic!"

"Snow is falling!", Grace answered with a squeal of pure ecstasy, making Hermione sigh with disbelief.

Leslie wasn't the only one freaked out to her very core. Waking up to someone screaming at the top of their lungs didn't qualify as a reveille of her dreams. Especially not if that someone has been screaming because of _snowflakes._

"You're a blithering idiot", Amy moaned, trying to cover her head with a pillow.

"What are you, fifty years old?! Where is your sense of beauty and joy?!"

"In my dream. Which you interrupted with your stupidity!", Leslie screamed and wandered off to the bathroom, shutting the door with a loud bang.

Grace looked very offended for a minute, but then smile returned to her face, when her gaze flicked to the window. Hermione lied down on her bed, still a little shaky from being awaken in such matter. The fact that today happened to be Hogsmeade day did nothing to calm her nerves. Not if she had previously agreed to go with Sirius.

What on Merlin's pants was she thinking? Sure, she had been spending a lot of time with him lately, but still... Going to Hogsmeade together was like announcing that she was his girlfriend and that definitely wasn't the case. She was past the stage of avoiding him, but relationship...? Hermione wasn't crazy.

Sighing, she got out of bed and started to rummage through her things, looking for something to wear. A pair of jeans, t-shirt and a sweater seemed good choice, until every item had been ripped out of her hands.

"You're going to wear _that?!_ ", Grace looked at her with an horrified expression, making Hermione furrow her brows.

"Yes?"

"Over my dead body!"

Gracie decided that it would be safer to just hide Hermione's clothes in her trunk, making it impossible for her to get them back. After all, Miss Granger would never invade someone's privacy like that. Although she started to wish she'd done something like that, when Grace presented her with her choice of clothes.

"I'm not wearing that!", she exclaimed, pointing her finger to a skirt so short that it would probably show her buttocks. "You must be out of your mind!"

"You're going on a date, Herms! You have to stun him, not bore him to death with your jeans and sweaters", Amy seemed to agree with Grace, making Hermione even more outraged.

"First of all, it's not a date. I specifically told him that... Secondly, I strongly despise the idea of dressing up for a _guy_. It's demeaning and I refuse to do it", she stated firmly, making both girls roll their eyes.

"No girl dresses for a guy. We dress up so that other girls could stare at us with jealousy, you moron!", Grace chuckled and Amy nodded seriously.

Hermione opened her mouth and sighed.

"That doesn't make any sense, _at all"_

"Sure it does", Leslie joined in their conversation, walking out of the bathroom with a towel on her head and water trickling down her face. "Even I get that"

"So quit whining, Hermione!", Grace chirped joyfully and put a small pile of clothes into her hands, pushing her towards the bathroom.

"No, guys, wait..."

The door shut behind her, making her lip tremble with anger.

"Wear them or we're going to burn down your books!", Amy yelled, making everyone laugh.

Hermione's face paled considerably as she realised that those witches were fully capable of desecrating her precious possessions.

"Fine", she muttered reluctantly and started to change.

* * *

A loud whistle that escaped Sirius' mouth did nothing to lighten up her mood. She felt incredibly uncomfortable and angry, but her roommates did everything in their power to ensure she didn't have another choice.

"And here I was thinking that it wasn't a date", he said sending her an appreciative glance.

"It's not", she growled and clenched her fists, trying to calm herself down.

The fact that he was staring at her bare legs didn't help, _at all_.

"You're dressing like that for everyone, love?", he asked with irony lacing his voice, making her glare at him. "For all it's worth, you look great"

Hermione blushed and bit her bottom lip. Compliments always made her feel insecure, rather than happy. It probably had a lot to do with all that crap that Malfoy had been throwing at her since their first year. Nonetheless, Sirius' seemed sincere in his words, so she thanked him quietly and shook her head.

"Those hags also known as my roommates made me wear those clothes. They threatened to burn my books", she explained, making Sirius explode with laughter.

"That's pretty genius. I should've thought about it sooner, maybe you'd agreed to go out with me much earlier"

"Doubt it"

Sirius laughed again and shook his head with amusement. His arm wrapped itself around her waist as he steered her towards the exit.

"Come on! Knowing you, you probably want to be back as fast as possible, so you can study"

Hermione glared at him, not liking irony in his voice one bit.

"Don't push it, Padfoot"

He looked at her with amusement, but didn't say a word. Instead, he kept leading her onto the courtyard, where the rest of the students have been patiently waiting for Professor Slughorn to announce the beginning of the trip. Of course, as soon as Sirius has stopped, the whispers erupted.

"This was a terrible idea", she murmured, trying not to blush furiously, as everyone kept staring at her.

She wasn't even sure that they were whispering about her not-date, considering the looks her attire earned. And it made her incredibly uncomfortable.

"Quit whining, love. We're not committing a crime, you know?", Sirius said, his tone easy-breezy.

"Everyone is staring. I hate it", Hermione ignored him and shifted impatiently, but Sirius' arm stopped her from moving too much.

"They're jealous"

"We're going as friends, there's nothing to be jealous of"

Padfoot sighed and pulled her even closer, making her glare at him. What was he trying to do? Make her even more stressed out?

"Sirius...", she started, her voice annoyed, but the boy beside her used his free hand to wave dismissively at her words, grinning widely.

"I'm not interested in listening to your terrible arguments. I know them by heart and I still think they're bollocks. I agreed to go with you as a friend, because it meant that you'll still go out with me. In everyone else's eyes it looks like a date, no matter how hard you'll try to deny it"

He smiled smugly, making her grind her teeth. Why the hell had she agreed to this thing? It wasn't like she couldn't have foreseen that it was going to end like this...

"That is so unfair!"

"And you're very naïve", he chuckled and looked down at her with a lopsided grin. "But also very cute"

Oh, he was getting on her nerves so badly... Had he completely forgotten that she had also been fierce and pretty brilliant? Annoying her was a very stupid thing to do...

"Fine. It's a date. The first and the last one, because there is no way I'm going to date someone who clearly doesn't respect my wishes", she spat and crossed her arms on her chest.

Out of the corner of her eye she'd noticed Sirius' discomposure and smiled viciously. It served him right for playing her. Even if she didn't mean a word she said. Hermione would have to be blind and deaf to think that he didn't care about her...

"You're such a hellcat", Sirius had finally whispered, lowering his hand from her waist to the hip.

"Am not!"

Her response was muted by professor Slughorn, who started to check the list of students allowed to visit the village to make sure that no one would break the rules. After a minute, everyone left the courtyard, heading towards Hogsmeade.

Silence fell between Hermione and Sirius, making her really nervous. Padfoot didn't seem all that disturbed, his body relaxed and completely adamant to her feelings. Why was she so anxious, anyway? Date or not-date, they were friends, they understood each other. Better than anyone thought, actually. Everyone just assumed that their sudden proximity was a sign of change in their relationship. Hermione knew that the truth had been much different.

Something between them just clicked. When she looked at him, she didn't see Harry's godfather or the man that she used to know. He became Sirius. Just Sirius. All the expectations she previously held, were gone. What was the point of sticking to the truths she'd known, if she could just learn everything about him from scratch? He was so different now, after all. And she liked it. In fact, she liked it so much, that staying away from him became truly impossible.

Hermione had spent so much time trying to figure out a safe way to tell him everything. So that she wouldn't have to carry her burden alone. Maybe it wasn't completely out of question? He was a Pureblood, he must have known something about Occlumency. And it wasn't like she had to tell him anything regarding his own future. Maybe...

No. Telling him was dangerous and selfish. No one should be forced to carry her secrets. Especially considering the situation with Horcrux... How could she explain that to him without admitting that she'd killed someone with cold blood? Her soul was ripped apart, making her an abomination. She could live with that fact, as long as it meant changing the future for the better, but him? He should at least be able to make that choice. And forcing him to keeping her secrets, without the possibility of telling anyone about them had simply been cruel.

"You're worried", Sirius' voice snapped her out of her depressing thoughts, making her realise that she'd been biting her lip hard enough to make it bleed.

She blushed and sucked on the small wound she'd created. Her eyes looked everywhere aside from him. He was way too smart not to figure out that Hermione's thoughts have been occupied by him and their relationship.

"Sorry", she murmured eventually and sighed. "I'm spending most of my life worrying, it shouldn't surprise you anymore"

"It doesn't surprise me. I just want you to stop"

Her laugh sounded bitter, reflecting her mood perfectly. How did it happen, once again? This day was supposed to be pleasant, entertaining even. And here she was, sulking and sucking happiness out of everyone, including Sirius.

She looked up at him and did her best to smile brilliantly. Padfoot blinked with surprise, but then reciprocated her gesture, clearly appreciating her efforts.

"That's my girl", he whispered and run his hand down her back soothingly.

"Not really", she protested with a smile, making him roll his eyes.

"Fine. I'm still working on it, though", Sirius winked at her with a huge grin.

Hermione blushed and shook her head with amusement. No matter how hard she tried to avoid thinking about him, all her efforts were easily destroyed by his smiles and compliments he was constantly throwing her way.

Hogsmeade welcomed them with sounds of chatter, laughter and its usual chaos. Hermione couldn't help but smile at its familiarity, deciding that she could probably forget about all of her problems, just this once. There would be plenty of time to worry after they got back to the castle...

"Where are we going?", she asked with a sincere smile and Sirius shrugged in response.

"Wherever you'd like"

"How about a bookstore then?", she asked with irony and Sirius shot her a disgusted glance.

"Woman, don't tell me that your perfect date takes place in a library, because that would be the death of me"

Hermione laughed at his terrified expression, but her joy had been diminished very quickly.

"Well, unless you'd like to push me against the shelve and snog me senseless"

It was his turn to laugh, as she was blushing furiously at the mere suggestion of _snogging him._ Of course, she'd never go as far as desecrating the old tomes resting on the shelves in the Hogwarts Library... But he would. And Sirius Black could be very convincing when he wanted to be.

"Oh, you're actually thinking about it", he purred and leaned her way, his lips close to her ear. "In that case, maybe we really should visit that damned bookstore..."

Before she could have smacked him, he was gone, laughing his butt off. He stopped a couple of steps away from her, grinning wickedly.

"I swear your mind lives in the gutter!", she yelled at him, making him laugh even harder.

"Well, that makes the idea of us even more reasonable. You're a prude and I'm a whore. And I've heard that opposites attract!"

That man... He was simply impossible sometimes.

"I'm not a prude!"

"Yeah, you are, sweetheart"

"The fact that I'm not willing to spread my legs for just anyone doesn't make me a prude and nor does the fact that I find snogging in the library completely inappropriate and outright rude!"

Sirius looked at her for a moment, his lips trembling from supressed amusement. Finally, he couldn't hold it anymore and his barking laughter sounded in the air, making her bite her lip. Hermione was partially annoyed that he was laughing at her, but also a bit mesmerized by his outburst. If anyone else tried to express their joy in a similar way, they'd simply look stupid. And Sirius made it look so... sinfully enticing.

"Fine, _not-prude_. I'll let you win this time, since you've forced me to make a fool out of myself in the middle of Hogsmeade", he said, wiping tears away from his face.

If she wasn't so disturbed by her thoughts, she'd probably become very offended at his words. Deciding that it would be best not to let him know about her little moment of weakness, she said:

"It's not like I had to try very hard to accomplish this"

"Ouch. That really hurts my feelings, sweetheart. You have to make it up to me somehow", he informed her, sticking his hands into the pockets of the black jeans he was wearing.

"I'm going to regret it, but... How?"

Sirius chuckled and walked towards her. His arm returned to its previous position on her hip, as he steered her towards the Three Broomsticks.

"Butterbeer would be nice"


	19. Chapter 18

"Today's lesson will require your uttermost attention", Professor Slughorn stated with a straight face, which was very unusual for him.

Hermione shifted in her chair impatiently, making Severus snort at her actions. The Slytherin had become a constant in her life, to everyone's surprise. Lily looked at their interactions with weariness in her emerald eyes, Sirius and James were furious, while Remus looked very worried and fascinated at the same time. Peter was the only one to actually inform her of his utter trust in her choices, which shocked her completely. Her roommates, on the other hand, kept pestering her about Black, so that left little time to talk about anything else. Ewan, though...

Well, the Ravenclaw worried Hermione the most. It was not like he had been angry with her, or constantly trying to get her to change her mind about Severus. Ewan was the epitome of calmness. Her choice didn't seem all that strange to him and he supported her fully. Someone would think that he was being a good friend, one that trusts her. But Hermione felt very uneasy with his behaviour.

Ewan had been attacked, cursed with a very dark curse and yet, he wasn't afraid a bit. And Severus Snape was known for his affiliation with Dark Arts. Why didn't it make him weary at least?

"You were supposed to be focused", the boy sitting beside her hissed with annoyance, making her blink a couple of times.

What was wrong with her? Since when it was so easy to distract her with anything? Hermione was slowly starting to think that her problems and worries were way too complicated to deal with...

"Sorry", she whispered back and looked at professor Slughorn with intent.

He was clearly talking about poisons and antidotes, a subject that excited her to no end. It was incredibly difficult to create a working antidote, since it required immense knowledge not only in Potions, but also in Herbology and Arithmancy. Brewing the adequate potion was one thing, but deciphering necessary ingredients and making all the calculations that would allow them to work took much, much more finesse.

During her original sixth year she'd decided that Potions weren't her favourite subject. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't beat Harry and his book. But right now? Sitting next to Severus was absolutely brilliant. It was like delving into entirely different world, filled with complicated riddles and equations. The fact that he had managed to become a Potion's Master, one of few in Great Britain stopped being so surprising. It became _obvious._

"So... How exactly do the poisons work?", Slughorn asked the class, but no one beside Hermione and Severus seemed obliged to answer.

"Miss Granger, if you please"

Hermione smiled smugly, noticing Severus' grimace. It had become some sort of a contest between them - who will get Slughorn to pick them more often? Unfortunately for Snape, the Ravenclaw possessed much nicer smile and the Potions teacher seemed to notice that.

"There's no right answer to that question, Professor", she answered, making other students murmur with surprise.

"How come?"

"Each poison is different. There are two basic groups of them: common and uncommon. They were divided into those categories based on the ingredients they all contain, but to be honest, those ingredients interact in a completely different way in each poison. Creating an antidote for them is quite simple though, since you only need to reverse the effects of every single ingredient used in a poison. However, things get much more complicated when it comes to blended potions, which come to existence after mixing several poisons together", she explained and a familiar chuckle reached her ears.

Sirius Black, who decided to switch places with a pair of girls from Slytherin so that he and James would sit right behind her, laughed softly at her answer.

"You're such an adorable nerd", he whispered, making Severus clench his jaw.

Hermione was incredibly surprised that the two Gryffindors and her Potions partner were able to sit so close to each other and not fight all the time. Apparently, Sirius wanted to have an eye on her, but decided that making her angry wouldn't do much good.

"Splendid! Perfect answer, as always, Miss Granger. Since you seem to be so familiar with poisons and antidotes, maybe you also know how to create an antidote for blended poisons?"

Hermione took a deep breath and said:

"Golpalott's Third Law"

"Fuck me, how does she know all that?", James whispered.

"She's like super smart, mate", Sirius answered with irony in his voice.

"Mr Black! Care to tell us what does it mean?", Slughorn asked, noticing that the two Gryffindors weren't exactly focusing on the lesson.

"How would I know?"

Hermione sighed and shook her head. Why didn't they read anything?!

"In that case, please, listen to Miss Granger and focus this time"

"I always focus on her", Sirius purred and made her blush furiously.

Hermione pushed away her dangerous thoughts and answered the question with a smile:

"The potionmaker needs to decipher each ingredient that had been used in the poison, in order to blend correct antidotes. However, this is not enough to create a fully-working antidote. To do that, the brewer needs to discover one, single ingredient, which will transform blended antidotes into a combined whole that would be able to counteract blended poison's effects. It is said that the ingredient has to transform the antidote in almost alchemical process, and Alchemy is very complicated. But to simplify the law itself... It states that the antidote to blended poison needs to be more than just counteracting ingredients mixed together. They need to react in an exact way to produce a working antidote", she recited without hesitation and Slughorn clapped his hands with a huge smile.

"Brilliant, Miss Granger. Simply brilliant. 20 points to Ravenclaw!"

"How was that simpler?", James whispered again and Severus snorted.

Hermione had a strong feeling that the Marauders will have a lot of trouble with understanding the rest of the lesson and that made her very worried. They wanted to be Aurors, for the love of Merlin! And antidotes were something that each Auror had to be able to make. Their _lives_ depended on it.

"Yes, yes... That law, however very useful, is not always working. Can someone tell me why?"

This time, Severus got picked and his cold voice sounded in the classroom.

"Golpalott's Third Law doesn't refer to some of the poisons, because they are much more complex and sophisticated than the others. They are based on careful calculations pertaining the ingredients' interactions. Arithmancy is clearly necessary to extrapolate the potion's final effects. There are calculations that allow the potionmaker to make sure that each ingredient will be used to its full potential. Perfect spellwork, perfect timing and perfect technique is required to brew a poison that couldn't be sorted to neither of the categories mentioned by my colleague. Those poisons are so rare, that there is no common antidote accessible in an instant. Reversing those potion's effects is a very complicated process, very much like the one used to create the poison"

Hermione listened to Severus' voice in a slight awe, as he explained the theory standing behind potionmaking so effortlessly, that it made her heart sing. She almost couldn't believe that she had never managed to notice this incredible passion for Potion's that he held in his mind. True, he had been cold, unpleasant and incredibly cruel at times, but this brilliance of his was something that was almost impossible to miss.

"Correct! 20 points to Slytherin! The two of you is making me really proud, but also feeling incredibly unnecessary", Slughorn laughed, making Hermione and Snape exchange glances.

Both of them agreed that Slughorn was pretty inadequate, most of the time, despite the sympathy they held for the man and his class. Of course, they wouldn't go as far as to tell him that, especially not with all the points he was giving them.

"Now... I believe that the best way to understand what your brilliant colleagues had explained is to try and brew your own antidote. Of course, we're not going to dabble into those rare poisons that Severus has mentioned. No, today's assignment will be to..."

Professor Slughorn's voice faded away, as Hermione felt someone poking her arm. She turned around and looked straight into Sirius' grey eyes, that were glinting with amusement.

"How about we make a deal? Every time you say a word I don't understand, I kiss you. Sounds good, yeah?

Hermione returned to her previous position and tried to ignore his quiet laughter and her heated cheeks. His idea was truly horrible. But also extremely enticing. After all, she'd known a lot of difficult words.

* * *

"Professor... I hate to ask, but did you manage to find Ewan's attacker?", Hermione's voice sounded unsure and stressed.

Being in Dumbledore's office had become quite terrible. All of her negative thoughts seemed to resurface every time she found herself in this room. Maybe it had something to do with the memory of their last conversation, or maybe it was the Time Turner's fault. She couldn't stop herself from gazing towards the small hourglass every five seconds, as to make sure that it hadn't been a dream. Or a nightmare, to be more precise...

Unfortunately, the Time Turner was still there, containing a part of her soul and reminding her about that miserable part of her existence. How was she supposed to focus if she wasn't able to think about anything other than the monstrosity lying on top of one of the shelves?

"Unfortunately, Miss Granger, no. As we had expected, one of the students had been _Imperioed_ , but he had no recollection of any suspicious situations that may have led to getting cursed. However, our theory that it might have happened during Hogsmeade visit seems to be accurate, as his memories ended that day. He wasn't able to recall doing anything after getting to the village and was genuinely surprised that more than a week has passed"

"No good news then", she stated in response, her tone completely void of emotions.

It bothered her on more than one level. If she wasn't here because of Ewan, Dumbledore's reasons must have been connected to the Horcrux. After all, he had promised to do everything in his powers to find out more about her situation and the events that led to it. Their best guess was that it had been his spell's fault that her soul got split, making him the only person who could be able to help her somehow.

"Not necessarily, Miss Granger. Maybe not in Mr Hughes' case, but in yours... I'm happy to inform you, that I've managed to contact one of my dearest friends, who found your situation incredibly interesting. I hope that you'll forgive me for explaining everything to him, but I assure you, Nicholas would never betray my trust"

Hermione looked up, clearly surprised. Nicholas? Did he mean Nicholas Flamel? She voiced her suspicion and was rewarded with a satisfied smile. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he said:

"Of course, I should have known that you'd be familiar with his name"

"I am. But I don't know why would you think he could be of help"

Hermione knew a lot about Flamel. After all, his achievements have been legendary. He was an Alchemist, his knowledge ancient and almost forgotten. However, the Alchemists had never taken much interest in anything that would be similar to the magic necessary to create a Horcrux, at least not to her knowledge. Of course, a lot of the facts about those ancient wizards had been forgotten, or rather obscured, since the magic they wielded was incredibly powerful - after all, it came from the nature itself.

"Nicholas is, like I said, my dear friend. I have worked with him on multiple occasions, a privilege that not many had been given. Our time spent together allowed me to get to know him and his excessive knowledge. I assure you, Miss Granger, that man might not move with the times, but to solve your problem, we need to delve into much, much older times than most of the people can recall", Dumbledore explained with a gentle smile and Hermione nodded, deciding that he might be right after all.

"So what did he say to you? About me, I mean"

"Nicholas was extremely surprised to hear that you've managed to travel back in time so many years. He was even more baffled by the fact that it appears to be my doing...", his eyes twinkled gleefully, before he continued his speech. "Time and its secrets have always intrigued him. Hundreds of years, no one managed to unveil its mysteries... And you, Hermione, are the only living proof that it might be possible to achieve, eventually. Such a wonderful mind like Nicholas' surely had to take interest in you and your situation. It occurred to him, that Horcruxes are very ancient artefacts, indeed. The knowledge of them is so poor and insignificant, because the Alchemists have done everything to hide the details from the world"

Hermione's mouth flew open as a sign of pure shock. How was it possible? How could it be that Nicholas Flamel had held all of the answers to the questions that bothered Dumbledore long before Harry was even born, and yet, they've managed to lose this entire war. Why couldn't Dumbledore simply ask the man about the Horcruxes, about Voldemort's immortality?

"Before you start throwing accusations, I'd like you to know that Mr Flamel agreed to share his knowledge with you and with you only"

The room fell quiet, as Hermione tried to gather her wits. Flamel wanted to meet her? But why? Why chose a teenage girl, that he didn't even know, over someone who had been his friend?

"Why?"

Dumbledore chuckled lightly, seeing her baffled expression.

"It's quite logical and simple, Miss Granger. I don't know how much do you know about my... history"

"Enough, sir", she responded dryly and the man nodded his head, his smile faltering a little.

"Well, then you must know that a man such as Nicholas Flamel would never willingly share his secrets with someone who dabbled in the Dark Arts and tried to find all of the Deathly Hollows for himself"

Hermione furrowed her brows, realising that the Headmaster's word were indeed very logical and simple. However, it didn't explain Flamel's wish to speak with _her_... After all, she had been an owner of a Horcrux - artefact so dark and horrifying that Dumbledore's greed seemed very childish in comparison.

"And I've created a Horcrux, professor"

"But you didn't mean to, did you?", Dumbledore looked at her gently, making Hermione bite her bottom lip.

"Of course not. But it's done. There's no denying that fact"

"No. But I believe that you'll soon realise that intentions are incredibly important, especially when it comes to ancient magic", the Headmaster stated mysteriously, leaving her with a huge mess inside her head.


	20. Chapter 19

To say that she was nervous would be an understatement. After all, how often did one get a chance to meet a famous Alchemist, who managed to create the Philosopher's Stone and then create the Elixir of Life out of it? Apparently, not that often.

Hermione had no idea what to expect from this meeting... Dumbledore had been very cryptic about everything, including the location of it. She was to travel by Portkey, that would take her directly into Flamel's house, as to not reveal it's address. Many people wanted to gain that information, since the Alchemist's knowledge was irreproducible. Hermione knew that making her take the Portkey was the safest way possible, but it also made her very uneasy.

Despite her worry, she'd shown up in Dumbledore's office precisely 10 minutes before her planned departure. She was greeted by the Headmaster, as he offered her tea and a lemon sherbet. She politely declined, as her stomach felt terribly queasy. Last thing she wanted to do was to puke on Nicholas Flamel.

Time was passing agonizingly slow. Hermione kept staring at the watch hanging on the wall and wondered if it was working properly. Knowing Dumbledore and his many quirks, the clock might have been a weird decoration rather than actual timepiece, but judging by the headmaster's amusement, this one was legit.

Finally, Dumbledore gestured towards an old mirror, that apparently had been turned into the Portkey. Hermione took a deep breath and extended her hand towards it. She couldn't help but notice, how shaky her arm was and it made her feel even worse. She had to get herself together. Nicholas Flamel probablt wanted to meet a girl that was smart enough to get chosen by Dumbledore to change the course of Time, not a scared, little chit.

Before she could change her mind, the world started to swirl around her, as a sensation of being sucked into the void overwhelmed her. Traveling that way was much more pleasant than flying on a broom, at least in Hermione's opinion. Still, she'd never really mastered landing on her feet instead of her buttocks... Unfortunately, this time proved to be exactly the same.

A groan of pain escaped her mouth, as her backside came to contact with marbled floor of what seemed to be a huge hallway. Hermione forced herself to open her eyes, taking in her surroundings with great focus. Despite the pain she felt, she couldn't help but notice the beauty of the place she found herself in. Of course, Nicholas Flamel had to be a wealthy man, considering the fact that he had hundreds of years to gather his fortune. Still, his mansion was more than impressive – marbled floors were one thing, but the ever-present gold and antique furniture made the impression even greater.

Hermione slowly pushed herself upwards and brushed off the dust that might have gathered on her robes. She was glad to be wearing Hogwarts' attire, as her normal clothing would feel terribly out of place in that rich mansion.

"Hello?", she called to no one in particular, thinking that maybe Mr Flamel wasn't aware of her arrival.

When nothing but silence answered her, she sighed and looked around once again. It would probably be extremely easy to get lost in a house like this. Walking around seemed pretty pointless, so she decided to use her skills for once. With a flick of her wand and a whispered incantation, Hermione realised that no one beside her and another human being had been in the house.

' _It has to be Flamel_ ', she thought and took a deep breath, deciding to find him on her own.

Taking in the information provided to her by _Homenum Revelio_ , she started to climb the stairs, marvelling at their width and beauty. She tried to keep her steps quiet, although it seemed pretty stupid to sneak around, since Flamel must have been aware of her presence. Location of his house has been a secret and it couldn't have been so without proper security measures.

After spending so many years at Hogwarts, the corridors didn't seem all that scary to her, although she couldn't picture living in that house, not in a million years. It might have been superficially stunning, but it had to be very lonely to walk around its vast spaces. The fact that every single figure from the portraits hanging on the walls seemed to follow her steps, looking at her with excitement, did nothing to change her mind about living in a house like this.

Finally, after several minutes, she walked into a small, cosy room that posed a strong contradiction to what she has previously seen. The furniture seemed old, but other than that, it lacked the splendour of the rest of the house. Hermione found it much more pleasant than the cold halls and corridors and was incredibly glad, that Flamel had chosen this room for their meeting.

"Mr Flamel?", she called quietly, looking at the back of the chair that was clearly occupied by a small man with incredibly long, white hair.

When no answer reached her ears, she took a couple of steps forwards, her nervousness kicking in once again. What if it was a trap? ' _Don't be ridiculous!',_ she scolded herself instantly and opened her mouth, when a loud chuckle sounded in the room.

"Mr Flamel?", she asked again, but this time her voice sounded much more unsure.

"It's not a trap, Miss Granger"

Nicholas Flamel's voice seemed calm and full of sympathy, surprising Hermione quite strongly. She'd expected him to be distant and cold, as it would fit into a picture of someone so accomplished and famous. It seemed like her depictions had been wrong, once again...

"Yes, it's very difficult not to judge the book by its cover. But you seem to be quite adept at that", Flamel said and Hermione realised that he must have been aware of every single thought running through her head.

How? Legilimency didn't work like that, as it provided memories rather than thoughts and without casting the spell, he would at least have to make eye contact with her to be able to see them.

"I'm very old, Miss Granger. Old and too powerful for my own good. Otherwise, I'd never allow my wife to lock me in that cage she calls home"

Hermione found herself quite lost for words. How was she supposed to act in his presence? If she didn't know any better, she'd never go as far as to claim that this man had been over 600 years old.

"650, to be precise. But I'm extremely well, thank you for asking", he giggled and she sighed.

"Are you going to keep doing that all the time?", Hermione sounded a bit annoyed, not being able to stop herself, but Flamel clearly didn't mind, as he kept on laughing.

"I am truly sorry, my dear. It's awfully rude to read someone's thoughts, it had been that way back in my youth, just as much as it is now. My age makes it very difficult to remember about it all the time, especially if I spend my days talking only to my wife and my dog"

Hermione had to blink away the surprise that the man managed to evoke in her. Something about him owning a dog, not mentioning _talking to one_ really threw her off.

"I don't mind, it's just incredibly weird", she said finally and actually meant it.

She had nothing to hide, not from him. Asking for help without willingness to be at least honest seemed completely bonkers.

"How are you even able to do that?"

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure, but when you're spending your days exercising your mind, it becomes a very powerful tool with great abilities. A fact, that you must be very aware yourself"

That she was. No one got called 'the brightest witch of her age' by mistake. No matter how modest she tried to be or how unsure of herself she was, her knowledge couldn't be denied, even if it came from the books rather than naturally.

"I believe we have a limited amount of time, Miss Granger, isn't that correct? Why don't we simply get to the point?"

Hermione took a deep breath and furrowed her brows slightly.

"Actually, I have a question"

"Help will always be given to those who ask for it", the man answered cheerfully, reminding her of the words once spoken by Dumbledore.

"Why did you decided to trust me? You don't even know me!"

"Ah. Your question, my dear, is very much the core of our conversation"

"How come?"

"Why don't we start from the beginning? I need you to tell me everything. Don't leave out any details, as they might be very important"

Hermione nodded obediently and started her story. Her memories were full of pain, but somehow getting everything out of her system felt relieving, suddenly making her able to breathe once again. The tears kept streaming down her face, her voice cracked at times, but she moved forward with her tale, until there was no tears and pain left in her. All of these things had already happened and would be etched into her memory forever. Crying over something that she was desperately trying to fix couldn't get her anywhere and that knowledge felt weirdly cleansing.

"Are you sure, that you had died on that day? Can you be certain that your heart stopped beating and your last thoughts were filled with longing and desperation to change what had already happened?"

Hermione hesitated for a moment, trying to determine, whether Flamel's words were entirely correct. She remembered the darkness that swallowed her entire body, filled her mind like a disease, she remembered the numbness and the ever-present cold. But was she dead?

"It would seem so, Miss Granger", Flamel answered her inaudible question.

Hermione bit her lip, feeling a cold shiver run through her body. The thought that appeared in her mind was disturbing enough, to make her gasp with disbelief – what if she could have just stayed dead? Wouldn't it be better?

Thinking about those kind of things was simply wrong. Maybe going to Hogwarts wasn't exactly exhausting, but she did her best to turn the time back around, to prevent everything from happening, even if that meant living with all the consequences of her actions. Wishing that things were different had already gotten her into troubles once. It wasn't a good idea to make the situation even worse.

"Miss Granger, I believe that Albus mentioned something about a boy named Harry. You claim that he was the Chosen One. The one person able to defeat Voldemort"

"Yes. That's correct"

"Why exactly had he been chosen?"

Hermione furrowed her brows and wondered if she should answer his question. He was probably quite aware of her inner battle, but decided to let her come to a conclusion on her own, which she was grateful for. Finally, she sighed and said:

"There was a prophecy... _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..._ "

Her memory was quite useful most of the time, but there were things she wished to forget. The Prophecy definitely qualified as one of them, ever since she'd heard it for the first time. It reminded her of all the suffering in Harry's life, suffering he clearly didn't deserve. But right now, it also reminded her of the people that died because of it. Wonderful people, who she truly loved, even after spending so little time with them.

"I am inclined to believe, that you fully understand this Prophecy's meaning, is that right?"

"Yes. We've spent hours dissecting it. Besides, it's meaning is pretty obvious, considering Harry's story. His parents... His parents wanted to protect Harry more than anything in the world. They've used the Fidelius Charm to protect the location of their house _._ Unfortunately, they'd trusted the wrong person to be the Secret Keeper and they've got betrayed", her voice cracked from all the pent-up emotions, but she got herself together quickly. "Harry's mother... She gave her life away to save him. For all I know, Voldemort didn't want to kill her, as he cared only about her little boy. But she'd rather die than let anything to happen to him. Her magic saved Harry and defeated Voldemort with his own curse"

Flamel looked at her with thoughtfulness and then nodded.

"Miss Granger, do you know that Fidelius Charm is one of the most ancient spells in the world? It is older even than me. Very powerful, very demanding and extremely useful. However, its power doesn't come from the incantation or the wand movement. It comes from the magic of love and trust that exists between the caster and the Secret Keeper. There is no possibility for the spell to work, if those feelings aren't strong enough. It's the same kind of magic that saved your friend", the Alchemist stated and Hermione almost gasped from the realisation that dawned on her.

It was so obvious, now that she thought of it. She had known that Fidelius had been ancient, but it had never occured to her that ancient magic had been much more raw and natural than the one she was used to. It required a lot of feelings to cast spells, a conviction to achieve something. Being the Secret Keeper meant that as long as you had no intentions of betraying your friends, no one was able to force the information out of you. The bonds and emotions made it simply impossible.

"Exactly, Miss Granger. Modern wizards often fail to realise that their strength doesn't come from their wands or their lineage, but from within themselves. Give the wand to a Muggle and he still wouldn't be able to produce any magic. But we? We possess that power inside of our bodies, a power that allows us to achieve truly great things. But this raw force doesn't respond to just anything, even though we've learned to shape it by using wands and incantations, that help us channel it. It responds to our _feelings_ and _needs_. And those who had managed to connect those things are the most powerful wizards this world had ever seen"

Something in his words moved her. It was almost as listening to professor McGonagall's speech, when she visited her home to tell her, she was a witch. Flamel made her feel like she had just discovered magic for the first time.

"That is simply brilliant", she murmured, unable to stop her wonderment.

"Yes, magic tends to be that way. But my point wasn't to tell you a pretty story, that will force you to cry once again", he said, making her blush and quickly wipe her tears away. "I wanted you to realise the true meaning behind professor Dumbledore's words"

Hermione remembered them very well, although she had thought he was just being cryptic and mysterious. Now that she kept replaying his words over and over in her mind, it became obvious that Albus Dumbledore rarely tried to be mysterious without a hidden reason.

"The intentions...", she finally whispered, making Flamel nod in agreement. "Lily had managed to conjure a shield powerful enough to protect Harry from the Killing Curse, because of her unwavering love and need to save him"

"Correct"

Hermione breathed in and out, trying to feed her brain, so that it would be able to make the connection between Lily's deed and her own situation. Finally, she sighed and gave up, not wanting to waste any more time.

"But what does it have to do with me?"

"Everything, Miss Granger. There's a reason that your Horcrux doesn't feel like one, even though it clearly contains a part of your soul. You were so desperate to save your friends, that you had managed to split your soul in order to do so. Your body was dying and the chances that you would survive seemed minimal. There was absolutely no possibility for you to know, that Albus had charmed the Time Turner to take you back though time and that someone would save you. As a consequence, just before you died, you split your soul to ensure the possibility of coming back to life, just so you could save them, one way or another", he said with a gentle smile, leaving Hermione breathless. "You didn't create a Horcrux, Miss Granger. You created it's opposite. The love you had for your friends was so great that the thought of leaving them, unleashed the most powerful kind of magic there has ever been".


	21. Chapter 20

"How did it happen that I haven't met Hagrid before, even though I've been here for three months?"

Hermione's voice was filled with disbelief. It was not like she didn't want to meet him this time around. He was one of the people she had missed terribly, even if she had never had such a strong bond with him like Harry. Still, she knew more than well that as someone who was supposed to be new, she couldn't exactly ask around about him, as it would raise way too many questions, so she waited, until one of her friends decided that it was about time to introduce her.

Apparently, all of her friends could be very thick sometimes. It took them three snowball fights to realise that being outside provided them with an opportunity to visit Hagrid. Hermione was fairly surprised that it was Peter who proposed to do that and judging by the looks in the Marauder's eyes, they felt equally baffled.

"Shite, he's going to be so mad at us!", Sirius moaned, clutching his head with both hands. "How did we manage to forget about visiting him?"

That was a legitimate question, at least in Hermione's mind. She raised her eyebrows with amusement, watching James ruffling his wet hair and making them miserably floppy.

"Actually, me and Peter have visited him on several occasions", stated Remus and smiled with satisfaction, when James and Sirius shot him angry glances.

"Why would you go without us?!"

"You were too busy trying to get Lily to go out with you and Sirius was...", Peter answered and then hesitated, looking in Hermione's direction.

"You were both too busy being idiots, that's what Peter wanted to say", Remus helped his friend out and received two murderous stares.

Hermione chuckled lightly, making everyone look at her. Boy, she loved to watch their squabbles. They could be so entertaining at times, that she found it to be the best stress reliever there was. Of course, they could also be annoying as hell, but that wasn't the case today.

"Why don't we just go to see him together, then? I'd love to meet him", she offered to prevent a wrestling session that would undeniably take place if the boys were allowed to continue with their banter.

"Great idea, kitten", Sirius answered immediately and appeared at her side in an instance, making her roll her eyes with amusement.

She didn't protest when he snuck his arm around her shoulders and grinned at her widely. Actually, Hermione got incredibly used to being close to him, not only because he made sure to touch her at every single chance, but also because he offered her a sense of safety that no one else could.

After she got back from Flamel's house, she couldn't stop crying for what seemed like an eternity. Her roommates had been incredibly disturbed by it, but Hermione managed to explain to them that her tears were those of joy, rather than misery. Clearly, it had been enough to calm them down, but after she'd stopped sobbing, hundreds of questions fell on her head. She did her best to answer all of them, without betraying her secrets, but she did so with a smile gracing her lips.

It was like being able to breathe once again, after years of denying herself that pleasure. Hermione wanted to roll her eyes at that cliché, but life seemed so much more colourful and beautiful right now. She couldn't even bring herself to keep a safe distance from Sirius and didn't even bother to correct everyone who assumed she was his girlfriend. Besides, watching Sirius' bafflement at her change was hilarious. There were those moments when he looked at her with suspicion gleaming in his silvery eyes, giving her the chance to smirk at him in a very Slytherin-like way.

"Knut for your thoughts, love", the boy murmured right into her ear, making her shiver.

"I'm thinking about you", she admitted and smiled cheekily. "And now, pay up"

Her statement made him laugh, after his initial surprise. Sirius shook his head and looked at her with mischief.

"At least you're being honest for once. I appreciate that, kitten"

"Actually, I lied"

Her sweet tone made him laugh again, as he pulled her closer and pressed a kiss into her damp hair. A kiss, that made her glare at him, despite the butterflies fluttering in her belly.

"Don't push it, Black", she warned him, but had no intentions of cursing him.

She didn't want to spoil this beautiful day, even if that meant letting him get his way. Hermione looked around and noticed that Peter and Remus were way ahead of them and Prongs was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's James?"

Sirius sighed and rubbed his temple, looking slightly down for some reason.

"I guess he went ahead. Or stayed far behind. He kind of doesn't like watching the two of us together"

Hermione stopped suddenly, looking at Sirius with surprise. He seemed to be avoiding her eyes, a sight that was very uncommon for him.

"Why?"

"Isn't that obvious? I know we're... Well, not exactly together and that you allow me to be this close to you, because we're friends, but from Jamie's perspective it looks like you had finally given me a chance. Something that he had been wanting from Evans for a really long time. Looking at us reminds him of the fact that he's miserably in love with a girl, who doesn't care about him", Sirius explained, sounding quite uncomfortable.

Hermione felt like a blithering idiot. Now that Padfoot explained everything to her, it seemed completely logical and justified. She was usually so good with noticing all of the subtleties and emotions. How could she not notice that?

"Merlin, I feel so stupid", she murmured, blinking away her tears.

She remembered looking at Lavender and Ron, when they were so infatuated with each other. Sure, she had been jealous back then, but there had been also this feeling of utter loneliness. Their happiness made her realise even more, that she had no one special in her life and it was one of the worst feelings in the entire world.

"Sweetheart, don't cry. Fuck, I shouldn't have told you that", Sirius sighed, pulling her closer to him, but she shook her head, wiping away the tears.

"I'm sorry. It's just that I know what it feels like to love someone and not being loved back"

Sirius entire body stiffened visibly, making her curse herself in her mind.

"Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?", his voice was hollow, even if he tried to cover it with a smile.

"It does. But some things just aren't meant to be", she whispered in return, thinking about Ron.

If someone had asked her a couple of months ago, what will her future look like, the redheaded boy would definitely be a part of it. So many things had changed...

She looked up at Sirius, who was staring at a point beyond her head, and smiled sheepishly.

"But some just need time... A perfect moment that will change everything"

Padfoot flicked his gaze to her and started to watch her intently.

"Are you talking about James and Lily or about us?"

Hermione bit her lip, blushing slightly. That conversation started out terribly wrong and now she had the chance to fix it. But was she truly able to? A trembling sigh escaped her mouth, making Sirius smile bitterly.

"Both, actually. I know that Lily likes James secretly. But I also know that she's not going to acknowledge her feelings until he matures a bit. She's that kind of person, who needs support and stability"

"James would give her everything and more", Sirius protested and Hermione smiled gently.

"She doesn't know him enough to realise that. All she sees are his pranks, terrible attempts at flirting and awkwardness..."

"It's not easy to open up to someone who doesn't even make the effort to get to know you and turns you down instead"

"No, it's not. And I've been talking to Lily, trying to make her realise that. But to be honest, she's extremely stubborn. Reminds me of someone, actually"

"Who?"

"Me, of course", Hermione laughed and met his gaze. "I am stubborn and life has taught me that it's one of my best traits. I don't second-guess myself and it usually turns out to be a great choice. All of the decisions I've made have been careful and deliberate... I'm not used to making mistakes, Sirius"

She fell silent for a moment, gathering her wits to keep talking.

"But I am starting to feel like you and I... Like we're not a mistake, as I previously thought. With all that's happened in my life, I'm in constant danger and my future looks kind of grim. But you already know that and couldn't care less about it. It makes me think that when I'll finally be able to tell you the truth, we're going to be really good together"

"Why don't you just tell me now, Hermione? It's not like I can't keep secrets. Actually, I consider myself to be great at it, not only because I'd never betray my friends, but also because I was forced to learn Occlumency", he informed her, making Hermione's heart skip a beat.

So her suspicions have indeed been correct. If she decided to tell him everything, he would be able to keep that to himself, which made the idea of sharing her secrets even more tempting. Hermione smiled bitterly at her thoughts and shook her head.

"It actually makes it really hard no to blurt out the entire truth right now", she admitted and sighed tiredly. "But I still can't, Sirius. I've already told you that those are not only mine secrets to tell and some of these things I'm hiding... There is a possibility that you wouldn't even want to be with me after hearing them"

Her words were incredibly true. After all, not many people would be able to handle the fact, that she had come from the future and had known them before. Sirius, being the smartass he was, would probably dissect this entire situation to tiny pieces, making it impossible for her to leave out any details. And she couldn't just let him in on his future. Not if she wanted him to be happy.

"I don't think it's possible", he protested, making her smile sadly.

"That's the thing, Sirius. You _think_. But trust me, the truth is so impossible and messed up that it will be hard to believe at first. And if you ever get the chance to learn it, you'll have to take that secret to the grave with you. You'll probably be forced to make an Unbreakable Vow and bear the truth forever"

"Then I'll do it!"

"You can't! Not right now, not until you're officially of age. It has to be a decision based on a conscious, deliberate choice. And as terrible as it sounds, it cannot be influenced by your feelings towards me", she explained and sighed.

"I hate to break it to you, love, but it's a bit too late for that"

Sirius chuckled with amusement, as he took a step in her direction.

"It's never going to be based purely on logical reasons. I don't have to be your boyfriend to spend time with you... And spending time with you is what got me so crazy about you in the first place. So, if I were you, I'd start working on different arguments"

"Fine. Maybe I can't change your feelings by simply keeping you in the dark. But it still doesn't change the fact that you're not of age and are not allowed to know anything"

"By whose orders?", he asked with a smirk and Hermione opened her mouth to answer, before she stopped herself.

Sirius groaned in disappointment, making her smile.

"Nice try, Padfoot. I can't tell you that either"

"It was worth the try", the boy shrugged and grinned at her. "I get it, Herms. I'm putting up a fight because I really want to know everything and I really want to be a part of this war. But I get it. I feel like waiting for you will be the best choice I've ever made, even if it makes me miserable right now"

His thumb caressed her cheek and then his gaze lowered to her mouth. She bit her lips unconsciously, making him sigh in agony.

"You drive me crazy, woman...", he whispered.

Hermione blushed and looked down to her feet.

"I'm sorry... I know that I'm making things unnecessarily difficult. But apart from simply not being able to tell you, I also have another reason, more personal one"

"Care to share it with me?"

"It's quite simple, actually. I need you to want to be with the _real me_. With all my flaws, mistakes and my messed up past. There are parts of me that are ugly and terrifying and I don't want to have to hide them from the person I'm with. I want you to want me for everything that I am, but also for who I was before", she confessed in a small voice, filled with embarrassment.

Sirius stared at her with such a soft look in his eyes, that her heart almost melted with all the warmth spreading throughout her body.

"You're making me want to kiss you so badly, love"

His voice was merely a whisper and yet it managed to make her hold her breath in anticipation. He was staring at her with such intensity, that she had found herself drawn to him. Before she could stop herself, their lips were simply inches apart and her heart was racing at a rapid pace. His breath ghosted over her mouth, as her body tingled all over.

"That's the only chance you'll get...", she whispered, allowing her lips to brush over his own as she spoke.

His eyes closed, as his nose nudged her own in an affectionate gesture, but when he opened them, they were filled with pure agony.

"I can't"

He took a step backwards and took a deep breath.

"Fuck... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I can't just use your temporary lapse in judgement. I know that in this moment you might even _want_ me to kiss you, but this would make things even harder, wouldn't it?", he groaned and clutched his head.

Hermione tried to steady her breath and push away the disappointment filling her entire body. Even though she had to fight the urge to pull him down and kiss him senseless despite his words, pride and tenderness flooded her mind.

"If I had any doubts about this...", she gestured towards him and then herself. "...all of them would be gone now. Because three months ago you would just kiss me and then be off to flirt with someone else"

Her tone was light and it made him smile a little.

"Well, you have no guarantee that I'm not going to do it now...", he joked, raising his eyebrows in a challenge.

"I do, actually. You don't seem like the type to flirt with Hagrid"

Having said that, she turned around and rushed towards Hagrid's cabin with a huge grin on her face.


	22. Chapter 21

Hermione couldn't believe she was sitting on one of the stands, watching James and Sirius fly around on their brooms. She had never gone to Quidditch practices, not even for Harry and Ron. Try-outs were a completely different thing, but she highly doubted that she'd agree to sit through them if it was snowing outside.

"Who practices Quidditch in a weather like this?", she growled to herself, making Peter chuckle.

"Gryffindor, as you can see", he answered with a smile and rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them up.

She took out her wand and pointed it towards the boy. Before he could react, she casted a warming charm, making him visibly relax.

"Thanks"

"No need. It's only temporary", she scowled in response, wishing that things were different. "Bloody hell, they're stupid"

The Gryffindor Team kept practicing, although it seemed completely pointless, as no one could see a thing because of the snowflakes that kept falling down from the sky. Hermione was sure that if they didn't stop in an hour or so, she would look like a particularly fluffy snowman.

"It's their passion", shrugged Peter and bit his Chocolate Frog, before it could have escaped. "But yeah, they're stupid"

She couldn't help but chuckle at his words. Peter seemed to be a completely changed man in comparison to the boy she'd met on the train. He was shy and quiet most of the time, but there were moments when he simply couldn't stop talking. Hermione found herself enjoying his company immensely, as he clearly opened up to her during the semester. He was a good friend. No matter how did he end up in her times, right now he was just a boy, exactly like the rest of the Marauders.

"I'm afraid we're even worse than them. I mean, we're sitting here _willingly_ ", she muttered, pushing her thoughts aside.

"You know how petty they can be. Sirius would probably whine about it all the time, if you decided not to show up"

Oh yes, that was undisputable. He would keep looking at her with his best puppy eyes and her heart would clench painfully. Puppy eyes seemed to be his secret weapon and Hermione couldn't say that it surprised her. After all, he was an Animagus, a _dog_ for a fact.

The Ravenclaw looked at Peter carefully. She knew more than well that Sirius hadn't been the only one to master transformation into an animal. Actually, the girl was sure that even if she hadn't known about it before, figuring it all out wouldn't be that difficult, especially with Remus' monthly disappearances. She was getting tired of hearing the same story over and over - his mother was feeling worse and he had to take care of her. Seriously, those boys were pretty brilliant! How come that they weren't able to come up with more plausible excuses? Not mentioning this weird correlation with lunar phases, that no one seemed to notice.

It was a miracle that Remus' secret was still a secret. Hermione started to think that she had to just outright tell them that she was fully aware of Remus' furry problem and then help them conceal it better. The story about Snape following Moony to the Shrieking Shack, after Sirius had decided to teach him a lesson haunted her mind far more often than she let on.

Maybe it was time to step in? Peter was probably the one to pester, if she wanted to hear the truth. Neither Sirius nor James were as likely to crack under pressure as Wormtail. After all, he was never the one to lead, as he had admitted himself. Hermione took a deep breath and said:

"Where's Remus?"

Peter looked at her, slightly disturbed, but collected himself pretty fast. He shrugged, offering her a sad smile.

"Oh, you know... His mother is sick again. Poor Remus, Hope is such a great person", he sighed in response and Hermione felt mildly impressed with his acting skills.

Well, after saying that sentence so many times, he had to learn how to act it out, yeah?

"Is she a werewolf?", she asked bluntly, making Peter let go of his Chocolate Frog, which decided to commit suicide and jumped off the stand.

"A we-werewolf?", the boy squealed, forgetting about being confident and secretive. "Why would you think so?"

"Well, Remus is helping her every full moon. It's a strange coincidence, don't you think?"

Hermione knew it was wrong to enjoy Peter's panic, but she had a really hard time fighting down her amusement. His watery-blue eyes were so wide, that they reminded her of those belonging to the House Elves, as he kept staring at her hysterically.

"Maybe? I-I... w-wouldn't know"

The Ravenclaw averted her gaze, sighing deeply. There was no need to torment him anymore. She just had to cut the chase and be out with it.

"Don't bother, Pete. I actually know about Remus, I've known for a while now"

Wormtail looked at her with guilt shining in his eyes. She wasn't sure if he was feeling this way because he didn't manage to protect Remus' secret or because he had been lying to her the entire time, along with everyone else. Hermione smiled at him gently, trying to lighten up the mood a bit and the boy relaxed slightly.

"You really know? How?"

"Peter, I hate to break it to you, but you're not exactly super secretive about it. Maybe people aren't interested in Remus' life and they are believing your story about his mother, but I care about him. It's not difficult to see that he seems to get weaker and weaker, accordingly to the lunar phases. And on the full moon, you all disappear from the castle", she rolled her eyes, keeping the smile plastered on her face.

"How would you know that?!", he asked with suspicion, making Hermione giggle.

"After each full moon, James is trying to eat his oatmeal with a fork and Sirius never shows up at breakfast, because he prefers to sleep in. And you... My guess is that you're staying with Remus at the Hospital Wing, making sure he's okay"

Peter blinked a couple of times and then blushed. She didn't need any confirmative aside from the look in his eyes, so she smiled tenderly and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Pete. I've known for a long time and I'm not going to tattle. I just... I worry about Remus, same as you do. And since I'm not an unregistered Animagus, I figured I had to ask you about it eventually"

"You know about that too?", the boy was clearly surprised, his jaw almost hitting the pile of snow that gathered at their feet.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs...", she rolled her eyes with amusement. "Yeah, it was easy to figure out, which is why I have never asked you about where your nicknames came from. Besides, that time at Hogsmeade... You transformed into your animal form, didn't you? I hadn't thought anything of it then, but when I started to wonder about Remus, it felt like the missing puzzle. If those things weren't enough, it's basically impossible for you to join him on the full moon, while being human. He'd kill you without hesitation"

"Blimey, you're brilliant", he gasped and shook his head. "I wish I had a brain like yours"

"To be honest, I think you just need to believe in yourself a bit more. You're a capable wizard, Peter. But that's a subject for a different talk"

The boy blushed and rubbed his temple, trying to hide his embarrassment. Hermione bit back her chuckle and looked towards the pitch, where the players had been doing their best not to kill themselves. Apparently, James was the best at it, as he was currently sitting on his broom without any movement at all, probably because he was falling asleep. She spotted the Gryffindor's captain flying towards him and waving his hands frantically, forcing James to move.

She grinned and looked back at Peter, who seemed to be deep in his thoughts.

"So, how is Remus?"

"Oh... He's good. Yesterday was quite calm. Moony seems to like the snow, you know? He keeps playing with it all the time", Pete chuckled in response and Hermione joined him at once.

Her first meeting with Moony didn't go so well, but still, picturing him having fun with the snowdrifts was certainly entertaining.

"You're such amazing friends. Not many would go through all that effort just to be with their friends on one night"

"He doesn't deserve being all alone during the full moon", Peter said quietly and Hermione nodded eagerly. "He doesn't deserve being a werewolf. Remus is the kindest person I've ever met. It wouldn't feel right to leave him alone"

"No. It wouldn't. Which is why I want you to know that I'm willing to do everything in my power to help him", she stated firmly, making Peter look at her sadly.

"There's no cure for lycanthropy"

"Doesn't mean we can stop looking for it, yeah?"

To her surprise, Peter fell quiet for a minute and then hugged her.

"He was so worried that you're going to find out and turn your back at him. We told him he was talking nonsense, but he's way to insecure to just trust us on this. I am so glad that we were right and Remus was wrong"

Hermione smiled and returned his affectionate gesture with ease. They stayed like that for a minute and then broke apart when a Bludger flew right over their heads.

"Oi! Wormtail, That's my girl you're snuggling!", Sirius yelled at them, looking furious. "Do that again and I'll knock you out!"

Hermione glared at the Beater murderously, while Peter distanced himself from her, not wanting to piss Sirius off even more.

"Black, get back to the game, you lazy wanker!", the captain yelled so loudly, that even Hermione and Peter could hear him. "Instead of sending the Bludgers towards the stands, you could try to wake up Potter!"

James jerked up his head and looked around with suspicion, trying to figure out what was going on. Hermione couldn't help but chuckle, her annoyance evaporating in an instance.

"Fine. No need to get all worked up", Sirius yelled back and steered his broom away from the stands.

Both Hermione and Peter laughed at his behaviour and shared amused glances.

"I'd never thought I am going to see him that jealous, you know?", Peter asked with a timid smile, making Hermione blush a little. "Especially over me"

The boy chuckled, surprising her once again with his light attitude towards himself. She had always pictured him as someone who hated being in the shadows, who truly despised being worse than Sirius and James. Sure, he wasn't as handsome as Sirius, nor as charming as James, but she couldn't say that he wasn't interesting.

"Sirius considers you to be his brother. He and James have a special bond, but it doesn't make you or Remus any lesser. He considers you an equal, you know that, right?", she asked worriedly and Peter shot her a wide grin in response.

"I'm not like them, Hermione. I appreciate that you're trying to make sure that I don't feel bad about it, but the fact itself quite undeniable. I'm bland in comparison to Sirius or James, or even Remus. It used to bug me, a lot", he admitted and furrowed his brows.

"Why doesn't it bug you right now?"

Peter blushed crimson red and looked down to his feet. He seemed to be fighting with his own thoughts, but finally, he sighed and met her gaze.

"It had a lot to do with you", the boy finally murmured, making Hermione gasp in surprise.

She was too flabbergasted to speak and she really hoped that Peter wouldn't take it the wrong way. It seemed, that he was more interested in getting himself together than watching her reaction and Hermione was glad for this.

"I told you that Remus is one of the kindest people I've ever met. But so are you, Hermione. I know that your past has truly been awful and honestly, I'd probably give up if I were you. But you smile and try to live your life, not worrying others, not wanting to burden us with your troubles, even though we would be glad to carry them with you. And it made me realise something very important"

"What is it?", she asked quietly, trying to blink away the tears that appeared in her eyes out of nowhere.

"I've learned that life is not just. That I can't be waiting for it to give me something, to fulfil my dreams. Sirius and James get that, as they are trying to do everything in their power to gain what they want and I can't blame them for that. I can't listen to people who offer me greatness in exchange for something, that I should be aiming to achieve all by myself. Because life simply doesn't work that way"

Hermione bit her lip and flung herself at him, hugging him tightly.

"I'm so proud, Peter. You have no idea, how worried I was that you're going to let all those negative thoughts get to you and force you to make a terrible mistake. I want to you know that no matter how bad you feel, I'm always here for you. Don't go looking for help somewhere else. No one will help you better, than the people who love you", she sobbed into his ear, not being able to stop herself.

"Thank you, Hermione", he sobbed back, hugging her with all he had.

Another Bludger flew over their heads, making them jump up into the air.

"What the fuck, Peter?!", Sirius yelled once again, flying closer to the stand with fury painted on his face.

It took him a moment to assess the situation, but when he finally did, his brows furrowed with suspicion.

"And why the hell are you both crying?!"

Hermione met Peter's gaze and then they started to laugh simultaneously.


	23. Chapter 22

She almost screamed, after someone pulled her behind one of the statues and covered her mouth. Panic awoke in her body almost instantly and she started to wiggle furiously, trying to break free.

"Calm down", Leslie hissed into her ear, making Hermione freeze on the spot.

What was it with those girls?! She could swear that they had deliberately tried to give her a heart attack!

"What the hell, Les?!"

"We're hiding", the girl whispered, staring intently at one point above Hermione's shoulder.

"Seriously? Why?"

Her roommate didn't answer, but her cheeks tinged pink, making Hermione narrow her eyes with suspicion.

"Leslie?", she asked with warning in her voice, trying to get to the bottom of their current position.

"Fine... Ewan will be here in about one minute"

Hermione looked at her with disbelief and tried to leave their hideout, but Leslie grabbed her by the arm and forced her to stay.

"Come on, Hermione", her friend moaned pleadingly and sounded so desperate that Miss Granger had no other choice than to bear with her.

"Are you at least going to tell me why are we observing him from behind this statue, instead of just talking to him?"

"Because I'm stupid, that's why", Leslie muttered and blushed even harder. "Look, our talk got me thinking about everything. I know that I fucked up and I thought that maybe... That maybe I could fix it"

Hermione tried to stop herself from smiling, but did a really bad job, as a chuckle escaped her mouth. Leslie smacked her in the arm, looking extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"You think you can fix it by stalking him?"

"No. I just... I don't know how to talk to him. He probably hates me", Les groaned and squeezed her eyelids shut.

"No, he doesn't", Hermione protested with a grin and watched her friend open her eyes with a hopeful look shining through them.

"Did he tell you that?", her voice sounded excited, although she tried to hide it.

Hermione raised her eyebrows with amusement and smiled.

"I'm not telling you anything. It's up to you and Ewan to figure it out"

Leslie opened her mouth to answer, but then the door flew open as Ewan's class has ended, forcing her to grow even redder and awfully silent. Hermione wondered what was she planning to do, because sitting behind the statue didn't appear all that smart.

Ewan walked out of the classroom with one of his friends, Gideon Lithe, laughing loudly and making Leslie inhale sharply. She looked like a giant fish, with her cheeks puffed out and her lips shaped like a nozzle. Hermione bit her lip, trying to stifle in laughter, seeing as her friend seemed to be frozen in time.

There was no way in hell that Leslie was going to do something and Hermione decided that everyone needed help sometimes. With a wicked grin, she pushed Leslie from behind the statue, making her fall directly into Ewan's arms. She almost snorted out loud, when the girl started to resemble the statue behind which she had been hiding. Ewan looked simply flabbergasted, slight pink hue on his cheeks.

Both of them stood in the middle of the corridor, staring at each other for over a minute, until Leslie decided that she had enough of making a fool out of herself.

"HEY, EWAN!", she yelled in a panicked voice, despite him standing right next to her.

Hermione couldn't hold it anymore and she started to shake violently from inaudible laughter. If anyone took a picture of her at that exact moment, she'd probably die out of embarrassment, because she must have been looking like an extremely ugly tomato.

"Um, hi?", Ewan answered, looking slightly confused. "Why were you hiding behind that statue?"

"WHAT?! NO, I WASN'T", Leslie laughed in response, shooting Hermione an angry glance. "I was just standing there. For no reason, you know?"

"That's... great?"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

Silence fell between them, as they kept staring at each other without blinking. Hermione calmed herself down and kept watching the entire scene with a gentle smile. They looked so adorable together, that it seemed almost unreal. She really hoped that they were going to sort everything out and at least get back to being friends again. Both of them deserved having that special someone in their lives and Hermione couldn't be more happy for them.

"It was nice talking to you", Ewan finally stated and smiled timidly.

"Sure!"

Leslie scratched her head with embarrassment, clearly not knowing what to do next. Ewans seemed equally baffled, as he kept looking at the girl in front of him with such intensity, that Hermione feared he might scare her away.

"So, I guess I'll see you sometime?", Les finally choked out and Ewan nodded eagerly.

Neither of them made a move, though, making Hermione giggle lightly. Her amusement got even bigger when they finally decided to split. Leslie stepped to the left, as Ewan stepped to the right, causing them to bump into each other. The situation repeated once again, forcing Ewan's friend to snort loudly. His reaction clearly embarrassed the pair even more, as they tried to part ways again – Ewan stepped to the left and Leslie to the right.

"Sorry!", the girl squealed with her face red as a tomato.

Ewan grabbed her shoulders and pushed her to the side, smiling widely. This time, they walked past each other, making Hermione sigh in satisfaction. It would probably take some time, but she had no doubts that they will end up together and that thought was incredibly touching. Leslie and Ewan deserved happiness.

With a smile still plastered on her face, she walked out from behind the statue and resumed her stroll towards the library.

* * *

"Merlin, I'm so hungry", Gracie groaned and looked at the chicken with such want, that it made everyone else giggle.

It was simply impossible that she was still so thin, as she kept eating tons of food, making Hermione watch her with bewilderment.

"You're always hungry", Leslie chuckled and grabbed the bowl containing mashed potatoes, snatching it right out of Amy's reach.

"Hey! I was about to do that!", the blonde exclaimed with outrage, staring Les down.

"And now you're not"

Hermione shook her head, smiling slightly. Each day looked exactly the same, but she was far from bored. The routine of being friends with those girls made her feel like she belonged here, despite everything that's happened. The thought that she was about to stay in the castle for Christmas, all alone, was really depressing. Especially with the upcoming training sessions that Moody planned for her during their summer meetings. Her muscles clenched painfully at the mere thought of having to endure hours of running and fighting.

Her sigh must have sounded incredibly pained, as all eyes darted towards her within a second.

"Herms, what's wrong?", Gracie asked worriedly, deciding that Miss Granger was far more important than the chicken lying on her plate.

They knew her well enough to know, that her sighing and distant looks were a sign of something troubling her. Merlin knew, those things happened way too often for anyone not to notice.

"Nothing, really. I just realised that I'm going to miss you while you're gone for Christmas", she smiled weakly.

"Oh... Hermione, that's so sweet", Leslie rolled her eyes, clearly amused by this sudden expression of feelings.

Hermione shot her an angry glance, but smile was still gracing her lips.

"Shut up, you cold-hearted wench", Grace scolded her dark-haired friend. "I bet you wouldn't be so happy to stay all alone in the castle either!"

"She's not going to be alone, though, is she? Snape is staying here", Amy pointed out, waving her fork in the air.

Hermione's smile faltered as she realised that it was only going to make things worse. After all, she was supposed to spend her days in the Room of Requirement, getting beat up to a mush of sweat and tears. Severus was way too observant not to notice her disappearances and his questions were the last things she wanted to endure.

"Yeah, I know. But he's not you, guys"

Despite her grim thoughts, she mustered a wide smile, that made all the girls look at her tenderly.

"We're going to miss you too!", Gracie chirped and decided to hug her from across the table.

As a result, her glass filled with pumpkin juice rolled over, making Amy squeal in panic. Her skirt was now completely drenched, yet again, in pumpkin juice. Leslie choked on her potatoes, not being able to stop her laughter. Hermione's cheeks started to hurt, as she tried to remain calm, but seeing Grace's guilty smile and Amy's furious blush made her lose it completely.

The sound of her laughter made everyone turn their attention in her direction. Normally, it would have caused her to blush and calm down, but right now she was completely unable to do so.

"Oi, Granger!", she heard James' voice reaching her from Gryffindor table. "What's so funny?!"

"Your ugly mug, for instance!", Sirius replied, and laughter erupted in the Great Hall, as Hermione tried to catch her breath.

In the meantime, Amy was wiping her skirt furiously, as Grace kept scratching her head with a disturbed look in her eyes. She clearly tried to assess whether she had to make a run for her life, or maybe pretend that she wasn't there.

"Freaking Grace's grace", Amy muttered and threw the napkin on her plate.

She took a deep breath, grabbed Leslie's plate and smacked its content into Grace's chest, covering her shirt with mashed potatoes.

"THOSE WERE MINE!"

Leslie was clearly outraged, but even she couldn't stop herself from laughing at the sight of Grace's shocked face.

"It serves you right for laughing at my expense!", Amy stated proudly and then got up and marched off the Great Hall, her stained skirt making her look as though she'd peed herself.

Some people chuckled and pointed their fingers towards her, but the girl wasn't going to let them mock her.

"QUIET! Unless you want to suffer detention till the end of the year!"

With a bang, she exited the hall, her head held up high.

"She's mental, I'm telling you", Leslie nodded in affirmative and then switched her gaze to Grace, who still looked at the plate glued to her chest with pure shock. "I'm going to need that, Gracie"

Hermione chuckled lightly and sighed once again. Merlin, Hogwarts would be so boring without them.

* * *

"Well, well, well... Look who we have here", Mulciber's voice reached her ears, as she jerked her head up and tried to blink away her sleepiness.

How could she fall asleep in the library once again?! It wasn't safe to walk the corridors after curfew, even with a permission from Dumbledore. She knew better than to just let herself be caught unguarded.

"Me, so it would seem", Hermione answered, smiling coolly despite the anger boiling inside her body.

Out of all people who could have found her, it had to be him. What was she, the most unlucky person in the entire world?

"Not a pleasant sight, unfortunately", the Slyhterin shot her a look full of contempt that made her grind her teeth.

"Likewise", she muttered under her breath and started to gather her things.

Before she could finish it, he grabbed her arm and pushed her onto the shelve. The books lying on top of it trembled dangerously, forcing her whole body to tense even more. Marcus Mulciber pressed himself against her, smiling viciously as Hermione tried to free herself from his grasp.

"Let go of me", she growled at him, but the boy only chuckled.

"But don't you like being manhandled, Mudblood?", he asked with irony. "That's what you're good for, anyway"

Oh, how she hated the likes of him. It made her gut wrench so badly, that she wanted to puke.

"I said, let go of me!", she tried again, although her efforts to break free were completely futile.

Moody would kill her, if he knew that someone managed to trap her so easily. Oh, that is, if Mulciber wouldn't do it first.

"Not so fast, Mudblood. You see, I am very displeased with you and your actions. Not only you defile our world with your mere presence, but you also fail to realise it, walking the corridors like you belong here. And truth to be told, you're nothing more than a bug, that needs to be squished under the heel of my boot"

Her eyes stung with tears that appeared out of nowhere, despite her desperation to stay strong. Something in his words struck a chord deep inside her body, making all of her negative memories resurface. Marcus Mulciber had the same, haunted look on his face, that Bellatrix wore when she tortured her and that similarity scared her to no end.

"The only one that needs to be _squished_ is you", she spat at him, her voice strong and confident, despite the fear that crept into her heart.

The boy clicked his tongue with dissatisfaction and he made his grip even stronger. His body pressed into hers even more, making it really hard to breathe easily.

"Severus is telling me that you're really smart, but somehow I highly doubt it. If you were, you would know not to speak to me that way, Mudblood"

His eyes moved across her body, making her nauseated. She was unable to make a move at all, her wand lying safely in the pocket of her robes, completely out of her reach.

"It's very sad, though... If you were a Pureblooded witch, we would welcome you into our ranks immediately. You seem to know things. Things, that could be very valuable to our Lord", he smiled evilly and then sighed theatrically. "If only I could access them somehow without you joining us..."

Hermione froze, realising what he was talking about. She gathered her strength at once, preparing her mind for his invasion. If Mulciber learned about her abilities in Occlumency, there would be no chance she would be left alone. Her affiliation with the Order would become clear as the day, putting at risk not only her, but also Dumbledore and every other member. She had to pretend not to know anything about it. She had to feed him false memories, that were carefully selected by Moody himself as those sufficient to fool anyone into believing her innocence.

His eyes bore deep into her own, as he muttered the incantation. Before she could express her surprise at his abilities to use wandless magic, she was sucked into her own mind, memories flying around her in a whirl of colours and flashes.

She saw herself and her parents in France, during one of the summer holidays. Her mother kept yelling at her dad, for allowing Hermione to eat three scopes of ice cream. The older woman was dissatisfied, as ice cream weren't good for the teeth and her little girl had just had one of her teeth treated. Mr Granger looked incredibly guilty, but as soon as Hermione's mother turned around, he smiled at his daughter, winking playfully.

The memory changed to a more recent one. She was standing behind the counter in Honeydukes, smiling at the customers and helping them find anything they needed. There was this boy, who kept pulling his mother's robe, trying to get her to buy him his favourite Sugar Quill. Hermione skipped the counter and kneeled before him, handing him the Quill with a smile. She lectured him, so that he would stop pestering his mom, since she cared for him very much. The boy smiled at her sheepishly and thanked her for the sweet.

The force of Mulciber's invasion increased, surprising Hermione greatly. She didn't expect him to possess such skill in Legillimency, so she wasn't ready for his strong assault. Another memory appeared, but this time, it wasn't one of those pre-planned pictures that Moody chose.

She was pressed against the wall, but this time, it wasn't Mulciber's doing. Sirius' silvery eyes bore deep into her own, making her heart race like crazy.. She could almost feel the softness of his lips, his taste and gentleness of his touches. Her heart started to ache instantly, as longing and need awoke in her body, lighting her senses on fire.

Out of all memories, this had to be the one she was forced to relieve... The one that made it impossible for her not to look at Sirius with need in her brown eyes.

Before she could do something, Mucliber's presence was gone, as he moved away and shot her a truly disgusted look.

"You're making me sick", he informed her with a scowl on his face, that made her smile inside.

"What... What did you do to me?", she gasped, playing her part perfectly, as he snorted.

"Seems like you don't know as much as I thought you would. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, you're just a filthy, little Mudblood. The Dark Lord will be very pleased to hear, that you're nothing more than a weed that needs to be eradicated"

With that, he shot her one final disgusted glance and walked away. Hermione slid down the shelve, with her heart beating strongly against her chest. She tried to calm her nerves, but her hands refused to stop shaking violently, as her lungs seemed to constrict painfully, making it impossible to breathe.

She made a huge mistake. Underestimating Mulciber just because she had managed to teach him a lesson once was so incredibly stupid, that she wanted to rip her hair off her head for doing so. At the same time, she couldn't help but to feel relieved. That one memory that slipped away from her grasp has proven itself to also be the one that got Mulciber to back out of her mind, convincing him that she wasn't worth the attention after all. It was something that she was looking forward to, for such a long time and now she had finally gotten it. Hermione was far from happy, though. She simply couldn't help but wonder - what would happen if her mistake had allowed Mulciber to learn all her secrets?

The answer to that question was so grim and depressing, that before she could stop herself, tears started to roll down her cheeks uncontrollably, matching the raindrops that were slowly sliding down the window.


	24. Chapter 23

"Are you sure that you're okay with staying here during the break?"

James's worried voice made her smile with appreciation, as she shook her head vigorously.

"I can't say I'm completely okay with it, as I am going to miss you all, but I have work to do", she answered and earned herself a bear hug.

When James had finally let her go, Hermione ruffled his hair in an affectionate gesture, making him grin widely. Remus approached her a mere second later and hugged her just as fiercely.

"We'll write to you, I promise", he assured her firmly and then stepped away, making way for Peter.

"It's just two weeks, you know! You probably won't even notice we're gone"

Wormtail could be so sweet sometimes, that it was really hard not to smile at him with tenderness. It was even harder now, after their talk. The boy surprised her not only with his maturity, but also with the fact that he kept everything to himself – he hadn't even told James and Sirius, that she knew their little secret. Hermione appreciated it greatly, just as she appreciated his attempt to make her mood a bit better.

When Peter joined James and Remus, her gaze flicked towards Sirius, who was leaning onto one of the columns at the platform, with his hands stuck in the pockets and his gaze fixed at her. A blush crept up her face, when their eyes met and once again, she found herself trapped in the depth of his silvery eyes.

James cleared his throat suggestively and nudged Peter and Remus to walk away. The boys complied instantly, noticing the sudden spike of tension in the air. Hermione fidgeted nervously, as her thoughts drifted to that one memory that haunted her since Mulciber pulled it out of the depths of her mind. It was so easy to get lost in it, especially when she watched Sirius walk slowly towards her with need painted all over his face.

She looked down, not wanting to lose control over herself. Why was this so hard? It wasn't like she wouldn't see him ever again. He would be gone for merely two weeks! Still, the thought of not spending time with him, not being close to him made her so incredibly sad and disappointed, that showing up at the station proved to be much more difficult than she initially thought she would.

"So...", he started, his voice strained and huskier than usual.

She couldn't help the shiver that ran up her spine at the mere sound of his tone. Why did it have to be so bloody hard?!

"Two weeks seem incredibly long, don't they?", he murmured after a short while. "Never thought I'd say this to any female, but I am going to miss you"

Hermione forced herself to look up and immediately regretted her decision, as Sirius' eyes consumed her and made her unable to make a single move. Why would she even want to move, if everything she needed was right there in front of her?

"I am going to miss you too", she answered in a breathy whisper, not trusting her full voice at all.

It didn't seem possible, but the tension grew even thicker as Sirius' gaze lowered to her lips. Her heart sped up, thumping against her chest like crazy, as she tried to compose herself and start thinking clearly. _'Just hug him, say goodbye and walk away!',_ her mind screamed at her, but her feet were completely unresponsive, as she continued to stand there and await his next move.

"Bloody hell... Remind me, why aren't we together?", he asked in a tormented voice and Hermione took a deep breath, trying to find an answer to his question.

"I... There are reasons", she finally managed to say and closed her eyes, when Sirius' forehead touched her own and his hands pulled her close to his body.

"You have to be more specific", he breathed against her lips, making them part ever so slightly.

"I... I c-can't right now", her desperate whine made him smile like a predator.

"Good",

Mere second later, he kissed her and made her completely forget about the fact that they were standing on a platform full of nosy students and that what they were doing was going to complicate things even more.

She even forgot her own name, as his lips slowly caressed her own in the most sensual way anyone could imagine. Every single touch felt like fire. His hair seemed like silk beneath her fingers, his scent intoxicated her and made her want to sigh in pure ecstasy. Nothing else mattered. Nothing, but his hands clutching her hips possessively and his body pressed against her own.

After what seemed like a second and an eternity at the same time, he broke their heated kiss and rested his forehead against her own once again. Hermione's eyes flew open and she met his clouded, darkened gaze. The want in his eyes almost made her kiss him again, but before she could do just that, he sighed shakily.

"I shouldn't have done that", he said and Hermione nodded eagerly.

"This will only complicate things", she admitted quietly and frowned, seeing him smile mischievously.

"I wasn't talking about kissing you, love. I was talking about breaking the kiss"

Her eyes widened and Sirius chuckled, tugging a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Two weeks ago you've said...", she started, but he placed a finger on her lips.

"I know. But today is different. We're not going to see each other during the break and... I simply couldn't go without having something to remember"

"What about me?", she asked with annoyance, that made his eyes glint amusedly.

"Don't tell me you didn't want it, love. Don't tell me that if I kissed you again, you wouldn't kiss me back"

Hermione bit her lip and said nothing. She didn't want to lie to him, not even in such a trivial matter. Even with all her stubbornness and resolve to wait, denying him the knowledge of how much she wanted him seemed cruel and pointless.

"See?", he chuckled, but somehow it didn't seem all that cheerful. "To be honest, Hermione, since we've had that talk, I really tried to make things better between us. But the more I try, the more I realise that there's no way in hell I'm going to make it"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I can't stay away. I can't force myself to acknowledge your reasons and seriousness of the entire situation. It's utterly pointless. Don't you see? I didn't fall for you because of your past. For fucks sake, I fell for the person you are right now and without your past you'd be completely different. Even if what you're going to tell me eventually will shock me, I'm not some kind of a bastard to just leave you. I couldn't, even if I wanted to. Because I love you, alright?"

Hermione would never believe the words that came out of his mouth, if it wasn't for the fact that Sirius Black was _blushing_ , for the first time in his life. He loved her. Oh, Merlin, he loved her.

"Are you... Are you sure?", she asked and felt like an idiot as soon as the words left her mouth.

Sirius looked at her with disbelief and closed his eyes, rubbing his temple.

"Yeah. I'm positive. It's not like I walk around telling people that all the time, is it?"

Of course, it wasn't... She could be such a moron sometimes.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect that"

"Well, me neither", he sighed and opened his eyes once again.

His hands found themselves on her shoulders, as he forced her to look at him.

"You don't have to say anything. I know that it's a lot to digest, especially if you have spent past weeks trying to convince yourself that whatever it is you're feeling for me, it will have to wait. I also know that I agreed to your terms and now I'm backing out of them once again, but I realised that the thing that you didn't want to happen has already happened. I'm already a lost cause and for me, there's no other way than to just be with you. Think about it, Hermione, please. Otherwise we're going to have the same conversation over and over, and neither of us will be happy"

Having said all that, he leaned forward and kissed her again, pouring all of his emotions into that kiss, making her heart melt. When he straightened himself, he smiled widely and then turned around and walked towards the train, leaving her with chaos in her mind.

Sirius Black loved her and she could do nothing to change it. She had already tried to keep him away, to oppose him, but her tactics had clearly failed. What was the point in fighting, when she didn't have any strength left? Hermione would have to be completely blind not to see, that Sirius proved himself to be trustworthy and loyal. He'd never tell her those things if he didn't believe in them. Maybe it was time to start believing in _him_? Maybe it was time to trust, that she wasn't the only one capable of making dangerous, but responsible choices? Maybe it was time to start living once again?

"Sirius!", she called after him and watched as the boy climbing the stairs turned around, just as soon as the train started to take off. "I love you too!"

Smile graced her lips, as Padfoot looked at her completely dumbfounded for a few seconds, before someone pulled him inside the train and closed the door. Hermione turned around and smiled even wider, when this great weight disappeared from her shoulders and all of her previous doubts started to seem quite stupid. She knew that once the adrenaline subsides, the weight will be back, but for now, Hermione wanted to be happy. Just this once.

* * *

 _Dear Kitten,_

 _Did my brain just went coocoo, or did you really say you loved me back?! Please, answer that freaking letter, I need to know if things are about to go really, really awesome or really, really awkward._

 _Yours,_

 _Sirius_

* * *

 _Dear Hermione,_

 _Can you please just write him back?! I swear on Merlin's beard, he's acting like a freaking lunatic. He keeps talking about you all the time and when he's not doing that, he keeps staring at the window, looking for an owl with a letter from you. Please, answer him. I'd really like to have a peaceful Christmas!_

 _Prongs_

* * *

 _HERMIONE,_

 _I just had a breakthrough! SIRIUS IS ACTING LIKE ME. How the hell did he manage to be my friend for the past five years, if that's how I acted?! He's pathetic, I swear. Poor, love-struck fool. You absolutely HAVE TO write him back, eventually, you know that, right? It's just cruel to let him wonder like that. Besides he's pissing me off, so just send him a letter already, would you?_

 _Enlightened,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dearest Kitten,_

 _Look, I really get that I might have imagined you saying you loved me. No harm feelings, okay? Surely, I have never said that to anyone and I definitely hadn't been turned down before, but I'll manage somehow. Just please, write me back... I'm getting crazy, like, SIRIUSLY crazy. And crazy Padfoot, is not a good Padfoot._

 _With love,_

 _Sirius_

* * *

Hermione wiped the sweat out of her eyes and moaned loudly. Every muscle in her body screamed from exertion, as she tried to stand up once again and take a fighting stance.

"Pathetic! Have you completely forgotten everything I've taught you over the summer?!", Moody yelled at her with fury and he flicked his wand, sending her towards the ground once again.

"I'm not an Auror with dozens of years of experience", she snapped back and refused to get up.

Moody muttered few uncensored words under his breath, but didn't make a move to attack her once more. Hermione decided to take advantage out of his temporary mercy and closed her eyes, relaxing her body completely. Oh, how she wished she could be in her dormitory, reading a book. Or even better, replying to those letters that kept piling up on her nightstand. She'd read them of course, but it took her a couple of days to do so, as her exhausted body refused to stay awake even a second longer than it was necessary.

Hermione felt so guilty that it was eating away her concentration. It really was cruel to let Sirius suffer like this. Despite his words about being turned down, she knew that he was down. How could he be not? After all, he'd heard her correctly and now she refused to confirm his assumptions. She had to write that damn letter. Moody or no Moody, Sirius was much more important right now.

"I need to go", she stated and got up from the ground, facing the Auror that was looking at her with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

"We're not done yet"

"Yes, we are!"

Moody raised his brows and then smiled, surprising her completely.

"Why are you smiling?", her voice was laced with suspicion, as it seemed almost impossible for the man to be expressing joy.

"Because you've finally managed to oppose me. I thought that you were a lost cause, letting me drug you through the mud over and over without even as much as a quiet protest", he explained, making her mouth open widely.

"Are you freaking serious?!"

"Granger, like you've said, you're not an Auror and your fighting skills happen to be very decent for someone so young. However, you're not going to make much use of it, if you're going to keep letting me abuse you like that"

Hermione felt so angry that she wanted to cry. All of this... All of this hard work had been because he wanted her to stand up and fight for herself and her own wellbeing, instead of just following his lead without whining and protesting? Before she could stop herself, she raised her wand and sent a stunner towards the Auror. Moody had been so surprised that her spell had actually reached him, sending him flying towards the ground.

"Unbelievable! If you want a rebel, you're going to get one", she spat and stormed out of the room.

Anger made her forget about her exhaustion and ache of the muscles, as she walked down the corridors with fury painted all over her face. She absolutely resented the feeling of being played, especially considering the fact that she did everything in her power to make this meetings with Moody possible, without raising any suspicions. Fooling Snape was bloody difficult and she deserved a freaking medal for doing so, not getting treated like a toy.

The Ravenclaw Tower was awfully quiet, as most of the students have gone home for the break. Hermione couldn't say that she minded it, since there was no one to monitor her actions and start another set of gossip. She wanted to enjoy peace as long as possible. The second the break will be over, everyone will start talking about her and Sirius and make her go crazy with all the stares and whispers.

Her anger diminished slightly when she thought about Sirius. She truly expected that as soon as the adrenaline disappeared, regret would fill her body, making her miserable, but to her surprise, no such thing happened. Something about confessing her feelings to him felt right, bringing her much wanted peace. Her doubts were still there, obviously, but they simply weren't scary anymore. Sirius had been right all along, there was absolutely no point in fighting things that were unavoidable, even if they might complicate her life. After all, her problems were still there, regardless of her relationship with Padfoot. Sweeping her feelings under the carpet wouldn't change a thing – it just made her look stupid and immature.

Hermione really wished she could have realised that earlier, but when it came to relationships and emotions, it was never that simple. Not in her case at least, since she had spent most of her time trying to save Harry and the whole wizarding world, pushing her needs and wants aside. Her love towards Ron seemed completely unreal even now, as her memories of the past consisted mainly of gruesome scenes and gut wrenching sights. She, Harry and Ron managed to remain friends, but there was no doubt that their relations would be completely different if there was no war raging outside. Those rare moments of happiness they shared were also the only thing that kept them going and Hermione knew that if she was about to step into yet another battle, she had to gather as much of that kind of strength as possible.

It was like she had finally opened her eyes. Dumbledore had spent such a great amount of time trying to make them acknowledge the fact, that Voldemort's biggest weakness had been his inability to feel. No one could defeat him by simply being a good, obedient soldier like she tried to be. The one thing that could bring him down were the bonds between all those who opposed him. So why had she been so hell-bent on pushing Sirius away? Secrets or no secrets, she needed strength and support and he could give her that.

With a small smile, she sat down at the table in Common Room and started replying to her letters.


	25. Chapter 24

_Dear Sirius,_

 _You have no idea how sorry I am for not writing you back as soon as I got your letter! I feel terrible about letting you suffer like that, but I really had no choice. Of course, I cannot tell you why. That would be just too simple, wouldn't it?_

 _I think you're going to forgive me, though, since things are really about to get awesome. Your mind didn't go coocoo. I_ do _love you, even if that scares me and makes things complicated. I don't have enough strength to push you away, though, so instead, I've decided to direct my efforts into making things work between us. Properly work._

 _This conversation should probably take place face to face, but I have no faith in myself to be able to tell you everything I want and not be influenced by... Well, by you. I know you enough to realize that you're just going to dismiss all of my doubts and worries, but I really need you listen, Sirius. My choice, although I don't regret it to the least, means that I believe you're capable of being responsible and careful. My secrets have to stay secrets for now, but if I decide to tell you something, even a small detail – you have to keep it to yourself. You're not stupid, so maybe I shouldn't be explaining that to you, but I wouldn't be myself if I didn't worry._

 _Promise me, that you won't search for answers on your own and that you're going to trust me. Whatever I do, no matter how dangerous it seems, I probably can handle it. I refuse to explain myself to you, just as I refuse to be responsible for your choices. If you really want me, I need you to truly grow up, at least in that one area of life._

 _Oh and one more thing. Don't you dare leave me, Black. The sorrow would undoubtedly kill me, but I would still haunt you for a freaking eternity._

 _With love,_

 _Kitten_

* * *

 _Love,_

 _You have no idea how happy I am! And you were right, I forgive you for making me act like a complete moron. Merlin, I wish I was there to kiss you... It's a good thing that the break is due to end in a week, cause James' mom would kill me for sneaking out of the house to go to see you. I swear, that woman would be an incredible sneakoscope. She knows literally everything that's going on! I wouldn't be surprised if she'd known I was going to fall for you even before we've officially met, since me and Prongs have been talking about you during the summer. You know, about the scar and... Well, it doesn't matter._

 _As for the second part of your letter... Kitten, you're so predictable! I was completely sure that you're going to write something like that and I've managed to come up with a beautiful speech to counter it. You're going to have to wait for it until we see each other, though. Consider it a payback for not writing me back! And yes, I know that it's immature and you're going to be freakishly mad, but the thing is, I like it when you're mad. It makes me wonder about so many things that may require such a fiery temper... I can almost see you blush, love._

 _Damn, I miss you. You have no idea..._

 _Sirius_

 _P.S. I love that you have finally accepted your nickname. I'm going to make sure that no one beside me calls you that. You're mine now, aren't you, Kitten?_

* * *

 _Dear Hermione,_

 _I think congratulations are in order, aren't they? Before you get mad, Padfoot wrote me a letter longer than every single one of his essays, so you should probably be proud of him, rather than angry. Honestly, I had no idea he knew so many words._

 _I am so happy for the two of you. Lily and James are clearly meant for each other, but I think you and Sirius are going to be a tough competition for the "Couple of the century" title. I knew it from that day, when we've left the castle for Hogsmeade. He's going to make you happy, Hermione, trust me. Despite his previous behaviour, I know that he's not going to let that one girl, who managed to capture his heart, slip away. He truly loves you and I am glad that you decided to take a risk. It will be worth it, I am sure of it._

 _Apart from the obvious changes, how is the break going for you? I hope that Severus doesn't bother you too much. He's your friend, I am aware of that, but I still worry about you. Could you blame me for it?_

 _Once again, congrats!_

 _Remus_

* * *

 _Hermione!_

 _Do I honestly have to find out about you and Sirius from POTTER, out of all people?! I swear, I want to strangle you so much right now, but I know I can't. Not only because you're at Hogwarts, but also because that would mean not seeing you and Sirius together, after such a long time!_

 _Besides... I don't know if I should tell you this via letter, but that message from Potter was really surprising. I mean... He usually writes to me every single day, making my sister go crazy, because of the owls flying in and out of the house. He tells me how much he loves me and describes his days, as if I care what chores did his mother give him. But this time he just... He said he was sorry for bugging me with letters all the time and that he just wanted to tell me that Sirius had finally convinced you to give him a shot. And that's it. Literally, his letter ended right there with nothing more than "I hope you have a nice break!". I don't know what to make of it. I would ask one of my roommates, but they keep pestering me about giving him a chance and I really don't need that right now. Do you know what has gotten into him?_

 _Please, write me back as soon as possible, I'm kind of freaking out._

 _Lily_

 _P.S. Is everything alright with you and Severus? I just realised that I got so caught up with that Potter thing that I forgot to ask... I'm such a great friend, aren't I?_

* * *

 _Padfoot,_

 _Sometimes I hate you. Honestly, you can make me go so crazy, that my hair frizzes. But you can also make me smile like a blithering idiot, so I can't even stay mad at you for torturing me like that. That is so unfair! Also, I didn't blush._

 _I miss you too. This break makes me so miserable, you have no idea. I could use a visit to the kitchen with you, maybe it would cheer me up a bit. Don't worry though, nothing terrible has happened. I am just overly tired and it has a lot to do with the reason for not writing you back right away. I wonder if you're going to figure it out once you see me... Huh._

 _Did you honestly have to tell everyone about us? I've got a letter from Remus, but I am pretty sure that you have told Peter as well. He doesn't have an owl, so he can't exactly write to me on his own, but I don't need his letter to know that you're a huge tattletale. What kind of a prankster are you?! Can you imagine their faces if you'd kissed me on the platform without previously telling them we're together? Wait. Now that I think of it, you did good by telling them. Peter would probably faint out of the embarrassment and we would have to rescue him._

 _You're the only one that haven't asked me about Severus, you know? I am not sure if that's a good thing or a bad one. Nonetheless, everything is fine here. I don't see him that often, as I am busy with my own numerous tasks, but when I do see him, we're mostly studying and writing essays. Speaking of essays... Do I need to remind you that Flitwick told us to write one about the Water-Making Spell? Three rolls of paper to be delivered on the first class after the break. You'd better start writing it now, someone told me that your letters would probably be marked way higher than those creations you call essays._

 _How is everything going, by the way? Have you and James completely destroyed the house as of yet or is it still standing? I swear, Prongs' parents must be the most patient and considerate people in the whole world, if they're putting up with the likes of you._

 _Can't wait to see you again. I honestly never thought that those words are going to leave my mouth willingly. Guess love does make you act like an idiot, after all. We're just going to have to live with that, yeah?_

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

 _P.S. I am not a thing, Sirius, and I don't have an owner. But I guess I can be yours. As long as you're mine, that is._

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I wish I had better news for you, but I have no clue why James decided to change his tactics, so to speak. He mentioned that Sirius has been acting like a love-struck fool and it annoyed him to no end, so maybe he figured out that his own behaviour must annoy everyone around him as well, including you. Maybe that's a good thing, you know? He has to grow up sometime and with Sirius' determination to be responsible (or at least_ more _responsible, you never know with that guy), he probably won't be able to keep acting like a child all the time. Why don't you write him a letter yourself? I think it could shed some light whether he tries to actually change or not._

 _As for your question, things with Severus are alright. I know that he hurt you, but I honestly believe he regrets it. Truly. He's not so bad when it's just me and him, I think I forced him to respect me and treat me like his equal and that makes our conversation much more lively than anyone could think. I like him, Lily, I really do. Maybe I shouldn't trust him, considering the rest of his friends, but it's not like I share my deepest secrets with him. We talk mostly about academic stuff and you probably know that he's absolutely brilliant._

 _How are things going for you? Is your sister driving you crazy? Or maybe it's the other way around? I can't wait to hear from you!_

 _Hermione_

* * *

 _HOLY SHIT!_

 _Lily just sent me a letter. Lily Evans. Letter. To me! Can you believe it, Herms?! I've waited five years for such thing to happen and now that it did, I have no idea why. I didn't even write to her as much as usual, because she never writes me back. I just told her about you and Sirius, since I've figured you won't tell her yourself. I could almost hear your voice in my head going: "It's no big deal, really". You can be such a dork sometimes..._

 _Why do you think Lily had sent me a letter now? You think she's warming up to me? Women are so complicated, Hermione. How does it even work that she decided to talk to me after I decided to be all mature and... Oh. Now I get it! She just hates not being the centre of attention, doesn't she? That must be it._

 _Anyways, it was a pleasant surprise. Maybe I should give her cold shoulder once in a while, so that she won't take me for granted. I'll ask my mom about it. Or maybe my dad? Nah, my mom will be better, since she knows how to speak "woman". My father would probably be as dumbfounded as I am, considering the fact that it was my mother who had to ask him out, because he was too clueless to do so. I don't know who I've gotten my charm from, but it's not him, for sure._

 _Hope you're having a great time, all alone in your library. Sirius tells me that you pester him about homework even via letters. Shame on you, Hermione, really. Don't you know that Christmas break is supposed to be peaceful and joyous?_

 _Very disappointed in you,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Love,_

 _I can't believe you've managed to convince Evans to send him a letter. I am not stupid enough to think that it was James' doing, but, of course, I'm not going to tell him that. His mom laughed at him so hard for saying that Lily liked being in the centre of attention... I wish you could have seen it. James' face was absolutely hilarious!_

 _I am actually pretty sure that you would love Euphemia, just as she would love you. She's so proud that James and I both fell for smart girls, as she has always been worried that no such bird would want us, idiots. Incredibly charming, that woman..._

 _It's almost surreal that we're going to see each other tomorrow. This week was much easier to survive than I expected, but it has probably something to do with the amount of chores James' mom assigned us. One would expect that you don't have to take care of the garden in winter, but it turns out that there's always something to do. Even if it means freezing your ass off with a shovel in your hand, trying to save flowers from dying. Aren't they already dead? It's freaking cold outside. I think that Euphemia just wanted to kick us out of the house._

 _I literally can't wait to board the train. Although, I have to warn you about one thing. I've lost a bet with Remus (don't ask, please) and he's forcing me to wear a skirt to the feast. Since I'm an honourable man, I have no choice but to comply. Even if that means that I'll make a fool out of myself and also you, by accident. I have no intentions of staying away from you, even if you find it humiliating to kiss a man in a skirt. Oh, maybe I can wear a kilt? Technically, it's still a skirt, but at least it's manly. Or so I've been told (please, don't ask about that as well)._

 _Can't wait to see you, Kitten. I honestly don't think I can sleep at night, because whenever I close my eyes, I see you. Fuck, that sounded cheesy. I think I should go now..._

 _See you tomorrow, sweetheart._

 _Yours,_

 _Sirius_


	26. Chapter 25

Hermione flew to her right, a spell almost grazing her arm. It was really hard to see anything because of sweat dripping from her forehead and hair. She looked as though she had spent last few hours in heavy rain, as even her clothes were drenched. She really hoped that Hogwarts Express won't arrive sooner than expected, because the vision of Sirius running away after seeing her miserable figure was extremely terrifying.

Moody sent another spell towards her, but this time she blocked it with a Shield Charm and immediately countered his attack. The Auror had no trouble dodging the spell, but Hermione used that moment to attack him once again, forcing him to Shield himself, as there was no time for another evasion.

Bloody hell, that man was fast. She had never doubted his skills before, but seeing him fight for the first time shook her to the core. It might have had something to do with the fact, that he was constantly sending her flying towards different objects, but still... His skills were impressive. So impressive, that Hermione had never managed to get even close to hitting him, except for that one time last week. He was surprised then and that definitely wasn't the case today.

Before she could attack him once again, he regained his balance and dropped to his knee, completely changing the course of his next spell. She cursed out loud realising that it was her turn to Shield herself, as there was no way to dodge a spell flying so low. Immediately after her spell wore off, she ducked to the left, ushering the same tactics the man had used seconds earlier.

Their duel was so heated, that neither of them noticed the Headmaster standing in the corner, until a chuckle erupted from his mouth. Hermione turned around rapidly and pointed her wand at the older man without hesitation, what seemed to amuse Dumbledore even more. Once she realised her mistake, she blushed furiously and sheathed her wand in the thigh holster that Moody forced her to wear.

"I am sorry, professor", she breathed out and wiped the sweat from her face.

"Oh, it's only natural to react that way, Miss Granger. After all, I am interrupting a great duel!", Dumbledore waved his hand and smiled breezily. "Alastor, I see that your student proves herself to be a very decent fighter!"

"She might live", Moody spat and _Accioed_ a bottle of water that was standing at the small cabinet near the door.

Hermione rolled her eyes with amusement. She knew more than well that such words coming out of his mouth were actually a huge compliment, but it became a habit for her to undermine everything he said. It was what he wanted, wasn't it?

"I am convinced that she's going to do much more than that!", Dumbledore said, clearly ignoring her reaction. "Actually, Alastor, I am fairly sure you can finish your session for today. I need to speak with you. Can you join me at my office, as soon as you're done?"

Moody nodded, causing Dumbledore to clasp his hands with satisfaction.

"Splendid. In that case, I'll leave you now. Have a great day, Miss Granger. I am sure it's going to be the most exciting now that Mr Black will return to the castle"

Hermione's mouth flew open as her mind went blank. ' _How does he know about Sirius?_ ', she thought to herself and shook her head a moment later. Wondering about sources of Dumbledore's knowledge was as pointless as trying to defeat Moody in a duel.

"Thank you, professor", she answered with a smile, while the Auror stared at her intently.

As soon as Dumbledore has left the room, Moody sat down on a conjured chair and crossed his arms on the chest. Hermione knew that stance more than well, as it usually led to a lecture consisting of throwing incentives towards her.

"So, what did I do wrong?", she asked tiredly, expecting the man to erupt, but to her surprise, Moody stayed quiet.

Her brows furrowed, as Hermione tried to decipher whether his silence was a good thing or quite opposite.

"Nothing", he finally answered, making her even more confused.

"Then why are you looking at me that way?"

"You and Black... Are you sure it's a good choice?"

Hermione's mouth opened in surprise once again, as she stared at the Auror in awe. Did he really just ask her about... Well, about her love life? Was she dreaming, or what?

"Um... Yes?"

"Have you told him anything?", Moody's tone carried an almost unnoticeable threat, but Hermione picked it out instantly.

"I am not stupid. Sirius is not of age and he cannot know about anything until that changes. Even then, he will have to make an Unbreakable Vow and he's fully aware of that. I've actually thought that through, you know?", Hermione stated fiercely and made Moody furrow his brows.

"Fine. I figured you'd do that. What about... What about other consequences of your choice?"

"What other consequences?", she ask dumbfounded and Moody averted his gaze, clearly abashed.

"He's a boy and you're a girl! Figure it out on your own, would you?!", he growled after a minute and Hermione blinked a couple of times, before starting to laugh out loud.

"Merlin, you're actually worried that he's going to hurt me, aren't you? You're worried about me?", she laughed so hard that her belly began to ache. "Oh, that's sweet, Alastor. I'd never take you for the caring type"

"Oi, respect the elders, girl!", he roared, but she knew he wasn't serious. "From what I hear about that lad, he means trouble. And you...", he pointed his finger at her. "You should stay away from trouble, that's all I'm saying"

Hermione stopped laughing openly and smiled gently. It really was quite touching that he decided to step out of his comfort zone and make sure she really was alright. She even felt a bit sorry for laughing at him so uncontrollably.

"He is trouble, but not that bad kind of trouble. I actually was determined to stay away from him, but it just made me think about him even more. I know that it's going to be complicated, but... At some point I'll have to let him in on everything. All of my friends, actually. We're going to be fighting the same fight and their future is also my future. I cannot do everything alone, just as I can't pretend that I don't want to start living again. Properly living", she admitted and smiled bitterly.

Moody stayed quiet for a minute, but then he nodded.

"I was wondering, whether you'd finally realise that you're not just a spectator to all of this, that in order to change everything, you need to connect to your current life and people in it. But Black? You have to know about his family", he said, making Hermione look down to her forearm.

"Of course I know... They judge people based on their blood purity. Which is exactly why I refuse to think less of Sirius, only because of his heritage. It's just as demeaning as his family's views. He's a good person, trust me. He wouldn't be sorted into Gryffindor if he shared their ideology and he wouldn't run away from his house to live with James. For what it's worth, I believe his background only makes him more determined to put a stop to everything, so that he wouldn't have to be ashamed to be a Black", she smiled tenderly and looked up to face Moody once again.

"Be careful, though. You may be right about him, but that doesn't change the fact, that many people will frown upon your relationship. It will put you in the centre of attention, once again. You have to stay focused and remember..."

"Constant vigilance!", they both yelled at the same time.

Hermione chuckled lightly at Moody's furious expression. He absolutely hated it when she mocked him like that, since he wanted her to be serious about their training. This time, though, his initial anger dissipated quickly, as a smile appeared on the Auror's face.

"Granger... The whole world is counting on you, even though no one's aware of it. Don't forget about it. I support your decision to try and make life yours again, but..."

"I know", she interrupted him, her smile completely gone. "I'll figure it out, Alastor. If anyone can do it, it's probably me. Or at least, that's what I'm hoping for", she muttered and sighed tiredly.

"You've got this, kid", Moody assured her and then walked up to her and patted her shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Seconds later, he was gone and Hermione had been left alone with her sweat drenched clothes and damp hair.

* * *

Her eyes were fixed at the entrance to the Great Hall, as students kept rolling into the room, filling it with sounds of laughter and joy. She couldn't help but to fidget nervously, waiting for that one particular male to walk through the door and take her into his arms. She almost sighed at her own thoughts. Since when was she so pathetic?

Nonetheless, waiting for Sirius turned out to be much more nerve wracking than many exams. Maybe it had something to do with the fact, that knowledge came easy to her, whereas relationships weren't exactly her area of expertise. She was scared shitless, now that they were supposed to be a real couple. Her excitement was even bigger though, which was probably the only reason why she was sitting on her usual spot in the Great Hall, instead of hiding out in the library.

Finally, a familiar laughter sounded in the air, nearly making her heart jump out of her chest. James Potter stormed into the room, clutching his stomach, while tears rolled down his face. Hermione had no doubt that they had been tears of laughter and a mere second later she understood his joy more than well.

Sirius Black entered the Great Hall wearing his usual robes, white, buttoned up shirt, grey sweater, Gryffindor tie and... A kilt. Hermione couldn't help but stare at his bare legs with pure shock, what probably made her look incredibly stupid. Well, it wasn't every day that one could see their _boyfriend_ wearing a skirt. Because no matter how manly he might have looked, it still was a skirt.

"Dear Merlin", she muttered under her breath, as Sirius spotted her and his eyes twinkled with joy.

He looked utterly ridiculous, but she still couldn't help but grin like an idiot. His smile was simply brilliant and Hermione wasn't immune to his charm - not now and not ever, even if that's what she had wanted to believe for a long time. And right in this second his smile was meant purely for her, which made things even better.

"Hermione! Greetings, love!", Sirius yelled and waved at her.

Blush crept up her face, as she realised that he was calling her with a heavy Scottish accent, which made everyone in the room laugh. James, for instance, looked like he was having some kind of seizure, as he couldn't decide whether he wanted to stand straight or bend in half, so he was rocking back and forth like a lunatic.

"My love! How are you doing? Beautiful day, wasn't it? Truly great weather we had today! My balls nearly froze off!", he kept talking, while Hermione decided to simply hide her head in her own palms, as she tried not to explode with laughter at the sound of his accent.

Honestly, how was he able to pull that off so effortlessly? Not only was the kilt kind of suiting him, but the accent made him actually _feel_ like a Scottish person. She truly hoped that no one from Scotland was going to be offended by his act, or worse, his outfit.

"Shut up, Sirius!", Remus moaned and rushed towards Hermione with guilt painted all over his face.

He slumped down next to her and gave her a quick hug, still looking terribly miserable.

"Stupid bet. How could I actually have thought that him wearing a skirt will be a humiliation for him, rather than agony for me? He's been talking like that for the entire day, Hermione. I swear, I almost forgot what British accent sounds like! Not that I have anything against Scottish, but coming from him, it's simply terrible", Remus moaned and laid his head on top of a golden platter.

Hermione felt truly sorry for him and wanted to express her feelings, but Sirius clearly decided that greeting her properly was far more important than keeping up his act. He rushed towards the Ravenclaw table and picked her up from her spot effortlessly, as she squealed with panic.

Before she could say anything, he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a passionate kiss, making her forget about her anxiousness in a heartbeat. The feeling of his lips on her own could never grow boring or even common, she was sure of that. It wasn't even as this kiss was the best one they've shared. It was all about how right it felt – her heart fluttered, as happiness flooded her entire body in a gigantic wave. That kiss meant that he truly was hers, just as she was his.

"I've missed you so much", he whispered, looking deep into her eyes, while his thumb caressed her cheek with tenderness.

She couldn't help but grin at him in response. He kissed her again briefly and then stepped back, looking around. Most of the students have been staring at them with shock, although some were smiling knowingly.

"Care to tell me about that bet of yours?", Hermione asked, deciding that it would be best to just ignore the stares and carry on with their conversation.

"No", Sirius answered, getting back to his Scottish accent and making Remus growl in frustration. "Don't howl, Moony. It was you who had put me up to being Scottish"

"No, I had put you up to wearing a _skirt_. Woman's skirt. Not a kilt. And I definitely hadn't said anything about impersonating a Scot"

"Yes, you had. I bet you wanted it, Remus"

Hermione started to laugh, as Moony paled slightly at the sound of his name said in Scottish accent with a very suggestive smile to match it.

"You bet? In that case, you've lost again", Remus answered and squeezed his eyes shut. "My eyes are about to burn, I swear"

"That's because I'm too hot to handle", Sirius chuckled and winked at Hermione.

"Not in that dress, you aren't", James joined them before the Ravenclaw could say something.

Sirius smacked his friend's arm, but a smile was still playing on his face. Smile, that made Hermione bite her lip, as a wave of heat struck her face.

"I can always take it off, you know", he said looking deep into her eyes.

She had to fight the sudden weakness of her knees, as Sirius kept staring at her intensely, until James forced him to avert his gaze.

"Oi! Find yourself a room! No one wants to see you without your clothes on!", he exclaimed and shook his head, completely oblivious to the tension between the two of his friends.

Hermione looked down, slightly ashamed as she realised that James' words were not entirely true. _She_ wanted to see him without his clothes. _'Girls would be proud, Herms. They've turned your mind dirty'_ , she thought to herself and shyly met Sirius' gaze. The boy kept looking at her with a knowing smile, forcing her to shift nervously. Merlin help her...

"Even seeing you in that skirt made me sick to my stomach, especially with you constantly sitting with your legs spread apart. Mate, you have no idea how happy I am that you decided to at least wear your underwear!", James kept rattling, making Sirius roll his eyes and Hermione blush even more.

"Can we please stop talking about this?", Remus asked in a tormented voice and Sirius shrugged.

"Anything for you, Moony"

There was this accent yet again... Hermione chuckled lightly and shook her head with disbelief. He could be so childish sometimes, that it irritated her, but today it felt simply right. She was way too happy to care, anyway.

"Sirius, I don't think that professor McGonagall is going to appreciate your outfit very much", Hermione said and looked towards the professors' table, that started to fill up.

"Well, nothing like the smell of detention right after the break, yeah?", the boy waved his hand dismissively and smiled proudly. "A bet is a bet, love. I swore to make an idiot out of myself and I shall keep my word"

"You're excelling at that, to be honest", Remus nodded his head and sighed tiredly, getting up from the Ravenclaw table. "We should probably get to our own seats. The feast is about to begin"

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea", James said and then hugged Hermione out of the blue. "I forgot to say 'hi' properly!"

Second later, he was gone and so was Remus, leaving her alone with Sirius. ' _I wonder where Peter is?_ ', she thought to herself quite stupidly, after her anxiousness kicked in again.

"We should probably talk later, yeah?", Sirius asked, stepping closer to her figure.

"Probably", she answered and frowned. "But we can't exactly go for a walk after the curfew, can we?"

Sirius chuckled and leaned down to kiss her again.

"Still so innocent", he whispered, as his breath ghosted over her lips, making her body shiver with excitement. "Wait for me in front of the entrance to the Ravenclaw Tower at 10 o'clock sharp"

With that statement, he was gone, just as Remus and James. Hermione took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. How was it possible that he had managed to evoke such a reaction from her, even after she agreed to be with him? Shouldn't that excitement go away now?

She sat down, her mind fuzzy with all the thoughts and feelings. A stupid smile was plastered on her face, but she simply couldn't help it. Even her roommates' arrival did nothing to spoil her mood, as they started to squeal in excitement.

"On Merlin's panties! Did he just kiss you? I'm going to cry!", Grace chirped, fanning her face.

"Yes, he did. Why does it surprise you? I've told you that I've decided to give it a shot", Hermione shrugged, making Leslie laugh out loud.

"We all thought it was a joke! I personally couldn't believe that you're able to stop being such an uptight prude", she said and Hermione glared at her.

"Shut your dirty mouth, Les!", Amy growled and then smiled sweetly. "What that bitch was trying to say, is that we are really happy for you!"

"No I wasn't...", Leslie protested quietly, but Grace smacked her arm.

"Can you just pretend for a second, that you possess a teeniest bit of empathy in your body?!", the blonde yelled and when several gazes turned towards her, she smiled apologetically. "Sorry, people, we have a crisis here"

At that exact point, McGonagall stood up and clinked her glass, announcing the Headmaster's speech. The girls weren't all that concerned, though, as they started to whisper amongst each other, trying to pry information out of Hermione. Information about Sirius, of course. She tried to answer their questions patiently, even though her mind wandered off to the Room of Requirement, where she was probably going to have her chat with Sirius. All she had to do, was patiently wait for the 10 o'clock to come, but, boy, how hard it was...


	27. Chapter 26

Hermione couldn't stop her heart from racing, no matter how hard she tried. She felt utterly stupid, standing in front of the entrance to the Ravenclaw Tower, fidgeting nervously, as she awaited Sirius' arrival.

It wasn't that he was late. Hermione made sure to arrive at their predestined meeting spot a lot earlier. She couldn't find a place for herself anyway – her nerves made it completely impossible. Even though Sirius had a couple more minutes to get here on time, she was really anxious. Not only was she about to risk getting a detention, but also she wasn't entirely sure if she was ready to talk to him. Besides, he could always not show up, which bothered her the most.

Hermione knew she was being ridiculous, but how could she _not?_ Relationships were difficult, or at least she presumed so. Her relations with Ron had never been that simple, but things were different then. They were both younger and stupider, living in times that forced her to worry about many things other than love and relationships. Sure, there were... Episodes of restlessness, but they were not enough to make her feel a bit more confident and calm.

What did she want to tell him anyway? Establishing some grand rules felt stupid even for someone so proper as herself. After all, it wasn't a competition or sports discipline – they simply wanted to be together. But still, their situation definitely called for a talk. A talk, that, as Hermione feared, would completely spoil the magic of being in love.

"Stop worrying. I can almost see the steam coming out of your ears", a whisper sounded right next to her ear, as she jumped up in fright.

"I can't believe you snuck up on me. _Again_ ", she muttered, as Sirius' face showed up floating in the air, after he took off the Invisibility Cloak.

"You should probably learn to watch your environment more closely. I wasn't exactly sneaking", he said with a smile and then urged her to go underneath the Cloak.

Hermione complied with a quiet sigh and soon found herself so close to Sirius, that a blush appeared on her face almost immediately after that realisation dawned on her. She tried to calm her nerves and took a deep breath, before asking:

"Where are we off to?"

"Room of Requirement will probably be best", he answered and pressed his palm into the small of her back, urging her to go forward.

Once again, she didn't protest, as they started to walk towards the seventh floor. Silence fell between them, making Hermione even more wary of his hand touching her body and of his scent lingering in the air. She knew it wasn't intentional on his part to distract her like that, but nonetheless, she found that her mind went completely blank, not being able to think clearly.

Sirius on the other hand seemed completely relaxed. Hermione had no way of telling if it was only an act, or if he actually felt that way, but it somehow managed to comfort her. He was calm and confident, making her believe that all those problems concerning their conversation were existing only inside her head, as she had managed to overanalyse the situation once again. Sometimes, her brain was truly a curse rather than blessing. It made her too prone to worrying more than necessary...

Finally, they've stopped in front of the bare wall, opposite the tapestry depicting the attempt of Barnabas the Barmy to teach trolls ballet. Sirius smiled at her gently and stepped outside the cloak, walking past the wall three times. Hermione's heart skipped a beat when the solid stone started to turn into wooden frame of quite commonly looking doors. The boy pressed the handle and then gestured her to go inside.

"After you", he stated cheerfully and Hermione walked into the room without hesitation.

She found herself in a space that looked exactly like Gryffindor Common Room. The familiar sofas and armchairs stood in front of the fireplace, making her heart ache, as the longing filled her body. She hadn't been here for such a long time... This was the only place in the castle that still hadn't felt quite right for her, as it held too much memories that brought her pain. Pain and yearning, towards the things she could never have again.

"Where are we?", she asked, trying to keep her voice as normal as possible, even if all she wanted to do was to drop to her knees and simply cry, remembering everything that has ever happened to her in that place.

"Gryffindor Common Room. I thought that maybe you'd like it", he explained and she looked at him with a small smile.

"I do", she admitted quietly. "It's cosier than Ravenclaw's"

"I know, I've been there a couple of times"

"Yes, I've figured", she said, before she could have stopped herself.

"You have?", Sirius asked with curiosity in his voice, which made her curse inside her head.

What was she thinking? Today was hardly the best day to talk to him about Remus and their animal forms. But now there was no chance that Sirius will drop the subject, he was way too interested.

"Yes. There's hardly a place in this castle that haven't seen your face", she responded evasively, hoping that he would just stop with the questions, but his laugh made it obvious that it was impossible.

"So you really did figure it out, huh?", he asked, taking a few steps towards her, with a smile on his face.

"What exactly?"

"The black dog?"

Hermione sighed and faced him, quirking her eyebrow.

"It wasn't exactly difficult, Sirius. The dog had your eyes and I've spent enough time staring into them to recognize you everywhere", she admitted softly, making said eyes of his twinkle with tenderness. "Besides, your nickname pretty much gives it away"

"So you know about everything?", Sirius asked with surprise and she sighed once again.

"Of course I know. It's not exactly rocket science"

"What?"

Hermione looked at Sirius and shook her head, seeing his dumbfounded expression. Even taking Muggle studies couldn't teach him everything.

"Never mind. The point is, I've figured it out a long time ago. I just didn't want to confront Remus about it until he felt comfortable around me to raise this subject on his own", she explained and shrugged.

To her surprise, Sirius came closer and wrapped his arms around her, closing her in a tight embrace. She felt his lips pressing down on her hair, as one of his hands entangled itself in her curls.

"You have no idea how happy we are to have you as our friend", he murmured, making her heart clench.

Being in the Gryffindor Common Room brought out so many painful memories, that it hurt almost physically. The fact that she was standing here, being embraced but no one else as her best friend's Godfather, felt completely surreal and weirdly out of place. This room was the exact place where she had realised she had been in love with Ron. She had spent hours watching him with Lavender, wishing it had been her. And now? Now she was about to bury Ron completely in her past, accepting the fact that her love for him will never have the chance to truly flourish, even if she realised that the chances of that happening were long gone.

She did everything in her power to keep him in her memories, though, but she knew that nothing good could come out of desperately clinging to that feeling she held for him. He saved her life and that was something unforgettable, but the only things she could have done to repay him, was to live and fix everything, so that he wouldn't have to make that sacrifice. Her love for him had to motivate her actions, but couldn't stop her from trying to make her life more _hers_.

Hermione stepped away from Sirius and shot him a sad smile.

"I'm happy too. Sure, I wish some things were different, but I couldn't be more glad that I've met you. You made me want to live again and to fight for myself and everyone else. I actually believe that it might work this time", she said and Sirius furrowed his brows.

"This time?"

Blood drained out of her face when she realised her mistake. She looked down, biting her lip painfully. It would be so much easier to just tell him everything, to just... Let it all out. But today was not the day she could do that. She had to be patient and careful.

"Yes. This time. I can't tell you what it means, which, I believe, is one of the reasons we needed to talk in the first place", she stated and he sighed tiredly. "What about that speech of yours?"

"I was bluffing. There is no speech", he smiled sweetly, making her roll her eyes. "But I can tell you that whatever it is you need me to do – I'll do it. You've finally agreed to giving me a chance, I have no intentions of messing it up"

Hermione couldn't help but relax at his words. His expression seemed completely sincere, without any traces of amusement. Sirius clearly meant what he said and that made her nervousness go away completely.

"Good. So here's something you need to know", she took a deep breath and met his gaze. "There are times when I need to be somewhere... Or do something"

"You mean like going to Dumbledore's office and then disappearing out of the castle for a couple of hours?", Sirius asked with an innocent smile, while Hermione gaped at him.

Did he honestly tracked her every step on that freaking map of theirs?!

"How the hell do you know that?!"

"You're not the only one with the secrets", he informed her with a cheeky grin and then sighed, seeing her furious expression. "Look, it's not like I was doing anything about it, yeah? I didn't try to search for you, I didn't follow you... I was being really courteous"

"If you weren't following me, how on Earth did you know?", she asked again, deciding that dropping out of the fight would only seem suspicious.

After all, she really was an insufferable Know-It-All. Everyone knew that.

"I'll show you, just not today, okay?"

Hermione glared at him, but kept quiet. Finally, she nodded and said:

"Fine. Just promise me that you won't start worrying and throwing tantrums because of it"

"I can't _start_ worrying, because that has happened a long time ago. But, I trust you and I honestly don't think I could protect you better than you protect yourself. No matter how much it pains me to admit that. I will also deny ever saying that if you tell James or anyone else", he threatened, but a smile was playing at his lips.

"I do have some skills", Hermione nodded and grinned. "Maybe I'll teach you one day"

Sirius quirked his eyebrows and looked at her with a suggestive smile.

"I believe I've told you something about _you_ teaching _me"_

How was it possible that Sirius Black managed to turn even the most serious conversation into a _flirt_? She had no answer to that question, but her fluttering heart seemed to like it.

"You'll have to learn how to manage, Sirius. The perks of being my boyfriend – I'm not going to let you ditch all the schoolwork. I'm making you study!", she exclaimed firmly and he rolled his eyes in response.

"That's not a perk, love. That is a huge downside", the boy sighed, but smiled only a second later. "Although being called your boyfriend definitely makes up for that"

Before she could say something, he kissed her, but this time it wasn't a brief peck on the lips, which he had given her back in the Great Hall. No... This one managed to numb her mind in a blink of an eye. Her eyelids shut down, as her hands found themselves at the nape of his neck, pulling him even closer. Merlin, it felt so good...

Her love for Ron was undeniably beautiful, but she had no doubts that it was just as first love was supposed to be – shy, immature, childish even. They didn't know what they wanted, they didn't know how it was supposed to work. Yes, it was beautiful... But at the same time, it never felt as perfect as _this_.

Hermione had no idea how it happened, but she found herself pressed against the wall, with Sirius' hands caressing her hips and waist with agonizingly slow movements. Her heart was pounding against her chest, as one of his thumbs slid underneath her shirt, drawing small circles on her bare skin.

"Sirius...", she breathed out, parting their lips, but he didn't seem to notice.

He began trailing kisses down her neck, causing her to inhale sharply, as a shiver run through her entire body. His hot breath against her skin felt like fire, consuming all of her strength to resist him. All she wanted to do was to give in completely, forget about everything and everyone and let him capture all her senses.

"Sirius...", this time her voice sounded more like a moan and evoked a small laugh from him.

"Yes, love?"

Oh, Merlin... How could she gather her thoughts when he sounded like _that_? His voice was smooth and velvety on daily basis, but now? Now it sounded like a promise. Promise of something exciting and sinful – something she found she truly wanted, even if it wasn't right to do so.

"We... We can't", she said, forcing herself to push away those thoughts.

Temptation to stop being proper was almost unbearable, but she knew better than to just give in. It wasn't like her to listen to her stupid hormones, forgetting about a sense of decency and, above all, about using her _brain_.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away. To her surprise, Sirius was smiling at her, as his eyes were glinting with amusement.

"Always the proper one", he whispered, kissed her forehead and stepped away.

Hermione took a deep breath, as a wave of cold hit her body, making her miss Sirius' heat instantly. She tried to steady herself on her legs, which turned out to be much more difficult than she had initially thought it would be.

"Sorry. It's just..."

"Don't be. It's hard to keep my hands away from you, but I would never pressure you into something you weren't ready for", he shrugged, making Hermione sigh.

"It's not that I'm not ready. I just don't want to be reckless... There are more important things right now and if things between us are going to work just fine, I think we'll have plenty of time for... Well, for _that",_ she blushed, averting her gaze. "It might sound stupid, but first, I want to make sure that we really stand a chance"

Sirius chuckled and shook his head with amusement.

"You're such a pessimist, Hermione. You'd rather just assume that something might turn out wrong, than actually believe that nothing bad is going to happen", he said and sent a lopsided grin towards her. "But I guess, I understand it. I mean, you girls care about that crap"

"What crap?", Hermione asked instantly and Sirius shrugged once again.

"About that 'first time' thing"

The girl blinked a couple of times and then blushed furiously, realising that Sirius couldn't have been aware of her relationship with Ron. He didn't even know about his existence, after all. It wasn't weird that he had just assumed that she had never been with anyone.

"Oh...", she said stupidly and averted her gaze. "Well, my first time was probably the least romantic thing ever. It was also incredibly reckless..."

Sirius' expression could have been described only as shocked. He stared at her with wide eyes and his mouth slightly opened, making Hermione want to laugh. The urge to do so passed quite quickly, as she realised that this conversation would probably be even more nerve-racking than waiting for him outside the Common Room had been.

"Wait... Are you saying... That you... You know...", he stammered, clearly confused and she bit her lip, nodding lightly. "How the hell did that happen? I didn't even know you had a boyfriend before!"

Hermione sighed and looked down at her feet. She had two choices – she could either tell him the truth and leave him with several unanswered questions, or she could lie. Neither of those options seemed good at that moment, but she was forced to choose.

"I had. But it's not exactly a happy story, Sirius", she said with a smile full of sorrow. "He's dead"

Sirius needed only a second to process that information, as he grabbed his head, looking at her with guilt painted all over his face.

"Fuck... Hermione, I'm..."

"You didn't know. It's not like I talk about my past a lot", she murmured and closed her eyes, gathering her strength to continue talking. "I loved him. For a very long time, actually. It took us years to realise that we wanted to be more than friends. But when we've finally figured it out, it was already too late. Our relationship wasn't easy, I'm not even sure it can be called a relationship. We were both worried that we might die and that each day may be our last. Like I said, we were reckless and it wasn't perfect. But I never regretted it. I loved him", she repeated and let one tear slide down her cheek.

Talking about Ron made her feel guilty. Guilty about moving on, but at the same time, guilty that she hadn't even bothered to tell Sirius about him, because it was simply too much to take. Despite her grief being long gone, she never stopped thinking about what things may have looked like, if the Order succeeded. And that made her feel even worse... "I'm sorry for not telling you. I..."

"Do you still love him?", Sirius interrupted her, before she could explain herself further.

Hermione smiled bitterly, after the realisation hit her.

"I'll always love him. He was my first and I've spent a lot of time hoping that he could also be the last one. I wanted to spend my life with him", she whispered with pain. "But he's gone. That won't change, no matter how much I want it to. I had to move on at some point and you've made it so easy for me... I wasn't lying when I said that I believe that we're not a mistake. I want us to work. But if you're asking me if I love my dead boyfriend, the answer's yes. Not in the way I love you, but he'll always be in my heart and I simply can't help it"

Hermione forced herself to meet his gaze and felt relief washing over her body, when Sirius' gaze held no anger. His eyes were full of compassion and feelings that made a wave of pleasant warmth spread throughout her entire body.

"I can't imagine what it must feel like. But even if I can't fully understand it, I trust you. You've made it pretty clear that you don't like the idea of lying to me and I believed you. I see no reason to stop doing it now", he stated with a small smile and then grabbed her hand, pulling her close to his chest.

Hermione let out a shaky breath and then broke down completely, after he kissed the top of her head, murmuring that he loved her. Sirius Black was truly amazing. Despite all of his flaws, she desperately wanted their relationship to work. Because if there was someone who could mend that gushing wound in her heart that appeared after losing her love, it was him. And it seemed like he had already started doing so.


	28. Chapter 27

"So, you and Black, huh?", Ewan asked with a huge grin, making her roll her eyes.

Of course they were a thing now. The whole school talked about it, even though Hermione really couldn't figure out what was so interesting about her love life. Sure, no one expected that Sirius Black will actually fall for a girl that wasn't nowhere near as beautiful as he was and one that was also a bookworm, to make the situation even weirder. Sure, it was peculiar, but still... Her roommates always claimed that there was something in the air and they were right all along, even with Hermione's constant lies. It seemed almost impossible that no one else saw that coming, not with all those gossips running around the castle.

"Yeah, me and Black", she admitted finally with a sigh and earned herself a stern look from Ewan.

"Don't you think that I should have learned about it from you, rather than everyone else?", he asked with his arms crossed at his chest and Hermione sighed once again.

He was right, after all. She should have told him, but somehow it seemed almost impossible to talk to him lately. Ewan was spending most of his time with Leslie, trying to rebuild their lost friendship and Hermione couldn't bring herself to ruin it. She was okay with waiting for Ewan, as she knew more than well that he loved her roommate with all he had. He was in his seventh year, so they didn't have unlimited time to fix their relations. Still, she felt guilty for not sharing something so important with him, as he was her genuine friend, despite his confession that he tried to get close to her only because of Leslie. Those times were long gone.

"I do. But, in my defence, both of us were busy lately", she smiled gently and Ewan reciprocated her gesture with ease.

 _He looks so happy_ , she thought to herself, after giving him a scrutinizing look. It was almost shocking what being in love could do to a person and it really made her wonder if the same thing has happened to herself.

"Yeah... I am sorry about that, honestly. It's not fair that I just ditched you, since you were the one that talked Leslie into renewing our friendship in the first place", the boy said with a guilty look, but Hermione just shrugged, dismissing his apologies.

"No need to be sorry. It's not like I was trying all that hard to talk to you"

"I figured Black doesn't give you much time to yourself, huh?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed. Why did everyone just assume that being in a relationship with Sirius would suddenly turn her into someone else? She had no intentions of letting him control her life before and right now wasn't the time to change her views on that matter either.

"He gives me as much as I need. I'm not his pet, you know? I'm his girlfriend", Hermione explained with a stern look, making Ewan chuckle.

"Does he even know the difference?"

"Of course he does!", she hissed and struck the boy's arm playfully, making him laugh.

"Sorry, sorry, no need to get your knickers in a twist! I'm just having a hard time believing that he actually decided to settle down", Ewan said and Hermione furrowed her brows, looking at him intently.

"Is that your way of expressing your concerns or maybe trying to talk me out of it?"

"Neither, to be honest. I know how hard it is to stay away from someone you like so much and I wouldn't want it for you. But we both know that things are a bit more complicated where you are concerned"

Of course they were. Her life was a synonym of the word 'complicated' and it was bloody frustrating how much time was she spending trying to change the state of things.

"I am aware of that, thank you", she retorted grimly, forcing Ewan to scratch his head in embarrassment.

"Hermione, you know what I meant. I just really want to make sure that you consider Black to be trustworthy – not only when it comes to loving and taking care of you"

She bit her lip, trying to decide whether Ewan really thought she could jump into a relationship with someone who wouldn't be able to understand things standing at the very core of her being – she had a fight to win, they all had. Even if he wasn't aware of how bloody and horrifying it could all get, he still wasn't stupid.

"Ewan... Why do you dislike him so much? I know the feeling's mutual, but I really have a hard time understanding the two of you"

Ewan raised his eyebrows and looked at her with surprise.

"What makes you think that there's some kind of a greater story behind our relations?"

"Because the two of you have really much in common", she explained and chuckled, seeing Ewan's baffled expression. "It's true, though. You both are one of the most caring and sweet people I've ever met. I know that Sirius doesn't really seem like the type, but he truly is. He's also incredibly smart and as it happens, so are you. You also share a passion for Quiddtich. It really puzzles my why are you constantly making faces at each other"

Ewan looked slightly uncomfortable throughout her speech, as a faint blush slowly crept up his cheeks. He scratched his head once again and finally met her gaze, with guilt painted all over his face.

"I've always been jealous of him. I know it sounds stupid, but it's true, unfortuantely"

Hermione opened her mouth and looked at her friend with complete amazement.

"What?", she asked, trying not to sound amused, but it turned out to be really difficult.

Ewan's words sounded almost ridiculous. Why on Earth would he be _jealous_? Didn't she just point out all of those things that made them quite _alike_? Surely it had to mean that neither of them could consider the other one worse.

"Why is it so surprising to you? Me and Black, we might be very much similar, but he's the one that the entire school fawns over and he's the one that everyone talks about, constantly. Not me"

Hermione's brow furrowed, as she realised that words coming out of Ewan's mouth sounded incredibly petty and shallow, and she knew for a fact that the boy standing in front of her couldn't be described as such. So why was he saying things like that?

"I know what it sounds like, but it's true, nonetheless. When I came to this school, I thought that I would be the king of it, I swear", he laughed a bit, but his expression hardened almost instantly. "My parents are working at the Ministry, doing some important work, I'm also a Pureblood. It doesn't matter to me all that much, at least not now, but to the society... Well, you know how things are", he shot her an apologetic glance and looked down, clearly frustrated at his own confession.

Hermione bit her bottom lip, knowing fully that the boy had no intentions of hurting her, since he really didn't care much for her heritage, that she was sure of. Hell, Leslie wasn't even a Pureblood and yet, he loved her like crazy. Still, his words hurt – not because she felt offended by them, but because they really were true. The society was cruel and discriminating, and it made her sick to her stomach. It also made her dream of the day, when she would finally be able to walk the Ministry halls with her head held up high, while everyone looked at her with much earned respect.

"I don't care about it right now, but when I was 11 year old, it seemed very important to me to uphold the reputation of my family. I wanted to be acknowledged, I wanted to be great and I certainly wanted everyone's attention. For a year, it seemed like my plan can actually succeed, but then...", his voice broke off and Hermione nodded her head with a sudden realisation.

"Then the Marauders came", she said for him, making a bitter smile appear on his face.

"Yes. Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew... Even the sight of them, laughing and planning another mischiefs made my gut wrench with anger. But Sirius made me furious the most. He was the heir to the Black's family, with his aristocratic features and upbringing. He was also as smart as you're portraying him to be, which struck another nerve in me. The thing about him that pissed me off the most, though, was the fact that he got sorted into Gryffindor. He was a Black, part of that respected, ancient and powerful family and yet, he despised it. All those values that I held close to my heart – he just simply dismissed them and made fun of them. I don't mean that I was a blood purist, fucks no. But I believed that we, Purebloods, had to act accordingly to our heritage – with dignity, eloquence and savoir-vivre. Well, as you probably know, Sirius Orion Black is kind of the opposite of those things", he rolled his eyes and Hermione giggled.

He could be dignified, eloquent and well-mannered if he wanted to be. The thing was, Sirius absolutely bloody hated it.

"He made me angry. Furious even! So one day, I confronted him about it, gave him a speech about our responsibilities and everything, and he just laughed straight to my face. He laughed and then he said something that I will never forget. He said that he'd gladly disgrace his family, if that meant that in the end he would be able to look Death in the eyes and call himself a good man", Ewan's voice was so quiet, that Hermione had troubles hearing him. "He was thirteen years old, you know? Black was younger than me and still was able to be so much smarter. That knowledge felt almost humiliating to me..."

Hermione couldn't help, but to look at Ewan with compassion in her eyes. Sure, his words made her feel incredibly uncomfortable, since it wasn't every day that one learned that their friend was being a prick couple of years prior. She almost wanted to smack his head, when he told her about his convictions, but the girl knew that the person standing in front of her was different – she could have never befriended him otherwise.

Ewan seemed so disturbed and haunted by the fact, that his youth wasn't as perfect as one could think, that it really made her almost sad. Even if his views weren't that radical, it was a very thin line from becoming such and that was worrisome. If her friend was unfortunate enough to fall into wrong company, he might have become one of Voldemort's supporters. After all, if someone had already been thinking that the Purebloods held some kind of superiority to everyone else, it wouldn't be that difficult to convince them to expand their horizons.

She could understand the shame visible on his face, but the thing that was still as mysterious to her as before, was the reason for the sudden change of heart Ewan's experienced and also for his continued animosity towards her boyfriend.

"What happened next?", she asked gently, not wanting to let him in on all those thoughts running through her head.

He clearly felt bad as it was, there was no need to make him even worse, although she certainly could do so.

"If you're counting for a dramatic change, I have to disappoint you. I strongly believed that he was wrong and I was right. Actually, I doubt that things would change at all, if it wasn't for Leslie", he smiled dreamily, making Hermione roll her eyes.

Of course it had to be her. After all, being friends with a pompous prick probably wasn't all that great, especially since the girl wasn't a Pureblood herself. Knowing Les, she must have grilled him so hard about his ridiculous views, that he has finally realised how stupid he had been. Nonetheless, Hermione had no intentions of voicing her suspicions, as she wanted to hear the story from Ewan himself.

"I was really surprised that she kept quiet for so long, since it had always bugged her to no end. We were basically joined at the hip back then and she never could understand how was it possible if I claimed to be better than people like her. I was too stupid to see the contradictions in all of it and I simply claimed that I'm no superior, that I am just supposed to _act_ like it", he laughed and shook his head with disbelief.

"What's the difference?", Hermione snorted, not being able to stop herself and Ewan looked at her with amusement.

"I have no idea, Herms. That's also what Leslie pointed out to me. She said that I claimed not to be better than everyone and yet, somehow, no one could stand being in my presence more than five minutes. She yelled at me, that all that crap didn't really matter, nor should it matter. Les claimed that if I keep acting like a first-class prick, that makes everyone miserable just because they weren't lucky enough to be born into a Pureblooded family, I wouldn't be able to look into the mirror at one point"

Hermione smiled genuinely, realising that Leslie must have always been such a fiery gal. Still, it seemed surprising that her words, even so furious and definitely undisputable, were able to simply convince Ewan to change.

"Leslie was completely right", she admitted and furrowed her brows. "But, no offense, it seems like you were pretty dense couple of years before"

Ewan laughed once again and rubbed his forehead tiredly.

"You have no idea. Leslie yelled at me, I yelled back at her and we stopped talking for a couple of weeks. Honestly, those days were pretty terrible for me, because not only my best friends was mad at me, but also it turned out that she was my _only_ friend. No one wanted to talk to me. Literally, _no one_ "

Hermione sighed, knowing exactly what it felt like. If it wasn't for the troll incident during her first year, she highly doubted that she, Harry and Ron would be such great friends. Sure, maybe after some time has passed and everyone has changed slightly, but it wasn't definite. She literally had no one else beside them and it made her feel for Ewan, despite the fact that he probably deserved all he got at the time.

"That must have been awful", she muttered and looked at him with compassion, making him giggle.

"Hermione, _I_ was awful. I swear on Merlin's knickers, only you could feel sorry for someone, who was acting like such a moron"

The girl blushed slightly at his words. Well, it might have been a tad ridiculous, but it was not like he was a bully or a serial killer, was it?

"You were only stupid and young. I'd never feel sorry for you if I didn't know that you turned out to be pretty cool"

"Oh, thank you, that's so sweet", he laughed with a viscous grin, earning himself a glare from Hermione. "Anyway, if it wasn't for that utter loneliness, I'd probably still believe in all that crap, Merlin help me. But things turned out completely different and I realised that Black was quite right to laugh at me. From that point, everything started to work itself out", he smiled and looked up towards the sky.

They were sitting in the courtyard, benefiting from a sunny weather, that wasn't particularly common in January. Sure, there was still a lot of snow around, but at least the sun was shining, making the world much prettier and cheerful. They weren't the only students that decided to spend their day off outside, but definitely the only ones that chose that particular spot. It allowed them to talk in peace, which Hermione was very grateful for. Peace was very uncommon for her as of late.

"Shouldn't you be thanking Sirius, then?", she asked Ewan, getting back to their conversation after a moment of silence, making the boy sighed in response.

"I probably should, but the thing is, Black was still a prat, even if he managed to get that one thing right. He and Potter were pretty insufferable back then and since me and Black weren't exactly on speaking terms, they used to prank me all the time. I never cared for that much, but when they made the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team develop a rather nasty case of herpes, that appeared all over our faces, just before the game with Slytherin, I was very pissed"

Oh, that sounded like something Sirius and James would do, even if it was completely unfair and not even funny. It was a good thing that they grew up even a tiny bit, because Hermione wouldn't be able to stand yelling at them all the time. She had her hands full with scolding them even now.

"Well, no wonder you were angry"

Ewan nodded and furrowed his brows.

"I can't really say that it's enough of a reason to keep up with our aversion, but I never felt the need to do something about it, you know? After all, he's just one person and not even from my own House, so... We don't have to like each other. Or at least, that was the case before you showed up. Now I can't exactly call him names and stuff, since you decided to fall for that prat"

Hermione elbowed him in his ribs, but Ewan only laughed, not even wincing in pain. His expression became serious only a second later, as he looked at her intently.

"I know that he's probably matured a lot since then, but I still worry, though. There is a lot of things that you keep from me and the same must go for him. Are you sure he's going to just patiently wait for you to tell him? Are you sure he's going to be ready for... Well, you know. For the fight"

Hermione stayed silent for a bit and then nodded her head firmly.

"I am. Honestly, he surprises me with how mature he is sometimes. He might act like a child most of the time, but when it comes to the things that matter, he's a different person"

"If you say so... I guess I don't have other choice but to trust you on that one"

"No, you don't", Hermione answered and then frowned slightly, when a thought popped into her head. "Ewan, how exactly does one go from being a person who believes in the righteousness of Purebloods being the leaders of society, to someone who wants to fight against that kind of prejudice?", she asked, a little unsure of Ewan's reaction, but the boy just smiled bitterly and looked down to his feet.

"I turned out to be alright in the end, but all it took was for someone from Slytherin, like Mulciber to take an interest in me and... I'd probably wouldn't be your friend. It would be just as easy to persuade me to join Voldemort, as it was to set me on the right track once again", he admitted with disgust lacing his voice and Hermione couldn't help the shiver that run along her spine. "There are many kids like me, Herms. Even though they are probably much more secretive about their views than I was, they are still out there. And just the thought of them messing up their lives, just because no one was there for them... How could anyone allow that to happen?"

Hermione smiled with sadness, as the answer to that question seemed more than obvious. No one should... But it has always been easier to do so, rather than to rebel.


	29. Chapter 28

Hermione couldn't say that being stared at was a pleasant feeling, even if the staring was done by her boyfriend. Focusing in his presence was somewhat of a challenge usually, but right now it seemed almost impossible.

"Care to tell my why are you looking at me instead of writing your essay?", she finally asked, looking up at him and meeting his gaze.

Sirius smiled at her with amusement, that made her frown instantly.

"Did you honestly expect me to do my homework?"

Yes, she did. After all, she had been pretty clear when she dragged him into the library, under the threat of not speaking to him for weeks, if he didn't start treating school more seriously.

"Of course I did!", she informed him with a scowl that only made Sirius giggle lightly.

"Why on Merlin's pants would you do that? Don't you know me, love?"

"I'm making you study exactly because I know you. You wouldn't do it on your own till the last second. And it's not like you can just wake up earlier in the morning and finish it!", she scolded him and bit her bottom lip.

Sirius' gaze turned more serious and tender, as he realised what stood behind her determination. Today was the night of fool moon and it was quite obvious that none of the Marauders would spend it in their dormitories, sleeping.

"You don't have to worry about me", Sirius' soft voice did nothing to soothe her nerves.

"I don't worry about you, I worry about everyone. Remus the most, actually"

Sirius looked at her with fake hurt in his eyes, but she clearly wasn't in the mood for jokes. Noticing that, he decided to drop the attempts of making her smile and sighed instead.

"He's going to be fine. We're taking care of him, you know?"

Of course she knew, but it wasn't enough to prevent her from freaking out every full moon. Accidents happened and all it took was Moony's worse mood to hurt them. She knew more than well that if something were to happen, Remus would never be able to forgive himself and she never wanted to see it happen.

"I know that, Sirius", she sighed and shook her head slightly. "You can't blame me, though"

He didn't respond to that in any way, but he stood up, grabbed his chair and seated himself right next to her, slumping his arm over her shoulder.

"You should just talk to Remus. If you want him to tell you, you're in for a long waiting. Maybe I'll bring up the subject to him?", he offered sweetly, but Hermione shook her head.

"No. If he really is that sensitive about all of this and we both know that it's certainly the case, I don't want you to risk your relations over me"

"Remus would never be angry at me for wanting to tell you. He knows I respect his secret and the fact that you've managed to seduce me doesn't change my loyalty to him"

Hermione jerked her head up, looking at him with disbelief, while he grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"What did you say?"

"I've said that I love you very much, of course", Sirius immediately responded, leaning in to steal a kiss from her, but Hermione grabbed her textbook and smacked him gently before he could succeed.

"I know that's not what you said, you git"

"Then why did you even ask?", he laughed and ducked out of his chair, not wanting to get hit again.

Hermione shot him a glare and got back to writing her essay. Did she really tell Ewan that Sirius surprised her with his maturity? What came over her, for Merlin's sake?

"Don't be mad, sweetheart. Although I really prefer you being angry over worried to no end", he admitted with a smile, that made her irritation dissipate.

"The second you leave this library I am going to get back to worrying, so spare me the need to be furious with you as well", Hermione muttered and Sirius sighed tiredly.

To her surprise, he grabbed his chair and put it on its righteous place across from her own seat. He then dropped to it heavily and opened his own textbook, starting the search for the correct chapter.

"Not a word of this to James, if you want to see me with a book ever again", he muttered, shooting her a threatening glance, but she was too satisfied to care.

"My lips are sealed, Pads", she promised and smiled brightly.

It was in moments like this one that she truly lost any doubts that Sirius loved her.

* * *

Hermione felt incredibly uncomfortable. After all, not many people could say that they were able to stroll along the Great Lake with the Headmaster himself. Frankly speaking, she would very much like not to be able to say that as well, but the old man waking beside her clearly had a different idea.

The fact that the sun has set a long time ago and the moon was shining high in the sky didn't make things better, even if it prevented other students to see Hermione and professor Dumbledore together. The moon reminded her that at this exact moment, Remus was probably going through his transformation and the rest of the boys watched over him.

"Miss Granger, you shouldn't worry so much", Dumbledore's quiet voice reached her ears, forcing her to take her eyes off the moon. "I have irrefutable faith in your friends. They've been dealing with Mr Lupin's situation much longer than anyone would think"

Was it possible that Dumbledore possessed the same skill that Nicholas Flamel had? After all, there was no way that the portraits let him know about her worries, or even about her conversation with Sirius.

"How did you know?", she asked, not being able to stop herself and the older man chuckled lightly.

"You can be very transparent, if you're not trying to hide your feelings. Apart from that, Miss Granger, I've been told quite some times now, that my intellect is above average", he explained with a smile and looked up towards the moon. "I had no doubts that you'd figure out Mr. Lupin's secret"

Hermione saw no point in answering, so instead, she opted for staying quiet, until Dumbledore broke the silence once again. The man must have realised that she had no intentions of continuing the subject and he allowed his smile to slowly dissipate.

"I'm afraid I don't have great news for you"

She couldn't help but to flinch at his words. She had heard them before and was fully aware of the fact, that Dumbledore strayed away from worrying anyone if he didn't have a good reason to do so.

"There's been another attack. This time, Tom decided that leaving his Mark behind wouldn't be necessary, which is why there was no article about that horrifying event in the papers. One of the Order Members was injured. Fortunately, we were able to save him, but he came very close to dying"

Hermione didn't have to look into the mirror to know that her complexion paled awfully after hearing Dumbledore's words. Someone from the Order was severely hurt... Was it someone she knew?

"Who?", she asked quietly, trying to keep her voice steady and as firm as possible, though her eyes filled up with tears.

"Gideon Prewett. Do you know him?"

Her eyes widened, as she stopped rapidly. She remembered the story about two brothers that joined the Order and got killed by Anotnin Dolohov. Before they died, they managed to defeat dozens of Death Eaters, confirming what great warriors they both were. Those two men were Molly Weasley's brothers – Fabian and Gideon.

"Yes and no", she stated impassively, as she realised that they were still alive, even if she must have missed their presence at Hogwarts.

Oh, Merlin... That meant that Mrs Weasley still had her family! If she remembered correctly, they weren't meant to die until 1981, same year Potters were killed. Would she be able to save them as well and prevent Prewett's male line from extinction?

"I see", Dumbledore stated and really seemed to understand her cryptic answer, which almost made her sigh in disbelief. "Like I said, Gideon came very close to dying and that left his brother Fabian and sister Molly very dissatisfied. Furious, to be more precise"

If Mrs Weasley was anything like her older version, Hermione had no doubts that her wrath was indeed very bad news. She probably wasn't even an Order Member as of now, since she had to raise her kids, but there was no doubts she was aware of Fabian's and Gideon's allegiance and something happening to either of her brothers had to make her absolutely outraged.

"I can imagine", Hermione muttered with a sad smile gracing her face, that undoubtedly didn't escape Dumbledore's attention. He decided not to comment on it though, as he only nodded his head in agreement.

"Fabian and Gideon tried to calm her down, but when it comes to Molly, reasonable arguments often fail, especially where her family is concerned. She begged me not to risk her brothers' lives anymore and to recruit more members. No one's aware of your engagement, of course, so I have to come up with another solution to satisfy her needs. Her brothers would never forgive me for allowing their sister to worry so much, since she has a lot of worries of her own"

Hermione knew exactly what professor Dumbledore meant – Charles and William Weasley may not have been as terrifying as the Twins, but she had no doubts that taking care of children was a huge challenge either way, especially when financial problems came into view.

"I've become aware of the fact that one of your friends, Mr Hughes expressed his wish to join the Order, after he's finished school", the Headmaster said after few moments of silence and Hermione looked at him with wide eyes, once again.

"Well, yes, as far as I know, he's interested", she admitted cautiously and Dumbledore nodded.

"I'd very much like to offer him membership, Miss Granger. He's of age and he proves himself to be a very reasonable, responsible young man"

Hermione almost couldn't believe a word he said. The Order always strayed away from recruiting students, no matter how smart they seemed. She was the biggest proof of that, after all – brightest witch of her age, who also happened to be the best friend of a boy destined to save the world. And yet, Dumbledore didn't come knocking at her door to offer her a spot amongst other Members. Why was he thinking about recruiting Ewan, then? Surely, Molly's wrath couldn't have forced him to make such a reckless decision. Unless...

"Headmaster...", she gasped at the sudden realisation and looked at him with disbelief. "You can't simply risk his life like that, in order to get to his parents!"

Dumbledore looked at her with guilt painted all over his wrinkled face, proving her theory inaudibly.

"Miss Granger, Ewan's parents are very influential people. People, that care for their son very much and would probably do anything to keep him safe, even if that meant endangering themselves"

"But this is the exact opposite of what Molly wanted you to do! She wanted to make her family safe, but someone so caring and sweet would never agree to that plan of yours!", Hermione exclaimed, completely outraged, making Dumbledore sigh with pain.

"I am very aware of that. Trust me when I say this, doing something so unjust and cruel makes me incredibly sad. I don't have much of a choice, though. Something made Tom act, undisputedly more often than before and none of us knows what may have caused it"

Hermione had a very unpleasant feeling that it had something to do with her arrival and the knowledge she provided. After all, it was rather peculiar that those attacks started right after she gave Dumbledore the names he's been asking for. She decided not to voice her concerns, though, allowing the man to continue his speech.

"We need more Members. People brave and well-connected, such as Ewan's parents could make a huge difference to the outcome of this war. I agree that endangering your friend is not something that comes easily to me, but I'm not going to assign him any difficult tasks until he's finished school. He will be relatively safe, but his engagement may not be without meaning"

Hermione frowned slightly, thinking about Dumbledore's words. His plan was balancing on that area between light and dark, between white and black, as it wasn't exactly vile, even though it would make everyone cringe. The war happened to be unforgivable, though. She had no doubts that none of them was going to be innocent and pure by the end of it. Maybe they truly needed to do something so ruthless once in a while, in order to prevent even worse things from happening?

She didn't like that train of thoughts, at all. She didn't like thinking along those grey lines that seemed to be so close to the darkness, that it scared her. But what other choice did she have?

"You can't just allow him into the Order and leave him be", she whispered weakly and Dumbledore gave her a small smile.

"No, I can't, Miss Granger. Which is why I believe you should take care of Mr Hughes. You probably know enough about the Order and its Members to welcome our newest recruit accordingly even right now. However, I am willing to make that job even easier for you"

"What do you mean, Professor?"

"I don't think I've ever thanked you for sharing your knowledge with me, against your better judgement and against the undeniable risks it held. You trusted that I would to put that information into good use. I feel inclined to return this trust, Hermione. I decided to let you in on current Order's plans and Members, so you could always know what's going on. Maybe you'll find some of the information useful in your own pursues, that we all could benefit from"

Hermione stared the man with a blank expression, as her heart seemed to do everything in its power to break away from her chest. It wasn't that she was excited. What Dumbledore offered felt like another weight she would have to carry on her shoulders – and she had only just disposed of the previous one. His offer felt also disturbingly similar to a bribe. After all, he only proposed it when he needed her to get on board with his own plan. She appreciated the gesture, as it still meant he must have trusted her greatly, but her uneasiness wasn't going to disappear, despite that knowledge.

"You don't have to bribe me, Professor", she stated quite harshly, making Dumbledore laugh.

"Miss Granger, does anything ever escape your mind?"

Unfortunately, the answer to that question was negative. No matter how much she wished for the things to simply evaporate from her memories, no such thing would ever happen just like that.

"No. And I meant my words, Professor"

"So did I, Hermione, even if it seems like an attempt to buy your loyalty. I offered you a great responsibility, one that's not going to be pleasant and easy to maintain. Nonetheless, I truly believe you're entitled to know certain things. Especially if it helps Mr Hughes settle into the Order, during his last semester", Dumbledore said with a serious expression and Hermione knew that she never stood a chance in winning this argument.

"I'd be honoured", she stated, her voice completely hollow.

Merlin, how she hated lying...

* * *

It took only a whisper to wake her up from her shallow sleep, full of meaningless, disturbing dreams. She almost screamed when she realised that someone was standing over her bed, smiling widely, albeit tiredly.

"Sirius...", she hissed furiously and sat up on her bed, looking around feverishly.

Her roommates seemed fast asleep, but she knew that it could change any minute. Their sleeping habits were completely unpredictable and Hermione didn't want them to see Sirius standing in front of her bed, with his hair completely dishevelled and his shirt dirty and torn in a couple of places.

"What the hell are you doing here?", she whispered, glaring at him with fury, that didn't seem to bother him at all.

"Be quiet, you're going to wake your roommates", he muttered and started to unbutton his shirt.

She really couldn't help but to stare at his movements, even though her anger didn't disappear from her body at all. She just merely decided to forego it for one moment, so she could watch him slowly undressing from his rugged clothes.

"What are you doing?", she mumbled more to herself, than to him, but Sirius decided to answer anyway.

"I can't sleep with my clothes on, can I?"

Wait. Sleep? Was he really going to...

"Sirius!", she whispered so loudly, that Padfoot looked around with amusement, checking if her roommates remained unconscious. "You can't just sleep here!"

Oblivious to her protests, he slid the shirt down his shoulders, making Hermione grateful that it was still dark outside. Well, to be honest, she was only partially grateful because he wasn't able to see the crimson blush on her cheeks, but on the other hand... She wasn't able to see as well and that bothered her very greatly, although she would never admit to having such dirty thoughts.

"Do you prefer doing something else then?", he whispered seductively and leaned down, so that she could see playfulness glinting in his silvery eyes.

"No", she answered immediately, earning herself a chaste kiss on the lips.

Sirius stood up once again and unbuttoned his trousers, clearly enjoying the fact that she couldn't tear her eyes away from his silhouette. Few seconds later, he was standing in front of her, half-naked, leaving her without any strength for further protests. Hermione knew more than well that her intelligence ended where nudity began, especially when said nudity concerned her boyfriend.

"Scoot over, love"

Hermione hesitated for a second and then did what he asked, making room for him in her bed. A shaky sigh escaped her lips, when Sirius slid underneath the covers and pulled her closer to his slightly cold body, sucking out all of her warmth.

"What if my roommates see you in the morning?"

"They won't... Just leave your curtains drawn", he mumbled, already half asleep, but Hermione wasn't going to drop the subject so easily.

"They're going to tease me forever if they find you here", she moaned and felt Sirius shaking from his quiet laughter.

"It serves you right, love. I came here to show you that I'm okay and all you did was to try and throw me out"

Hermione opened her mouth when she realised that somehow she had managed to forget about the full moon. Being awakened in the middle of the night did nothing good for her overly tired brain.

"Oh, Merlin, I'm so sorry! Is everyone okay?", she asked, trying to prop herself on the elbow, but Sirius made it impossible, as he kept her close to his body.

"Yes. Can we go to sleep now, please?"

"Not yet", she protested and furrowed her brows. "What did you mean by 'just leave the curtains drawn'?"

"I'm skipping breakfast. I need sleep if I'm supposed to function and since you force me to pay attention in classes, _I really am supposed to_ "

Hermione had no doubts that this argument was carefully prepared, so that she would have to shut her mouth and just accept his great sacrifice. She had to admit, it was really sweet that he tried to take studying more seriously, but still, it didn't change the amount of troubles she would be in if someone found him here.

"I don't know about any of this..."

"Just shut up, Herms. It's just your roommates anyways. The worst they can do is to force you to read smut for them"

How the hell did he know that?

"Grace told me after I asked her nicely. And since you read those books, you should know that we're not doing anything outrageous right now. I think I'm too tired for it anyway", he muttered and sighed deeply. "Just sleep, love. I think we both need it"

She knew what he meant – he liked having her close and she liked sleeping through the night without nightmares, that still plagued her from time to time. Today was one of those days, as her conversation with Dumbledore awoke many negative feelings inside her body. Maybe Sirius was right? Maybe they both could use each other's warmth and closeness, just this once.

With a quiet sigh, she closed her eyes and relaxed completely against his bare chest, wrapping her arms around his body.

"Just this once...", she muttered sleepily and smiled, when he kissed her forehead.

It only took her a minute to fall asleep, but this time, her dreams were yet again peaceful.


	30. Chapter 29

Time flew by like crazy. It seemed like the semester started only a few days ago and yet, somehow, Hermione found that the end of January neared rapidly and along with it – Lily's birthday. Her friend was about to become an adult in the eyes of wizarding world's laws – something everyone looked forward to from the day they've been allowed to possess their own wands. Not a single day went by without thinking about using magic without any restrictions and turning seventeen meant exactly that.

For Hermione though, her friend's birthday meant one thing – she had to come up with a way to tell her the truth, as that was their deal, from the beginning. Now that Lily was about to become an adult, fully able to make decisions for herself, Hermione couldn't crush her hopes of getting to know at least some of her secrets. She would be stupid, though, to think that telling her would be simple.

Just as there was a risk when it came to telling Sirius, so too was it in everyone else's case. Hermione trusted her friends, but there was no way of telling how they would react to the news she had to offer. She needed to make sure, that whatever their reaction might be, they will take her secrets to the grave with them.

The Unbreakable Vow was something she considered very seriously, but it didn't exactly protected any knowledge. If someone extracted certain memories from their minds, it would result in their death, but the information would be stolen away anyway. That wasn't enough, not in her case – she didn't want any of her friends to die at all, not mentioning dying in vain, just because they weren't able to keep the terms of the Vow.

The Fidelius Charm would be much better, she fully realized that. Actually, it seemed like the only viable option, as it would fully protect not only her secrets, but also wouldn't convict any of her friends to dying just because someone tried to pry the information out of their heads. It solved basically all of the problems. Hermione, though, wasn't all that sure about using it.

All it took was a mistake in choosing the Secret's Keeper and her plan would fall apart, taking everyone along with it. If her past taught her anything, it was that nothing could ever be certain. No one had seen Peter's betrayal coming. What if this time things were to get just as bad? What if...

There were so many uncertainties concerning that spell and so little sources that could help her resolve her doubts. And that fact did nothing to lighten up her mood.

"It would be really nice if you could listen to me for just a second, Hermione", Ewan sighed and shook his head tiredly.

She blushed slightly, realising that she had managed to get lost in her own thoughts once again. Well, it couldn't be helped, could it? Her problems seemed to pile up, despite her countless efforts to make the situation better.

"Sorry. I have a lot on my mind lately"

Her friend rolled his eyes theatrically, making her blush even more. After all, it was one of her favourite excuses for spacing out on everyone.

"I feel like I've heard that one before", Ewan sighed and looked at her with his brows furrowed in concern. "Someone might think that being in love would make you loosen up, but it seems like it's kind of the opposite"

Well, she was in love, not completely bonkers...

"Sirius is great and all, but he's not a miracle worker", she smiled and bit her lip.

Maybe instead of just worrying about numerous problems, she could just take one weight of her shoulders? Hermione hadn't had the chance to talk to Ewan about the Order and Dumbledore's request, as she wanted to do it the right way. The Headmaster told her that she shouldn't rush things, although she had no doubts that this whole situation was rather urgent. Ewan wasn't stupid, though, which made Hermione painfully aware of the fact, that he would connect the dots as soon as she referred Headmaster's words to him. And admitting that she had supported his plan felt truly horrible.

She couldn't procrastinate forever, though. She had to do it and now was as good as any other occasion.

"I need to talk to you", Hermione's quiet voice was full of tension that caught Ewan's attention immediately, making him look at her with suspicion in his eyes.

"That's a change", he said with sarcasm dripping from his words, but she was too nervous to even glare at him murderously.

Ewan had been spending so much time with Leslie, that irony and sarcasm became his second nature and she wasn't sure if she liked it. Sure, it was fun to tease him back at times, but right now, she wished he could be more lenient. Things would be definitely much easier then.

"Change or not, I want you to come with me", she asked and turned abruptly, deciding that Ewan would have to become another person aware of Room of Requirement's existence.

Her fellow Housemate followed her without hesitation, although she was completely sure that weariness graced his features. Apart from her obvious doubts concerning his acceptance into the Order, no one would be able to oppose his membership – not with his impressive deductive skills and the ability to use logic at all times. He was a perfect example of a Ravenclaw; he was smart, creative and never stopped craving new knowledge, even if that meant spending hours thinking about numerous theories and possibilities.

His intelligence should have actually made her much calmer. After all, he proved himself to be more than able to look at the greater picture and wasn't naïve enough not to know that war had its costs. Would he be pleased that Dumbledore decided to simply use him? No. Would he accept that in order to do some good?

She had no doubts as to that. The only concern that made her heart thump against her chest was his reaction to her own involvement in this entire case.

The seventh floor greeted them with silence – it wasn't the most attended corridor, especially not after the classes had ended. Most of the students preferred to spend their free time with friends in their Common Rooms, or even outside as the snow provided for long hours of fun. The silence felt weirdly soothing, though she couldn't tell why.

"What I'm about to show you, has to stay a secret", Hermione said and turned her head to look at Ewan, foundig him nodding in agreement.

She focused her thoughts on a perfect place to talk to someone about important things and walked along the wall three times, watching as the door started to appear slowly. If it wasn't for that tight knot in her stomach, looking at Ewan's expression would be absolutely hilarious.

"What the heck?', he murmured and came closer to inspect the door.

"Magic", she answered and grabbed the small, metal doorknob, twisting it.

The lock clicked and Hermione opened the door, smiling slightly. It never ceased to amaze her, how things worked at Hogwarts. It truly was magical, even by their standards.

She almost laughed seeing the room on the other side of the door. Apparently, her present dormitory was a perfect place to talk. That fact seemed amusing, but Hermione had to admit that it wasn't completely untrue – after all, she did have serious conversations in that place and all of them went quite well. She didn't count those about Sirius, obviously, as they consisted mostly of Gracie's yelling, Amy's sighing and Leslie's snarky comments. But there were others, that despite their grim subjects only made her bonds to her roommates tighter and stronger.

"Where are we?", Ewan asked, looking around with uneasiness.

Judging by his sudden discomfort, he was fully aware of his current location, which made Hermione smirk, despite her nervousness.

"Room of Requirement", she said, deciding that it was not the best time to tease him about his visits to ladies' dormitories.

Her mind wondered though... How exactly did he manage to get past those stairs? Obviously, they didn't react to Animagi, as no student should be able to possess the ability to transform into an animal at such a young age, but Ewan definitely didn't qualify as one. Well, she could always pester him about it later. Right now, there were much more important things.

"What?", the boy asked, completely dumbfounded.

Hermione sighed and explained everything to him, trying not to sound annoyed. She was really getting tired of having to repeat the same story over and over, but no one was to be blamed for it. Knowledge of this place hadn't been common and not everyone had Dobby at their disposal to show it to them.

"This is unbelievable", Ewan said, after she fell silent and a genuine smile graced his face, as he looked around. "Although I have to admit, I completely don't understand why you wanted to talk to me in girls' dormitory"

"So you _do_ know where we are", she pointed out with a smirk and watched as a tinge of pink appeared on his cheeks.

"Is that why you wanted me here? To see if I've been naughty?", he raised his eyebrows in amusement and Hermione's smile faltered a bit.

"Ew", she commented, scrunching up her nose theatrically. "That's a definite 'no' from me"

"Thank Merlin!"

Hermione shook her head lightly and plopped down on her bed, or at least at the exact same bed that would have been hers if it was her actual dormitory. Her expression grew more serious, as Ewan sat opposite to her and started to watch her.

"Well?", he asked expectantly, making Hermione swallow hard.

"How do you feel about joining the Order?", she blurted out, before her bravery went away.

Ewan looked at her, clearly surprised. His mouth flew open and Hermione felt incredibly glad that this kind of expression didn't look dumb only on _her_.

"You know how I feel about it", after several minutes of silence, Ewan spoke up, sounding unsure and suspicious.

Hermione guessed, she couldn't blame him. After all, no one in their right mind would expect this kind of conversation while being a student. Not many people knew about the Order, of course, but still... Even being aware of its existence couldn't prepare for being so blatantly proposed to join it, especially not by someone so young and seemingly unexperienced as Hermione.

"I'm serious, Ewan"

The boy furrowed his brows and leaned forward, his elbows propped on his knees.

"Are you offering to talk to someone about me, or have you already done it?", he asked quietly and Hermione averted her gaze.

"This idea didn't come from me. I'm just a messenger..."

"Messenger for whom? Dumbledore?"

"I can't tell you until you agree"

"Dumbledore it is, then", Ewan nodded and sighed.

She didn't know if that was the reaction she expected from him, but apparently, he wasn't going to show any extreme emotions. Was it a good thing, though? There was no way of telling that, till their conversation ended.

"Why now? Why not wait until I've finished school?"

There was that question she feared the most. She wasn't surprised that it appeared so soon – she would have asked exactly the same thing, had they switched places.

"The Order needs new recruits. You're of age and you've proved yourself quite valuable"

Ewan looked down to his feet and she knew that words weren't needed to express his thoughts. He was thinking about the attack and everything that's happened afterwards – how he decided that their friendship valued more than safety. He mentioned the Order back then and remained quite convinced that it was the right path for him to thread. He wasn't scared or worried, that the person responsible for putting him in the Hospital Wing hadn't been found. He had his theories, but refused to talk about it, making Hermione worried sick, until she realised that Ewan wasn't the person to act reckless. His lack of trauma was uncommon, but not impossible, especially if he had been completely aware of the upcoming war.

"Something tells me that that's not the main reason. You see, I've been of age for quite a while and no one from the Order has approached me. You may as well tell me the truth, Hermione"

Despite the fact that a wave of nausea flooded her body, she couldn't help but to feel proud of him. He really was smart and observant, just as she made him out to be. Unfortunately for her, it meant that lying wasn't an option.

"It's all about your parents, Ewan", she admitted reluctantly and watched as anger appeared on his face immediately. "Don't get me wrong, the Order wants you. It's just that they have a policy of keeping students out of this entire mess... But the situation had changed. I hate that I'm asking something like that of you, but we don't have a choice"

"Why don't you simply ask my parents?! It's not like they're bad people, Hermione, they would understand. Don't you think it would be better to do so than to manipulate them into joining by using me and my safety as leverage?"

Hermione closed her eyes and sighed deeply. It sounded so horrible, that she wanted to Obliviate him so that he wouldn't remember any of this. Unfortunately, she had had enough of Obliviating her close one's...

"Your parents refused, Ewan. From what I know, they've been refusing to join for the past few years. It's probably for the same reason that they will decide to accept the Membership now – they want to protect you, more than anything. If they had decided to openly ally themselves with the Order, it wouldn't be difficult for the blood purists to target you and force your parents into a terrible situation", Hermione explained quietly, knowing that every word that came out of her mouth was true.

It wasn't enough to make this entire case any less infuriating and unjust, but it was much easier to be honest, even if it hurt.

"It's not like I can't fight for myself, is it? They should know that. This war is going to make everyone suffer, it doesn't matter if they will try to stay out of it or get right into the middle of things"

Now it was Hermione's turn to be surprised. She expected a lot of different things, but to hear Ewan so clearly disappointed in his parents... Well, this wasn't one of those things.

"Ewan, no parents would ever want their children to be forced to fight a war, no matter how right it is", her gentle voice calmed him down a bit, but he still looked positively disturbed.

"That's not a choice that anyone can make for me. Actually, it shouldn't be a choice _at all_ ", he muttered and shook his head. "What about all of those parents and children who lost their lives because of one psychopath? Why should my life matter more than theirs?"

Hermione almost smiled at his words. Harry used to worry over things like that all the time – he got chosen to save the world, but he never considered himself to be someone special. He couldn't stand everyone risking their lives, in order to make him safe and sound. Ewan seemed to share her best friend's views, but Hermione knew better than to simply let him turn himself into a martyr of some kind.

"Ewan... It's not that simple. Trust me, losing someone you love is the most horrifying feeling in the entire world. It feels like your soul is getting ripped apart...", she smiled at her metaphor, although it had nothing to do with amusement. "I wouldn't wish it upon anyone"

"I know that, Herms. It's just that now is not the time to worry, to come up with horrifying scenarios. It's time to be brave. And I don't mean being fearless. I mean being scared, terrified even, but also doing everything to overcome that fear. Otherwise, you'll never be able to say that your life had truly been yours. Isn't that the same thing you told Leslie?", he asked with passion in his voice, making her eyes go wide.

He was right, in a way. If there had been anyone able to understand his point of view, it definitely had been her. After all, she was still fighting her fears, trying to make them disappear rather than simply accept their existence. But what happened to Leslie and what joining the Order meant, have been two completely different things. Les didn't have to wake up every day, feeling the world's weight on her shoulders. She didn't have to worry about the lives of complete strangers, more than her own. She had to overcome her fear of living again, rather than of giving it away for the _greater good_.

"There are many kinds of bravery, Ewan", Hermione whispered hollowly and looked down to her feet. "I wish everyone had the strength to fight for their family, even if from the greater perspective it is not the best thing to do. Your parents don't lack bravery. As soon as you decide to join the Order, they will follow and fight this war just like the rest of us. But this fight is just something they hadn't wished for _you_. Not ever"

Ewan was quiet for a few minutes and then sighed shakily, forcing her to look up.

"I can't just say 'no', Hermione. I know that they will be furious and scared, but I know I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror, if I refused your offer", he said and Hermione nodded stiffly.

"I understand. I'd probably do the same thing, but I think you should talk to them first. They will be furious and scared, and I believe the leader of the Order will have to deal with their rage for quite a while, but at least, they won't find out about everything from him", she said gently and Ewan nodded grimly. "You're going to be safe at Hogwarts and knowing how the Order functions might actually help you in the future. There is no point of letting it tear your family apart. For what is worth, I believe it might make you stronger, even if this whole thing makes me sick to my stomach"

Ewan stood up and walked over to her sitting place. Before she could say something, he embraced her, offering her comfort she didn't think she deserved.

"Dumbledore knew what he was doing, sending you to proposition me, even though it was cruel", he whispered against her hair, while her eyes filled up with tears. "If I had any doubts about this, knowing that you must have accepted it eventually, made the decision much easier. He probably knew I was going to react that way"

"Of course he knew... That man knows everything. He's probably aware of the fact that we're hugging right now and he has opened a fresh package of lemon sherbets to celebrate it", she murmured shakily, trying to lighten up the mood and succeeding at it, as Ewan chuckled.

"Sounds like him", her friend admitted and let go of her, but remained at arms distance. "So... If I'm joining the Order, does that mean you're going to let me in on those secrets of yours?"

Why did she even bother with lightening the mood, if he wanted to ask that kind of questions?

"That's what I was thinking about, earlier on. There's a lot of seventeenth birthdays coming my way...", she sighed and furrowed her brows. "I can't keep you in the dark forever. I didn't give it much thought before, but now that things changed, it might not be so simple as I've previously suspected. I need time to figure it out"

Ewan smiled at her gently and nodded agreeably.

"For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing by telling us. I can vouch only for myself, of course, but everyone else seems to care for you just as much. And it will be much easier to do so once we know everything"

Hermione almost smiled at his words, knowing that he could either turn out to be very right or very, very wrong. What she wouldn't give to be lucky, just this once...

* * *

"Sirius! Care to explain why you're dragging me to the Gryffindor Common Room?", Hermione asked, trying not to lose any of her books along the way, as Sirius pulled her forward relentlessly.

"You're my girlfriend and I'm sick of hanging out in the Library. I can't even kiss you properly in that freaking tomb"

Sirius's answer left her half amused, half angry. Referring to her favourite place in the entire castle as the 'tomb' wasn't exactly what she wished for, but hearing his tormented voice made her chuckle anyway.

"Do you even know what the word 'tomb' means?", she said and suddenly got her hand back, as Sirius stopped abruptly, looking at her with his eyebrows raised.

"Do you even know what 'being kissed properly' means?"

Before Hermione could answer, his lips captured her own and took her breath away. Well, it definitely was a _proper kiss,_ although not very appropriate. After all, they were standing in the middle of the corridor and not an empty one at that. She wasn't sure how she felt with displaying her feelings in public, but... At this moment she wasn't even sure how she felt about having her clothes on.

"Mr Black, Miss Granger!", outraged voice of Minerva McGonagall sounded in the air, making Hermione's brain wake up instantly.

She jumped back, her face flushed red and lips _properly_ swollen.

"Professor McGonagall!", Sirius chirped, brushing his hair with his fingers, looking completely relaxed and very satisfied. "Fancy seeing you here!"

Hermione almost groaned at loud, looking at the older woman's face – her expression wasn't very cheerful.

"I wish I could say the same, Mr Black. Shall I remind you that exchanging fluids between students, in the middle of corridors is forbidden?"

"Oh!", he exclaimed, while an apologetic smile appeared on his face. "We're terribly sorry, Professor. We shall step to the side next time"

Did he just... Bloody hell.

"Sirius!", she hissed furiously and looked at Professor McGonagall with panic in her eyes. "What Mr Black here was trying to say is that it was highly inappropriate and will _definitely_ not happen again"

"Don't make promises you can't keep", Sirius muttered quietly, but unfortunately, both women had heard him.

"I shan't, Mr Black. Which is why I'm going to meet the both of you in detention. Friday, 8 p.m.. Please, refrain from such activities on the way to my office. You don't want to be late"

With that, McGonagall walked away, leaving Sirius with a stupid grin and Hermione close to tears. Never in her academic career was she given a detention for doing something so ludicrously, inappropriately... Enticing.

She bit her lip and decided that it was a bad idea, since his taste still lingered on it, making her even more dumbfounded.

"Sirius Orion Black...", she hissed furiously. "Why the heck did you do that?!"

Her voice was probably heard at the other end of the castle, but she didn't care.

"Because I wanted to?"

She slapped him in his arm, making him laugh out loud. He probably thought she looked adorable, trying to hurt him, but his joy stopped abruptly when she took out her wand and casted a nonverbal spell, with a vicious smile gracing her face.

"Well and I wanted to turn your hair pink. I guess we're even then", she chirped sweetly and resumed her walk towards the Gryffindor Tower.

She knew that Sirius would probably be furious with her and that generally wasn't a good thing. Still, seeing his long, silky hair blinding everyone with their pink shade was totally worth it.


	31. Chapter 30

The day was quite beautiful, if someone liked snow and ever-present cold. The sun shone bright, giving off the illusion of a more enticing aura, than winter usually possessed. Hermione guessed that even such a bookworm as herself could have enjoyed a stroll along the Black Lake in a weather like this, especially if Sirius walked right beside her. Unfortunately, said male specimen forced the both of them to change their plans for this Friday evening by earning them a detention.

Hermione sighed heavily, closed the book and put it on the table, hoisting herself up to her feet. The Common Room was surprisingly full, considering the lovely aura outside. The classes had ended quite a while ago and since today happened to be the last school day this week, she didn't expect the students to stay inside. Apparently, Ravenclaws liked spending time with their friends in their Common Room, more than they enjoyed getting all wet in yet another snowball fight.

The clock hanging on the wall pointed that she still had couple of hours before she needed to set off for McGonagall's office. Usually, she would have used that time to study or finish her essays for next week's classes, but today she didn't feel like it. Actually, all Hermione wanted to do was to lie on her bed with a great book in her hand, forgetting about the entire world. Sirius was kind of mad at her for changing his hair colour to such an outrageous one, but well... He deserved that for getting her a detention. She had to admit, making him walk around looking like that for the entire two days qualified as cruel and unnecessary, but his reputation wasn't nearly as damaged as her own, was it?

All in all, he refused to talk to her and that left her feeling really down. It only took a month for her to realise that functioning without Sirius on daily basis was much harder than she could have thought. It reminded her of the time when Ron had separated from them, back when they were searching for the Horcruxes. She had felt terrible during that period, but she'd known better than to let those feelings stop her from doing their job. Right now, things were much harder, even if that seemed weird and quite impossible.

Hermione wasn't happy about her current situation with Sirius, but she couldn't deny the fact that it gave her an excellent opportunity to sort out at least some of her problems at hand. With that conviction, she walked out of the Common Room and threaded towards Headmaster's office.

She stopped seeing sense in asking herself the same questions over and over. No matter how hard she tried to figure something out on her own, she knew that no decision could have been made alone, especially not the one concerning such important things as revealing the truth about her past to a group of people. Another thing was the Fidelius Charm; she needed to know more about it and Dumbledore was the only person who could have had all the answers or at least, the means to get them for her.

The corridors were empty, allowing Hermione to get lost in her own thoughts and predictions about the way her conversation with the Headmaster could turn out. She didn't even notice Sirius leaning against one of the stone walls, with his hands stuck in the pockets and guilt painted all over his face. Guilt that soon turned into irritation when she passed him without as much as sparing him a glance.

"Oi! That's not very nice, you know?!", his voice forced Hermione to stop immediately, as she spun around and looked his way with surprise on her face.

"Sirius? Since when are you talking to me?", she asked completely baffled and watched as he came closer.

The frown visible on his forehead showed his irritation very clearly and Hermione realised that she must have ignored him, seemingly on purpose. She wanted to smirk with irony at this entire situation. Apparently, Sirius didn't like being ignored and yet, he had no problem doing that to her the last couple of days.

"Since when are you walking past me like I didn't exist?"

Hermione sighed and looked at him apologetically.

"I didn't see you, Sirius. I got lost in my own thoughts. It happens, especially to me. You should know that by now", she explained, watching his expression soften. "Why are you even here?"

"I was waiting for you"

Oh, so he still tracked her steps on the map, then? She truly wished they could just talk about that invention of theirs, so she could properly scold him for following her. Not that she minded his attention, but she knew that it didn't take much for Sirius to get a bad idea. What if she disappeared from the map and he got all flustered over it? Last thing she needed was yet another fight with him.

"I won't even ask how did you know I was going to be here", she muttered and narrowed her eyes, giving him a scrutinising look. "I will, however, ask you to stop following me"

Sirius gave her a small smile, that clearly meant to say that no such thing was going to happen, no matter if they were fighting or not.

"I'm sorry, love", his soft voice made her irritation dissipate in a mere second, as her heart skipped a beat. "Not for following you, obviously, but for..."

"...acting like a huge, childish dunderhead?", she finished the sentence for him and raised her eyebrows in amusement.

Sirius glared at her for a second, but then rolled his eyes and sighed, clearly admitting defeat.

"Yes, exactly for that. I guess I'm just not used to someone pranking me the way I prank everyone. It kind of sucks"

She giggled at his statement, realising it really must have been hard for Sirius to acknowledge the fact that their pranks were funny mostly to them and the people unaffected. It took him long enough, she decided and smiled brightly.

"For all it's worth, even pink hair couldn't have made you look terrible"

A grin appeared on his face, as he pulled her close to his body and kissed her forehead affectionately. Hermione couldn't help but smile contently, feeling his warmth surrounding her like a blanket. Her previous wishes about spending the evening in her bed with a book suddenly seemed much less enticing, as being embraced by Sirius felt so much better. She still could have used a good book in her hand, though.

"You made my pride suffer, kitten", he muttered and rubbed her back with affection. "I thought that punishing you was good idea, but then I decided that you're probably doing much better than me, anyway"

She wanted to laugh at his miserable voice, but decided to stay quiet. She could have told him that he was only partially right; after all, her misery was quite noticeable. But then, he should have known better than to act like a childish prat around her.

"Smart choice", she whispered against his chest and earned herself another kiss.

A second later, he let go off her and she found herself missing his warmth immediately. No protest had left her mouth, though, as she simply smiled at him.

"Where were you going?", he asked with curiosity lacing his voice, making Hermione avert her gaze.

"Dumbledore's office", her quiet response was enough to make his eyes widen in realisation, as he nodded his head.

"I shouldn't be stopping you, then"

His strained voice proved that it really was hard for him to simply let her go, without asking thousands of questions. Usually, she hated being wrong, but this time, she couldn't be happier that Lily was right in her assessment of Sirius' maturity. Well, maybe not hundred percent right, but still... In that case Hermione didn't need a hundred.

"It's not like we won't see each other for a very long time", she said with a smirk, making Sirius laugh.

"Ah, yes! Your first detention", he said tenderly with pride coating his tone. "Now, I can stop being ashamed of being your boyfriend"

She hit his arm playfully, knowing that his words were only a joke. His actions towards her proved his true feelings more than any words could have had and she knew better than to throw tantrums for no reason.

"Hate to break it you, sweetie, but it's your fault that I'm your girlfriend in the first place", she informed him with an amused smile and made him laugh out loud.

"Yeah, I'm not very smart"

This time, she hit him harder and earned herself a scowl, as he rubbed his arm gently.

"You have to stop hitting me all the time, woman. I don't want it to become a habit. My bones aren't going to stay so strong forever, you know? Fifty years from now you might seriously hurt me if you do that"

Hermione's eyes widened as she realised the true meaning behind his words. Sirius Black just admitted that he had pictured his future with her in it. That knowledge made her heart flutter like crazy, although her mind couldn't help but worry. Would she even be alive in fifty years? What made him think that they would still be together? Hell, she didn't even know if she stood a chance of living through this entire year...

Sirius noticed her sudden change of mood and scratched his head in abashment. Hermione didn't think he fully realised the importance of his words, until it was too late. He seemed equally baffled by his statement and somehow, it helped her to gain her composure back.

"Then stop making me want to hit you", she said as if nothing happened and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

Sirius nodded and smiled gently, but before she could have walked away, he grabbed her arm and asked:

"Is everything alright between us? I mean..."

Hermione knew he meant more than just their 'fight'. His words, spoken without a second thought, could have brought uneasiness into their relationship, but she didn't want that to happen. Her doubts were connected to the many uncertainties in her life, not to her feelings towards him. Those, she was sure of.

She stopped feeling guilty for falling for Harry's godfather a long time ago. Sure, if someone told her that this was how the things would work out, she'd probably laugh and brush it off as nonsense. And yet, here she was, fully aware of the weirdness around their relationship and not caring for any of it at all. She highly doubted that Harry would ever hold it against her. He would have wanted her to be happy and even if he had always pictured her with Ron, things rarely turned out the way everyone thought they should. He would have never wanted her to be miserable and neither would Ron, now that she thought of it. He could have been a prat, but he was her friend more than he was her boyfriend. They never got the chance to make things different, after all.

"Of course it is. Why wouldn't it?", she asked gently, not wanting Sirius to get the wrong idea about her thoughtful expression.

"No reason", he grinned at her, relief clear on his face.

She smiled once again and this time, walked away without interruptions. It took only a couple of steps for her smile to falter, though. All the things that happened to her made her forget, that her life would continue even after the war had finally ended, granted she would manage to live through it. She used to have so many dreams and plans for the future. Now, making plans seemed pointless and weirdly inappropriate and she didn't like that feeling at all.

Thinking about the future she might have with Sirius was dangerous. Dangerous and enticing at the same time. There was nothing she wanted more, than to just dream about all those things ahead of them, without worrying about a psychopath trying to take everything away. But she couldn't. Not only had she much more important things on her mind, but also knew that dreaming about such elusive things could have brought her more pain than merit. And pain happened to be something that she tried to avoid, at all costs.

The fact that Sirius said those words only proved, that he was still carefree and reckless, just as someone his age should be. That thought made Hermione irritated and jealous, but also full of determination. Life had treated her quite unfairly, but there were still people who might benefit from her misery. Sirius was one of them, even if the fight in his case was unavoidable. He could still be spared from seeing so much evil and losing so many people he loved. And it was her job to make sure that happened. Maybe then she would be able to look into the future and smile genuinely.

Hermione reached Dumbledore's office and pushed her thoughts aside. Surely, the reason for visiting the Headmaster was connected to Sirius and to everyone else, but she needed her mind to be clear, if she wanted to pick up on every single detail of their conversation.

"Miss Granger!", the man greeted her with surprise visible on his face and Hermione smiled timidly. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, Headmaster. I have been thinking about certain issues and I believe it would be best if you could help me with them", she explained and Dumbledore smiled friendly.

"Ah, of course, of course. Please, have a sit"

The man gestured towards the chair and Hermione took a few steps forward, following his invitation. As soon as she sat down, a shaky breath escaped her lips, betraying the nervousness that had awakened in her body.

"I've spoken to Ewan", she started the conversation from relatively neutral topic.

The Headmaster shifted in his chair and tilted his head, inquiring her to continue her speech.

"He's fully aware of your plans regarding his parents, but he's willing to join the Order anyways. Those were his intentions all along, even if he had wanted to finish school first", she stated and watched as a satisfied smile appeared on Dumbledore's face. "His decision is rather final, but I've told him to contact his parents before making things official. They deserve to know about everything"

"I hope they won't manage to change his mind"

Hermione fought off the urge to roll her eyes, seeing Dumbledore's doubts. It didn't come as a surprise that he wasn't particularly happy about this change of plans she forced upon him, but stupidity had never been her domain. She knew exactly what she was doing and the Headmaster had to simply trust her on that.

"I highly doubt it, professor. I know Ewan well enough"

"Well, I have no other choice than to take your word on that. I'll start worrying if I don't receive a Howler from Mr Hughes' parents in the next couple of days", the Headmaster said with an amused smile and Hermione reciprocated his gesture immediately.

There was no doubt that Ewan's parents won't be happy with their son's endeavours to save the world, while still at Hogwarts.

"Now... What really brings you here?"

Hermione's smiled faltered, as she realised that she couldn't stall this conversation any longer. She had to be out with it, before her bravery went away.

"Professor, I've been thinking lately... As you're probably well aware of, soon most of my friends in Hogwarts will be of age. I know that the Order has the policy of not recruiting students, but I don't think I can keep them in the dark about my past until they've finished school. It's not fair, not mentioning the fact that it is also incredibly hard", she said quietly and met Dumbledore's intent gaze.

To her surprise, the man didn't seem surprised or even concerned. His expression was as calm as ever, making Hermione even more anxious. The lack of surprise on his face could have meant that he had already thought everything through and had made a decision regarding this subject quite some time ago.

"I want to tell them everything", she blurted out and took a deep breath. "Well, I want to tell them about where I come from, without betraying any important facts, I mean"

Dumbledore nodded and joined his fingers in front of his face, staring at her cautiously without the intention of interrupting her speech.

"I know that no matter how hard I want to trust them fully, we're talking about a very serious situation and I can't tell them anything without any security measures. I've been thinking about making them take The Unbreakable Vow, but that's incredibly risky. I don't want them to die, if something goes wrong and they are forced to reveal my secret. Besides, it's not the best option when it comes to protecting certain knowledge"

"Brilliant observation, Miss Granger. What do you propose then?"

"I've been thinking about The Fidelius Charm", she breathed out and frowned slightly. "It would be perfect, if only I'd find someone suitable for being the Secret's Keeper. The only thing that bothers me, is that I don't know much about how this spell works. Mr Flamel mentioned that it's the same ancient magic that had enclosed the part of my soul in the Time-Turner, but it's still as mysterious as it was before"

Dumbledore nodded once again and sighed quietly.

"The Fidelius would be perfect, indeed. Nicholas must have told you, that its effects are based on the strength of the bonds between everyone encompassed by its boundaries, which makes it a perfect choice for a group of close friends. I admit, it does have some risks, though"

Hermione looked at him intently, as worry flooded her body once again. Clearly, she had been right to assume that this Charm would be much more complicated and complex than her initial knowledge about the spell would indicate.

"What risks?", she asked, although the answer seemed to be quite obvious.

"The biggest comes with the Secret Keeper, clearly. Whoever you choose to become yours, he or she will have to stay faithful to you forever. I don't mean in a sense, that you'll have to stay close for the entirety of your lives, although it certainly wouldn't hurt. But the most important thing is for that person to become fully invested in protecting your secret. You see, there had been many cases of people who hated each other and yet, they had shared a bond strong enough to perform a successful Fidelius Charm", he explained with a smile, looking at her from above his half-glasses.

Hermione furrowed her brows and started to think about his words. Was it really possible? After all, hatred often led to betrayal, rather than anything else.

"There are things, Miss Granger, that can connect even the worst enemies. This charm doesn't require positive feelings. It requires a common goal, especially between The Secret Keeper and the Secret Owner. Strong convictions that something is right, can often be more powerful than feelings, which fade over time", he smiled, but Hermione wasn't convinced.

"And convictions don't? People change, don't they?"

"Yes. But it is much harder to make someone forgo their morality, than switch love interests"

Well, he certainly made a point. Her own feelings changed so much during those past few months, but her beliefs that she needed to prevent certain things from happening didn't waver even in the slightest.

"So, in other words, the Fidelius Charm is going to work as long as the conviction is there?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. I believe that is a correct assumption"

Hermione's brows furrowed as she thought what that meant for her and her friends. None of them were bad people, she didn't need further proofs of that. Still, choosing the Secret Keeper couldn't have been easy. If someone learned about the Fidelius, their attention would undoubtedly switch to Sirius, since he was the closest one to her. Unfortunately, her boyfriend was also the youngest and making him the Secret Keeper before his birthday was... Well, not very fair, since only a couple weeks ago she claimed that his age of majority was a big issue for her. The fact that she hadn't exactly thought of the best ways to protect all of her secrets, didn't exactly justify the sudden change of heart.

"This is so complicated...", she muttered and rubbed her forehead, forgetting that professor Dumbledore sat across the desk, watching her intently.

His chuckle brought her back to reality and caused her to blush slightly.

"Yes, magic tends to be that way", the man agreed with a smile on his face and shifted in his chair. "It's a very delicate matter, Miss Granger. It needs to be handled with the uttermost care and attention. I can help you with that, but I need to know your thoughts to do so"

Hermione sighed, deciding that he was right, once again. Wasn't that the sole purpose of her visit? To tell him about her doubts?

"I've told Sirius on multiple occasions, that I find his age to be quite problematic. I wanted him to be legally an adult, when I told him about everything. It didn't seem right to blurt out the truth and leave him with that huge weight on his shoulders, when he hadn't even been of age. Besides, I was thinking about the Unbreakable Vow back then, not about the Fidelius..."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but can I ask why?", Dumbledore said, tilting his head slightly.

Despite the fact that his question couldn't be described as precise, she knew very well what the man had meant.

"I was scared of using the Fidelius, Professor. People often tend to be scared of things they don't understand, but it's more than that in my case", she said carefully and averted her gaze.

Talking to Dumbledore about what had happened to Potters wasn't a good idea. Maybe he had already known or at least suspected some of the facts, but she couldn't just outright tell him everything.

"I see. You must have realised that despite its many uncertainties, it's still the most reliable source of protection we can grant you"

"Yes. I've tried to find another way, but it seems that there isn't one", she sighed dejectedly and looked at her entwined fingers, resting in her lap.

"There isn't. I must say, though, I am surprised by your reluctance to let your friends in on your secret. Truth to be told, I expected to have that conversation with you much, much sooner. Despite your determination to keep things to yourself, it is virtually impossible for someone so fair as you to lie all the time", Dumbledore said and chuckled lightly, seeing her flabbergasted expression.

"Well, I can't say I enjoy it", she stated hollowly and the Headmaster shot her an understanding smile.

"Which is why I find it very peculiar that you've kept doing it for so long. Especially considering your relationship with Mr Black", he looked at her from above his half-glasses, making her sigh once again.

"I _want_ to tell him. But like I've said, he's not..."

"...of age?", Dumbledore interrupted her, but it didn't sound rude. "Forgive me for asking, but how old were you when you realised that our world's safety depended on you and your friends?"

Hermione blushed slightly, realising that she had been doing dangerous things from the moment she had decided to become friends with Harry and Ron. She was only fourteen when she realised that the world would change and that there would be a war. It happened as soon as Cedric Diggory's dead body appeared on the ground.

"Too young", she answered softly and met Dumbledore's gentle gaze.

"I don't think that this couple of months will change anything regarding Mr Black's maturity. His demeanour had always been very childish and much too careless for his own good, but I consider myself to be an excellent judge of characters and I believe that he will be an excellent asset to the Order, when he had finished the school. Maybe even earlier, if the circumstances force me to stray away from our rules yet again. Telling him now won't be any different from telling him in June"

She bit her bottom lip, as her heart raced against her chest. Professor Dumbledore was right and Hermione couldn't stop the feeling of guilt and shame spreading throughout her body. She was usually smarter than that. All of her choices were conscious and deliberate. Up to this point, Hermione had been certain that waiting for Sirius to come of age had been the right thing to do, but now... Now it seemed only as an excuse, masking true reason behind her stalling.

Fear. There was no denying the existence of this overwhelming feeling that took over her body every time she thought of being rejected by Sirius. She wanted him to know, she wanted him to care for her with everything she had to offer, including her past. But the possibility of scaring him away couldn't be ignored and that scared her to no end. Had it been the true reason behind her actions? Did she somehow manage to convince even herself that she had been protecting him by keeping him in the dark so long?

"He doesn't deserve to be lied to", she muttered quietly and Dumbledore nodded in agreement.

"The longer you wait, the harder it will get, that I can promise you. I cannot force you to make a decision, though. You have to be sure of it"

"I am. I'm just scared", she admitted and smiled bitterly.

"As you should be. Your knowledge is dangerous, Miss Granger. We're both fully aware of that fact. Soon, your friends will be too. It is only natural to fear their reactions, as none of them suspect you of being a Time-Traveller. You should give them credit, though. The Fidelius Charm will keep you safe, I'll make sure of it"

"How? It's not like you can force someone to keep their beliefs forever", she pointed out grimly and Dumbledore chuckled lightly, making her frown with suspicion.

"Oh, I believe there's a way to do so", he informed her with a cheerful smile, as her hear skipped a beat.

She knew that tone all too well.

"How come?"

"I will become your Secret Keeper, Miss Granger. I believe that's the least I could"

If she didn't know any better, she would definitely think it was all a dream. Apparently, her life just took another huge turn, but this time, she couldn't be happier to simply embrace it.


	32. Chapter 31

„Would you be so kind to stop thinking about Black in my presence?"

Severus' irritated snarl reached her ears, forcing her to look up from above her half-finished essay. Hermione couldn't say that his words have particularly bothered her, as she got used to his constant displeasure with her relationship. She expected nothing else from him, despite the fact that his behaviour could have been described as incredibly hypocritical. After all, she had never questioned his choice of friends, even though they were much more dangerous than Sirius and threatened her on more than one occasion.

Hermione didn't want to tell Severus about her encounter with Mulciber, but the Slytherin had clearly a different idea. He must have bragged about cornering and humiliating her, as the next day after their _meeting_ in library, Snape requested to see her and, although he hadn't asked any questions, he watched her every move, trying to decipher whether Mulciber had hurt her. His behaviour proved that despite her other friends' doubts, Severus really meant her no harm.

She found it incredibly strange, though. Sure, her intelligence allowed them to connect, quite easily at that, but it hadn't changed her blood status or her views, so contradictory to his own. Hermione didn't want to question him in fear that it might severe even that frail bond they had managed to form, but saying that she didn't wonder would be an obvious lie. She kept telling herself that there might be a time, when having an honest talk with him would be in order, but for now, there were much important things.

Sirius had, undoubtedly, been one of them. Now, that she had everything planned, all of her thoughts circled around revealing her secret to him. She wanted things to be perfect, just so he didn't have any chances of misunderstanding her words or taking them the wrong way. Dumbledore had been right in saying that she had to give her friends more credit, but Hermione wouldn't have been herself if she didn't try to come up with the most plausible and thought-trough solution available.

Unfortunately, her constant fussing over how to make things right did nothing to improve her social skills, even when it came to someone so undemanding in that area as Severus.

"No. Those are _my_ thoughts for a reason, Severus. Don't be so stupid as to claim that you can order me to switch their topics", she said, closing the lid on the chaos swirling in her mind.

"Your expression almost screamed at me, Granger. If you wish for your thoughts to remain _yours,_ you should do much better job at concealing them, instead of staring at the parchment with love-struck, doe eyes"

She almost laughed at his choice of words, but did her best to remain serious.

"How can it be, that you always pester me about Sirius, while I'm trying my absolute best not to lecture you on your peculiar companions?", she asked with a sweet smile and caused Severus to frown in displeasure.

Her words were enough to make him fall silent once again, but it was clear as sunshine that his mind didn't return to mulling over his essay's topic. She had known him well enough to know, that sooner rather than later a question would be asked; most likely, a difficult one.

As Hermione expected, it took only a couple of minutes for him to put his quill down, as he began staring at her intensely.

"Yes?", she inquired him to speak with a half-amused smile, that probably irritated him to no end.

"I'm not the only one who doesn't like your relationship"

Hermione stopped smiling almost instantly, as she looked up at him with surprise filling her brown eyes. She expected his question to be completely serious, as he rarely joked, but this... This was baffling, she had to admit. Apart from that one conversation they had shared near the Black Lake, they tried to stray away from mentioning the war and everything connected to it. Nothing good could come out of it and they didn't have to talk about it to be aware of that fact. So, why was he bringing this up all of a sudden?

"Severus, do I strike you as stupid?", she asked cautiously and then rolled her eyes at his smirk. "Don't give me that look, I am fully aware of the fact that stupidity is not something you value. Which is why I am surprised you had just said something so ridiculously obvious"

Snape glared at her, but no words had left his mouth, as he was clearly deciding on his next step. After a moment of silence, he spoke:

"How much does Black know about your... affiliations?"

"You know I can't tell you that", she muttered, furrowing her brows.

Snape looked quite irritated at her answer and she realised that his questions must have been an attempt to hint some information to her.

"Does he know enough to act more careful than usual?"

Ah, so that was what he meant. Apparently, his brilliant friends planned to hurt Sirius in some way and Severus felt inclined to inform her about it, without betraying any facts. Again, she found it incredibly sweet, but also a bit inconsistent, to say the least. So he cared for the wellbeing of her boyfriend, someone he truly despised and yet, he proved himself unable to accept Lily's help, calling her a Mudblood? Hermione failed to see some logic in that.

"I wouldn't have it any other way", she said slowly and shifted on her chair. "Severus, I didn't want to ask about it, but I really can't wrap my mind around some of your actions. Why do you even care for what happens to Sirius? I assume that it's because of our friendship, but it strikes me as odd, that you chose to protect me, while Lily..."

Snape shot her a murderous glance as soon as the redhead's name rolled from her tongue. A blush appeared on his cheeks, making him look much less terrifying and intimidating than usual.

"We will not discuss it", he stated firmly, not letting her finish the sentence and Hermione snarled.

"I tried to keep my mouth shut about it, but I honestly can't do this if you want me to believe in a single word you say. Not when you claim that someone I love is about to get hurt because of me. Me _and_ my blood status. Have you forgotten about it?"

Snape looked like he was trying really hard not to walk out on her, judging from his clenched fists and tensed jaw. Apparently, though, he decided to be brave, for once in his life.

"Of course I hadn't forgotten about it, you bloody Know-It-All. My _peculiar friends,_ as you call them remind me of that every single day. I don't care for most of their ideology, but I have my reasons for siding with them. I don't expect you to understand, just as you can't expect me to understand your pathetic affection for someone so vile as Black"

Hermione frowned at his outburst and felt the anger arising in her body. He could have said anything about her; call her a Know-It-All, a dunderhead, anything really. But calling Sirius 'vile' was not something she could have just dissembled.

"Careful now, Severus. I'd truly hate to bring your friends' actions into this conversation, but I might not have a choice, since you clearly need a better explanation of the word you had just used", she said dryly and glared at him.

An angry scowl appeared on his face , as they kept staring at each other in a silent war. Finally, Snape broke their contest and said:

"You all walk around, claiming to be so perfect and ideal. Look at yourself, always waving your hand in the air, trying to make professors notice you so desperately and then walking the corridors with your head help up high, so proud of yourself and your undisputable knowledge. Do you know how many students would excel, same as you do, if they were given a proper chance? But no, your perfect society that you defend so eagerly deems them as freaks or nerds, or even worse, future _Death Eaters,_ if they happen to be in Slytherin", he spat angrily, leaving Hermione baffled. "Not mentioning bullying someone, because of their lacking social skills or inability to buy first-hand clothes. That look of superiority you wear on your faces... It's no different from the looks I see on Mulciber or Avery. The only difference is that _they_ accept me. Your perfect friends don't, which is enough of a reason to make my life living hell, apparently"

Hermione was truly lost for words. She had expected to hear lots of things, but this... How could anyone expect to hear something like that? She was angry, but it would be a lie to say, that she wasn't also ashamed. Ashamed, because part of her knew that his words bore some truth to them. He had always been that kid with no friends, with terrible childhood and nothing that could have made him more adjusted to living in the society. There was no denying the fact, that the Marauders bullied him. They didn't need a solid reason and Hermione suspected that their actions turned Snape into someone he was today. Someone so misguided and hurt, that he'd rather associate with people like Mulciber and Avery than use his brilliant mind to see clearly.

Knowing that simply hurt. Not only because she started to care for him in a more prominent way that anyone could have thought, but also because she claimed herself to be a good person; someone with a defined sense of morality, who fought to make things better for a lot of people. But it was true that she failed to make the same effort for everyone. She tried to save Peter, Severus even, but what about everyone else that might not be too far gone as of yet? Would she try equally hard to prevent those two boys from making grievous mistakes, if she hadn't known them before?

"I'd considered Lily to be my one, true friend. It took me years to notice that she had never fought for me the way I'd fought for her. But then, I could hardly expect someone to be ready to kill for me", he smirked, though Hermione didn't see even a trace of humour on his face. "I had always known that her feelings for me were purely friendly, but it hadn't stopped me from dreaming. There had been a point when I had thought that maybe if I developed new skills, she might have been impressed"

Hermione knew which skills he was referring to and she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that he had actually thought those might be the key to Lily's heart. Still, Severus had been pretty awkward when it came to things so elusive as friendship and love.

"Nevertheless, I had never hoped for much. I was satisfied with the thought of having her as my friend. But then our friendship ended and it was my fault. Do you want to know why I did what I did?", he asked grimly and Hermione nodded silently. "Potter and Black had been making fun of me, again, and she had come to _rescue_ me. She had yelled at them, like a friend is supposed to, but her eyes... Her eyes were full of pity, Granger. Nothing else. That's what I was to her; someone pitiful, rather than a friend she wanted to protect"

The sorrow in his voice made her heart clench tightly, although she knew that his words were only a part of this entire story. His behaviour had been despicable, but she had gotten to know him well enough to know, that above everything else, he despised being pitied the most. She even understood that. He came from a terrible household, full of abuse and terror and even if it had made him awkward and weird, it had never fully destroyed him. He possessed many valuable assets and he intended to use them to make his life better. He had goals and dreams, just like everyone else. Severus Snape didn't need pity, especially not from someone who was supposed to know him better than anyone.

And yet, he made mistakes in his life. Siding with Voldemort couldn't have solved any of his problems, just as it couldn't have fulfilled his dreams, no matter how hard Mulciber and Avery tried to convince him otherwise. To him, power was something he never had, but wanted badly. He didn't realise that there were other means to acquire it, better means that wouldn't force him to sell his soul. Means that wouldn't cause him to lose his friend.

Those facts were pretty undeniable. Hermione knew, though, that Severus understood that his actions were simply wrong. He regretted ruining his friendship, he had probably even known that becoming a Death Eater would probably a mistake. And yet, he still decided to side with them, rather than return to light. Why?

His words made everything clear to her. Just as she couldn't have wrapped her mind around it a couple of minutes ago, so now she possessed the missing puzzle so necessary to solve the riddle of Severus Snape. The Slytherin was human, wanting exactly the same things that everyone else craved. People rejected him over and over, starting from his father, ending on Lily herself. The Death Eaters offered him not only power, but also a sense of belonging; something, that no one else brought him.

Lily never understood that. Despite his many apologies, she wiped him out of her life and no one could blame her for that. She didn't think of his actions as of a simple mistake; she ultimately qualified him as someone not worth of her attention anymore. Was she entirely wrong? No. She had every right to do what she had done. But it didn't change the fact, that she should have known better.

Hermione suddenly realised that Severus' words were even more true than she initially thought. When he had called Lily a Mudblood, no one even cared for his version of events. No one noticed that the Marauders had been bullying him, humiliating him even. All everyone saw was that one single word, that Hermione knew meant nothing to Severus. No one bothered to help him, but everyone felt obliged to shame him and alienate him even further.

"I regretted my words as soon as they had left my mouth", the Slytherin continued his speech, seemingly oblivious to her inner turmoil, that had to be visible on her face as well. "But at that moment... I wanted her to feel exactly as degraded as me. It was wrong and I regret it, but it only proved all my earlier assumptions to be correct. Your friends are no better than us"

Hermione sighed shakily, not knowing what to say to him. Did she agree with some of his points? Yes. Did that make being a Death Eater right? Absolutely not. Apart from the obvious sense of belonging they might have offered him, they were still murderers under the lead of a psychopath. If she wanted to save him, she had to make him fully see that.

"If you think so little of us... Why do you even bother talking to me? To punish yourself? Or maybe you had lied to me, saying that you have no intentions of carrying the task assigned to you by your friends?", she asked quietly, trying to keep her voice neutral, despite the obvious accusation in her words.

"Don't you see, Granger?", he snarled impatiently, although she could have sworn that she had noticed traces of embarrassment in his dark eyes. "You had never pitied me. Every insult I'd thrown at you, you'd thrown back at me, but only as a defence mechanism. You had never mocked me without a reason. You're friends with Lily and those dunderheads, but you had still refused to believe their opinions on me, deciding to see for yourself. You had extended a huge courtesy to me and you had failed to notice how unusual it was around here", he explained quietly and Hermione had to blink a couple of times to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "You've done exactly what Lily should have done. So I am willing to do everything _I should have done_ "

If his words weren't enough to make her completely baffled, the fact that a genuine smile appeared on his face definitely was. She couldn't help but reciprocate his gesture, but her grin faltered a bit, when a thought popped into her head.

"You still love her, despite everything that happened, don't you?", she asked quietly and watched as Severus looked out the window with sorrow painted on his face.

"I'll always love her. I had never expected her to be perfect, because I'm not perfect as well. It was me who ruined everything, because I've made some bad choices. I don't take responsibility for her own mistakes, but... They change nothing to me. She was and always will be _the one_ for me. The one who helped me through the darkest of times. The one who gave me hope for seeing better days. Nothing will ever make me forget that"

 _Nothing indeed_ , Hermione thought to herself and allowed a sad smile to appear on her face.


	33. Chapter 32

Hermione felt like dying. Her head hurt from all the squealing and yelling done by her roommates in the surge of adrenaline, after she had agreed to let them take care of her clothes and make-up for Lily's birthday. She couldn't say that she had been to many parties. As a Prefect she felt obliged to stop the students from throwing them, as they weren't exactly legal and that bothered her _a lot_. Hermione had to admit, though, that stopping her previous Housemates had been much, much easier than stopping love-struck James Potter from making his _Lily-flower_ celebrate her seventeenth birthday. As far as Hermione knew, the redheaded Prefect wasn't supposed to be aware of the party. Her friends from Gryffindor –Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows– were tasked with making sure of that, as they invited her for a studying session in the Library. Little did they know, that Lily had probably figured everything out as soon as they had proposed visiting that place. None of her friends seemed to be interested in studying, apart from Hermione and Remus.

Despite Lily's probable knowledge of the event, Hermione heard nothing resembling a protest from her friend, which obviously meant that she actually wanted to celebrate her birthday properly. Of course, there was nothing wrong with that, but it still forced Hermione into her current position; strapped to a chair, trying to endure her headache and those ridiculous shrills of excitement coming out of her roommates mouth.

It still amazed her, that those Ravenclaw girls acted so light-heartedly and so... girly. Obviously, they were smart and Hermione had no doubts their future lives will be filled with lots of achievements and prideful events. But as for their love lives... Oh, boy. If she had to guess, she would say that both Amy and Gracie would get divorced at least two times, as they were completely unable to think clearly when it came to love matters.

Why else would they _torture her_ into getting a fancy hairdo and ridiculous make-up? None of this things suited her! She was a bookworm and her books had never judged her appearance, hadn't they? Sirius knew all that and he didn't seem to be bothered by her practicality. Because that's what it was. Spending hours on making herself look presentable in the eyes of the society never appealed to her.

"If you guys are going to keep that up, I'm going to miss the party", she moaned and tried to change her current position to something less painful.

Immediately, she was awarded by on outraged yelp from Amy, who had been charming her hair.

"Stop fidgeting! Do you want to look good or not?!", she scolded Hermione and refused to acknowledge her friend's doubtful gaze.

"Sirius is going to drop dead when he sees you", Gracie sighed and clasped her hands, staring at Hermione in awe.

"That's not very good, is it?", Hermione asked, furrowing her brows and this time, she got reprimanded by Leslie, who, somehow, turned out to be a specialist in make-up.

How did that happen, Hermione had no idea, but she was inclined to think that it must have been a part of this entire plot to make her go crazy.

"Of course it is, you idiot!", Leslie rolled her eyes and sighed with exasperation, when Hermione blinked once again, instead of keeping her eyes open as she was asked to.

"Don't look at me like that! I can't help it! You're trying to poke my eyes out with that... thing", Hermione muttered, looking at the mascara clasped in Leslie's hand. "Why won't you just do it with charms?"

Obviously, such things existed even now. Back in the nineties, every teenage girl had been obsessing over those and Ginny happened to be one of them. Hermione had spent a lot of time with the girl and knew that it made make-up much, much easier.

"That would be no fun, wouldn't it?", Grace stated completely outraged by the mere suggestion, making Hermione stare at her with her lips pouted.

"Fun? You're calling this _fun?_ "

All the girls nodded in unison and Hermione decided that it would be best to simply shut her mouth. Nothing could ever make her roommates change their mind about something; it had been a very Ravenclawish feature, she had to admit.

Instead of whining, she decided to focus on more pressing issues than voicing her displeasure for a hundredth time. Today's event provided her with a perfect opportunity to talk to Sirius. Well, not only to him, but also to everyone else, for that matter. Hermione felt as though she had to muster all of her bravery, because she knew that the longer she waited, the harder things got.

Telling Sirius stressed her out to the point, where she didn't even know if she could tell him first, as she knew she was supposed to. Having everyone else with her felt so comforting, that she caught herself coming up with several reasons as to why she didn't need to tell Sirius first.

It couldn't go that bad, though, could it? She trusted him to a point where even thinking about him rejecting her felt wrong. Even with that knowledge, looking at such things from the logical point of view was simply impossible, especially with her nature. Maybe that party could be good then? Her friends would undoubtedly find a way to make her relax, have fun even. The Marauders never failed to deliver in that aspect, after all.

"Hermione...", Amy's sigh snapped her out of her thoughts, causing her to blink rapidly. "We honestly get that you're not the one to enjoy dress ups. But we're not blind, you know? Something's clearly bothering you and it's not the fact that you look like a fucking princess"

If it weren't for her surprise at Amy's spot on observation, she would have definitely flinched at being called a _fucking princess_. Right now, her attention focused entirely of the three girls standing in front of her with their arms crossed on their chests.

"Another intervention?", Hermione muttered and wanted to rub her temple, but Leslie struck her with one of her make-up brushes.

"Don't you dare ruining my work! You know I'm a lazy ass, so spending an hour trying to make you look drool-worthy is actually a huge accomplishment for me!", Leslie growled furiously, making Hermione sigh tiredly.

"And yes! This is an intervention, because you clearly forgot that we are your friends as well!", Gracie pointed her fingers at her and pouted. "We wanted you to get together with Black, but we hadn't thought that it will cause you to _ditch us_ "

Hermione opened her mouth in surprise and shook her head after a short moment of stunned silence.

"What? I didn't ditch you, guys! I just..."

"...have a lot on your mind lately?", the three of them spoke at the same time, causing Hermione to blush furiously; not that her blush could have been visible from underneath all that make-up.

"You always have a lot on your mind! We get it, Hermione! But it would still be nice if you could talk to us about things, rather than make us wonder constantly. You can just tell us! Maybe not all of it, but some...", Amy said with irritation, while Gracie nodded sadly.

"You've been spending an awful amount of time with Ewan", Leslie observed with a hint of jealousy in her voice, though she tried to hide it. "He tells me that you two have some business together. Business that apparently has to stay a secret to everyone beside you. Why can you tell him and not us?"

Ewan belonged to the Order now, which served as a perfect explanation to her actions. Still, his membership hadn't been the only reason for keeping the girls in the dark. Despite them being her friends, Hermione simply wasn't sure if they were cut from the same cloth as the rest of them. Telling them would mean that she had put them at risk. And those girls... They didn't struck her as fighters.

Their intelligence was something that Hermione appreciated greatly, but none of them was ready to fully accept the terms of the upcoming war. The fact, that they were jealous because Ewan knew something they did not only proved the point. Instead of looking at things as Hermione would have, trying to find some greater meaning behind her actions, they decided to question their value as her friends.

It worried her, to say the least. Telling the Marauders and Lily seemed right, because she had known their views and ambitions all along, but with those girls... Things were different. Hermione didn't want to spoil what remained of their peaceful, teenage lives and turn it into existence filled with constant worries. Not without giving them a heads-up first.

"Guys... I've been spending a lot of time with Ewan because I have no other choice. It's true that we cannot tell you anything, but I assure you, those meetings are not entirely for the social purpose. Actually, socialising is the last thing on our minds", she bit her lip, knowing that her speech was too revealing already.

She hated the idea of telling everyone, but them. Ewan hated that idea as well, but even he had to agree that she needed to make sure that she won't just scare them away with everything she had to say. Merlin, how she despised her life sometimes...

Hermione looked at her friends with pitiful gaze, noticing that only Leslie seemed to be calmer. Actually, the girl appeared slightly worried, leading Hermione to believe that she had been fully aware of Ewan's plans concerning the Order.

"We all are going to be of age this year! I'm getting sick of those secrets, even though I am aware of the necessity of their existence. It's just... Hard. We love you, Hermione and we want to help, just the way Ewan helps you!", Amy stated eagerly and Gracie followed her lead by nodding with such enthusiasm that Hermione worried her head was going to fall off.

"Guys...", Leslie's quiet voice was so unusual, that everyone looked at her instantly.

Hermione noticed how pale she seemed and she didn't like that one bit.

"Ewan joined the Order, didn't he?", Les asked, her voice serious as never before.

Amy gasped with surprise and looked at Hermione, trying to get confirmation from her expression, while Grace stayed quiet. The girl knew that there was no point in denying Leslie's words, as it would serve only as an insult to her intelligence. The news had already been out there, making it impossible for any of her roommates to forget it.

"Yeah. He did", she admitted softly, earning herself another gasp.

"But that would mean...", Amy started, but Leslie finished the sentence for her.

"That you're part of the Order as well"

Hermione couldn't help but smirk at their sudden realisation. She thought that her allegiance with the Order had been pretty clear from the beginning, but once again, she had managed to forget that those girls were innocent. So innocent, that they had probably assumed her secrets to be part of the conspiracy to make her safe. Her and maybe some other people she had met in France. They had never considered the possibility of her being an actual member of that mysterious organisation, that not many people knew of. She was merely a teenage girl in their eyes, even if her past was messed up and forced her to join the war sooner than it was needed.

"How could we not see that before?", Grace whispered, while Amy sat down on the bed, staring at Hermione in pure awe.

"It makes so much sense, now that I think of it", she said in a hollow voice, that made Hermione's heart clench painfully.

"How do you even know about the Order?"

Hermione's question was supposed to divert their attention from herself, but only Leslie seemed calm enough to answer.

"I know from Ewan. He told me about it a long time ago, when he forced his parents to explain to them why they were meeting with mysterious people. His parents decided that it would be best to tell him the truth, hoping that he might simply lose interest in that matter", the girl smirked and clicked her tongue. "Guess they're not very happy about how things worked out"

Silence enveloped everyone in the room, making Hermione even more stressed out. She knew that it wasn't her turn to speak, as she could offer them no explanation as of now. Their shocked expressions were reason enough to hold off her big revelation. If they hadn't been ready to hear about her membership in the Order, everything else she had to say would be even more terrifying.

"My parents mentioned it", Amy finally spoke in a hushed tone, that did nothing to help Hermione shake off her gloom mood. "Someone approached them about joining, but they refused. I thought that it had been a good decision, since the war... Well, I know it's _coming_ , but it had been that way for years now. It's still pretty distant, isn't it?"

Hermione closed her eyes, letting a shaky breath escape her mouth. Her behaviour was enough to make Amy realise how far from truth her statement fell.

"Oh", she said dejectedly and Hermione heard the rustling of her quilt, indicating that the girl shifted uncomfortably. "Well... I guess that with what had happened to you, I can't be all that surprised to be wrong"

The atmosphere felt awkward and Hermione found herself in a dire need for air. The tension was suffocating her and she hated that feeling so much, that she considered storming out of the room. She knew, though, that it wouldn't be fair to her roommates, as they had every right to be shocked.

"I... Until very recently I wasn't even aware of the Order's existence", Grace added, breaking the silence once again. "I've heard rumours about an organisation opposing You-Know-Who, but... I didn't think much of it. It does seem obvious, though. Now that we know about you and Ewan", she admitted dejectedly and looked down to her knees. "Hermione... How did it happen?"

Grace's words weren't specific, but everyone knew what she was asking about. How did Hermione join the Order? Why? She knew that in this moment, she had a perfect opportunity to tell them the truth. All of it, without further pondering on the righteousness of the act. She couldn't, though. Looking at their pale complexions stopped her from doing so. Their usual joy disappeared, replaced by insecurity and fear.

"That's a very long story", Hermione said, her voice void of emotions, as she struggled to keep them inside of her aching heart. "I don't think you're ready to hear it"

Surprisingly, none of them protested, which made Hermione smile bitterly. She could imagine a bunch of chaotic thoughts storming through their brains, as they tried to understand this entire situation and its meaning. Maybe they still didn't know a thing about the war, but she had made them realise that sooner rather than later they will find themselves in front of a nasty choice. A choice, that both Ewan and Hermione had already made.

"I should get dressed", she muttered and stood up awkwardly, while the girls kept being silent.

She didn't want to look at them and the feeling seemed mutual. The floor suddenly became incredibly fascinating, as everyone took bigger interest in it than in anything else in the room. Hermione smiled bitterly once again, as a shaky sigh escaped her lips. She started to gather the clothes chosen by the girls, wanting to escape this place as soon as possible. She grabbed the handle of the bathroom door and stopped moving, when Leslie's quiet voice reached her ears.

"That's a lot to take in, Hermione. We knew you were brave and determined to take side in the war, but we... None of us had seen the obvious signs. I guess we didn't want to see them. It's hard to simply accept the fact that sooner rather than later our lives will be in constant danger and the only way to avoid it will be to run away. We're not even out of school yet!"

Hermione looked down, not turning away, as she didn't want them to see pain written all over her face. Accepting those things that Leslie spoke of wasn't hard. It was nearly impossible, especially for girls so young and cheerful. She remembered the night of the attack on Hogwarts –the Final Battle. How many students had she passed on her way to the Great Hall? How many innocent, young souls were lost due to Voldemort's madness? The answer was simple –way too much. Still, she had known that professor McGonagall had given the students of age a choice. They could either fight or run away, saving their lives. Even though Hermione herself would never choose the latter, the thought of so many students making the same choice angered her. This wasn't how life was supposed to work.

She understood how awful it must have felt for professor McGonagall to propose something so outrageous. It probably resembled the feeling flooding her own body in that exact moment. Not only had she forced her roommates to shake off their cheerful demeanours, but she had also done something far, far worse. She made them realise that they weren't nearly as _brave_ or rather as stupid to throw their lives away in the name of greater good. They had plans and dreams that seemed simply too important to be forgotten. They wanted nothing else but for those things to come true, even if that made them selfish. Hermione knew that they had every right to feel that way, but she knew that sooner rather than later her friends will realise that trying to live in peace, while others are dying to make it possible for them was simply impossible; the guilt made it that way.

"We should have been smarter", Amy's voice broke her train of thoughts, forcing her to slowly turn around. "With yours scars and everything... I mean, if it was a single madman who had done this to you, you probably wouldn't be so bent on not telling us anything, yeah? Now that it's all out in the open, it's clear that we were just... stupid"

"And naïve", Gracie added in a trembling voice. "Even that intervention we had... Lily outright yelled at James for not seeing the greater picture and yet somehow, we were blind even more than he was"

Hermione clenched her fists, crumpling the clothes resting in her arms. The fact that none of her roommates scolded her for doing so, served as the best proof of everyone's mood. Oh, how she hated it...

"That's the thing, guys. I wish I could be as blind as you. We all should be. But I don't have the luxury of doing so, I hadn't for a very long time. I had already lost everything once and the only way I know to prevent something like that from happening to me again is to fight. For me, it's that simple. But for you...", she squeezed her eyes shut, stopping her tears from spilling. "I had said this dozens of times already; you hadn't seen the things I had, you don't know what's it like to look death in the eyes and still _survive_ ", she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, calming her nerves. "You want me to tell you things, but how could you ask me to _destroy_ that innocence of yours? Not everyone in this world is a fighter. Ewan clearly is. I was forced to be, even if I never wanted to. But you? Do you _want_ to fight? To face the evil that's coming?"

"What about the Marauders then?", Leslie asked with fire burning in her blue eyes. "Are you planning on _destroying_ their innocence? How can it be any different from doing this to us?!"

"The Marauders made the choice for themselves", Hermione whispered quietly. "James wasn't able to understand my reluctance to tell you everything, because he is so bent on engaging in the fight even right now. He wants to be an Auror, same as Sirius. Remus is excelling in the Defence Against the Dark Arts and will never let anyone hurt his friends, even if that means sacrificing his own life. Peter had just managed to work through many doubts about his future and the conclusions he reached will never allow him to back down from the fight", she explained with guilt painted all over her face.

She forced herself to look up, facing her roommates. Leslie was angry, but Amy and Grace seemed awfully lost.

"I can't do anything to prevent them from joining the Order, so I am not going to keep lying to them. Do I feel guilty? All the time. But there's nothing I can do, at least in their case. You, however... There's nothing I want more than to simply open up to you as well, but I don't think you're ready for it. Once you know, there would be no way out. I don't think you really want that", she said with a sad smile, that faltered as soon as Leslie opened her mouth to speak.

" _You_ think, Hermione! It's always _you!_ How about asking us what _we_ want, huh?! How about..."

"Stop, Les", Amy's quiet voice bore some force to it, making Leslie fall quiet, despite the fire raging in her eyes. "Hermione's right. It's not the time to be rebellious. I'm not a fighter and neither are you, at least not in the literal sense. Ewan joined the Order and yet, you failed to see it, just as the rest of us. If we chose to be this oblivious to everything that's happened, don't you think we should think everything through before we force Hermione to do something none of us is ready for?"

Grace nodded in response to Amy's words, while Leslie looked at her for a moment with anger, but eventually, it dissipated, leaving only shame. Hermione didn't have to read her thoughts to know, that the girl wasn't proud of missing so many obvious signs, just as she wasn't proud of being too scared to fight. In Hermione's eyes though, it was nothing to be ashamed of and she desperately needed the girl to understand it.

"You're right, Amy. The fact that me, Ewan and maybe a couple of other people are willing to rush into this, doesn't mean you should too. The war is terrible and there's nothing wrong in not wanting to endure it. You still have the chance to get away and live your lives the way you want to. You need to consider all your options before you throw that opportunity away", she stated and smiled gently, despite the pain filling her chest.

"Yeah, but what kind of life is that? Everyone wants to live the way they want to. What makes me entitled to do so, while they are fighting?", Leslie wasn't convinced, though, and Hermione's smile widened, realising that the girl truly was Ewan's soul mate.

Still, she didn't want her to act out of her fiery temper. She needed Les to be calm and conscious, if she was to accept her friend's decision without any lingering doubts.

"Just think about it, Leslie. Actually, same goes for you two. I'm going to respect your choices and I'm not going to think any less of you, if you decide to stay out of it. The only condition I have is, that you don't stop talking to me, when I refuse to tell you things. I'm not doing it for the pleasure of torturing you with constant uncertainty and worry. Trust me", Hermione said and gave them one last smile, before turning around and walking into the bathroom with her now crumpled pile of clothes, the only visible sign of all the nerves boiling in her body.

That conversation left her exhausted and incredibly down. How could she be optimistic about revealing herself to the rest of her friends, after enduring _that_? She was stupid for not seeing things coming and for hoping that her roommates would simply grow up in a blink of an eye. She had witnessed a fair share of miracles, but things like that... They simply never happened.

Her heart ached with a throbbing pain, making her so miserable, that the vision of attending a party seemed like the best way to torture her even more, rather than lighten up her mood. Not everyone was a fighter and the fact the she hadn't been born one became clear in the moments like this. She was sick of lying, sick of trying to make things work, sick of not being able to simply be oblivious to everything, for at least a couple of hours.

But the thing that she was sick of the most, was simply being herself.


	34. Chapter 33 pt 1

**So, this is probably going to be the first A/N I've written here. I have no idea why I skipped them before, but I just wanted to let my story speak for itself. I tried to reply to all the reviews in PMs, but I really want to thank all of you, because your support had been amazing! I am truly honoured to have you as my readers!**

 **Also, I wanted to apologize for the break in updating. My life had been crazy lately and it took me nearly two weeks to write this chapter. Lack of free time SUCKS, there's no way to put it. Still, I hope you stayed with me and that you are going to enjoy the first part of this chapter! I have mixed feeling about it, so let me know what you think!**

* * *

The Gryffindor Common Room welcomed her with a lot of noise and cheerful chatter, which surprised her a little, considering the fact that no sounds were escaping to the outside of the room. Hermione couldn't help but appreciate the amount of spellwork behind it, even with her foul mood. Apparently, the Gryffindors were pretty determined to make their Prefect proud, as it had been obvious that no teacher was going to bust them that night. Of course, Hermione knew that even their unusual effort couldn't prevent Dumbledore from learning about the party, but she didn't think that the Headmaster would be bothered to stop them. He had much more important things on his mind than stopping James and Sirius from doing something, that they had probably done before.

Despite the fact that the party had only just started, she spotted some people dancing in the middle of the room, where a special dance floor had been created. It had been shining with multiple lights, giving the entire place the appearance of a real dance club. The chandeliers had been decorated with balloons and serpentines that kept changing colours all the time. Even the armchairs and sofas had been moved to provide the students with more space to dance and have fun.

Hermione kept looking around in order to find Lily, who happened to be the star of the party. She wanted to give her a gift personally, although judging by the gigantic pile of boxes lying on top of one of the tables, everyone else had a different idea. She was surprised though, by the number of presents lying on the table. Apparently, people in 1977 were much quicker to offer gifts and Hermione couldn't feel more glad that she decided not to tell anyone about her own birthday. It had felt weird to spend her birthday with people she had barely known, but that wasn't the most important part of her reasoning. Telling everyone about her birthday involved even more lies; after all, everyone believed her to be seventeen, not nineteen. _I shouldn't even be born yet_ , she thought and sighed, getting back to reality.

Her mood had been so bad, that even staring at a pile of presents made her mind pick up on all the negative and depressing things residing deep within it. She had to get herself together, not only because she had a mission to accomplish, but also because Lily was her friend and this party was supposed to be a celebration of something incredibly important in her life. She deserved having a good time and with Hermione mimicking Severus' daily attitude, it didn't seem possible.

"I was afraid you're not going to show up", a husky whisper reached her ear, despite the loud music banging in the room.

A familiar scent enveloped her body, making her skin tingle, especially when Sirius' hands landed on her hips bringing her close to him.

"Merlin, don't you look fine tonight, love", he murmured in her ear and kissed her neck lightly, making her blush furiously.

"Thank you. Girls wouldn't let me leave the dormitory without dressing me up. Although they had mentioned that you will drop dead at my sight", she added with a slight smirk, not letting him know that even such relatively innocent gestures affected her. Not that anything was innocent with _him_.

"They were so wrong, kitten. I feel invigorated", he purred seductively and spun her around.

Now that she faced him, she had no troubles with smelling a trace of Firewhiskey in his breath. She looked at him with her eyebrows raised and crossed her arms on the chest.

"I know I'm late, but how did you manage to get drunk in _an hour_? And why am I smelling whiskey?", she asked in a stern tone, making him explode with laughter.

"Don't tell me that you believed James when he said this party was going to be alcohol-free"

Of course she didn't believe him, but still… She thought he was going to provide the students with _Butterbeer_ , not whiskey.

"C'mon, Hermione. We're not letting any underage students drink it. We've charmed the bottles", he coaxed her into relaxing, but she seized him up with narrowed eyes.

"Sirius… You're underage"

Black shot her an angry glance and then rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you keep reminding me of that, but I'm not going to be underage for a very long time now. Cut me some slack, yeah?", he said and leaned down, stealing a kiss from her.

Hermione knew more than well that he had been using that as a distraction. It didn't take long for him to figure out that all of her anger disappeared quite quickly when he kissed her. He could be really smart if he wanted to.

"Alright, but please, go easy on the whiskey", she said and smiled sheepishly, after he straightened himself. "I need to talk to you"

Informing him of that served a greater purpose than only to prevent him from getting too drunk. She wanted to make sure she wouldn't change her mind about this whole thing and there was no better way to do this, than inform Sirius about her intentions. He would never let that matter slide, he was way to desperate for any kind of information.

"Did something happen?", he asked without a trace of smile on his face and Hermione knew that now that he stopped flirting with her, he must have noticed her uneasiness without a problem.

"Kind of", she admitted and scowled. "I'll tell you later, I promise"

"Alright", he agreed, although his stare remained serious for another moment. "Let's get your drink fixed!"

Hermione groaned, when he started to pull her towards the long table standing by the wall. She was surprised that it was able to hold the weight of all the beverages and snacks standing on it, but she couldn't help but appreciate the effort that went into making this party so great. James really outdid himself and she hoped that Lily would see it too. After their unexpected exchange of letters, things started to look much different between them, but the redheaded girl tried to deny it with all she had. In Lily's eyes, liking James Potter seemed incredibly stupid and she tried to blame it on _a temporary eclipse of better judgement_. Of course, everyone around them simply rolled their eyes and smiled knowingly, making Lily even madder. Hermione had a feeling, though, that this party was going to be critical in their relations.

Sirius stopped in front of the table and put his arm around her figure, his thumb caressing her hip gently. He gestured towards various drinks in front of them and smiled at her brilliantly.

"Choose your poison!"

Hermione narrowed her eyes in search of Butterbeer and when she had finally spotted it, she extended her hand in order to grab a bottle, but Sirius smacked her palm with a sigh.

"I said _poison_ , kitten. You're an adult, yeah?"

"I don't like drinking"

"You don't like anything that sounds like fun", Sirius chuckled and moved away from her, grabbing a couple of bottles.

Hermione watched with suspicion as he poured a couple of various liquids into a tall glass and handed her something that looked more like a rainbow, than a drink. Sirius shot her another brilliant smile, encouraging her to try it. She sighed and decided that she wasn't going to die from one single drink. Besides, today seemed like a good day to break her resolve.

She took a sip of the mysterious drink and looked up in surprise, once she realised that it tasted really good. She couldn't even feel the alcohol and wondered whether it was a good thing, or quite the opposite.

"It's tasty", she admitted reluctantly, making Sirius laugh.

A moment later, something in his expression changed and Hermione shifted impatiently. She knew that look more than well. Before she could say something, he leaned down once again and kissed her, this time with greater passion. He tasted like Firewhiskey and it made her weirdly excited. If it wasn't for the drink in her hand and the crowd surrounding them, she would want nothing else than to wrap her arms around his neck and let him kiss her all night.

Finally, though, Sirius pulled away and licked his lips with his eyes still closed. Hermione couldn't help but stare at him with unhealthy fascination, knowing that if she tried to do something like that, she would look utterly ridiculous. Sirius, though, made it look almost _arousing_.

"You're right. It really is tasty", he whispered and cupped her face with his hands, stealing another kiss from her.

If Hermione thought that a sober Sirius had been quite dangerous, whiskey made the situation even worse. Or maybe better? She couldn't tell when his lips moved upon her own, making her feel equally inebriated.

Few seconds later, he moved away and shot her a cocky grin, fully aware of her thoughts. Hermione really wanted to wipe that smirk of his face, but didn't get the chance as someone closed her in a tight embrace from behind.

"Herms! Fancy seeing you here!", James greeted her enthusiastically, making it really hard for her to breathe.

"Potter… You're choking me", she gasped, starting to feel dizzy.

"Oh! Sorry 'bout that!", James laughed and let go of her with a huge grin. "So what are you two lovebirds up to?"

Hermione raised her eyebrows at the term he used, but shrugged it off in the end, as Sirius wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to his body.

"Actually, I was going to find Lily", she said and looked around. "Have you seen her?"

James blushed slightly and brushed his hair, making it even more dishevelled.

"Um… I may have"

Hermione exchanged glances with Sirius, while James continued to look everywhere but them.

"Prongs? Care to elaborate?", Sirius asked with genuine amusement.

"You see… I wanted to look great for the party. So I went to Prefect's bathroom to get a nice bath", James said so quietly that she could barely hear him over the noise.

As soon as she understood the meaning of his words, a frown appeared on her face.

"You're not a Prefect", she stated very sensibly, making Sirius chuckle and James look at her pleadingly.

"No, he's not, love. But the password isn't exactly a secret to any of the Marauders", Sirius explained with a grin, looking so amused that Hermione started to wonder if she had missed something in their conversation.

"Fine. How does your visit to the Prefect's bathroom connect to Lily?"

James looked at Sirius with a panicked expression, causing her boyfriend to explode with barking laughter.

"Fuck me!", he laughed and bent in half, not being able to stop his joyful outburst. "Tell me you _didn't!_ "

"Mate, stop!", James pleaded and tried to straighten his friend, while everyone around started to look at them.

Hermione felt incredibly confused, as she watched her friends with growing scowl.

"Can someone please explain what's going on?!", she demanded in a stern tone, while Sirius tried to wipe tears from his face and James continued to look positively ashamed.

"Love… Prongs had seen Evans. In Prefect's bathroom. While she had been naked", Sirius giggled and patted James on the back. "How are you still alive?"

Hermione opened her mouth in surprise and shook her head with disbelief.

"You walked in on her?! What happened to knocking?!", she yelled and smack his arm. "And yeah… How are you still alive? I know I would have killed you if you'd done this to _me_!"

"I would beat you to it, kitten", Sirius stated, but Hermione shot him an angry glance, which shut him up.

James sighed deeply and lowered his gaze, looking like a lost puppy.

"I didn't mean to make her angry. As soon as I had noticed her, I turned around, but… Fuck, why do I always have to do this? Things were getting better lately and now… She's probably going to hate me even more than before", he groaned and clutched his head with despair.

Hermione couldn't help but to feel sorry for him. He could be such a moron sometimes… Still, his feelings were completely genuine. He didn't deserve to be scolded all the time, even though he acted like a dunderhead on occasions. And this? He was right when he said that Lily would probably get back to her shell now and that didn't seem right.

"James… Talk to her. Apologize. It's her party and you're the one who made it possible. Look at this place! You completely outdid yourself. She has to appreciate that", Hermione offered him a comforting smile, but it didn't cheer him up.

"I doubt it, Herms. No matter how hard I try, I always do something to fuck everything up. Maybe she's right and I don't deserve her", he said dejectedly and shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I'll be fine! Get back to… Whatever you two were doing"

With that, he was gone, leaving Hermione and Sirius with worried expressions. Well, Hermione's had been worried, while the boy standing next to her looked positively murderous.

"I like Evans, most of the time, but this… I hate seeing him like this", he murmured and clenched his fists.

Hermione bit her lip, fully understating his feelings. Knowing that in the end, Lily and James were destined to end up together did nothing to make her feel better. Watching the two of them resembled observing lost travellers who kept ignoring all of the signs pointing them in the right direction. It _sucked_.

"Maybe I should talk to her? I have to find her anyway", Hermione offered worriedly, but Sirius shook his head and sighed.

"Does she ever listen? Same as you had to understand that staying away from me wasn't possible, she needs to figure things out on her own", he said and looked up towards the ceiling. "I just hope that Prongs will still love her when she finally does"

"Me too", Hermione sighed and rubbed his shoulder gently, knowing very well that there was nothing that could ever change James' feelings. "Maybe you should go to him, make sure that he's not going to do anything stupid"

Sirius looked at her with an amused smile and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Well, something _stupider_ "

"Are you going to be alright on your own?", he asked her, putting his hands on her shoulders, as she offered him a reassuring smile.

"I'm an adult, as you had pointed out earlier"

"That I had", he laughed and kissed her cheek softly. "Go, find Lily. I'll catch you later, yeah?"

Hermione smiled and watched him turn around and leave in James' direction. She really hoped that he would remember his promise of not getting too drunk, just as she hoped that her bravery would still be there in a couple of hours.

* * *

Hermione had to admit, the party turned out to be much better than she would have thought. Despite Sirius' words, she had still attempted to talk to Lily, wanting her to understand that being mad at James hadn't been the best available option. To her surprise, the redhead seemed to agree with her. Actually, that whole situation got her so flustered, that Hermione couldn't help but grin widely, realising that Lily will probably never be able to get back to hating James. At some point, convincing herself that certain feelings didn't exist, was even harder than convincing others; Hermione could attest to that.

The fact that the party turned out to be quite pleasant didn't change anything regarding her nervousness. With each passing minute, the Ravenclaw had become more stressed, realising that Sirius really delivered on his promise and didn't get too drunk, forcing her to deliver on her part as well. She was also fully aware of the fact that Sirius noticed her uneasiness and watched her like a hawk, with a worry line etched into his forehead. He did everything in his power to cheer her up and she appreciated his efforts; especially that part when he danced with James in a nearly erotic way. Everyone in the Common Room laughed their assess of, including Sirius, but Prongs seemed scared that his Lily-flower will get a bad idea, so he ran off eventually, tripping over his own legs and falling down on top of Lily's birthday cake. He tried to fix the situation by offering Lily to lick the cake off of him. To everyone's surprise Miss Prefect decided to take him up on his offer and she took some of the cake from his face with her finger and then licked it clean, causing James to nearly suffer a heart attack.

The party definitely turned out better than expected. Hermione really wanted to believe that the conversation she was about to have would go equally well. She sighed dejectedly and smiled, when Sirius pulled her closer to his body. They were sitting on the couch, snuggling and watching people who were still having fun, despite the late hour. The warmth of his body next to her own, his breath tickling her neck and his hands caressing her in such tender way made it almost impossible to move, but she knew they had to, eventually. The Common Room was not the right place for things that were about to happen.

"So… You wanted to talk", his whisper tore another sigh out of her lips, while she realised that even Sirius knew they couldn't drag it out any longer.

"Yes. Not here, though. I want us to be alone", she said and disentangled herself from his arms.

Sirius chuckled lightly and stood up, offering her his hand, which she gladly took. Their fingers entwined, making Hermione smile tenderly. This was all she ever wanted and she really hoped that she will still have it in an hour or so.

"Kitten, you don't have to come up with excuses to be alone with me. I'm all in", Sirius laughed and she rolled her eyes.

He wasn't too drunk to talk, but that didn't mean he was entirely sober. The mischievous sparkles glinting in his eyes proved themselves to be quite distracting and she couldn't have that. Not today.

"Sirius", she pleaded quietly and shot him a serious glance. "I need you to focus"

His grey eyes lit up with a sudden realisation, that whatever it was that got her so stressed, it had been of much greater importance than he had initially assumed.

"Fine. Wait here for a second, I'll get the Cloak"

She nodded, but he was already gone, leaving her with shivers running all over her body. She noticed Remus staring at her intently from across the room, where he had been engaged in a conversation with Marlene McKinnon. Hermione smiled at him weakly and was surprised to see him raise his thumb up in an attempt to reassure her. She didn't know how he had figured things out, but Remus had always been smart and more than observant. Maybe she read too much into his simple gesture, but it made her feel better nonetheless.

Sirius got back from the boys' dormitory bearing the Cloak in his left hand and a piece of parchment in the other. She almost smiled at the sight of the Marauders' greatest treasure, knowing that even if the conversation had gone wrong, at least she would have gotten to know one more of their secrets.

"What is it?", she asked, allowing curiosity to lace her voice, while Sirius shot her a proud grin.

"That, love, is one of the greatest things you will ever see!"

"I think it looks like parchment", she stated sceptically, making him laugh with excitement sparkling in his eyes.

Making him so proud with himself felt incredibly good, she had to admit. She loved seeing him smile in that mischievous, light-hearted way. Getting used to that had been so easy, that she almost couldn't believe it sometimes.

"I didn't know you were this smart", Sirius answered with irony and handed her the Cloak. "Come on, I'll show you that incredible piece of parchment on our way"

With that, he nudged her to go forward and she complied without as much as a word of protest. The Fat Lady hadn't been so happy about their departure, but Sirius managed to coax her into staying silent. Hermione could have sworn that the woman in the painting blushed and fanned herself more eagerly at Sirius' sight.

The boy took the Cloak from her hands and covered their bodies with it, making sure that both of them had been hidden by pressing himself against her quite prominently. She could have believed that it had been a measure of precaution, if it wasn't for the smirk gracing his face, that made her bite her lip as she tried not to blush. Sirius didn't give her much time to ponder on it, though, as he unfolded the parchment and took out his wand, pointing it towards the hidden Map.

" _I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good_ ", he whispered and Hermione had to avert her gaze from him for a moment.

She had heard that sentence multiple times, but never spoken _like that_. Sweet Merlin, it sounded more like a sinful promise rather than just a phrase required to reveal the Map. Even knowing what it was meant to do couldn't prevent her from hearing a second meaning in his words, especially with his intense stare and his body so close to her own.

"Look", he pointed to the Map, where the first letters started to appear.

" _Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present The Marauder's Map"_ , she read and looked up to see Sirius' brilliant smile, full of pride and excitement.

"Open it", he ordered and she complied, pretending to be extremely surprised at its content.

"Is that… Is that Hogwarts?", she asked in a voice full of wonder and Sirius nodded.

"It shows the entire castle and everyone in it", he explained and took the Map out of his hands, looking for the two spots near the Gryffindor Tower. "That's us"

She smiled seeing those two dots so close to each other, that she had a hard time making out even her own name. She took a step back and noticed that one of the marks on the Map moved as well.

"It shows _everyone_?"

"What do you think? How else would we manage to avoid detentions all the time?", he chuckled in response and once again, stepped closer to her body.

"That is… Simply brilliant", she admitted, making him sigh in content.

"Even if we use it to break the rules?", he purred and Hermione rolled her eyes. "I knew I could corrupt you"

"Don't flatter yourself. I appreciate the spellwork, not your constant ignorance and childishness", she stated, but her voice lacked anger or irritation. "Besides, it might come in handy tonight"

"Yes, we are breaking the _curfew_ after all", he nodded with a fake worry and she shook her head with amusement.

"Fine. I can live with that"

"Thank Merlin!"

Hermione didn't answer, as she began to walk towards the seventh floor. Sirius followed her, occasionally making her change directions as he spotted someone on the Map. Even with those rare obstacles, they found themselves in front of the familiar wall way too soon, at least in Hermione's opinion. Her palms started to feel really clammy, as nervousness settled in the pit of her stomach once again. She tried to focus on the place she wanted to find herself in, but the door refused to show up.

"Can you do it?", she asked Sirius and he nodded at once, taking over the responsibility of producing a pair of doors leading to a safe place where they could talk.

The boy had no problems with doing just that and soon, she had found herself in a room so familiar that it made her mouth gape. _The Burrow_ greeted her with all those little details she remembered from spending time inside its walls; details she hadn't expected to see right now.

"How did you…", she said, completely baffled, but Sirius shrugged it off with nonchalance.

"You came here when you felt bad. I figured that maybe you'd want to talk here"

She blinked a couple of times, trying to pry the tears out of her eyes. Sirius gave her a lopsided smile, clearly satisfied that he had managed to surprise her in the most pleasant way.

"Thank you", Hermione said softly and tried to pour all of her gratitude into her gaze.

"You're welcome", he answered and sat down by the kitchen table. "So… What is it that you want to talk about?"

Hermione took a deep breath, which did nothing to calm her raging feelings. She looked down to her hands, that kept shaking badly. She needed to be out with it and she needed to do it fast. Otherwise, Sirius would have to break another rule and rush to the Hospital Wing with her unconscious body in his arms.

"I had found a way to tell you everything", she stated, as her heart pounded against her chest with a force of a hammer.

Sirius opened his mouth in shock, but it took him only a second to regain his composure. He shifted in his chair, letting the excitement rush to his face.

"Everything?"

"No more secrets", she confirmed and laughed hysterically. "Just like you wanted"

Sirius frowned, clearly searching her face for something that could tell him she was joking. He found nothing and his expression softened visibly.

"Hermione… I don't want you to break your resolve, just because _I_ want something. Don't get me wrong, I'm all in for that talk, but I don't want to put you at risk, because…"

"I had found a way, Sirius. To make things as safe as possible, not just for me, but also for you", she interrupted him and sighed, seeing his face lit up in excitement.

"Then what are you waiting for? Tell me!", he exclaimed and shifted in his chair once again.

"It's not that simple", she shook her head and forced herself to move and sit beside him. "Before we get to that, I need to know you understand what I need you to do"

"Then explain! You know I will do anything to protect you"

"I do. But the magic involved in making this possible is ancient and incredibly powerful. Not only will I require you to keep _my secret_ a secret, but also everything around it. And that you will have to do on your own"

"On my own?", Sirius asked with a frown and Hermione sighed.

This was already proving difficult and she hadn't even gotten to the proper explaining.

"My secret will be safe. But no one can know what made it possible. You have to do everything in your power to make sure no one learns about it. Everything, including brushing up on your Occlumency skills", she pleaded and Sirius snorted.

"My Occlumency skills aren't so rusty, Hermione. Besides, I don't think anyone can help me get better"

"I can. And I will, after you agree to put some effort into it", she informed him and smiled at his dumbfounded expression. "What did you expect? It would be pointless to keep things from you, while anyone could have simply pried it out of my head, wouldn't it?"

Sirius scowled and scratched his head with uneasiness.

"Um… If you put it this way, it does sound ridiculous"

"Yes it does. So… Can I have your word?"

"You know you can, Hermione", he admitted softly and sighed. "You can have my _everything_ "

Hermione looked up at him and smiled, seeing a completely serious expression on his handsome face. Suddenly, all of her worry seemed irrelevant and quite stupid. She had known Sirius Black, not only in those times but also later on. Not even twelve years spent in Azkaban could have turned him into an evil man. He would never turn his back on her, no matter what. If she couldn't trust herself, she could at least trust _that_.

"Then I guess it's time for you to have my everything as well"


	35. Chapter 33 pt 2

**I think I'm going to make a habit out of those A/N. Mainly because I want you all to know how much I appreciate your reviews and follows and favourites and EVEYRTHING 3 I am so, so excited each time I get a notification, even if it wakes me up at night :D**

 **Also, I really hope you're going to enjoy that second part of this chapter, as I really struggled while writing it. I kept writing and then erasing everything I've written. Let me tell ya, Sirius is much more complicated than I thought he would be! :D Please, let me know what you think, what could be better! I'm dying to hear from you!**

 **And now, enjoy!**

* * *

„What do you know about the Fidelius Charm?", Hermione asked quietly, watching Sirius' face intensely.

The boy frowned in response, clearly trying to recall ever hearing that phrase, but eventually his expression turned into an irritated one, when his memory came up empty.

"Never heard of it", he muttered and scratched his head.

She almost smiled at his annoyance, but knew it wasn't the right time to make fun of him. Instead, she nodded and said:

"I'm not surprised. Like I said, it's an ancient spell and definitely not something anyone your age should know of"

"My age?", he asked with irony and she nodded once again, ignoring the tone of his voice.

"Yes. The Fidelius Charm is something that allows to conceal one's secret, that resides deep within the individual's soul", she said, trying to simplify the theory behind it as much as possible.

There was no point in drowning him in an ocean of unnecessary facts and suspicions concerning the spell itself. She needed him to understand everything, without making him feel completely baffled from the beginning.

"Why hadn't I heard of it?", he asked with a frown, that made the corners of her mouth twitch slightly.

"It's a powerful spell. Dangerous almost, if it is used for evil. Basically, it allows to conceal said secret, by hiding it inside one, chosen person –a Secret Keeper. That person, apart from the Secret Owner, is the only person able to share those hidden information, but only if she or he chooses to do so. Otherwise, no one can get to it, as it becomes unfindable, intangible even"

Sirius looked at her with great focus and then nodded slowly.

"So, what you're saying is that your secrets are safe, as long as your Secret Keeper has no intention of betraying your trust, yeah?"

Hermione nodded and smiled at him gently.

"Can you have only one Secret Keeper?"

"Not necessarily, although it's definitely the safest way. You see, the Secret Keeper can share those information with other people, but they are unable to repeat it to anyone. It cannot be accessed through their minds or any other way. The only person able to share it further, apart from the Secret Owner, is the Secret Keeper", Hermione said and watched as Sirius' eyes started to glint excitedly.

"Then make me your Secret Keeper! I will never betray you!"

She almost rolled her eyes at his statement. It really didn't surprise her to hear something like that coming out of his mouth, she almost expected it.

"No, Sirius. I already have a Secret Keeper. The spell had already been casted"

Padfoot looked at her with surprise, which quickly turned into hurt. He seemed genuinely bothered by her _lack of trust_ , as it must have looked from his perspective.

"And who do you think will protect you better than I would?", he asked with fury, forcing a sigh out of her mouth.

"Dumbledore", she answered immediately and met his, once again, surprised gaze. "Dumbledore will protect me better. It may pain you, but there is no one better suited for this job"

"Why?", his angry tone made her rub her forehead with exasperation.

"Because he's a powerful wizard, Sirius. Powerful and loyal to the greater good, even if that makes him do bad things sometimes", she explained quietly. "He will never betray my secret, no matter what. He'd rather die than do something like this"

"But so would I!"

"Stop it!", Hermione scolded him and shook her head angrily. "This isn't about me not trusting you, you git. It's about doing what's safest. Considering the fact that everyone knows how close we are, choosing you for the Secret Keeper would be obvious. No one would be able to pry this information out of your head, that's true. But it doesn't mean that you wouldn't budge after experiencing days of torture. I don't want that for you"

"They will still come after me. You've said it yourself, I'm the obvious choice", Sirius answered, clearly not wanting to drop the subject.

"But at least you won't be able to crack! I have no intentions of letting them capture you. I'm not almighty, though and I can't promise you anything. If something happens to you, I can't spend any time thinking about the safety of my secret", she said quietly and squeezed her eyes shut. "I know that it sounds terrible. But Voldemort cannot know. _Not ever_ "

Sirius fell silent, looking at her with an intense gaze, that made her want to shift uncomfortably. She made sure not to let that show, as she met his stare with a sad smile gracing her face.

"Was it possible for you to make yourself your Secret Keeper?", he asked suddenly, but his voice lacked his previous anger.

"Yes"

"Then why didn't you do it? Wouldn't it be the safest choice?"

His question was undoubtedly valid, but it made Hermione let out a shaky breath full of relief. Sirius decided to be mature, for once, and dropped his childish jealousy giving her hope for a relatively normal conversation.

"I thought about it. _We_ thought about it", she corrected herself, when the Headmaster's face popped into her head.

"But you decided against it", he said slowly and she nodded.

"Yes. You see, when the Secret Keeper dies, everyone who had gotten to know the secret ultimately becomes new Keeper. Considering the amount of friends I have, that would leave a great number of people able to betray my secret. My chances of dying in the war are much higher than Dumbledore's. He's a powerful wizard, after all", Hermione scowled and sighed tiredly, ignoring Sirius' outrage visible on his face. "Don't argue. I may have some tricks up my sleeve, but I'm no match for him"

"Fine. But it doesn't mean that he's invincible"

"No, he's not. But I had to take a risk. If I die, my secret still stays safe and that's the most important thing"

"What happens if you get captured and someone tortures _you_ , huh? What makes you so sure that you won't crack under the pressure? I mean, as the Secret Owner you're still clearly allowed to tell people. It's basically as though you have two Secret Keepers, isn't it?", Sirius asked with scepticism and she had to admit that once again, his question sounded incredibly justified.

"Technically, you're right. But like I said, if I die, my secret stays safe. Besides, no one would expect Dumbledore to become my Secret Keeper. If they come to a conclusion that you're not protecting my secret, they will switch their attention to me. They can torture me all they want, but I will never tell them anything. I know what it would mean to the entire wizarding world. And even if they kill me in the end, that won't bring them any closer to learning anything", she explained and stood up, wanting to come closer to him.

She put her hand on his shoulder and watched as he lifted his head with a dejected look in his eyes.

"There was no good way out of it, Sirius", she whispered and he nodded, albeit reluctantly. "I don't want any of you to get hurt over me. Which is why I'm giving you a choice. You can either walk away and be safe, or you can stay and live with this burden. It's not easy to wake up every day, wondering how much time you have left and I really don't want that for you. But I can't make that decision for you"

"It's not a choice, Hermione. Not for me", he answered and reached up to caress her face. "This war… I was born to take part in it. My parents made sure of that, even if they wanted to see me on the other side of the barricade. I simply cannot let them win", he smiled bitterly and looked down, letting his hand fall to his side once again. "I love you, Herms. I probably don't deserve you, but if making that choice is going to make me even a bit more worthy of you, I'm going to make it gladly"

His words made her eyes fill with tears and she had no fight in her to fight them. One salty drop strolled down her cheek and fell down to his forearm, making him look up with a surprised expression.

"Why are you crying, woman?", he asked and she couldn't help but chuckle through her tears at his panicked tone.

"Because I love you too. Because I am scared that you're going to leave when you know it all. But mostly because I'm proud of you"

Sirius sighed and stood up, pulling her into his arms and shielding her from the world. He kissed her hair, as his hands rubbed her back soothingly, making her feel safe and warm.

"Yeah, well… I'm kind of proud of myself too. I didn't expect to grow up anytime soon", he said and then snorted lightly. "Never, to be exact"

She laughed a bit at his statement and removed herself from his embrace, meeting his gaze. Sirius' grey eyes looked at her with tenderness, that made her feel certain that his feelings weren't going to disappear as soon as she told him the truth. No matter how stressed she was, no matter how tough it seemed, Hermione knew there was no going back.

"I made it kind of impossible, huh?", she asked in a strained voice, as he shrugged dismissively.

"Plans change, kitten. Mine was never good to being with. It didn't have you in it", he flashed her his best smile and she blushed, even if his line had been incredibly cheesy.

In a way, she knew he meant it and it made her heart flutter. That feeling lasted only a second, though, as his face became serious once again and his eyes bore into hers.

"Is there something else I need to know before you tell me?", he asked quietly and she shook her head, biting her lip with nervousness.

She stepped back and slowly sat down on the nearest chair, feeling a bit lightheaded. She had rehearsed that exact moment so many times and yet, no words felt right to her now. There was no good way to do it, Hermione presumed and decided that stalling would do nothing to change things for the better.

"Remember that day in the Hospital Wing? That day when you had seen me for the first time?", she asked weakly and he nodded, sitting down once again and staring at her intently. "Couple of days before that, I was on the verge of dying. There was this battle… Battle of Hogwarts", she whispered and looked up to face his confused expression.

"Um… I think I'd know about it", Sirius said completely dumbfounded and she smiled bitterly.

"You wouldn't. You wouldn't, because it happened in a completely different time. The Battle of Hogwarts took place in 1998"

Her words flew out of her mouth before she could change her mind. As soon as they sounded in the air, she felt her heart drop painfully, only to begin its race a second later, making her face flushed and hot. Sirius looked at her with an unreadable expression and she couldn't tell if he understood the true meaning of her words. She didn't even know if she was supposed to say something else, or maybe wait, giving him time to digest her previous statement.

"Explain", he finally said, after what seemed like an eternity of heavy silence.

"I was born on September 19th, 1979 and I came here from the future"

Sirius looked at her with pure shock in his eyes, but then he started to laugh, clutching his head.

"Is this a joke, Hermione? Because it kind of sucks"

She bit her lip so hard, that it almost bled. Yes, it kind of sucked, he was right about that one. Unfortunately, Hermione had been far from joking. Her serious expression must have given it away, as Padfoot stopped laughing and just stared at her with disbelief.

"You're not joking, are you?"

A shake of her head, made him inhale sharply, as he leaned back onto his chair.

"If you were born in 1979… That means you're not even born yet", he murmured and squeezed his eyes shut. "Fuck me… This cannot be happening"

He fell silent and she found herself wishing for anything else but this. Hermione preferred him to scream, throw tantrums, _anything_. Maybe then she would be able to tell what was hiding underneath his stone expression and those eyes covered by lids. But he stayed quiet and she had to do something, if she didn't want to go mad.

"I didn't want to come here. Actually, it happened without my knowledge, as I was sure I was dead. I woke in the Hospital Wing, twenty years earlier. I…", her voice broke as she recalled the Final Battle. "Voldemort had won and there had been nothing I could have done to change it. I found myself wishing to go back in time and fix things. Next thing I know, I'm here", she said and sighed with pain. "I disrupted the entire future by appearing out of nowhere in front of the Great Hall. I can't go back to where I came from, because that future is no longer there. Not that it would be possible, even if I wanted to"

"So this entire story about your parents, about France, about… everything. Those had been lies, hadn't they?", Sirius finally asked, his voice completely hollow.

"Not entirely. My parents are Muggles and they certainly weren't dead the last time I'd seen them", she said and scowled. "I had _Obliviated_ them, so that they wouldn't remember they had a daughter. The Death Eaters wanted them dead, so I had to save them. They weren't dead, but I was. To them"

"What about everything else?"

"I had never lived in France. I know French merely because my parents used to take me there during summer. Everything else had been kind of true, though. My friends really are dead, or… well, technically they're not even born yet. I had been tortured by the Death Eaters and that's where I got my scars"

Her explanation felt insufficient, but she couldn't offer him more. Not until she knew he could be okay with knowing everything. Those things… Those things were too important to simply blurt them all out.

Sirius looked at her so intensely, that she suddenly felt the urge to hide. Not that his gaze was hostile or full of anger even. Hermione knew him well enough to be able to tell, that his mind was spinning at a rapid pace, making him aware of more and more things hidden between the lines of her words. A whole constellation of different emotions surged through his face, letting her in on that inner battle taking place in his mind. Anger, sadness, doubt, hurt… She could name all of them.

"How did it happen? How did you manage to travel back in time?", Sirius asked so quietly, as never before.

"A spell. Dumbledore charmed the Time-Turner to take me back, to change the future", she explained, not diving into details.

"Why? Isn't that dangerous? You've said it yourself, the entire future is now disrupted because of you"

"In theory, it was the stupidest thing he could have come up with", she smiled bitterly and sighed. "But the future… The future was bad, Sirius. I can't tell you any details, because you still need to make your own choices, not influenced by anything I know. Trust me, though, when I say that the world was about to become a truly terrible, dark and hollow place. This is precisely why Voldemort cannot know about any of this. I can't watch that same scenario again"

It was Sirius' time to sigh, as he rubbed his forehead tiredly. His usual, cheerful demeanour was nowhere to be seen and Hermione struggled not to cry. All of the emotions, bottled up in her heart up to this point, threatened to come out, breaking her completely and she couldn't let that happen as well.

"What about your friends? What about your entire life? What about…", he stopped abruptly and clenched his jaw. "None of them are born yet, aren't they? You don't even know if they _will_ be born"

"That's true. I will make everything to ensure that those aspects of the future won't change, but they won't remember me. I'm okay with that, as long as they will be entitled to live a normal, peaceful life, like they should have been from the beginning. Like all of us should…"

"And you? What if Hermione Granger appears in Hogwarts like _she_ was supposed to?", he asked with irony, that made her heart clench pitifully.

"She's not going to. I made sure of that as well. Obliviating your parents for the second time doesn't feel all that good", she said, smiling weakly as a memory of her parents forced its way to the surface of her mind. "They are safe and sound, across the world from here. The chances of anyone ever knowing two Hermione Grangers are very, very low"

"How could you… How could you do that? How could you even _live_ with everything?"

His voice was full of wonder, of compassion and of something entirely surprising –anger. Sirius Black sat before her, being angry at the entire world for making her suffer like that. Without her friends, without _anyone_ to share her pain with. He _felt for her_.

"You wanted me to, Sirius, didn't you? You told me that I couldn't shield myself from everyone, that I couldn't push you away", she said with a small smile, but the boy snorted, shaking his head.

"I had no idea about any of this, Hermione"

"But what if you had… Would you felt differently about me? Would you tell me something else?", she asked, before she could have changed her mind after her sudden surge of bravery left.

Sirius fell quiet and simply looked at her, tracing her entire face with his silvery eyes filled with a bundle of emotions.

"No. Nothing can ever change the way I feel about you, even everything you had just told me. I'll admit, it's a lot to deal with and I'm going to need some time to figure it all out, but… Something tells me you didn't come up with an entirely different personality just to fool us. I fell in love with you not because of your past, but because you're amazing. And the fact that you were able to live through everything and still not give up… I would never reject you for that"

Suddenly, she was able to breathe again. Her lungs filled with air, as her entire body stopped feeling rigid. Sirius wasn't going to leave her, even with everything she had told him. All of her fears and doubts left her heart in a matter of seconds, as she slid down her chair, letting her tears glide down the smooth surface of her cheeks.

"I should probably be offended that you had thought, even for a second, that I would turn my back on you", Sirius said and smiled, even though it must have been hard for him to find his humour in such situation.

"I knew you wouldn't. Deep down I knew, but… You can't blame for being afraid. It's a lot to take in. Hell, I still cannot believe it sometimes. No one could have come up with a more messed up story than this one. But it's my reality now and I had to learn how to live in it. New life, new people… The new me", she whispered the last couple of words and looked down to her shaking hands.

"I can't imagine what it must feel like", he said quietly and shifted in his chair.

"Nor should you, Sirius. No one should, actually. I'm trying to do everything I can to make it possible"

The boy fell silent for a moment, closing his eyes tiredly. His hand started to curl a strand of his hair absentmindedly, as he sank into his thoughts. Hermione watched him with fluttering heart and smiled to herself. It was true that her life resembled a huge, completely impossible mess, but to say that it consisted of nothing but pain would be a lie. She had lost so much, that it broke her more times that she could count. Her heart shattered only to be mended again and she waited for that moment when it simply wouldn't be possible anymore.

But then he came. A person she thought she had known, a person that she would never even consider a lover material. Not with the age difference, not with the fact that he had been her friends godfather. It was insane to think about having a relationship with him, but she simply didn't care about it anymore.

He gave her hope. Hope, that maybe her life wasn't entirely lost, that maybe she still had a chance for a future, a _good one_ at that, even if not the one she had planned for. He became the reason she not only wanted to fight, but _needed_ to.

"Sirius…", she muttered in a strained voice, capturing his attention. "I just want you to know that what I feel for you is real. Even with all those lies and secrets, I couldn't have faked it. I tried to do everything not to fall for you, but I simply couldn't"

Padfoot blinked with surprise and then gave her a brilliant grin, that made her tears flow even faster. It was _her_ grin, the one he offered when he tried to flirt with her or evoke her blush. He used to flash it at numerous girls, but now it was reserved only for her and somehow, that knowledge made her want to sob uncontrollably.

"Even if technically I'm twenty years older than you are?", he chuckled and she couldn't help but to laugh through her tears. "Tell me, were we a thing back in your times?"

She shook her head rapidly and bit her lip.

"Um, no. I honestly think that our relationship would cause everyone to suffer a heart attack"

"James would probably have a blast, though!", Sirius giggled and Hermione's smile faltered a bit. "He always said that I'm going to end up chasing girls half my age. Little did he know that one of them was going to capture my undying love"

She rolled her eyes at him, making him laugh again.

"How did we even meet?", he asked after a minute and Hermione sighed.

"I cannot tell you. It's too risky"

"Fine. At least tell me if I was good looking", he tried again and this time, she snorted with amusement.

Even with all of the dark thoughts she had about that conversation, somehow she knew he was going to ask something like _that_.

"You were ugly, old and wrinkled. Also, you developed a particularly nasty mole on your nose"

Sirius frowned, trying to figure out if she was telling the truth, but when she started to giggle, his expression turned into a very relieved one.

"You can't say things like that!", he pointed his finger at her and shook his head. "You scared me shitless, love!"

"Serves you right for being vain", Hermione answered and smiled. "Truth to be told, I never looked at you like that. It just didn't feel right"

"So I guess, my younger version must have completely swept you of your feet if you changed your mind"

"It did", she said and met his gaze shyly. "I thought I had known you, Sirius. But seeing you on King's Cross was kind of like being struck in the head. James I had recognized, Remus too, but you…", she stopped, realising that speaking of it wasn't particularly wise.

Hermione smiled apologetically and looked down to her hands.

"I can't tell you anything about your future, or anyone else's for a fact. But what I need you to know is that meeting you had been that one thing that kept me sane. You didn't know me, but it made me feel so much better to know that you're here"

Sirius smiled gently and stood up, opening his arms for her.

"Come here, kitten", he pleaded and she got up immediately, sinking into his warm embrace.

They fell silent, drinking in each other's warmth. Hermione knew that their conversation was far from over, but right now, she needed to feel that safety and love he offered. She simply needed _him_ and it felt as natural as breathing. Her mind wondered briefly, what would Harry and Ron have said if they had seen her like that. Would they accept her feelings, as long as she was happy? She had no doubts that they would. After everything they've been through, after everything they've done to save each other… Nothing mattered more than their happiness.

Hermione felt Sirius become still for a moment and she stepped back, trying to see his face. A groan escaped his throat as he looked at her with despair.

"I just realised…"

"What?"

"That the guy that took your virginity isn't even born yet and I cannot hunt him down and kill him"

Hermione blinked a couple of times and then burst into laughter. Laughter that was genuine and completely carefree –for the first time in forever.


	36. Chapter 34

Everyone kept staring at her as though she was an alien and Hermione guessed she couldn't blame them. After all, even in a world full of magic and completely unbelievable things, Time Travelling was a _big deal_ , so to speak. She understood their shock and doubts, but understanding that didn't make her any less nervous.

Her eyes fell on Sirius, who sat on the couch completely relaxed. His face was graced with a smug smile that probably did nothing to make everyone around feel better. The only worse thing that he could have done was running around in a t-shirt saying 'Hermione told me first, you losers!'. Still, when he caught her gaze, his smile changed into a gentle, tender one that made her a lot more confident in herself.

"Can you please say something?", she pleaded quietly and bit her lip, when no reaction came at once.

Peter looked at her with his mouth gaping, Remus seemed submerged in a deep conversation with himself, Lily's face was as red as her hair, while James' stare hadn't been graced with even an ounce of understanding.

"I'm sorry, are you an alien? You know, like those creatures in Muggle movies?", Prongs finally asked and Hermione sighed, while Sirius started to chuckle uncontrollably.

"Yes, James. She's secretly green and really, really ugly"

Sirius' comment didn't make Hermione less annoyed than she already was but what it managed to do was to make Lily even angrier.

"James, you idiot! Didn't you listen to her?! She's from the freaking FUTURE!"

"Um… I know. That's kind of cool", James grinned, while Lily slapped her forehead in despair.

"You _moron_ , Hermione just told us that the upcoming war is going to last for another twenty years and you're asking her if she's an alien!"

James looked positively baffled for a moment and then realisation lit up his face.

"Hermione, are me and Lily married in the future?!", he asked with excitement, while Sirius rolled of the couch, laughing hysterically.

Hermione must have admitted, this conversation did not go as expected. She was fully prepared for tears, outrage and a lot of yelling. But this? Even knowing how awkward James could be didn't prepare her for _that._

"Are you kidding me?!", Lily screamed furiously and grabbed a pillow in order to kill James with it.

At that moment, Sirius decided that he needed to save his best friend, so he stood up and got himself hit in the face. Hermione snorted, seeing his completely dejected expression.

"Step aside, Black. I need to kill Potter", Lily stated, not caring about hurting the wrong person, but Sirius grabbed the pillow and yanked it out of her hand.

"Yes, because that's so much more mature than his behaviour"

The girl blushed furiously and tried to stare him down, but Sirius only grinned, putting the pillow down.

"You can fight all you want later, but don't you think we have better things to do right now?", he asked and sat down once again, looking at Hermione, who couldn't wrap her mind around this entire situation. "I'm pretty sure that you drive kitten crazy. She needs to hear that you accept her and stuff like that"

The Ravenclaw shot him an irritated glance, but couldn't exactly disagree with him. She really needed to know that her friends were… well, still her friends.

"What are you, nuts? Of course we _accept her_ ", Lily stated, sounding quite offended by the mere suggestion that she could have thought something else. "It's just that it is so bloody… horrifying. All of it"

Silence enveloped everyone in the room, while Hermione looked down, fidgeting with her fingers and not knowing what to say. Should she offer them comfort? Tell them that the future she had known no longer existed? Nothing seemed entirely right.

"I'm sorry for lying to you, guys. I really am. But I hope you can see why I had to do that, even though it made me feel horrible", she finally whispered and earned herself a couple of simultaneous sighs.

"Hermione…", Remus spoke for the first time since she had finished explaining things to everyone. "I can't say that I think everything is just fine. Time Travelling is dangerous and breaking its rules… Like you said, you have disrupted the entire future and I'm not sure whether it's a good thing"

She looked at him with guilt painted all over her face, trying to tell him how much it pained her, but to her surprise, Remus smiled at her gently.

"But I know that you didn't want it to happen. You're the smartest person I've ever met and I believe you're doing everything to minimize the damage. That's why you refused to tell us anything specific about our lives, isn't it?"

She nodded and bit her lip once again, trying to fight the tears which suddenly appeared in her eyes.

"However, even if you actually wanted any of this to happen, you would still be my friend. You didn't turn your back on me and I could never not return that favour", he said quietly and Hermione inhaled sharply, letting a sob escape her mouth.

Remus' words meant so much more to her than anyone could have thought. She had no troubles with deciphering their second meaning; he must have figured out that she had known all along about his lycanthropy and still stood beside him, just like his other friends.

"Knowing that your story is even worse than I initially thought doesn't change how I feel about you. Actually, I admire you even more", Peter added his own opinion, staring at his shaking hands. "I can't imagine living with everything you know and still finding strength to care. The lies, the struggle to keep everyone safe… You've already sacrificed everything once and you're still willing to do this again. Even knowing that it can end exactly the same. How does one do that?"

His words left her speechless, once again. It seemed that Peter Pettigrew had a talent for doing just that. A talent that must have been hiding deep inside of him all along. There was simply no one who could have made him search for it and let it out. She couldn't be more proud that she had managed to do so. Not when she looked at his serious, thoughtful expression and pain consuming his blue eyes.

"Because the world is worth fighting for. Not all of it, but still… If I just gave up, because of all the horrible things that have happened to me, I'd never be able to look myself in the eyes again. Maybe there will be some consequences of travelling so far back in time. But I still need to try and fix everything. For you, for my friends from the future who deserve a shot at normal life, but mostly for myself. Giving up is not an option for me", she smiled and snorted quietly. "That's one of the things that landed me in Gryffindor when I first got to Hogwarts"

Everyone looked at her shocked and then five voices sounded in the room simultaneously.

"You were in Gryffindor?!"

Hermione giggled and nodded lightly, watching as Sirius' expression lit up with pride.

"Ha! I'd always known that you were a kitten, rather than some kind of a chicken!", he said, pointing towards her House emblem.

"It's an eagle, Black", Lily stated and shook her head. "But you're right, for a Ravenclaw you have way too much fire inside of you", she said to Hermione and nodded thoughtfully.

Hermione made a point of ignoring Sirius' seductive smile that appeared on his face and shrugged.

"We're way too complex to possess only one House's characteristic features. I felt good in Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw suits me just as well"

"Smarty-pants", Sirius murmured affectionately, while Hermione blushed.

She cleared her throat and looked around the room. Peter was the only one without a smile on his face and she could tell that something bothered him. Suddenly, he met her gaze and shook his head ever so lightly, letting her know that whatever it was, he didn't want to talk about it in that exact moment. Hermione decided to leave him be and switched her gaze to Remus.

The Prefect also looked as though he had something important on his mind, so she smiled and sat down next to Sirius, allowing him to embrace her.

"Ask away. If I can answer, I will", she reassured Remus and smiled, while he sighed tiredly.

"What happens now that you've told us?"

Hermione frowned slightly and looked at him intensely. Of course, she had expected that question, but she had also hoped that it would come up much, much later. Unfortunately, the Prefect was way too bright to let her stall everyone.

"Nothing happens, Remus. My secret is safe inside your heads, I made sure of that, but it doesn't change that much. I can't let you join the fight and risk your lives right now", she answered and scowled when everyone shot her angry looks.

"So you could have let Ewan do that, but not us? Does he know about all of this?", James asked with exasperation, forcing Hermione to sigh.

"Ewan is an entirely different case. He's only a couple of months away from finishing Hogwarts and I've been teaching him how to defend himself. And no, he doesn't know. Not yet anyway"

"Then why don't you teach us?", Sirius asked, clearly annoyed at the thought of Hermione giving Ewan a special treatment. "Or maybe you think we can't do it?"

"Don't be ridiculous. People can still come after you, because you're friends with me and you know me better than anyone. I wouldn't have told you everything if I didn't think that you can handle it and put that knowledge into good use", she said and frowned. "Ewan's an entirely different case, though. No, I can't explain why, but you really need to trust me on that. I wouldn't be training him if there was any other way"

"What exactly do you mean by 'training', huh?", James asked, leaning forward with glinting eyes.

"Yeah, what do you mean?", Lily supported him right away with a stern expression. "I've seen you in the Defence Against the Dark Arts and, no offense, Hermione, but you're not so great"

Hermione smiled at that statement and nodded. Of course she tried to fix her mistake of disarming Mulciber by pretending not to have any fighting skills. Sirius and James bested her in classes without any problems and, even though she absolutely hated lying to them like that, she really needed to keep her skills to herself.

"About that…", she murmured and scratched her head, smiling awkwardly. "I kind of… I pretended not be good. You see, fighting in a war leaves you with an impressive set of skills. Skills, that would have caught everyone's attention way too quickly"

"Wait a second. So what you're trying to say is that you're actually _better_ than us?", James said with an expression full of disbelief and when she nodded slightly, he snorted. "How about a duel then?"

"I don't think it's the right time for something like this…", she muttered, but everyone seemed weirdly excited by the idea.

Suddenly, the Room of Requirement started to change right in front of their eyes, startling everybody. In a matter of seconds, they found themselves in a space that looked almost exactly like the place they used to practice during Umbridge's reigns. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself and when she opened them again, everyone was looking at her with expectancy.

"Do we really have to do this?", Hermione asked grimly, but the only answer she got were two huge grins belonging to James and Sirius, who stood in front of her with their wands pointed at her.

"C'mon, kitten. Show us what you got, it's not like we can tell anyone, isn't it?", Sirius asked, stretching his arms over his head.

"Besides… You don't want to train us, but if you manage to win against the two of us, it would mean we really need training"

Of course they bloody needed it. They hadn't spent months with Moody trying to turn them into a pulp of sweat and tears, had they?

"You still have time for that. You're not even in your seventh year"

"Neither are you", Lily pointed out and shrugged. "I say, let's do this. Maybe it will do us some good if we see what a real fight looks like"

Hermione looked at Remus and Peter, trying to get them to support her, but both of them seemed just as excited about the duel as the rest of her friends. She sighed and grabbed her wand reluctantly, pointing it towards the space between Sirius and James.

"Give me your best", she said and took a fighting stance.

Judging by the sudden focus that appeared on their faces, they really intended to do what she had asked for. Hermione wanted to smile seeing Sirius' determination; that one expression she recognized even from his post-Azkaban days, especially when it came to protecting Harry.

Sirius was the one to make first move. She had to admit, he was rather quick for someone who kept swinging a bat at the Quidditch pitch. Still, his Disarming spell didn't even force her to cast _Protego_ , as she simply ducked out of its way, watching James' moves carefully. If Sirius was quick, Prongs had possessed the speed of a lightning. He had been quite lithe, so she couldn't say she was surprised, but it still gave her little to no time for a reaction, when a non-verbal spell flew towards her. This time, she shielded herself and moved to her left, not allowing Sirius to use that second of weakness after her protection wore off.

Right away, she casted a non-verbal Disarming spell and pointed her wand at Sirius; her boyfriend was the easier target, as he was considerably slower than his partner. She didn't hope for her spell to actually reach him, but it still gave her enough time to perform another dodge and counter-attack. She figured that defeating them right away would definitely hurt their pride, so she decided to have a little fun.

All of Hermione's spells targeted Sirius, who stopped attacking her in order to defend himself. James started to get annoyed by her actions and his spells became much more forceful and chaotic, which she had every intentions of using to her benefit. She stopped Shielding herself, jumping left and right between the spells and doing everything she could to Disarm Sirius. First beads of sweat started to trickle down her forehead, when a smile appeared on her face, as she sent a spell towards James, who didn't expect that even in the slightest, as she had been attacking his mate for the better part of their duel.

James' wand flew to her hand and she immediately threw it towards Sirius, who got so distracted by her action, that his defence lowered momentarily. Before the wand could have reached her boyfriend, a spell flew his way, forcing him to duck to the left, completely knocking him out of balance.

In a matter of seconds, their duel was over, but everyone in the room stayed silent. The sounds of their quickened breaths mingled in the air for a while, until Sirius got up from the floor and pointed an accusatory finger at her.

"You cheated!", he said, making her smirk.

"Not really, Sirius. I just wanted to give you a second wand", she answered innocently and James chuckled.

"I don't mean the wand", Padfoot snorted and shook his head. "We should have been defeated much, much earlier, but you wanted to play with us"

Hermione shrugged and sighed.

"You both are really, really good. You have a gift for fighting and after training, you're going to be much better than me. I always sucked at Defence", she admitted quite truthfully, at least in her own opinion.

After all, her grades were still way above decent, but… She was Hermione Granger; anything beneath pure perfection was rather dissatisfying. She had to work her way through her weakness, though, if she wanted to survive. Moody beat that into her head quite successfully.

"It's kind of hard to imagine that", Peter murmured, clearly impressed by her skills. "You seem to be great at everything"

"In most cases, it's just books and cleverness", she whispered and looked down, trying not to think about Harry. "In that case, I needed to work incredibly hard to get those skills"

"So you really _do_ workout", Sirius laughed and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, she looked at him with amusement.

"I do. And I miss Quidditch games because of that"

Everyone looked at her with surprise and she shrugged with a smile.

"You know that I can't tell you. Let's just say that the person that trained me requires absolute obedience", she rolled her eyes thinking about Moody.

"You mean, you're treated like a dog?", James asked seriously, making everyone chuckle.

Even Lily couldn't stop herself from noticing that obvious pun and it became clear that she was fully aware of their secret. Hermione sighed and nodded her head.

"Yes, like a dog. It's a good thing that my coach doesn't tell me to sneak into girls' dormitories"

Sirius snorted and flicked his hand dismissively.

"That would be stupid, wouldn't it?", he asked in a theatrical tone. "Why would you have to sneak into girls' room if you're a _girl_?"

"Maybe I should sneak into boys' then", she suggested, raising her eyebrows and Sirius gave her a lopsided grin, the one that made her heart skip a beat.

"Or better yet!", Remus exclaimed, clasping his hands with a loud clap. "You could both sneak out of _here,_ so no one has to watch your flirting sessions"

Everyone laughed, as Hermione blushed and averted her gaze from Sirius, who didn't seem all that affected by Remus' words.

"Well… Frankly speaking, I think it would be better if _you_ left. After all, we're in the Room of _Requirement_ , if you know what I mean", he offered with a charming smile, forcing Lily to imitate the sounds of puking.

"Gross", she stated and scowled visibly.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Lily", James laughed and looked at her mischievously. "I can change that for you"

Remus got up abruptly, with his face covered in furious blush, and sighed loudly.

"Why don't we all leave, huh? I have no idea how did we got from talking about Hermione's past to… well, _this_. But I know that I really don't want to continue that subject", the Prefect stated firmly and started to walk towards the door, while James and Sirius laughed their asses off.

"Oh, poor Remy… Quit howling", James said.

"You really need to grow a thicker fur", Sirius nodded thoughtfully and Hermione couldn't stop herself from laughing.

Lily tried to remain serious, but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, making her look quite ridiculous. Still, she obviously didn't like the idea of leaving the subject of Hermione's secret behind, as she said:

"Wait a minute… We can't just end this conversation. I still have so many questions!"

"I'm not leaving, Lily. Tomorrow is actually even better for asking questions", Hermione smiled and patted the girl on the shoulder. "You need to sleep on it. It's a lot to take in and I want all of you to think everything through"

Lily didn't look all that convinced, but finally, she sighed and nodded slightly.

"Maybe you're right. But Hermione… Know this. No matter how much we think about everything, we're not going to turn our backs on you. Alright?"

Hermione flashed her a beautiful smile, full of gratitude, which got even wider when the redhead pulled her closer and hugged tightly. After several seconds, she finally let go, her face covered in a pretty blush.

"Sorry", Lily muttered, while James moaned loudly.

"Why can't you hug _me_ like that?"

"Because you're a moron and if I hugged you, you would have come up with some stupid ideas about it", Lily stated and James pretended to be offended.

"I would _never_ do something like that!"

"Potter, I bet you're having those ideas even _thinking_ about me hugging you"

"Am not!"

"You are!"

"Am not!"

"You are!"

Lily's and James' bickering was truly amusing, Hermione had to admit that, especially looking at their red faces and excitement shining in their eyes. How could they be so oblivious to the chemistry between them, she had no clue whatsoever, but all the signs on Earth pointed towards a change in their relations. Finally.

She felt someone touching her arm gently and looked up to see Peter standing next to her, with a serious, pained expression on his face. No one else seemed to notice him, as they were too busy watching this fight between Miss Prefect and Prongs, and Hermione knew it couldn't have been a coincidence that Peter chose that exact moment to capture her attention.

"What's up?", she muttered quietly and he switched his weight from one leg to the other with nervousness.

"I need to speak with you. Alone", he whispered and looked down to his feet. "Something has happened and I don't know what to do. Something that no one else can know about"

Her heart slowed its pace for a second, as she digested Peter's words with caution. His tone didn't sound good, making her sick with worry. It led her to a fairly simple conclusion; whatever bothered Peter, it had something to do with Death Eaters and Voldemort.

"When and where?", she asked in a grievous tone and Peter looked around to check if someone paid attention to their conversation.

"After supper, in the Library"

She nodded and smiled, not wanting anyone to see her suddenly serious mood. Just when she thought things were about to get better, life wanted to verify her ideas almost immediately. She just hoped that this terrible uneasiness building up in the pit of her stomach wasn't a sign of something really terrible to come.

* * *

 **First of all, let me thank you for all the reviews! You guys are amazing and you should know that I truly appreciate it!**

 **As for this chapter, I am quite happy about how it turned out. It was supposed to be light and easy, because the next one is going to be... different. But you can already tell by the ending, huh? :D**

 **Anyway, I hope you liked it! Once again, THANK YOU and I'll see you on the next one! :)**


	37. Chapter 35

The Library was nearly empty. Hermione couldn't say that it surprised her, considering the late hour, but something in the air had made her feel incredibly weary.

Peter was running late and she guessed that he had troubles sneaking out of the Gryffindor Common Room. There was still an hour until the curfew, so no teacher would be able to punish him for walking the corridors, leaving James and Sirius as the only viable option of Peter's delayed arrival. The boy had never been able to lie very good, especially not to his best friends, so part of her wondered if he had even managed to come up with an excuse to leave, without making them call out his lie.

Finally, the door creaked loudly and Peter walked into the room, looking positively out of breath. Apparently he must have realised that she had been waiting for him for about ten minutes and they now had under an hour to talk.

"Sorry I'm late", the boy breathed out and sat down across the table.

She smiled and nodded lightly, looking at him with caution. Not only he appeared tired and out of breath, but also incredibly nervous, scared even. His eyes flicked from side to side, searching for someone who would have been able to overhear their conversation, even by accident.

"There's no one here, Pete", she said quietly and then took out her wand and casted a non-verbal _Muffliato._

The boy sent her a curious glance and she shrugged.

"It's just a spell to prevent anyone from spying on us. Technically, I shouldn't know it, as it is not invented yet, so... Don't spread the word", Hermione asked and leaned forward, putting the weight on her forearms resting on the table. "So… What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"You're absolutely sure no one's here?", he asked in a hushed tone and she frowned.

"Yes, Pete. I've been here for the most part of the hour and I watched everyone leave. You can speak freely"

Peter looked down to his shaking hands and then squeezed his eyelids tightly. Hermione could have sworn that right before his blue eyes disappeared under the lids, she had spotted tears inside of them.

"What happened?", she whispered and reached towards his hand, covering his palm with her own. "I'm here to help you"

The boy opened his eyes and gripped her wrist with force.

"That's the thing, Hermione. I don't know if I deserve your help"

"Tell me what is going on. You can panic later, okay?"

Peter sighed and nodded, avoiding her gaze.

"Do you remember that talk we had on the stands? How I told you that you've changed some things for me?"

"I do", she admitted slowly, while her heart thudded against her chest painfully, once she realised that her first suspicion had been right and his problem really had something to do with Death Eaters.

"I am really grateful for your friendship, Hermione. It made me change so much, but... It couldn't have saved me from my prior mistakes and those mistakes are now threatening to ruin everything", he whispered and swallowed hard. "Some time last year, Mulciber approached me, saying that the Dark Lord could use someone like me in his troops. He said that my blood status and the fact that I'm friends with James and Sirius could make me very valuable. He promised me glory and recognition and... Things I've always wanted"

Hadn't she heard that story already? Was that the only way Voldemort recruited his supporters? Peter had been a good person, who simply wanted what his other friends had for granted; good looks, charisma and complete adoration from the crowds. It couldn't have been easy to be friends with them and while Remus made it work, appreciating that genuine care and love they offered, Peter struggled.

She couldn't blame him for wanting to change things. Considering his trusting nature, she couldn't even be surprised that a part of him believed Mulciber's words. Still, knowing that he managed to entangle himself in such matter made her feel angry. Angry _and_ disappointed.

"Then I had met you and things changed. I found Mulciber and declined his offer, but... Apparently it wasn't enough. At first he let me go and I thought he was going to leave me alone for good, but a few days ago, he told me that the Dark Lord cannot be played and that if I backed out, he would kill me, my family and everyone I care about", he said and a muffled sob escaped his mouth, as he clasped his hand over it.

Hermione looked at him with compassion, her previous anger dissipating completely, while she watched his broken expression. What was she supposed to tell him? That she would manage to fix things? That she would protect him and his close ones?

Offering him comfort seemed weirdly out of place. Not only because the situation had been rather grim and Peter must have realised that, but also because he was about to become an adult, someone who would have to make his own decisions. Sweeping his mistakes under the rug would do nothing, beside teaching him that it was okay to make them and not think about consequences.

Still, what kind of a friend would she be, if she didn't even try to help him out of his misery? He had every right to be scared, he had every right to panic. Everyone else would have as well.

"Calm down, Peter", she asked gently, but her words didn't seem to reach her friend. "There's always something that can be done. I'm not going to simply let your family get hurt"

"I know, Hermione", he whispered in a broken, hushed tone. "I trust you, which is why I'm telling you all of this right now. But I don't know if there's a way out. Not this time…"

It pained her to admit that he could have been right. Mulciber had made a very smart move, approaching Peter like that. If her friend decided to do whatever he was told to, Voldemort would gain another supporter so driven by fear, that he would never be able to simply betray him. If Peter declined the offer, he would continue to live his life alone, knowing that his parents' deaths had been entirely his fault.

There was also a third option; one that assumed that Peter had declined the offer, but his family managed to survive, mostly because of the Orders' actions. Dumbledore would be able to grant them protection, of that she was sure, but… Hermione knew that their survival would give Mulciber a very powerful information, that someone amongst Peter's group of friends had access to the Order of the Phoenix and, judging by the Slytherin's cunning and intelligence, he would have no troubles figuring out who that might be.

That led her to the fourth possible option. It was so ridiculous, that Hermione wanted to smack herself for even thinking of it, but after a few seconds of pondering on it, she had to admit that it had also been quite smart. Risky and dangerous, but indeed very smart. What if Peter was to say yes and become a spy for the Order? His family would be as safe as possible considering the situation, the Order would get information on Voldemort's plans and Peter would…

She scowled at her own thoughts and shook her head with disgust. There was no way in hell she could have let her friend join Voldemort's ranks. No matter how reasonable it seemed to be. Her memories of the older version of Severus Snape were still fresh enough to know what it would mean for her friend. Actually, it would be much, much worse, as Peter didn't possess such talent for Occlumency and Potions as Severus did and Hermione knew that both of those things managed to keep him alive much longer than anyone had anticipated.

"What are you thinking, Hermione? Please, whatever it is, I need to know", Peter's quiet voice broke her trance, as she blinked a couple of times, returning back to reality.

"I'm sorry", she muttered and bit her lip nervously. "I won't lie to you. This is not an easy situation, but you already knew that. Whatever we decide to do about it, someone will have to suffer or at least work incredibly hard to fix things"

Peter's broken expression told her that she had been right, assuming he had already figured it out, but it didn't hurt any less to watch him like that. Still, she couldn't do anything to soothe him.

"Since there's no perfect way out of this, we need to choose one that will keep you and your family safe, no matter the costs", she said and bit her bottom lip, thinking how to phrase her next words. "You already know about my affiliations with the Order, don't you? I can explain this situation to them, ask for their help"

"But Hermione, if Mulciber learns about it, he will know that someone among us has connections to the Order. It will put you in jeopardy", Peter protested weakly and shook his head. "I cannot let that happen. Those are my mistakes and I should be the one paying the prize for making them"

Hermione felt her eyes tear up at his statement, so she blinked furiously, trying to chase the tears away.

"Don't say that, Peter. I know that you don't want to endanger me, but I am in danger whether you want it or not. Mulciber suspected me all along and it's a pure luck that I had managed to convince him to leave me alone for the time being", she smiled bitterly, remembering that night in the Library, when the Slytherin had managed to break her defences. "But I'm prepared to fight, if that's what it takes. His lack of interest in me had always been temporary. If you want to risk someone's life, I'm the better choice"

Peter fell silent for a moment, looking at her with sadness and regret. She could tell just by his expression, that he wished to go back in time and change things. It almost made her smile, knowing that this exact same thinking got her in her current situation, but it wouldn't have been a happy smile.

"I made a mess, didn't I?", he whispered and looked down at their still joined hands. "I'm so, so sorry, Hermione. Sorry _and_ ashamed. Do you know why I decided to tell you out of all people? Apart from the fact that I trust you and you're the most familiar with troubleshooting"

Hermione smiled at his little comment and shook her head, letting him speak.

"Because a part of me was so, so afraid, that I wasn't entirely sure if I had the strength to say no to Mulciber", he admitted and her smile disappeared instantly. "I genuinely wanted to agree, because I wanted to save myself. Not my family, not my friends… Death scared me so much that I almost forgot about everything that matters to me. How can I not be ashamed of that? I told you everything, because if I decide to be a coward yet again, at least you will know what I'm up to"

The girl sighed deeply, fully understanding his feelings. Truth to be told, he would be stupid not to be afraid. She used to think that life without fear was even more dangerous, since it took out most of the inhibitions that people usually possessed. If someone wasn't scared of dying, it was way too easy to make a bold, unreasonable choice instead of spending some time, trying to come up with a better solution.

Somehow, the society had little to no tolerance for people who admitted to being afraid. It posed such a strong contradiction to the figure of a 'hero' functioning on daily basis, both in the muggle and wizarding world. Hermione knew better than to believe such people existed and even if they did, they were a minority, rarity even. Fear was a part of human nature and nothing could have been done to change this.

Still, letting it rule you was that one thing that no one should ever be even considering. Peter Pettigrew she had once known had done it and it led to betrayal of his best friends, who would have rather died, than let anyone hurt him. Hermione knew that the boy sitting in front of her wasn't a bad person, but to hear him admit to having those exact thoughts that started this entire chain of events… It felt terrible.

For a second there, she started to second-guess herself. Maybe Peter really couldn't be saved? What if he chose to betray them later on? He said it himself, telling her about this entire case had been also a measure of precautious. Those demons residing deep inside of him were obviously threatening to come out and once they did, there was no way of telling what they would do to him and everyone around.

Hermione knew, though, that even if he had his doubts and fears, he still chose to do the right thing. He faced his demons and he fought them off, no matter how difficult it must have been.

"You wanted to save yourself, but you didn't, Pete", she finally said in a strained voice and forced him to look at her. "You didn't and you came to me, wanting to find a solution. I think it's very human to be afraid, but I also know that this shame you're feeling can be good for you. Because next time something like this happens, you'll know better. You'll remember how you felt and you'll fight your fear, just like you did this time"

The boy listened to her every word with growing hope shining in his eyes and Hermione knew she made the right choice, deciding to put her trust in him. She had managed to pull him out of the dark place once and she had to believe she could do it again.

"What makes you so sure of it?", he whispered and Hermione smiled gently in response.

"Because you're surrounded by people who love you. And we won't let you fall. Even if you lack your own strength, you'll always have _ours_ "

Peter didn't say a word, but no words were necessary. His expression was more than enough to assure her of his gratitude and agitation. She couldn't help but smile, even considering this entire situation. The warmth of Peter's hand and those watery-blue eyes filled with so many emotions made her heart thud against her chest in a calm, steady rhythm, giving her hope that no matter what happened in the future, she was strong enough to deal with it.

"I'll talk to the Order", she stated firmly and stood up, breaking their contact. "Avoid Mulciber at all costs until I get back to you, okay?"

Peter nodded and offered her a weak smile.

"Don't worry. Avoiding him is one of those things I'm good at. Besides, I'm a Marauder, aren't I?"

Hermione laughed softly and patted him on the shoulder, trying to comfort him once again. Then, she turned around and walked out of the Library, her head spinning from all the chaotic thoughts.

She really needed to find Dumbledore and she needed to do this as fast as possible. Instead of pondering on all the possible options, she decided to focus on Mulciber and his actions. His move had undeniably been smart, but it also made her wonder. Why now? Why get back to Peter after such a long time of ignoring the boy? Hermione didn't believe that Voldemort really valued Peter so much, that he couldn't stand the idea of losing his support. Actually, she didn't even think Voldemort knew about her friend's existence.

What was the Slytherin trying to achieve? There was a possibility that he actually saw something in Peter, but the chances for that were slim in Hermione's opinion. Not that her friend had no skills. He was just too quiet and laid back to let everyone know what hid inside of his head. Mulciber had been smart, but not _that_ smart.

Hermione hated thinking that the Slytherin's actions had something to do with her. Not only it felt selfish, but also incredibly coincidental. After all, he had searched her head, trying to find anything that might confirm his theories, but he came up with nothing. Sure, what she told Peter was right, she really did expect Mulciber to get back to her sometime, but she hadn't done anything to gain his attention once again in the past couple of weeks.

Maybe he really craved information on the Marauders? It wouldn't be all that surprising, considering the fact that they were bright, charismatic and, most importantly, pure blooded. Even that stupid Prophecy that got Voldemort's knickers in a knot spoke of his interest in Harry's parents. He must have wanted their support quite badly.

Hermione slowed down her steps when a realisation hit her. There was no telling what really stood behind Mulciber's actions, until she got a confession out of him. Up to that point, all of it was just a bunch of theories that may or may not be true. She didn't have to speculate, though. Not if she decided to make use of her friendship with a certain Slytherin.

Telling him any of it would be risky, she had no doubts of that. Still, if things were about to get interesting, she might as well have tried to make sure that the Order would be the winning side. Not only would she get crucial information on Mulciber, if she had managed to convince Snape to help her, but it would also give her a final answer to the question that's been bothering her for quite a while now: whose side was he really on?

All she had to do was to play things perfectly.

* * *

 **So, there you have it! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint you, because I happen to like it. This story is long even now and we have still so many things ahead of us... I'm kind of worried that it is never going to end :D But this chapter puts me in a great place, because now I have every excuse to speed things up a bit.**

 **Brace yourselves, action is coming.**

 **As always, thank you for your reviews! I love every single one of them! Also, feel free to suggest your ideas to me, because I find that really helpful and AWESOME! :)**


	38. Chapter 36

To say that things got complicated would be the understatement of the year. Hermione knew that from the moment she left the Library, but everything that came after only made things worse. She almost wished for Sirius to come over to her dormitory, because sleep proved to be elusive that night, as various, heavy thoughts cursed through her head at a rapid pace.

She got up before the dawn, deciding that she wasted enough time as it was. Visiting Dumbledore's office so early in the morning, rather than after her classes, might not have been such a bad idea. Surely, it wasn't as good as visiting him right after she found about this entire situation, but she had no doubts that the Marauders had tracked Peter on the Map and if they had realised that her talk with him led her straight to the Headmaster's office, they would never let it go. Last thing Hermione wanted was to damage the Marauder's friendship and that felt like a real threat at that moment.

Her reflection in the mirror told her that she needed to put much more effort into her daily morning routine, if she wanted to fool anyone into thinking she had a great night full of sleep. Sirius especially... That man always noticed when something was wrong with her. With a sigh, she grabbed her wand and tried to force her brain to focus enough not to make her face blotchy and red by accident.

A couple of beauty charms did wonders for her tired complexion, but failed miserably to make her feel any better about her day. And she wasn't even the one that suffered the most... Imagining herself in Peter's skin felt truly terrible. Everyone made mistakes, but not everyone had to face their friends with the knowledge of being only a step from betraying them as a consequence of those mistakes.

She had to stop thinking about it and start working instead. Things were not lost just yet and Hermione had sworn to herself that she would do everything in her power to save all of her friends. It was time to fulfil that promise. It was time to get back to the dull reality of her life.

* * *

"This is a terrible situation, Miss Granger", Dumbledore's worried voice made her look down to her palms resting on top of her pleaded skirt.

"I am well aware of that, Professor", she replied quietly and bit her lip. "That's why I came to you. I know all of the available options, but I cannot make the decision on my own"

"And what are those options?", the man asked in a tired voice and caressed his beard absentmindedly.

"We can have Peter refuse Mulciber and let his parents die, but I think we can both agree that this option is completely unacceptable", she said and looked at the Headmaster briefly, watching for any signs of disagreement. "We can also let Peter join Voldemort's ranks and become a spy. His parents would be protected and it's hard not to see all the benefits for the Order that would come out of such solution"

"Yes, those benefits would be very, very useful indeed", Dumbledore agreed, but Hermione knew that he didn't want to even consider it, so she decided to keep going.

"We can also protect him. The Order can protect him", she corrected herself and sighed quietly. "I know that it is a lot to ask from you. I know that it's not the most reasonable of the available solutions, but I can't stand the thought of doing anything else"

Dumbledore looked at her for a moment and then gave a slight nod. Hermione knew though, that their conversation was far from over, even if he felt inclined to agree with her.

"Do you realise how difficult it will be, Miss Granger?", he asked her tiredly and she offered him a scowl in response.

Yes, that thought had definitely crossed her mind. She remembered their conversation about the Prewett twins, Fabian and Gideon, just as she remembered the reason behind Ewan's membership. Both of those situation proved that the Order was weak and understaffed. She knew that the original squad of the organisation was even less impressive as it certainly didn't have Ewan and her in it, but, as of now, they were both physically unable to make a difference, since both of them had to stay at school.

Protecting yet another family posed a lot of difficulties. The fact that Peter brought that situation on himself didn't make things any better. Hermione doubted that if Moody had heard of it, he would appreciate risking losing another Member just to fix a teenager's mess. The Auror probably wouldn't be the only one opposing such solution and Hermione knew that Dumbledore had to be aware of that fact as well.

"I do, professor", she replied in a strained tone and clenched her fists so hard, that her nails dug into her skin painfully. "He's just a kid, though. I know that he seems pretty plain and ordinary compared to the rest of my friends, but he had just found his way back to the righteous path. Peter knows that he has to work hard to achieve something in his life. If we leave him now, we might regret it", she said and lowered her gaze to her fists. "We _will_ regret it, professor. Letting his parents die would be something unforgivable. It will _break him_ "

This time, the Headmaster nodded without hesitation and propped himself on his elbows, joining his palms together at the level of his eyes.

"Correct. Mr Pettigrew cannot be left without help as it would no doubt lead him back to Voldemort. He was a step away from making a bad choice, but he didn't. If he had the strength to say no, I believe he can still prove himself a very valuable asset. Asset, that needs to be groomed, rather than abandoned"

Hermione didn't like Dumbledore's tone in the slightest. He made it sound as though Peter was an object, rather than a person with a lot of feelings boiling inside of his heart. Still, to say that the Headmaster was wrong would be a lie, so she decided to simply nod her head and wait for the continuation of his speech.

"I need to speak with the Order. This decision cannot be taken here and now as it will influence too many people's lives, as I am sure you know", he announced after a minute and frowned. "Can you make sure that Mr Mulciber will have no access to Peter in the next couple of days?"

She hesitated. Was it possible to shadow Peter without any of the Marauder's noticing? Not likely. Not only were they superb at spotting things out of order, but also the Map made it pretty impossible to get out of their sight, so to speak. No, fooling them wouldn't be easy and Hermione had to come up with a different solution.

"Not without telling the rest of my friends about this entire situation, which I cannot do. It would undoubtedly influence their friendship and if Mulicber watches Peter, he might figure out that he must have told them something. Fights don't happen all that often in the Marauders society", she smiled crookedly and Dumbledore let out a soft chuckle, just to lighten up the mood a bit. "But I can figure out something else, to divert Mulciber's attention"

A hint of interest sparkled in Dumbledore's blue eyes and Hermione hesitated again. It was probably the right time to mention her friendship with Severus, but was it smart to do so? Did she really want to bet on her friend making the right choice?

"Speak, Miss Granger. My old mind can still be quite useful when it comes to solving dilemmas", the man smiled and she met his gaze at once.

"I was thinking about Severus Snape, professor", she admitted quietly and watched the smile disappear from the Headmaster's face.

"What about him?"

"I'm sure you're aware of my friendship with him. I know that he still chooses to spend his time with Mulciber and the others, but I have reasons to believe that he doesn't actually follow their philosophy. I think he and Peter are very much alike. If I had somehow managed to convince him to join our cause, he could be able to switch Mulciber's attention back to me", she proposed and rubbed her suddenly very sweaty palms against the fabric of her skirt, trying to dispose of the proof of her nervousness.

Dumbledore looked at her form above his half-glasses, but it wasn't a pleasant, twinkling gaze he usually offered. No... This time his blue eyes were serious and lacking any hints of humour.

"What if he lies to you?", he asked after a minute of silence and Hermione dropped her gaze back to her knees.

"That's a possibility I can't rule out. The thing is, professor, I had known him back in the future", she said and sighed. "I don't exactly fancy the idea of manipulating someone by using my _special knowledge_ , but I believe I'm in possession of every argument needed to convince him to join us"

"Are you willing to bet your life on it? Because I won't be able to protect you, if Mr Snape decides to betray you"

The thought of Severus doing that made her heart stop for a second. She was very aware of the fact that he hadn't been an entirely good and pure person. Just in theory, it made him capable of betraying her, just as he was able to betray Lily. But would he really do that?

"I don't see a different option", she finally stated, pushing aside her thoughts.

It wasn't the right time to start doubting herself. Actually, there never was a good time for that, but today she truly needed to be confident and calm, as things had to be played perfectly.

"In that case, I can't really argue with you", the Headmaster responded, but his tone was unusually stern. "However, I cannot allow you to tell him anything about the Order. Whatever you decide to do to divert Mr Mulciber's attention, it can't have anything to do with us. Do you understand why, Miss Granger?"

She did perfectly. Severus Snape had been brilliant and she was sure he knew all about her allegiance to the Order, but to mention it freely in their conversation... No. There were things that could be described as risky, but telling him anything about the Order until she had the absolute certainty of his own loyalties was just plain mad.

"I do. I do and I am fully prepared to deal with the consequences entirely on my own"

A small smile returned to the Headmaster's face after a while, as he nodded his head and relaxed in his chair.

"In that case, so be it", he said and Hermione exhaled sharply knowing that there was no coming back now.

* * *

Her stomach growled loudly, reminding her that she hadn't eaten anything since the early morning. Hermione wanted to curse out loud, when she stepped inside the Great Hall, hoping to satisfy her hunger and found Severus Snape readying himself to leave. Her situation got even worse, when suddenly she got pulled against someone's body and a familiar scent reached her nose.

"Fancy meeting you here, Kitten", Sirius purred into her ear, forcing her to smile, even if she didn't want to.

"Completely unexpected", she sighed and bit her lip, when Severus stood up and said his goodbyes to everyone around him. "You're going to be so mad at me..."

"Why?", Sirius' voice was laced with curiosity, as he spun her around and caressed her cheek gently. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"What?", she snorted with disbelief and shook her head. "Of course not. Why would I do that?"

"I have no idea. I never understood why people would want to ditch me. Just look at me...", he laughed and Hermione rolled her eyes at him.

"Yes, you're perfect", she muttered with irony and followed Severus silhouette with her gaze. "Which is why I have to leave you here. I have to do something"

It took Sirius only a couple of seconds to figure out who she was watching and as soon as he did that, a frown appeared on his face.

"You're ditching me for _Snivellus_?", he hissed and clenched his fists with anger. "Are you kidding me, Hermione? We were supposed to meet up in the Room of Requirement after the feast"

Hermione bit her lip and tried to overcome that sudden feeling of guilt spreading throughout her body. Tonight was supposed to be really _exciting_ and _fun_. She couldn't blame Sirius for getting angry, but she also knew that her talk with Severus had to take place tonight.

"I know and I'm sorry", she whispered and switched her weight from one leg to the other. "I wouldn't change our plans if it hadn't been important"

Sirius shook his head with disbelief and waved his hand dismissively.

"Yeah, whatever. Have fun with Snivellus"

With that, he was gone, leaving her alone in the entrance to the Great Hall with aching heart and overwhelming guilt. She followed Sirius' figure with her eyes and watched as he plopped down on his usual spot with pure anger painted all over his face. She wanted nothing more but to run to him and apologize, but Hermione knew that she had to catch Severus before he had reached the dungeons.

She turned around and left the Great Hall, trying to push all of her feelings aside. Sirius will probably forgive her for ditching him tonight, while he would never forgive her for letting his friend destroy himself. Of that, she was completely sure.


	39. Chapter 37

Hermione never liked fighting. It didn't matter whether it was with her parents or with her friends. Even if she hadn't done anything wrong, she still couldn't take that overwhelming feeling of guilt, that surged through her body after each fight. This time, things were even worse. Sure, Sirius overreacted and behaved like an immature git, but Hermione knew that he would act like this as soon as she realised she had to talk to Severus –someone Sirius truly hated.

What felt even worse, was the fact that she had to face Severus and find a way to convince him to her views. She really didn't want to tell the Marauders about this entire case, not yet anyway, and switching Mulciber's attention to herself felt like an easy way to prevent that. Well, maybe not _easy_ , but definitely safe, at least to everyone but her.

Pushing away her guilt, she ran towards Severus, trying to catch him as fast as possible. That man had incredibly long steps, she had to admit, as it took her a couple of long minutes to catch up to him.

"Severus, wait!" she yelled as soon as she spotted him marching through the corridor.

The boy stopped rapidly and turned around, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

"What do you want?" he asked in his cool tone and she wanted to roll her eyes at his behaviour.

Usually, he didn't talk to her with hostility, but all it took was a couple of students around them and things changed drastically. She didn't mind it all that much, but right now it made her even more anxious.

"I need to talk to you," she informed him in a pleading, quiet tone and he crossed his arms over his chest. "It's really important."

"Is this about Pettigrew?"

Hermione looked at him with surprise, but quickly recovered from his question. She could have guessed that someone as brilliant as Severus Snape will be able to connect the dots and figure things out on his own, but it still didn't make her feel any better. Judging by his tone, he was well aware of Peter's situation and he simply didn't care for it.

"Please, just hear me out."

The Slytherin snorted and turned around, wanting to walk away, but she grabbed his shoulder and forced him to change his plans.

"Don't do that! All I want is to talk," she pleaded once again and he smiled crookedly.

"Is it? Because I see no benefits that _just talking_ could give you _._ "

She sighed once again and scratched her head with abashment. True enough, she wanted much more. She couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want, though. If he decided to simply ignore her or even betray her, Hermione had to simply accept that.

"You're my friend, Severus. So I'm asking you to hear me out, as my friend,", she said quietly and he looked at her with annoyance.

When he turned around and started walking, his steps were shorter and slower, clearly telling her that he wanted her to follow him. Hermione moved forward, her heart racing with anxiousness and relief at once. Even convincing him to talk to her turned out to be quite difficult. What would the actual conversation look like then?

Severus led her to an empty classroom, seemingly unused, as a thick layer of dust settled over the desks and other furniture in the room. Hermione looked around, trying to figure out is she had ever been here before, but her memories came up blank, so she fixed her gaze on Severus, who took out his wand and murmured a spell, that she knew very well.

"What are you doing?" she asked nonetheless and he shrugged.

"I don't want anyone to listen in on us, if you still insist on talking to me."

"I do," she admitted quietly and sighed. "You probably already know that Mulciber wants Peter to join Voldemort"

Severus flinched visibly, but nodded and smirked viciously.

"I've told Mulciber that Pettigrew is quite useless, but he still thinks I'm wrong," he said. "I guess I am, since you jumped in to rescue him"

She really hated his tone. He sounded almost satisfied that Peter had gotten himself into troubles. Of course, Severus hated the Marauders, even if Wormtail hadn't participated in James' and Sirius' bullying most of the time. Still, how could he be happy about sentencing someone to a fate this terrible?

"Peter has made a mistake, Severus," she said dryly and furrowed her brows. "A mistake that he will regret for the rest of his life."

"He deserves to be miserable. All of them do."

She opened her mouth with shock and clenched her fists.

"I get it, you hate them. They are still _people_. In a couple of years from now, they will also regret bullying you and they will be _ashamed_. I know it doesn't change much for you, but how can you simply wish them something so terrible?" she asked with disbelief.

"Terrible? Had you forgotten that I chose this life for myself as well?"

"Had you? Really?" she snorted and raised her brows. "Then why the hell are you friends with me?"

"I've told you already," he murmured with annoyance, but she scoffed in response immediately.

"Oh, yeah. I'm smart, aren't I? Don't be ridiculous, Sev. I'm also everything you should hate. Do you realise that when the school's over, you'll be forced to _kill me?_ "

Despite the poor lighting inside the classroom, Hermione could have sworn that Severus paled slightly.

"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it," she said and shook her head with disbelief. "You're _brilliant,_ Sev. What do you think will happen to you if you join Voldemort? You mean _nothing_ to him."

"How would you know? How would you know _anything_ about him?", he spat in response and clenched his fists. "You're just a student and, despite Mulciber's interest in you, you still mean nothing to the Dark Lord. You simply don't compare to his power"

Hermione could feel her hair frizz from all the anger she suddenly felt in her body. The nervousness she previously felt disappeared completely and she really tried to stop herself from cursing her _friend._

"Power is not everything. He will destroy you, Severus. You will be forced to kill and torture _innocent_ people, without the possibility of saying 'no' to him. If you dare to refuse him, you will be tortured just like the people he despises," she explained bitterly and rolled up her sleeve, showing him the ugly scar covering her forearm. "Do you really think that he's any different from the people who did that to me?"

His expression didn't change that much, but she had known him better than to think he was completely unaffected by her words. His eyes were glued to the letters on her forearm and she felt that with each passing second he started to feel more and more conflicted.

"That's not the only scar I have," she whispered and looked down. "And like you said, I'm just a student. I shouldn't matter, but I do, just because I'm a dirty Mudblood."

"Don't call yourself that," he hissed and she could almost see the repulsion on his face.

"Why? You see the letters on my forearm! That's what I am according to your friends!"

Severus closed his eyes in fury and she let out a shaky breath, knowing that the crucial moment of their conversation neared rapidly.

"Would you be able to do that to me, Sev? Would you be able to do that to Lily?" she whispered quietly and watched the outrage on his face.

"I was going to beg him to spare you. _Both of you_ ," he informed her with certainty and she laughed bitterly.

"Come on, Sev. You're smarter than that. You can't possibly think that he would actually indulge you. Voldemort _despises_ us. He cannot be reasoned with and if you try it, you'll be as good as dead. Can't you see? You're going to be a fucking puppet in his hands!"

The fact that she swore out loud seemed to disturb him more than anything else, since she rarely did that. Still, he looked at her angrily and she knew that his expression was caused mostly by the fact that she was right, but also because he was too proud for his own good.

"So what do you want me to do?" he hissed and scowled with disgust. "Join _the Order_?"

"Yes! If you are willing to fight, you can do it on the right side! Voldemort is not the only source of power, you know"

"Dumbledore hates me, Granger. Not only me... He hates all of the Slytherins. He looks at us with suspicion, like even being sorted into this house means that we are _evil_. Have you ever seen him do anything about those idiots you call your friends? He's the Headmaster, he knows literally _everything_. And yet, Dumbledore had never bothered to protect me, just because I'm a Slytherin"

Hurt filled his voice and Hermione actually understood his words completely. Some things never changed and it didn't take a genius to figure out that the Headmaster always felt the need to favour his own beloved House. Still, she had always thought that the Slytherins fully deserved being treated like that, because of their own behaviour. Like many things, even that situation had to have two different sides of the same coin.

Even with the understanding filling her heart, she knew that there was nothing that could justify becoming evil. So many people faced worse situations and still managed to live their lives decently.

"Oh, poor Severus," she scoffed and shook her head. "Do you honestly think you're the only one who's been mistreated? Do you think that being mistreated gives you the right to become an evil, murderous outlaw?! Let me answer that for you. No, it doesn't. If people don't respect you, make them. Not by making them fear you or fight you. You make them respect you by constantly proving them wrong, by doing the _right thing_ over and over"

Severus looked positively angered by her words and it didn't make her feel any better. Actually, for a brief moment she wondered if her lecture hadn't been too harsh, but there was nothing to be done to change it now.

"How can you scold me and still be friends with _them?_ " he hissed through his clenched teeth after a minute of silence. "Pettigrew wanted to _betray them_! Do you think they will still tolerate him when they find out?!"

Hermione looked down, knowing that there was no way of telling how they would react. She believed in her friends, she knew that their hearts were on the right sides, but in situations like this one... Things were simply too complicated.

"Ah, so you don't think Pettigrew will be forgiven", Severus laughed bitterly. "That's how that _magnificent_ friendship works, yeah?"

"Why do you always excuse yourself from your mistakes by pointing out that someone else makes them as well?" she asked tiredly and rubbed her forehead with depletion. "We are all just people. They bully you and I hate it, I condemn it even. But you don't help yourself. You fight back, you dabble in the Dark Arts and you call their friend a _Mudblood_. No matter how bad their behaviour is, you do nothing to make yours better. Their mistakes will never justify _yours"_

Her quiet voice seemed to calm him down and, for the first time, she actually thought her words might have gotten through to him. Deciding that she had to end their conversation on a strong note, she said:

"I'm not asking you to become some kind of a hero. All I want you to do is to think about my words. Because, honestly... If you are willing to let Peter throw his life away just because you don't like him or, what's even worse, you're willing to let his innocent parents _die_... I'm not sure if I can understand it, Severus."

Severus didn't say a word and Hermione knew that she could hardly expect him to do anything different.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but I need your help with getting Mulciber's attention off of Peter. I'd like you to tell him about my scar. That should ignite his interest with me once again and you will still be able to do whatever you please. Just have this in mind – you have the chance to become a better person. Throwing it away will cost you more than just _your life_."

Tears rolled down her face, surprising her completely, but she didn't stop them. His face softened at the sight of her genuine feelings and he shifted slightly, probably wanting to comfort her in his first reaction.

"I will always value your friendship, even if you decide against my advice. I appreciate your brilliant mind, I appreciate your sense of humour, no matter how _discreet_ it is. I don't ever want to leave you, but if you decide to stand on the other side of the barricade, I won't be able to do anything else. Voldemort will see to that, trust me"

She turned around, before she could break apart completely. Walking towards the door felt like the toughest thing she had to do in a while and that said a lot. Her steps were short and slow, as she still hoped that the boy will stop her and admit that she was right. Her heart almost broke when nothing but silence reached her ears.

A minute later, she was on her way to the Ravenclaw Common Room, wishing that Sirius wouldn't be mad at her, so that he could hug her and hold her until her heart didn't hurt anymore.

* * *

Her eyes stung from the lack of sleep, her head throbbed with pain and her stomach growled loudly, reminding her of that missed supper from the day before. Everything felt wrong and she found herself wishing that she could just stay in bed all day with a book in her hand and no problems to bother her.

Unfortunately, life wasn't going to just stop because of her bad mood, so Hermione forced herself to get up, get dressed and go down to the Great Hall. Her roommates looked at her with worry, but didn't say a word – just like every single day since they had _that_ talk. Hermione couldn't even say that things were awkward. They weren't fighting and no one held grudges. It almost seemed like the girls had been scared of her, of the things she could be hiding. The only person who didn't seem to acknowledge all that tension in the air was Leslie, as she tried to do everything in her power to lighten up the atmosphere. For some part, she had even succeeded, but it definitely wasn't enough to make things completely fine.

The Great Hall greeted her with its usual chatter and joy, but Hermione didn't have the strength to smile. Her eyes searched the room for Sirius and when she didn't find him, she switched her gaze to the Slytherin table. To her surprise, Severus wasn't there as well, but Mulciber looked at her with a smug smile, that made her skin crawl with disgust.

She hurried to the Ravenclaw table and sat down on her usual spot, immediately starting to cover her plate with breakfast. If it weren't for the rumbling sounds her stomach created, she would have never forced herself to swallow the food, as it tasted like ash in her mouth.

Suddenly, she heard Sirius' laughter and looked up from her plate only to see him walk through the threshold of the Great Hall. Only he wasn't alone. Hermione almost dropped her fork when she spotted that exact same girl he had once taken to Hogsmeade, claiming that he wanted to make Hermione jealous. What was her name? Celia?

Her heart started to ache when she noticed that flirty smile gracing Sirius' face. She had known it all too well, considering he used it quite often in her presence. Technically, he wasn't even touching that girl, so she really couldn't get mad at him, but... That smile...

Was that how it was going to be every time they had a fight? He would simply run off to flirt with another girl, trying to punish her? Just the mere thought of that made her want to scream. She trusted him to be mature, she _warned_ him about many things that would probably influence their relationship just because of Hermione's position. How could he be this _petty_ and _childish_ to forget about everything she'd told him?

Hermione kept looking in their direction, while whispers started to rise, when the pair decided to stand in the doorway and talk, instead of going to their tables in order to eat breakfast as any other student. Those whispers must have caught Sirius' attention as he looked around and his eyes almost immediately met her own.

It felt almost cleansing to watch his face pale slightly, as he realised that she must have seen all those smiles and flirty looks he offered the girl standing right next to him. Judging by his expression, it was all it took to make him realise he messed up and that made Hermione feel somewhat better.

With a scowl, she pried her gaze away and looked down towards her unfinished breakfast. It didn't taste good before, but now it almost nauseated her. She put down her fork and pushed the plate away, murmuring silent apologies to the House Elves. Deciding that she didn't want to talk to Sirius, she stood up and started to walk towards the exit of the Great Hall with her gaze fixed on the floor.

"Hermione..." her boyfriend said and followed her immediately, leaving Celia behind like a used toy. "It's not what you think"

"The fact that you felt the need to clarify it, doesn't say anything good, you know? Either you consider me stupid, or you consider yourself _guilty_ ," she answered, despite her previous resolution to ignore him.

"She just chatted me up on my way here. Besides, I'm allowed to talk to other girls, yeah?" he defended himself and she sighed tiredly.

"Um, I don't know. Seems like I'm not allowed to talk to the boys, so..."

"You cancelled our plans to talk to _Snivellus_. Don't you think I might have been angered by it?"

"What are you, five?" she snapped, stopping abruptly. "Do you really think I would have ditched you yesterday just to talk to him about the weather? Do you even know me?"

"It's _Snivellus!_ "

"NO!" she growled and smacked him on the shoulder. "His name is Severus, for fucks sake! You treat him like garbage and just because I don't, you get angry with me! It's not fair and I refuse to tolerate it."

"But you left me..."

"I did it, because I had to, you dunderhead!" she exclaimed and closed her eyes with anger. "I wanted nothing else but to stay with you. For your information, I don't exactly fancy Severus and I sure as hell don't _flirt with him._ "

Sirius looked definitely embarrassed and Hermione felt a huge shot of satisfaction just because of that expression painted all over his face.

"It hurt as hell to watch you leave me, after you had promised to act all grown up, but I knew you'd probably figure it out on your own sooner rather than later. But honestly, did you think I would be okay with watching you flirt with that same girl you claimed to be completely uninterested in?"

"So, you were jealous," he smiled and she smacked him once again, this time a lot harder.

"I'm freaking _angry,_ Sirius! I don't have time for your childish revenge or whatever it was. I had already told you that the last thing I want is to have to worry about you leaving me after I had done something to hurt your ego. If you can't trust me when I say I have to do something, I don't know how you expect _me_ to believe _you_ that nothing happened between you and Celia"

"Don't be ridiculous, you know that..."

"I do know that you wouldn't cheat on me. You're not that stupid. But the thing is, I _know_. It made me angry and I don't want you to do that again, but I trust you when you say you love me. Why can't you do the same for me?" she asked and shook her head. "If someone can have _trust issues_ , it's me. So suck it up and don't you ever act like a freaking five year old again!"

Sirius looked at her with a stunned expression for a minute and then he smiled dreamily, pulling her against his body.

"You're so hot when you're angry," he whispered and Hermione started to wriggle out of his embrace after hearing his words, but he held her tightly. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I know that I messed up, I was just so angry. I cannot understand why would you even want to talk to him."

"He's my friend. But honestly, in that case, I wish I didn't have to talk to him. I promise to explain everything eventually, but for now, you just have to trust that it really was important."

"I'm a dick, aren't I?" he asked miserably and she nodded against his chest.

"Yes."

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes."

"Good," he answered with relief and hugged her even tighter. "I'm sorry about Celia. I meant what I said, nothing happened between us. I just don't really know how to talk to that girl other than flirt with her. She's just so dumb. I bet she doesn't even know what Golpallot's Thrid Law is", Sirius whined and Hermione chuckled, not being able to stop herself.

"Do _you_ know what it is?"

"No. But you do," he laughed back and she shook her head with amusement.

It didn't matter that he acted all childish and he made her cry all night. Not when he hugged her, taking away that pain she felt because of what's happened between Severus and her. Somehow he always knew what to say to make her smile again. Well, _almost_ always.

"Admit it, though. You were jealous," he murmured after a while and she sighed in defeat.

"Fine. I was"

Sirius chuckled lightly, but then his body tensed slightly as he caressed her back with feeling.

"She doesn't compare to you, kitten. No one does. Which is why I can't stand the thought of losing you. I know that Sniv... Severus is hardly a worthy opponent, but the fact that you cancelled _our night_ made me feel scared as hell," he said in a tense voice, making her smile lovingly. "I just don't know how to deal with being a grown-up. It's probably not the last time I fucked up, but I do love you. Always"

Instead of answering, she simply raised her head and kissed him, letting him know that the feeling was mutual. Little did he know, that he had just spoken that exact same word that Severus used to describe his love for Lily and Hermione had no intentions of telling him that.

It gave her hope, though. Hope, that if nothing else could convince Severus to change his mind, his love for Lilly would.


	40. Chapter 38

To say that she was happy would be a huge lie. Living under such pressure couldn't be pleasant, but Hermione never expected it to get this bad on such short notice. Her head ached, her limbs felt heavy and her eyes stung from the lack of sleep she had been experiencing these past few days.

Peter seemed even more distraught and she knew he had a very good reason to be that way; even though the Order had agreed to help his parents, they weren't going to do it just because it was the right thing to do. No… Hermione couldn't help but feel sorry for Peter, even if a part of her heart was filled with anger. Anger at the boy and his foolishness, anger at Snape for being completely blind and, most importantly, anger at the Order for forcing Peter to take the Unbreakable Vow.

The girl understood their reasoning perfectly. The Order had no guarantee that he would keep his resolve to stay on the right path; the Death Eaters had more than just one way to terrorize their opponents and Peter had become an easy target, after all. Making him swear on his life, in a literal sense, was an easy solution to the Order's doubts. Wormtail seemed to understand that as well, since he agreed to meet Dumbledore without even a trace of hesitation.

Hermione couldn't have been present at that meeting, solely for safety measures. Someone had to distract the Marauders, so that Peter wouldn't have to come up with another set of lies to misguide them. Hermione never considered herself to be particularly entertaining, so she decided on a different route; she had simply forced them to study, claiming that she had had enough of their slacking and ever-present laziness. Lily supported her idea wholeheartedly and even joined their studying session, which caught James' attention almost instantly. Sirius didn't want to make her angry, especially after their last fight, so he agreed without discussion as well. Remus, though… Well, she didn't even have to persuade him. He was a prefect and a future professor at that.

She had been torturing them for the entire evening, not allowing them to get distracted even for a minute. They didn't even notice that their friend went missing and Hermione really wanted to simply roll her eyes at their ignorance, even if she felt really grateful for it at that moment.

By the end of their session, all of them had been so tired that Hermione didn't even need to come up with a clever excuse to leave the Common Room. When she had announced that the Library awaited her, everyone looked at her as though she was mentally ill and let her go without a single word of protest, simply to get rid of her. Even Sirius waved her goodbye with a relieved smile on his face, making her sigh internally.

The Library greeted her with its usual silence and the smell of old books, something she appreciated almost every time she walked into that place. Right now though, the tension held such a strong grip over her entire body that the silence enveloping her senses made her feel weary and even more nervous.

According to their plan, she was supposed to wait for Peter at that exact table they chose to have their first conversation. Surely, they could have picked a better spot, but nothing would make the Marauders less suspicious than seeing Peter and Hermione in the Library together, after she had been torturing them for the entire evening. They would simply nod their heads in a compassionate gesture and let them be, not wanting to even get near that awful place filled with evil books. Their plan was as safe as possible, but it wasn't perfect by any means.

The waiting had been its biggest flaw. Hermione knew how to be patient, but when every minute turned into an hour in her mind, even her usual composure started to falter. She almost couldn't stand the huge bile rising in her throat and the tightness in her stomach, but she knew she had no other choice, but to clench her teeth and simply wait. After what seemed like an eternity, the door finally opened and Peter stepped inside quietly as a mouse. He looked around and smiled upon spotting her, making relief wash over her body in a blink of an eye. She didn't need to hear the entire story to know that everything went well. Even so, she opened her mouth and spoke:

"How did it go?"

Peter sighed tiredly, making himself comfortable in his chair. He met her gaze a moment later and smiled sheepishly.

"I don't think I can thank you enough, Hermione," he said in a hushed tone and shook his head slowly, almost as if he didn't believe their plan had actually succeeded.

"Tell me everything," she smiled and urged him to speak.

"Professor Dumbledore was really nice, you know?" the boy started and scratched his forehead. "He offered me cookies. A-and tea!"

Hermione's smile turned into a forced one, as she tried not to snap at him. Her nerves drove her mad and Peter's statement did nothing to soothe her. Of course, she couldn't blame him for trying to blow off some steam by simply talking about pleasantries rather than his actual problems, but she really needed to hear the entire story.

"That's nice," she said and raised her eyebrows. "What happened _later_?

The way she stressed the last word must have gotten Peter's attention, as he realised that listening about cookies and tea hadn't been her main goal for their meeting. He blushed slightly and fidgeted with his fingers.

"He explained how the Unbreakable Vow worked and then asked if I was sure I wanted to do this. I agreed and then we waited for someone. A member of the Order, I guess. Someone had to serve as the Bonder."

Hermione nodded eagerly, letting him know that she understood his words and he took a deep breath before continuing with his story.

"I don't know his name. Safety measures, they said," Peter explained and furrowed his brows. "He looked scary, though. I was afraid he was going to curse me at first."

Ah, so it had to be Moody. That man had many faces, but most of them were unpleasant and terrifying, she could attest to that.

"The questions, Peter," she said quietly, not wanting to waste any more time. "What did they sound like?"

The boy looked down to his hands and paled considerably, making her sick with worry.

"Pete?" she asked, almost afraid to spoil the silence enveloping the room.

"The first one was about the Order. I have to keep its existence in secret," he started and closed his eyes for a moment. "The second one was about my allegiance to the Order. I had to swear to stay faithful to the light. The third…" he hesitated and looked at her with an uncertainty,that got her insides twitching with nervousness. "The third was about my connections to the Death Eaters. Dumbledore wanted me to swear, that if the Order ever needed a spy, I'd be willing to offer my services to gather information."

Hermione's mouth fell open with pure shock, as she stared at Peter with her widened eyes. Suddenly, she knew why her body failed to relax completely, even after she learned that the Order had agreed to help her friend. How could Dumbledore do this? Why didn't he tell her? Was that the only way to convince the other members to her idea? She had so many questions and the answers eluded her mind completely. Her eyes started to water up and she bit her bottom lip, trying to stop it from quivering.

"Hermione, it's fine, really…" the boy tried to cheer her up, but she shook her head and covered her eyes.

"No, it's not, Pete. I promised you safety and this is the opposite of it."

"You promised to keep my parents safe. There's a difference, don't you think?" he corrected and Hermione looked at him sharply.

"You can't possibly think I'd send you to Dumbledore if I thought that he was going to force you to become a spy. Especially if Mulciber figures out that you must have gone to the Order for help."

"He didn't force me," Peter protested and she raised her eyebrows. "My parents will never be safe as long as Vol-Voldemort lives. If I can help to defeat him, I will."

She wanted to scream at him, but her throat seemed to have stopped working. Peter made the right choice and she knew it. He acted like a grown-up, someone willing to take responsibility for his own actions. It should have made her proud and impressed, but somehow, she found herself almost desperate to talk him out of it.

"Let's assume that you would be able to convince the Death Eaters to take you back in. Peter, do you have any idea how hard it is to be a spy?" she asked in a strained tone and he huffed in response.

"Yeah. Dumbledore warned me that I will have to work really hard to make it even possible."

"Is he willing to help you, at least?"

"Well… He said something about talking to you about that matter," Peter murmured and Hermione let out a shaky breath.

Of course. It wasn't like she wanted to keep this entire thing a secret, right? She would undoubtedly have no troubles explaining their training sessions to the Marauders. Ewan would probably love the idea of spending his time with Peter as well.

The boy must have noticed her expression, as a frown appeared on his forehead. She tried to mask her feelings with a small smile, but Peter had seen right through it.

"It's going to be a problem, isn't it?"

What was she supposed to tell him? She had enough problems as it was, she didn't need another batch. But how could she simply leave him alone, after going through so much effort to help him get out of this terrible situation?

"I… I'll have to think everything through," she said evasively and sighed. "I'll make it work. Somehow."

Peter didn't look convinced, but he stayed quiet. This entire situation must have taken its toll on him, so she could hardly expect him to come up with a plan to help her. He probably didn't even realise how hard it was manage everything and not go crazy.

"Don't turn yourself into a martyr, Hermione," he said, surprising her completely yet again. "You tend to do that quite a lot and we all hate it. I get that we are nowhere near as mature as you, but… We're not children. Don't treat us as such. You don't have to do everything alone, because you're afraid that the whole world is going to simply collapse on top of us."

She simply stared at him in awe, not knowing whether to be hurt, offended or maybe pleased. His words stung, a little too much for her to simply shrug them off, but she knew better than to let her pride get in a way of acknowledging a very important thing; Peter had actually been right.

Hermione smiled weakly and nodded. It didn't ease the moral conflict raging inside of her mind, but she didn't want Peter to think that she had simply ignored his words. The boy looked at her cautiously, but after a minute he simply nodded, accepting her inaudible answer.

"We will have plenty of time to talk about it tomorrow," he said and stood up, fidgeting with his fingers. "It would probably be best if we didn't make them wait any longer."

He clearly meant the Marauders. As tired as they all were, they weren't _dumb_. Hermione agreed that all the details would have to wait until later, even though her mind already started to work its way through all the problems that arose today.

"Let's go," she agreed and followed Peter outside of the Library.

They walked in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Both of them had a lot on their minds and talking about it in the corridor was rather risky. It wasn't hard to figure out that Peter tried not to be scared, but Hermione could easily spot the fear roaming deep inside his blue eyes. She really hoped that he would be able to act freely when they have reached the Common Room, because there was no way that the remaining Marauders were going to believe that she had scared Peter with her lectures.

"Do you think you can keep this a secret?" she asked with hesitation and the boy tripped over his shoes, as he clearly didn't expect her to speak so soon.

"I don't know if I want to keep it a secret, Hermione," he replied after he managed to steady himself once again. "They deserve to know and well… I don't want you to be forced to lie to them, especially to Sirius. Making them hate me is one thing, but allowing them to hate you as well is not an option."

Before she could have responded, four figures appeared on the corridor and Hermione felt shivers running up her spine. Peter stopped abruptly and opened his mouth in surprise. The fear she had seen in his eyes previously had now become visible on his entire face and Hermione understood his reaction completely, as her own heart started to race.

"Well, well, well… What do we have here?" Mulciber's voice sounded in the air, as the group stopped in front of Peter and her, with vile smirks glued to their faces.

Hermione wasn't surprise by Mulciber's or Avery's presence, but the remaining two got her feeling incredibly disappointed. She could understand Regulus' presence… Even though he had turned out to be better than everyone had thought at the end of his life, she'd met the guy before and it wasn't a pleasant meeting.

Severus, though… For the past few days she had started to believe that he may actually side with her. He had clearly told Mulciber about her scar, as the vile Slytherin kept watching her like a hawk, clearly trying to do everything in his power to catch her all alone and confront her about it. She thought that maybe, just maybe Severus would do everything else she asked of him. Her hopes were destroyed almost instantly as soon as she had noticed that smile full of contempt on his face.

"What do you want?" she asked in a hollow voice, sending Severus a hurt look.

His smile faltered a bit, as a shadow crossed his face, but that was the only reaction she received from him. With raging disappointment, she turned her focus back to Mulciber, who clearly noticed her expression full of pain and smiled even wider.

"Just to have a little chat with you, Mudblood. Both of you, actually," he said and took a step forward, making her even more alert. "It has come to my attention, that you are trying to _help_ our little friend here."

Peter winced and clearly wanted to say something, but she raised her hand, calming him down immediately. She understood this urge to protect her, to explain himself rather than let them attack his friend, but his nerves could only make things worse. In fact, anything either of them could have said would make things only worse, so she just furrowed her brows and waited.

"Don't you understand, Mudblood? Peter was just about to make the greatest choice in his life by joining us. And you stopped him from doing that," he clicked his tongue with disapproval. "I can't tell what hurts me the most… The fact that you dared to interfere with things so important, or the fact that someone I believed to be a potential ally turned out to be a _coward_."

His voice became ice cold in a second and Hermione felt Peter wince once more. She wanted to do the exact same thing, as the memory of that one night in the Library resurfaced in her mind and made her stomach twist with fear. But she knew she had to stay strong, so she clenched her teeth and met his gaze with force.

"If anyone is a coward, it's you. You had to bring your friends along with you, just so you could outnumber us. A mark of a true _hero_ ," she spat and Peter drew in a sharp breath, clearly not liking her bravado.

To be honest, she regretted her words as soon as they had left her mouth and that feeling only intensified .

"They all insisted on coming with me, Mudblood. Not because I need them, but because they wanted to see how I take care of trash like you."

At that moment, Hermione realised that nothing could help her avoid the fight. She didn't even know why he wanted to fight her in the first place, but the hatred shining through his eyes left no doubt as to his intentions. The fact that he had started to play with his wand didn't make her feel any better as well.

"Not only are you a Mudblood, but you're also bringing disgrace to _my family_ ," Regulus joined their conversation and Hermione shot him an angry glance.

How could he speak that way about her relationship with his brother, the only one in their family that wasn't barking mad and full of hatred? It baffled her to no end, but she chose to simply sneer at his words, not wanting to get herself all riled up. She needed to stay focused if she wanted everything to end well.

"Not only have you interfered with our business, not only have you brought disgrace to the Black's name, but you have also tried to take our faithful friend from us," Mulciber added and Hermione glanced at Severus, who shifted slightly at his _friend's_ words.

"Oh, is that what he told you?" she snapped and shook her head. "No, I was just trying to remind him that he had a mind of his own and if he didn't start to use it soon, he would end up just like you - rotting in Azkaban, where you belong."

This time, Peter not only jumped at her words, but also grabbed her hand, wanting to stop her from doing anything more foolish. A second later the three of the Slytherins pointed their wands at her with furious expressions. Only Severus seemed to hesitate, but after a moment, he joined his friends.

Hermione reacted as well, grabbing her own wand in an instant, to Peter's horror. He looked around nervously, trying to find a way out of this situation and she realised that he was in no shape to help her. His fear of those people standing in front of them was simply too great and their threats too fresh to simply get over it and act brave.

"Go, Peter," she ordered him, causing Mulciber to laugh maniacally.

"He's not going anywhere. Neither of you are. You don't simply betray the Dark Lord. You're stupid to think that we will let you get away with it."

Hermione clenched her wand harder and looked Peter in the eye.

"Run. Just run!"

The boy blinked a couple of times and then spun around and did what she asked of him. As soon as he made up his mind, Mulciber stopped smiling and pointed his wand in his direction. Hermione acted on impulse, shielding Peter with her own body and blocking the spell that exited the Slytherin's wand. Unfortunately, the others didn't seem eager to simply stand there and watch their leader fighting her on his own, despite Mulciber's earlier words.

Soon, spells were flying left and right, making Hermione realise that duelling four of the Slytherins was going to be much more difficult than she had originally thought. Another flashback appeared in her mind, this time taking her to the Final Battle. She had managed to come out of it alive, but… Even someone who had managed to live through the war and had been trained by Moody couldn't face four Death Eaters all alone. And Hermione was about to learn it the hard way.


	41. Chapter 39

She had almost forgot what it was like to have nightmares. A few month ago, they had been a part of her life, plaguing her every night and making her life a living hell. She had gotten used to them so much, that when they finally disappeared she almost didn't notice it. But when they came back… She felt as though she'd rather have them every night, because maybe then tonight's dream wouldn't hurt as much.

It felt so real and so, so painful that she wanted to scream. Maybe she even did? When she had woken up, her sheets clang to her body tightly, as they were drenched with her sweat, tears and… blood. For a mere second after she had opened her eyes, she thought she had just escaped the Final Battle with her body cut and bruised. It seemed fitting, since her dream had led her back to that feral night, that had brought her here.

Hermione needed only a couple of seconds to realise that even though she had found herself back in the Hospital Wing, everything else had just been a dream. Everything apart from her body being cut and bruised... Every single move hurt and judging by the blood staining the sheets, her nightmare had made her toss and turn so much that her wounds reopened.

"Madame Pomfrey," she called out as loud as she could, but her voice came in nothing more but a whisper.

She must have been here for a quite some time now, if even her vocal cords had decided to malfunction. Fortunately, the nurse managed to hear her pathetic attempt on screaming and rushed into the room with a worried look gracing her face.

"Miss Granger, you're awake!" she exclaimed and took out her wand immediately.

It didn't take long for her to notice the blood on the sheets, as she started to examine Hermione's wounds right away.

"I think I must have reopened them in my sleep," Hermione whispered and closed her eyes, not wanting to see her body.

It was enough that she had to _feel_ it. Before she could stop herself, a sob escaped her mouth as tears began streaming down her face. Her memories from that feral night started to come back to her, forcing her to relive all the pain and suffering the Slytherins had inflicted upon her. Her wounds hurt, but nothing could compare to the mere knowledge that one of the people she had sworn to save had turned his back on her. She knew that he didn't curse her with all he had, but a couple of spells that reached her had most definitely come from Severus Snape.

"It hurts," she muttered and the nurse nodded sympathetically, clearly thinking about Hermione's wounds.

The girl knew that physical suffering wasn't her main concern; it was the ache puncturing her heart with every single breath. Her eyelids started to droop lower and lower, covering her brown eyes, but Hermione knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anytime soon. Not without the nightmares sneaking into her head once more.

"How long was I out?" she asked instead, opening her eyes once again, and Madame Pomfrey shot her a cautious look.

"Two days."

Hermione nodded lightly and searched the room for anyone else, but it seemed like she was the only one lying in the hospital bed that night.

"Your friends were here all day. And the day before. Mr Black refused to leave your side and I had to forcefully throw him out," the older woman said and Hermione smiled through her tears.

Oh, how she wished he could have been here right now… Maybe then she would be able to sleep and feel completely safe?

"Madame Pomfrey… I know it's a lot to ask, but could you send for him?" she said and the woman gave her another cautious look.

"Miss Granger, don't you think it's highly inappropriate?"

"I'm having nightmares. He helps," she replied and the nurse scoffed.

"Not possible, I gave you the Sleeping Draught."

"And yet, I have nightmares. Please… I…"

Her voice broke unexpectedly and she started to wonder if that fight she had gotten into had not only turned her into a beaten pulp, but also into someone who was too afraid to sleep.

"Fine. But I'm making an exception and I'm going to keep listening in, to make sure you're not doing anything inappropriate."

Hermione didn't even have the strength to remind the woman that with all of her wounds, she was in no state for acting like a hormone-crazed teenager. She just wanted Sirius to hold her hand and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. He had always managed to turn even the worst situation into something much less scary.

She spent half an hour staring at the ceiling, trying to remember everything that had happened two days ago. After Peter left, she had thrown herself into the fight, doing her best to hold the Slytherins off long enough to ensure her friend's safety. After that, things started to go really wrong. She had broken one of Moody's crucial rules; she allowed them to surround her. Even being as fast and agile as she was, dodging spells coming from behind her back turned out to be completely impossible and soon enough, she had found herself on her knees, taking hit after hit, unable to fight back.

Hermione didn't even know how long it took for her to pass out, or even why was she still alive. After seeing so much hatred in Mulciber's eyes, figuring out that he had wanted to kill her wasn't all that difficult. What happened? She really hoped Sirius would have some answers for her. Answers and a lot of comfort.

Suddenly, the door to the Hospital Wing flew open, making her snap out of her daze instantly, as she spotted Padfoot's silhouette in the darkness. He practically ran towards her bed and she couldn't help but smile, even though even that simple gesture seemed to hurt her broken body.

"I was so scared… You have no idea, love," Sirius murmured as soon as he had wrapped his arms around her tenderly.

Even though she wanted to wince at the contact, she stayed calm and inhaled sharply, finding comfort in his familiar scent. Tears started to roll down her cheeks once more, as she realised that she simply couldn't be strong anymore. She had tried so hard to make everything perfect and she still failed. Why?

"Is Peter okay?" she asked, pushing away her miserable thoughts and Sirius tensed considerably.

"He is. Even though he doesn't deserve to be."

His angry tone made her look up in surprise.

"Of course he does," she protested and scowled when that sudden movement made her body protest.

Sirius let go of her almost immediately, looking her over and trying to find the source of her pain. Hermione smiled weakly, not wanting him to treat her like she was made of eggshells, but her boyfriend sat down by her bed and simply entwined their fingers together, not wanting to hurt her more.

She found herself missing his warmth almost instantly, so she pulled up the covers with her free hand and met his worried gaze.

"He left you, love," he whispered in an agonised tone and shut his eyes tightly. "You almost died because of it."

"I told him to go, Sirius. With or without him, we didn't have a chance of winning," she answered and bit her bottom lip for a second. "He wouldn't have helped me."

 _He was too afraid_ , she added to herself and smiled bitterly. She should have simply run away with him. She shouldn't have stayed to fight them. Not only was it reckless, but also incredibly stupid.

"Why do you always insist on being a bloody hero, Hermione?" he asked, as if he was reading her thoughts. "You clearly knew that you weren't going to win that fight. They outnumbered you and they happen to be pretty good at duelling. You probably could have taken on one of them, two at most, but _four_? You nearly got yourself killed. And for what?"

His voice sounded so broke, that she wanted to cover her ears so she wouldn't have to hear it any longer. She deserved to hear it, though. Sirius was completely right and there was no denying that fact.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, knowing that it wouldn't be enough to make him forgive her, but she really meant it. "I…"

Her next words got stuck in her throat and refused to leave it, so she simply looked at Sirius with shame filling her eyes and he sighed, raising their entwined hands and kissing her knuckles.

"Promise me not to do this again. I don't want to hear any more of this 'I can't talk about it, because it's dangerous' crap. We're your friends and we are a part of this fight, whether you like it or not. From now on, you're going to let us help you, even if it takes hours to explain some things to our stupid, immature brains, alright?"

She almost chuckled at his statement, but stopped herself just in time, as her wounds would have, without a doubt, made her regret laughing so soon.

"These past few months got me thinking that I was in control of this entire situation. I thought that I couldn't go wrong, not if I spent hours planning everything. It is so easy to forget that I can't achieve anything if I'm all alone," she whispered and averted her gaze for a second, looking down to their joined hands. "Peter was right when he called me a martyr. I've been doing it for so long that I didn't even want to consider easier solutions, merely because they involved you."

"Peter wanted to betray us, Hermione," Sirius sharp tone made her flinch and she met his gaze with hesitation. "Even if he claims to be reformed now, how can you be sure that he won't have another change of heart?"

"He's your friend," she reminded him and earned herself a scoff.

"Friend? He left my _girlfriend_ for death, Hermione! He ran back to the Common Room and found us, but when we arrived at the corridor, the Slytherins had already gone back to their lair. It's a miracle you're alive, Hermione. And we cannot prove anything to them, because it's your word against theirs and we can't exactly use Veritaserum on them. Not according to the law."

His words were spoken in a mere whisper, but somehow they held so much force that Hermione felt shivers running up her spine.

"What about _Prior Incantato?_ Haven't you tried that?" she asked with hope, but Sirius shook his head dejectedly.

"By the time McGonagall and Dumbledore reached the dungeons, they had already managed to cast a few spells to cover their tracks."

"So there's nothing we can do," she stated and Sirius nodded grimly.

"If only Peter had stayed with you…"

"… he would've gotten hurt as well," she interrupted his words and shook her head. "You can't blame him for what happened to me."

"Of course I bloody can, Hermione! He wanted to join the Death Eaters, just like my stupid brother and just like your _precious friend_ Snivellus! When they started to threaten him, he ran to you for help, knowing full well that you were going to do everything you could to save his parents. He knew all of this and he still chose to do it! None of this would have happened if it wasn't for his stupidity!"

"It's still not a reason to hate him!" she countered and scowled when her ribs protested against her exertion. "He got lost, but he at least tried to get back on the right path. Right now, he is even bound by oath to stay on it. The weight of his mistake is going to be with him forever, Sirius. He already has his _punishment_."

Padfoot looked at her angrily, but with each passing second his eyes became softer and softer, until his whitened knuckles covering her own palm remained the only sign of his fury.

"I can't just forgive him, love. Maybe others can, but I… He knew everything about my family, he knew how much they hurt me. And he still thought joining them would be a good idea. What kind of friend would do that?" he asked, sounding completely broken and Hermione furrowed her brows in compassion. "I know he regrets it, I know that he's going to carry that burden all the time, but… It simply hurts too much. All of it."

Hermione knew that there was literally nothing she could have said to ease his pain or to convince him to change his mind. Even though she hoped that after some time had passed, things would get back to even remotely normal, she wasn't going to force anything on him. Not after everything she had put him through.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," she said again and squeezed his hand. "I really am. But I also feel grateful for that night, because… I woke up knowing that I've been lying to myself these past few months. I agreed to give us a chance, because I thought it would be enough to start _living_ again. But it isn't enough. Not if I constantly shut you out, instead of pulling you with me. I've got it all wrong and I'm sorry."

Sirius looked at her for a moment and then simply leaned forward, capturing her lips with his own. It was a tender kiss, full of love and relief and she appreciated every second of it. Once he finally pulled back, his eyes told her everything she needed to know.

None of her friends were truly grown-up… But that didn't mean they couldn't fight alongside her.

"You have always been a fighter," she whispered, remembering Lily's words.

A smile graced his face, and this time, it felt completely genuine.

"That's because I'm good at finding things worth fighting for. We all are."


	42. Chapter 40

The winter had finally left Scotland, leaving everyone in a desperate need for sun and warmth. The temperature outside was hardly pleasant, but after enduring months of cold and ever-present dampness, it felt incredible to simply go outside and enjoy the change of weather. The nature started to slowly come back to life, making the Grounds green and beautiful and forcing the students to forget about their exams, about their studying sessions and various assignments. It was simply impossible to ignore the enticing aura of spring that had taken its rule over the entire castle.

Hermione found herself unable to refuse Sirius' pleads to go outside and ditch studying for once. That man could be really insistent when he wanted to be and she didn't have the strength to oppose him every single time, which was why she found herself standing in front of the Black Lake, looking at it with a gentle smile gracing her face.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Sirius' voice reached her ears and she turned to him, only to find him staring right at her with a dreamy expression.

She blushed slightly and shook her head, realising that even such a small gesture made her heart speed up its pace. Even after months of being in a relationship with him, she still felt as though she had just realised she was in love with him and that feeling amazed her to no end.

"Yeah," she replied softly and smiled at him with affection. "It is."

"You should be less stubborn, love. Spending so much time in the library has driven hundreds of people crazy. I don't want you to share their terrible fate."

Hermione rolled her eyes at his statement and chuckled. He knew all too well that she didn't mind reading books all day, but he still tried to get her to change her mind every now and then. Mostly because being her boyfriend meant that he actually had to fight his unhealthy reluctance towards the library and it turned out to be quite a challenge.

"You know what's more likely to drive me crazy?" she asked with amusement and he raised his eyebrows. "Spending all my time around you lot."

"That's so rude," he replied and clicked his tongue. "It's not our fault that we are _knowledge-resilient._ We are trying really hard to understand the words coming out of your mouth. It's just terribly difficult."

She rolled her eyes yet again and shook her head in disbelief. Of course, reading books and writing essays made them nauseated, but when it came to other things she schooled them in... Things looked completely different.

Her smile faltered a bit when her thoughts drifted back to the fight from two months ago. Her body had healed pretty quickly, but her mind refused to let it go. She was having nightmares about Snape betraying her over and over again, about Peter joining the Slytherins to fight her, about...

She had to stop thinking about it. Sirius had already been worried and seeing her shaking hands and trembling lips would do nothing to soothe his fear. Ever since she had made a decision to teach her friends how to fight, her boyfriend started to act incredibly overprotective, shadowing her every move like a guardian angel. Hermione didn't mind it most of the time, but a part of her hoped that things could just go back to normal. Still, she knew that too many great things had come out of this situation to simply ignore them.

The fact that her friends were now learning how to defend themselves managed to soothe her nerves to the point, where she felt confident about everything that the future could offer them. For the first time in a very long time, she stopped struggling with making things perfect, letting them fix themselves instead. She didn't have to worry about failing anyone, if she chose to believe that they were able to take care of themselves.

Hermione looked at Sirius and found him staring at her with a worried expression. She raised her hand and cupped his cheek, caressing it gently with her thumb. Padfoot closed his eyes and covered her hand with his own, sighing contently.

"You're lucky that I love you," he muttered and smiled, letting one of the corners of his mouth climb higher than the other.

"I'm the one who's lucky?" she asked with theatrical outrage. "I beg to differ."

"Oh, come on, Kitten. If it wasn't for me, you would become the epitome of grumpiness. You would walk around Hogwarts, only wishing that such a dashing gentlemen as myself would lighten up your life," he said, making her laugh out loud.

"Gentleman? And here I was, thinking that you're a womanizer, who likes to snog in the library."

"Well, I'd very much like to snog elsewhere, but I have yet to find a way to drag you out of that damned place," he replied and she grinned at him.

"Look around, Sirius. We're not in the library anymore," she muttered and his gaze stopped being amused, as a new set of emotions took hold of his grey eyes.

Mere second later, his lips brushed against her own and all of her problems, all of her fears disappeared without a trace. He pulled her closer against his body and a shiver ran up her spine, when his hands grabbed her hips forcefully. Heat rushed to her cheeks, as she found herself unable to control her reactions. A muffled moan escaped her mouth and Sirius broke the kiss instantly, his eyes boring into her own with hunger.

"Don't do that, love."

His husky voice forced her to bite her swollen lip. How was it even possible to look this enticingly without even trying? How could she resist him, when he kept making her knees go weak, as if they were made out of jelly?

"Why?" she whispered, even if she had already known the answer.

"A man can only have so much patience, Hermione."

Before she could have answered, someone cleared his throat behind her back and she turned around rapidly. Just like that, the tension in the air changed completely, as the sinful excitement was replaced by the aura of awkwardness and stifled resentment.

Peter Pettigrew had managed to walk up to them and catch them by surprise, to Hermione's displeasure. Their relations had changed a great deal during those two months and it wasn't a change for the better. She tried real hard to act like nothing happened, but she was the only one to do that, as the rest of her friends kept their distance from the boy standing in front of her.

Sirius was the worst out of them. Everyone wanted to oppose Voldemort and his sick ideology, but Padfoot was the one who hated him the most. Peter's betrayal touched him in a more personal way than it did everyone else's case. Of course, he couldn't be blamed for it. None of them could.

Hermione tried to fix things on more than one occasion, explaining that everyone could have made a mistake and that Peter hadn't actually betrayed them. No matter what she said, it seemed that time was the only thing that could mend those wounds he had created deep within their hearts.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Peter's voice sounded in the air, as he looked everywhere but them. "I wouldn't be here, but um..."

"Speak and sod off," Sirius said and his fingers dug into her hip bone forcefully, making Hermione wince slightly.

"Sirius!" she hissed and gave him an angry look. "You can be mad, but it doesn't mean you can be this rude!"

"Yeah, it does," he scoffed and fisted his free hand.

Peter looked at him with remorse filling his blue eyes and Hermione felt her heart clench with sorrow. This was exactly what she had feared, when she learned about Wormtail's mistake. The Marauders were brothers in everything, but blood. Their loyalty was one of the things that left everyone jealous and hopeful, that maybe someday they would be able to share that kind of a bond with someone as well. Unfortunately, even in a friendship like this one, there were things that could be described only as unforgivable. And breaking that loyalty oath they had sworn to each other almost six years ago, definitely qualified as one of these things.

Hermione knew that even though Peter had made a mistake, none of the Marauders would be able to truly abandon him. They were hurt and broken, but she was determined to do everything in her power to help them see, that those feelings weren't the end of the world. They were simply another obstacle to overcome.

"No, it doesn't," she said once more, deciding to hold her ground on that matter. "What is it, Peter?"

The boy shifted his weight from one leg to the other and looked down to his feet.

"Dumbledore asked me to find you. He wants to see you."

Her stomach clenched unpleasantly, as she realised that she would have to face the Headmaster after spending the last two months resenting him. She knew that it probably wasn't his idea to force Peter into making the Unbreakable Vow, but she hoped that he would at least fight for her friend. What he had chosen to do instead might have been the easiest option, but definitely not the best one.

Still, she couldn't simply ignore his request. Not after he had left her alone for such a long time, clearly knowing that she must have been angry with his decision. Hermione turned to Sirius and smiled apologetically. This wasn't how she had pictured their _date_ and judging by Sirius' expression he shared her opinion on that matter. Nonetheless, his grip on her hip lessened, allowing her to leave his embrace.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and he forced himself to smile, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"The world is calling for you yet again. I get that," he answered and shot a cautious look towards Peter, whose eyes refused to leave his feet. "Be careful."

With that, he kissed her forehead and stepped back, slowly making his way towards the castle. Hermione was left with Peter, who looked up with an agonised expression painted all over his face.

"I'm so sorry, Pete," she said, but the boy shook his head.

"He has every right to act that way, Hermione. I knew it was going to happen."

"You're their friend. They have to forgive you at some point."

"They probably will," he admitted and sighed. "I'm not sure I deserve to be forgiven, though. I did something terrible. They were my family and you don't go behind your family's back like that. You don't do that to the people who love you."

"No, you don't. But just as you are not supposed to betray your family, your family is supposed to be there for you, even when you get lost. You regret what you've done. Actually, you regret what you were _about to do_. They have to acknowledge that."

Peter smiled with sadness and looked at the Black Lake, thoughtfulness filling his eyes.

"It still hurts, Hermione. Not everyone is as benevolent as you are. They have every right to be mad and so they are. But I don't think it's because they suddenly started to hate me. They want to hurt me, because I hurt them. I have managed to fail them and they are angry because I was supposed to know better. Once they realise that I've learned my lesson, we can be friends again. Because we have never stopped being a family."

"I've heard that you started to train your friends," Dumbledore said with a gentle smile, that did nothing to soothe her annoyance.

Actually, something about seeing him so relaxed made her feel even more agitated. Whatever he wanted to say to her, Hermione hoped that their conversation was going to start from an apology or at least an explanation for his decision. Apparently, the headmaster didn't feel the need to do such thing and it made her fuming with anger.

"I had a change of heart. Nearly dying can do that to you," she answered, her tone dry and harsh.

Dumbledore's smile faltered a bit, as he looked at her cautiously. Finally, he sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Miss Granger, I thought you would be able to understand my decision."

"Is that why you haven't summoned me here for two months?" she replied, raising her eyebrows. "Because you thought there was nothing to discuss?"

"Mr Pettigrew's family is safe and sound and I offered him the best solution I could have. The other members wouldn't agree on anything else."

"It doesn't make it okay. There's a possibility that he will have to become a _spy_ and you didn't even ask me to teach him how to do that. You just conveniently dropped that responsibility on me, not caring if I actually could succeed at it," she snapped angrily and regretted her words as soon as they had left her mouth.

"Last time I checked, I was allowed to do that, since I'm the leader of this organisation, Miss Granger."

His cheerful tone was gone, replaced by a hint of annoyance, but she knew it was too late to simply back down.

"And we trust you to lead us. Lead, not order us around! I know that I'm not very useful to the Order right now, but I'm still a part of it. I trusted you to treat me as such!"

The older man looked at her, his gaze softening with each of her words, until he was left with a sad smile on his face.

"Hermione... I'm sorry for what happened to your friend. You know that the idea of forcing someone so young to join the war doesn't thrill me. Mr Pettigrew, however, has chosen that fate for himself and I cannot do anything about that. But my decision turned out to be better than you think. It managed to take a great weight off of your shoulders."

"And what would that be?" she asked angrily.

"The fear, Miss Granger. You were so afraid to fail your friends that you forgot about the possibility of them failing _you_. You refuse to see Mr Pettigrew's mistake as a sign of that, because you'd rather take the blame for not being able to shield him from the world, than accept the fact, that your friends have just as much power as you do. They shape their lives the way they want to and no matter how hard you try to stop them, they will still do it."

Hermione's anger disappeared in a blink of an eye, as she simply continued to stare at the headmaster with a baffled expression. The man smiled softly and continued his speech:

"You cannot save everyone, Hermione. Not only because you're just one person, but also because the people around you don't need you to save them every single time. If you want them to grow up, you have to _let them_. And this is exactly what you've been doing these past two months. Because you have finally understood that you're not the only hero in this story."


	43. Chapter 41

"They are up to something," Sirius muttered in a grim tone, forcing Hermione to look up and follow his gaze.

Mulciber and Avery were talking to each other quietly, their expressions serious and full of tension. She had seen that exact look on Sirius and James whenever they were planning a big prank, but this time, she felt shivers running down her spine.

"They are always up to something," she said warily and he shot her an angry look.

Hermione couldn't blame him for being so angry. Actually, she understood him all too well. How could she not, when the Slytherins had managed to walk out of this entire situation without as much as a scratch and she had nearly died? That feeling of injustice accompanied her all the time, wherever she went and there was nothing to be done about it.

Injustice wasn't the only feeling that seemed to follow her everywhere. Even looking at Mulciber and Avery made her insides twitch with fear, as her palms started to sweat uncontrollably. She was scared. Hogwarts was supposed to be safe, to be that one place where nothing could happen to her, but Voldemort had managed to train his future servants well. If they couldn't do anything to stop them without breaking the law, what else would they come up with?

Her gaze travelled to the boy sitting next to Mulciber, who listened in on the conversation, but didn't participate in it. Her _friend_. Her _failure_. A shot of pain hit her heart, just like every other time she looked at Severus Snape. She could almost feel all those spells he had cast upon her, she could almost feel the torment he had brought her that day and it made her sick to her stomach.

Why didn't they kill her? That question bugged her even more than Severus' betrayal. Hermione knew that her wounds were serious. If the Marauders hadn't found her, she would undoubtedly bleed out. Still, the Slytherins had left before anyone came to save her. Had they known that help was on the way? Or was there a different reason for leaving her on that corridor, injured and bleeding, but not dead?

"We can't just let them do this." Sirius' words forced her to avert her gaze from Snape and to stop thinking about the past.

"We don't even know what 'this' is," she said and shook her head. "There's no way to stop them, Sirius. I tried to outsmart them, I tried to destroy their plans and look what happened."

She didn't have to remind him of _that_. Not after catching him staring at her with a haunted look in his eyes way too many times. Just as she had every right to feel scared after being beaten, so that he had the right to worry about his girlfriend.

"I know, Hermione. But it still doesn't mean we can simply give up. I don't like their whispers and smug looks."

"Neither do I. It's just hard to do something when you don't have even the slightest clue about their plans," she said and Sirius sighed, clearly defeated.

"Every time I look at them I'm afraid that they're planning something to hurt you again. You or..." His voice broke off, but Hermione knew what was on his mind.

Her or _Peter_. She almost smiled at his slip, but it was still too early to try and convince him to change his mind. He had to come to this conclusion on his own, without her constant efforts.

"It scares me too," she admitted instead and grabbed his free hand, caressing his skin with her thumb. "But there is no way they will catch me all alone again. And if you're going be with me, they don't stand a chance."

Hermione didn't even lie. Sirius and James wanted to be Aurors and, in their cases, it wasn't just a whim. They moved well, they were quite fast and they had no problems with coming up with various solutions and battle strategies. Years of planning pranks must have taken its toll on them, as Hermione had to admit that they were getting really hard to beat. Sirius and James were _made_ to fight, whereas she had to work hard to become even decent at it.

"Aren't you two sweet?" Lily cooed and joined them at the table, smiling widely.

She seemed to be in a great mood recently and Hermione suspected it had something to do with James' good mood. Of course, both of them didn't want to talk about it, so Hermione was willing to let that matter slide for now. She had already known that sooner or later, the two of them would end up together.

"Yes, we are," Sirius replied with a grin and kissed Hermione on the cheek and Lily rolled her eyes at that unnecessary sign of affection.

"Too much sweetness makes you want to puke, you know?" she muttered, making Sirius snort in amusement.

"Is that what you've been telling James lately?"

At his words, Lily blushed a crimson red and tried to glare Sirius to death, which, obviously, didn't work a bit.

"Potter is too dumb to understand _anything_. There's no point in explaining this to him."

"He's not dumb. You can ask that fifth year, Olivia Barnes. He's been tutoring her in Transfiguration and she says he's actually pretty smart," Sirius said and shrugged, but Hermione knew that his every word had been carefully chosen.

Judging by the look on Lily's face, he had managed to capture her attention. The girl blushed slightly and tried to act like she didn't care about James spending time with some other girl, but she failed miserably.

"Well then, she's probably dumb too," she muttered and Hermione fought the urge to chuckle. "Why would she even ask _him_?"

"James can be a very good teacher when he wants to," the Ravenclaw said and smiled, when Sirius squeezed her hand lightly, appreciating her effort. "Also, he's kind of cute. At least that's what the girls say."

Lily looked at her breakfast with a scowl and Hermione knew that their little scheme to make her jealous had worked perfectly. Maybe it was a little cruel, but her friend needed to stop being in denial. If Hermione could have gotten past her doubts, so could Lily. Life was simply too short to keep lying to yourself.

* * *

The weather was perfect for a trip to Hogsmeade; the sun shone bright and the temperature had finally risen to a level of pleasant warmth, allowing the students to fully enjoy their trip. Hermione felt actually grateful for that distraction. The exams were coming their way at an incredible pace and she wanted nothing else, than simply be able to get some rest, away from the castle. Of course, she had already passed those exams in her own time, but seeing nerves on everyone's faces made her stressed and anxious. The atmosphere of constant tension and panic seemed to be influencing everyone in the castle, including even James and Sirius.

When Sirius had asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him, she gladly agreed, surprising him completely. He even expected her to take some books with them, but she had no intentions of doing so. Hermione just wanted to enjoy her free time and have a proper date with her boyfriend. Maybe they would even be able to find a secluded place and...

No. She had to stop thinking about _that_. Not only because it was a reasonable choice, but because there was no way she would be able to concentrate on her exams, if Sirius was constantly on her mind. His lips, his hands roaming over her body, touching her everywhere and...

Merlin, she had to stop that! What was the point of tormenting herself?!

"I bet you're having some naughty thoughts," Sirius whispered into her ear, hugging her from behind and making her shiver with excitement.

"Of course I'm not!"

"Liar." He kissed her neck lightly and she blushed, looking around frantically.

They were standing on a nearly empty courtyard, as most of the students had already left for the village. Still, some of them stayed behind and she didn't fancy someone seeing them act so _intimate._

"Stop," she pleaded and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "There are people around us."

"Why don't we ditch them, then? Maybe we could ditch Hogsmeade too?"

That guy was going to be the death of her. It took everything she had to say no to him, but she knew she had to. Hermione really wanted to go to the village and pretend to be normal, at least this once.

He must have noticed her sudden tension, as he spun her around, smiling gently.

"I know you want to go, love. I'm just joking," he said and she shrugged.

"I can't say I don't want to ditch Hogsmeade too," she replied and then sighed. "It's just that with everything that's going on, we don't have the chance to just pretend to be normal. I kind of miss that."

Sirius grinned widely and tugged a lost strand of her hair behind her ear.

"We're not normal, Hermione. We're smart, beautiful, funny... People get jealous just by looking at us."

Hermione rolled her eyes and shook her head with amusement. Sirius could use some modesty from time to time, but she had no intentions of scolding him today. She simply grabbed his hand and said:

"Come on! We're already way behind everyone else. Why do you always have to be late?"

Padfoot didn't answer, but he laughed out loud and followed her to the village.

* * *

"Sirius!" Madame Rosmerta squealed in delight as soon as they had entered the Three Broomsticks.

Hermione remembered that her boyfriend seemed weirdly familiar with that woman the last time they decided to come here, but she was far from being jealous.. Rosmerta couldn't be blamed for taking a liking to him, just as Sirius couldn't be blamed for flirting with her. She was a beautiful woman, after all.

"Rosie! It's nice to see you!" Padfoot said and smiled brilliantly, making Hermione want to roll her eyes.

 _Always the charmer_ , she thought and stepped out of his shadow, making Rosmerta gasp in surprise.

"I'll be damned, you're still _with him_?!" she yelled, making everyone look their way with curiosity and Hermione smiled shyly. "You should be given a medal, sweetheart! To tame that wild lady-killer... That's very impressive!"

Sirius sent Rosmerta a glare, while Hermione chuckled with genuine amusement.

"Oh, it wasn't so difficult. Deep down, he's _a good boy_ ," she chirped, making Sirius even more flustered.

The pun was obvious and she knew that her boyfriend would probably be mad at her for making a dog joke, but seeing his expression and hearing Madame Rosmerta's laughter was totally worth it.

"Yes, he's probably good at many things," the woman admitted and Hermione blushed a crimson red, while Sirius stopped glaring at them both, smiling proudly instead. "Anyway, I'm serving you a Butterbeer on the house. It's the least I could do!"

"Thank you, Rosie!" Sirius said and Rosmerta raised her eyebrows.

"I was talking to your girl, lad. You're still paying."

With that, she turned around and walked away to the bar, leaving Sirius speechless. After a moment, Hermione realised that he had no intentions to move, as he was still mad at this raging injustice, so she dragged him towards one of the free tables.

" _Good boy_ , huh?" he muttered, once they sat down and Hermione shrugged.

"Sorry, I couldn't stop myself."

"Well, your cute little blush at Rosie's comment made it up to me," he stated and leaned in, stealing a kiss from her.

"Why do you still like me blushing? I do it all the time," Hermione asked and propped herself on the elbow, while Sirius grinned.

"You don't, Hermione. You blush only when I'm around and that's incredibly enticing."

Just like that, they were back to the atmosphere from the courtyard, full of heavy tension. She fought the urge to bite her lip, as she knew it wouldn't do anything to lighten up the mood. Sirius might have found her blush enticing, but _this_ was something that drove him mad.

"We could have ditched Hogsmeade," he said after a moment of silence and his voice was lower than his usual tone.

"We could have," Hermione agreed and sighed, closing her eyes.

She never pegged herself for a hormone crazed teenager, but lately, it had been hard to think about anything else. Maybe she could blame it on the stress? Maybe her body wanted to find a relief in _some way_? Whatever it was, Hermione started to be sick of that constant need, coursing through her body.

"Here's your Butterbeer." Rosmerta forced her to open her eyes, as she put the bottle in front of her with a warm smile.

The bartender must have noticed that tension between them and she sent Hermione a knowing look, before she shuffled away, clearly amused. Sirius, on the other hand, looked at the Butterbeer with weird and completely inappropriate longing that made Hermione giggle.

"What?" he asked in response to her sudden display of joy and she shrugged.

"I'm glad you don't look at me that way, because it would be really hard to sit here," she said and he blinked a couple of times, before snorting in amusement.

"You don't have to tell me that," he laughed and took a sip out of his bottle.

They didn't have to talk constantly to feel good in each other's company. Hermione appreciated that side of their relationship, as she rarely had the urge to babble. To others, they must have looked weird or even suspicious, but it didn't matter.

"What are your plans for the summer?" Sirius asked after a while and Hermione blinked in surprise.

Most students couldn't wait to start their holidays, but she hadn't thought about it at all. Sirius' question was incredibly valid. She had to do something, right?

"I... I don't know. I'd come back home, but... I don't have a home."

Suddenly, her previously good mood evaporated, as a grim expression settled on her face. Last year, she had been suffering too much to care about anything. Her whole body hurt, as the memories of her friends made it impossible to feel anything, but pain. Now, everything was different.

"You can stay with James and I..." Sirius offered quietly and Hermione smiled with sadness.

"I probably shouldn't. It's one thing to explain my past to you, but James' parents? That's completely different" she said and sighed, rubbing her forehead tiredly. "Dumbledore will want me to stay at Hogwarts, to keep me close."

"James' parents are great, love. They would understand everything," Sirius tried to convince her, but Hermione shook her head.

"The less people know, the better. I don't want to risk their lives as well."

Before her boyfriend could have answered, the door to the tavern opened with force and Ewan ran inside, clearly distraught. Leslie was hiding behind him and her face was so terrified that Hermione jumped to her feet instantly.

"Death Eaters are in the village!" Ewan shouted, causing everyone to gasp and yelp in fear. "Run! Run before they get here!"

Hermione made way to her friend as fast as she could, not caring if Sirius followed her. Ewan spotted her and he rushed in her direction, grabbing her arms and shaking her slightly.

"We need to go!"

"Wait, what's going on, Ewan?!" she yelled and tried to fight his grasp.

"Death Eater started to appear out of nowhere. They are marching that way, chanting like a bunch of lunatics and killing everyone they meet! It's not safe!"

Hermione opened her mouth in shock, as her mind started to spin at a rapid pace, trying to come up with solution. Sirius had other plans, as he grabbed her arm with force and pulled her closer to him.

"We're getting out of here, now!" he ordered and Ewan nodded, doing the same thing to Leslie, who was too terrified to do anything about it.

"Hermione... The girls are out there," she muttered with a trembling voice and Hermione felt her heart sink.

Her roommates... Her precious roommates... She couldn't simply leave them here! She had to do something! Not wanting to waste another minute, she freed herself from Sirius's hold and ran outside, ignoring all the screams coming from behind her back.

She made a promise to herself that she was done with suicidal missions. Turns out, she really was a big, fat liar.


	44. Chapter 42

Hogsmeade had turned into a ruin. Columns of fire surrounded her completely, as her lungs burned with all the smoke she kept inhaling. The screams coming from everywhere didn't help at all. They made her hands shake with violence, even though she was running. She could feel her racing heart, she could hear the buzz of her blood flowing through her veins with force… and none of these things mattered.

Hermione had one simple goal; she wanted to find her roommates and bring them to safety. She knew that the scenes playing around her were completely terrifying, but the images that her brain kept showing her were much, much worse. But somehow, they also made things easier; she passed a body after body without even a sign of pain or compassion. She didn't see the tears flowing down the faces of those, who had managed to survive, she didn't hear their wailing full of agony and suffering that would never be eased. She simply ran.

"Hermione! Hermione, stop!"

That one scream had managed to reach her ears, as she recognized it immediately. _Sirius._ Why did he run after her?!

"For fuck's sake, Hermione!" His voice was raspy and hoarse. He must have screamed his lungs out, trying to get through to her.

She slowed down and allowed him to catch her, but as soon as he had done that, she grabbed his handed and pulled him towards the other side of the village.

"There's no time!" she pleaded and he stopped fighting her, only to squeeze her hand even harder.

"I'm going to fucking kill you, if Death Eaters won't kill us first," he gritted through his teeth. "Your roommates are probably already dead, Hermione! You've heard Hughes… He said that…"

"I know what he said!" she yelled and jumped over a lifeless body lying on the ground. It didn't belong to one of her girls, so she ignored it, just as the rest of them. "And I still have to see their corpses to believe that, Sirius! Don't tell me that you would've left any of _your friends_ completely alone! And your friends are at least able to fight!"

Hermione didn't know where did she get the strength to say it all. She was nearly out of breath, as the smoke kept invading her mouth and her eyes, making her vision completely blurry. There was no way in hell she could fight in those conditions. The chances of finding her friends were equally low, if she couldn't even _breathe_.

Her wand appeared in her hand seemingly out of nowhere and she cast the Bubble-Head Charm, the only spell that came to her mind at that moment. Suddenly, her lungs filled with pure air once more, allowing her to run faster, but before she had done so, she turned her head to check if Sirius had followed into her footsteps. Once she had made sure he was okay, she resumed her relentless chase.

Their luck didn't last long, though, as one of the Death Eaters appeared in their way. Hermione stopped, causing Sirius to bump into her, but she didn't care about the mild pain he had caused. Her eyes were trained on the cloaked silhouette of a man, whose face was covered by one of those horrid masks.

Sirius needed only a moment to assess the situation. He jumped in front of her, shielding her from the enemy, his wand pointed straight at him. Hermione could tell that he was terrified, but his hand wasn't trembling. He stood still, like a predator waiting to pounce. If it wasn't for the situation they had found themselves in, she would have smiled tenderly, watching that familiar fighting stance.

"Go," he muttered, his voice completely void of all the emotions. "Find them and bring them to safety."

"I'm not leaving you," she protested and picked up her own wand while the Death Eater started to walk their way.

"Yes, you are. I can handle this."

" _We_ can handle this," she corrected and stepped to his left.

She wanted to save her friends, but leaving the person she loved the most completely _alone_ wasn't a good way to do it. Hermione might have acted on impulse when she had ran out of the Three Broomsticks, but the clean air made it easier to think. She was used to dealing with things on her own, but if Sirius had chosen to follow her, splitting wouldn't be the best idea. They could have been strong as individuals, but together, they were powerful.

Before they could say anything else, the cloaked man struck and sent a spell towards Hermione, clearly deciding that she must have been a weaker target. His logic wasn't bad, but… Well, he was about to see how wrong it was. She Shielded herself, pretending to do it with effort, while Sirius attacked him, using the Expelliarmus charm. The man had no troubles avoiding it and they engaged in a tough fight.

Their opponent had clearly underestimated them, as after a while, he started to retreat, while Sirius' and Hermione's attacks got fiercer and fiercer. It didn't take long to disarm him and bind him with magical ropes. Neither of them fancied the idea of actually hurting the Death Eater; they didn't want to stoop to his level and besides, time was pressing them to move.

The duel, no matter how short it turned out to be, had worn her out. She could tell that her muscles didn't work as good as they did before and the exertion decreased the levels of oxygen inside her bubble immensely. They needed to hurry and pray that no other Death Eater was going to stop them again.

"Grace! Amy!" she yelled with force, once they'd gotten to the part of Hogsmeade that could be described as her roommates' favourite. The multiple shops that had once been here, were now almost completely gone, as the fire had descended them to the piles of ashes. Hermione looked around, trying to spot anything in the embers and the blackened wood that withstood the temperature.

"Grace! Amy!" Sirius tried his luck and his voice came out much clearer than hers. It echoed in the now empty space, overshadowing the faint sounds of screams and cries that began to die down over the last few minutes.

"They have to be here," Hermione moaned and grabbed her wand, wanting to cast _Homenum Revelio_ , but Sirius stopped her.

"It won't work, love. There's too many people still in the village," he reminded gently and then looked around.

His stare stopped at the ruins of a former clothing shop and he gasped only a moment later. Before her panicked mind could have realised what was happening, Sirius pulled her towards the place and this time she had no troubles spotting the slight tremble of his hand.

A part of her wanted to stop, to turn around and never come back, so she wouldn't have to look at that horrid image just in front of them. But she couldn't do that. So she let Sirius lead her closer and closer to the ashes, where she had spotted Amy, sitting on the ground and staring at one point with a blank expression.

Her face wasn't marred by any wounds or bruises. It was dirty from all the dust and ashes around, with some clean tracks left by her tears that must have dried down by now. She looked beautiful in a way, eerie and filled with sadness, like a statuette carved into marble.

"Amy…" she whispered and forced herself to swallow a huge bile that started to grow in her throat. "Amy…"

"She looks really peaceful, when she's sleeping" the girl said, but her voice sounded completely void, making Hermione's heart stop for a short moment. She felt Sirius' hand tightening around her own, almost to the point of pain, but she couldn't care less.

Sirius let go of Hermione's hand and slowly walked up to the girl sitting on the pile of ashes. He crouched down and tried to catch her gaze, but Amy refused to look anywhere besides Grace's face that was frozen in a surprised expression. Her eyes had probably been filled with fear and panic right before the Killing Curse had hit her, but right now, they were completely hollow, reminding Hermione of endless oceans.

She dropped to her knees, feeling dizzy and nauseous. Even after all those promises to keep her friends safe, even after giving her all to keep them out of this… Hermione still had to stare at Gracie's dead body with nothing but a piercing sense of injustice and failure surging through her. It was like the Battle of Hogwarts happening all over again. She had lost someone important to her and there was nothing she could have done to change it. She couldn't change it, but she would have to live with another death for the rest of her life. The only question was: how? How could she keep on going, when her heart had already been shattered more than once?

"She's been that way for quite some time now. It makes me think that maybe she'll wake up any minute," Amy continued, completely oblivious to Hermione's despair and to Sirius' presence right next to her. "Although, knowing Grace it might take a while. She's such a lazy little thing."

"Amy…" Sirius started quietly and his voice broke a bit, making Hermione cover her mouth, trying to stifle in a sob that threatened to escape. "We should go. It's not safe here. Grace… Grace is gone."

"No, she isn't," Amy blinked and shook her head. "She's right here, can't you see?"

It was the first time, when Hermione had seen tears in her boyfriend's eyes, as he turned around, silently begging her to help him. But how could she? Her entire body felt numb and the pain was so strong that she feared it was going to split her up from the inside. Could she even move?

"It's just her body, Amy," Sirius said and reached for the blonde's hand, which lied on top of Gracie's. "She's really gone, she's not going to wake up."

"You don't know her like I do. Tell him, Hermione."

She looked up for the first time and met Hermione's gaze, making her shiver uncontrollably.

"He's right, Amy. I can't tell him anything," she whispered and inhaled sharply, unable to stop herself from crying.

Tears started streaming down her face and she covered her eyes with both hands, trying to erase that horrifying sight from her memories. And though her eyelids covered her brown irises, the image was still as clear as before.

"Oh, Merlin…" she sobbed and hugged herself, her fingernails digging into the skin and drawing some blood.

The pain it caused was nothing, compared to the one boiling inside her shattered heart. She knew that Sirius probably had troubles staying in his spot, after seeing his girlfriend cry like that, but she simply couldn't stop.

"Why are you crying?" Amy asked and furrowed her brows. "Hermione, tell me!"

"She's dead!" Hermione yelled and opened her eyes, her vision blurry from the tears that kept flowing down her face. "Gracie's dead! She's not sleeping and she's not going to wake up!"

"How can you even say that?! You're lying!"

Hermione forced herself to get up from her knees and she rushed to Amy and Sirius, crouching down and touching Grace's hand, which was still warm.

"There is no pulse, she's not breathing," Hermione whispered and grabbed Amy's hand, forcing her to see for herself.

The girl tried to protest, as she wriggled her body, but she wasn't strong enough and soon her expression changed completely; tears filled her eyes yet again and her lips trembled.

"She's not dead. She can't be!" she sobbed and fell on top of Grace's silhouette. "She can't be…"

Hermione shut her eyes and forced herself to push aside all the suffering she felt. Sirius was right, Hogsmeade wasn't safe, even if Death Eaters had already left that part of the village. They had to find a way out and they had to do it quick.

"We need to go, Amy," Sirius tried again, just as if he was reading her thoughts. "There's nothing we can do."

He sounded broken, but Hermione felt grateful that he was with her, trying to get them out of this terrible situation. Her brain was able to tell that she needed to do _something_ , but all of her thoughts were occupied by chaos.

"No! No! I'm not leaving her! She's going to wake up, she's…"

Amy wasn't crying at that point. She was wailing. Hermione's vision went even more blurry, but this time, it wasn't from the tears. She started feeling weak, as her entire body went limp. All she wanted, was to become deaf and blind, to erase those sounds and sights from her memories…

"Hermione, please," Sirius pleaded quietly and she opened her eyes after a moment, only to see her boyfriend desperately trying to keep Amy in place, as she wriggled in his arms.

She did the only thing she could have. Her wand was out in a blink of an eye, pointed at her friend.

"Stupefy," she whispered, not having the strength to do it non-verbally.

A red light hit Amy in the chest and she froze, unable to move.

"We have to go," Sirius said, picking the girl up and holding her close to his body.

Hermione simply nodded and looked at Gracie's face.

"Are we supposed to just leave… Leave her body behind?"

Talking about it out loud was even more painful than all those thoughts swirling in her mind. Even looking at Grace wasn't as terrible as talking about her, like she wasn't there. Like Hermione wasn't going to hear her bubbly voice, like she wasn't going to watch her joyous outburst or dreamy expressions…

"I can't do this, Pads. I just can't."

"Hermione, you need to stay strong a little longer, okay? Grace would never want you to endanger yourself like that, you know it."

He was right, but at the same time, she wanted to yell at him for claiming to know her friend. It was easy for him to say, but she loved that beautiful, innocent blonde, even if their relations hadn't been perfect for the last couple of months. She was desperate to protect her… and she didn't.

"Love, please. We need to move. I can get us out of her through the Shrieking Shack, but I can't carry you as well."

Hermione nodded once more and stood up, her legs stiff as wood. Her entire body felt as though it didn't belong to her, but a part of her knew that Sirius was right.

"I'm so, so sorry…" he whispered, but she almost didn't acknowledge it, as she stared at Gracie's face.

"I hope that you're happy, wherever you are," she said in a shaky voice and clenched her fists, hoping that the physical pain would help her regain control over her body.

It didn't, but she forced her feet to move anyway; one in front of the other, until she fell into a steady rhythm, like an emotionless machine. Sirius was right, after all. A time would come, when she would be able to fall apart, letting all of her pain and sorrow drown her completely. But right now she had to stay strong. _For Gracie._


	45. Chapter 43

There was no good way to deal with it. No matter how much she wanted to say that her heart wasn't torn to million, little pieces, it would be a lie every single time. Some days felt better, some days felt almost bearable, but the pain was _always_ with her. A part of her thought that after everything that she'd been through, losing another friend would be easier. She'd known the drill already. She almost hoped that everything would become normal again, after few days of non-stop tears and sobs. It didn't.

Grace's body had been found in Hogsmeade as soon as the Aurors started to arrive to the village. She was one of the dozen other victims, who had lost their lives in that horrifying act of terror. Just like in other victims' cases, her body had to be examined first, in hopes that it was hiding some crucial information about the way Death Eaters worked. Then, it was given back to her parents.

It was then, when Hermione realised that Grace was never coming back. The image of her stiff, unresponsive body was going to be etched into her mind forever, portraying the last moment that Miss Granger had seen her friend. That horrifying fact made her heart hurt like hell, or even worse.

Nothing would ever be the same. It actually seemed like everyone at Hogwarts started to understand what was coming their way. The atmosphere inside of these ancient walls had never been so gloom and full of fear. Even the Marauders couldn't find it in them to come up with even the simplest pranks; somehow having fun didn't feel right anymore. Hermione wanted to laugh at the realisation that she didn't have to do anything special to finally see the boys grow up. It would be the most humourless laughter in history, because the reason that no lectures, or scolding sessions were necessary, was the cruelty of the Death Eaters.

It felt weird to see Sirius all quiet and stoic. She missed his laughter, probably more than anything else. His smile made everything lighter, more joyous, and she needed anything that could drag her out of that deep pit, filled with guilt and pain. But just as she couldn't escape those feelings on her own, also Sirius couldn't forget about carrying Grace's dead body in his arms, like a broken doll. For the first time ever, she was the one helping him with his nightmares, soothing his pain, even though she couldn't deal with her own.

Everything was different. Hermione couldn't remember the last time she had been to her dormitory. Actually, she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen any of her remaining roommates. Leslie spent majority of her time with Ewan, looking for comfort and protection, and Hermione couldn't blame her for that. Amy... Amy wasn't even at the school. Witnessing her friend's death was such a shock that she got sent to the hospital for observation. Everyone was worried that she might hurt herself, and Hermione agreed. Amy didn't strike anyone as the toughest person in the world; she was gentle, caring, and her bright personality left no room for negativity. Everything she believed in, everything she hoped for... That one day in Hogsmeade destroyed it all.

There really was _no_ good way to deal with it. They just had to find the strength to open their eyes and live through day after day, until the pain would become a companion, rather than an enemy. Until they would find themselves laughing again. Until they would pick up those million pieces and glue them together, as good as possible, hoping that someday the missing puzzles would appear out of nowhere, making them whole again.

* * *

"We all find ourselves at loss for words sometimes," Dumbledore's voice echoed throughout the Great Hall, while most of the students busied themselves with staring at their already empty platters. "I've never imagined myself being in situation like this one. I've never imagined losing students on my watch, just as you've never imagined losing your friends."

Hermione felt Sirius' hand squeezing her own palm. She didn't know if he wanted to comfort her, or if he wanted to comfort himself. Either way, the warmth of his skin made it easier for her to breathe in and out, despite that heavy weight pressing down on her chest.

"What happened was... I don't think there's a right word to describe such a cruel and barbaric action. There's no such word, but we all know its meaning. We all felt it. Some of us more than others, but the pain has become something we're all familiar with," the Headmaster continued, and Hermione couldn't help, but think that his words were actually beautiful. He had always possessed the ability to make speeches like no one else, but she had never appreciated it more than now. The victims _deserved_ that. "Whatever it is that you're feeling, I want you to know that it's alright. Don't hold anything in, don't pretend to be strong. Every single person who's given their life away in Hogsmeade deserves to be mourned. They wouldn't want you to forget about your own lives, about all these years to come, but they also wouldn't want you to pretend like their deaths didn't mean anything," he said and fell silent for a moment. "We all have to stay strong for what's to come, but being strong has nothing to do with being detached from your own emotions. To feel means _to live_. Always remember that. Always remember that no matter how hard it is, no matter how hurt you can become, life is always worth it. Your life, and those lives, which are now lost."

"Today, you're all going home to your families and friends. This days has always been a happy one in the past, but it doesn't feel like that today. I wish, with all my heart, that it will still manage to soothe your pain. I hope that being with your close ones is going to help you find, whatever it is that you've lost due to those horrifying event, so that you could go back to school with new strength. And those, who leave Hogwarts forever... I hope that you'll find the strength to change the world for the better, so that no such thing would happen again."

Hermione felt tears streaming down her face yet again, but did nothing to wipe them away. She wasn't the only one crying. Lily hid her face in James' shirt, sobbing quietly and letting him hold her so close, that it was hard to even spot her entire figure. Peter kept his eyes closed, but his shoulders shook ever so lightly, while Remus kept patting him on the back, with his own eyes haunted and weirdly empty. Sirius' face seemed impassive, stone cold almost. He looked like a statue of a Greek god, but Hermione knew better than to believe his façade. He squeezed her hand so tightly, that it was starting to hurt. Still, the physical pain was better than the one raging in her heart, so she embraced it.

"I wish I could offer you some better words. I wish we could part in better moods. But the only thing I can say to you, is that I will do everything in my power to turn Hogwarts into a safe place again. You have my word."

Hermione didn't know who started to applaud the Headmaster, but soon, the entire room got filled with sounds of clapping. She, however, remained perfectly still, unable to break her contact with Sirius' hand. In a couple of hours, she would be watching him leave the school for the summer, fully knowing that the chances of seeing him in those two month were pretty slim. It wasn't safe to wander about anymore, and Hermione was aware that she'd already risked his life once. She certainly wasn't going to do it again, just so she could see his face, or feel his lips touching her own.

None of the Marauders could be called _children_ anymore, and that realisation made everything easier. Not worrying about their safety was completely impossible, but at least she could believe that no matter how difficult would the situation become, they were ready to face it. Even still, endangering them for no good reason didn't sit well with her. No, she would simply have to remember every single moment of those hours to come, and hope that they would be enough to live through all those lonely days ahead of her.

* * *

"Are you sure that you don't want to come with us?" Sirius' quiet whisper broke the silence that'd settled between them some time ago. "James' parents would love to have you there."

"Really? I still think that they wouldn't be so happy to see you sneak out of your bed every single night," she said with the weakest smile possible, hoping to see her boyfriend reciprocate her gesture, but no such thing happened. His face became even more serious, and Hermione realised why instantly. The nightmares. She wouldn't be there to soothe his fear anymore.

Her heart skipped a beat, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling. How could failing the person you loved be pleasant? Hermione really had no idea.

"I still think they would love to have you there," Sirius answered and clenched his teeth. Even though he tried to be pretend to be strong, Hermione had never seen him more vulnerable than in that moment. It hurt to know that she couldn't do anything to help him, other than assuring him of her affection. It didn't feel like enough, and it never would.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. For everything."

"None of this is your fault, Hermione," he said and pulled her closer. "I didn't understand your constant efforts to shield us from all the evil, but now I get it. We weren't ready. But I don't think anyone could ever be ready for _this_. You did nothing wrong, kitten. I just wish that things could be different."

They all did. The reality, however, didn't care for their wishes, hopes and dreams. It was cold and harsh, and they had to find a way to simply live with it.

"We'll make them different. That's what I'm here for," she said and closed her eyes, inhaling his familiar scent and sneaking her arms around his waist. "I don't have the strength anymore, but I also cannot even think about giving up. The reasons to fight keep piling up, after all."

She didn't want to let him know that her mind had conjured up the image of every single body she'd seen in her entire life. She didn't want him to know about her own nightmares and fears. Hermione didn't consider herself _invincible_ anymore _,_ but she knew that her time to fall apart would come as soon as every student had left the castle walls. Then, with no one there to see it, she would simply break, just as she'd done a year ago. And just like then, she would slowly find a way to get herself back together, so she could remain Sirius' strength when he'd came back to school.

"I hope I'm one of those reasons," he said and pulled away, meeting her gaze. "And I really hope you have a good reason for not going home with us."

"You know I do. Dumbledore wants me to help him and I can't refuse. That's the biggest downside of being an adult." She smiled weakly and closed her eyes, feeling Sirius' hand caressing her cheek.

It felt exactly like it did one year ago, in the Hospital Wing. He hadn't even known her back then, just as he had no clue that she wasn't unconscious, but he still chose to comfort her with his tenderness and pure compassion. She'd already known that he would be _trouble_ , because of all these stories she'd heard about the famous Marauders, but he turned out to be so much more.

"I love you," she said and opened her eyes, watching a smile appear on his face, making her heart skip yet another beat. Merlin, how she wished he could do it all the time. How she wished things were different... "I want you to remember that. I'll write as often as I can, but there are things that need to be done."

"I can help you. _We_ can help you."

"I know," she answered and this time, she caressed his face tenderly. "I've learned my lesson already. We're stronger together, especially now, after everything that's happened. But there are still things that need to be kept a secret, simply because they could either turn out to be our biggest advantage, or the reason for our downfall."

"And _you,_ out of all people, are the one that has to deal with those things, huh?" He kept smiling, while his eyes twinkled, for the first time in forever. "Damn, that's hot."

She couldn't help, but to laugh, even if her eyes started to fill with tears at the mere thought of doing everything without her friends. Without her love. Hermione knew it was inevitable, but it still did nothing to soothe her longing for them, even before they'd truly left.

"Stay out of trouble, will you?" she asked and wiped away her tears. "I'd hate to break all the safety measures just to kick your ass for not being _mature_ ," she threatened and bit her lip for a moment, meeting his gaze shyly. "Also, James will tell me, if you decide to flirt with some other girls."

"Oh, come on!" Sirius whined and shook his head. "How many times can I tell you that no other girl can even compare to you, love?"

"It never gets boring, Padfoot. It never will."

He sighed and lifted her chin up, his eyes boring deep into her own.

"I've never believed James, when he talked about his undying love for Lily. But now I get it. It's the simplest thing ever. No one can ever be as good as you, no matter how angry you make me sometimes. I'm willing to spend two months without you, just because I know that two months mean nothing, compared to the lifetime ahead of us. Because that's what it's going to be. _Lifetime_ , love. There's no other option, when it comes to you and me. I just know it. Just like James does with Lily."

And then he kissed her, making her forget about all the evil and pain, if only just for a minute.

* * *

Hermione watched the Marauders board the train, with growing pain in her heart. The dreaded moment was finally here, and she wasn't ready for it. She tried to stay rooted to her spot, while other students passed her, sometimes glancing at her with interest. Maybe it would have been smarter to pretend to go home to _someone_ , but she felt like it didn't matter anymore. Most of the students had already known about her rough past, and in the eyes of the law, she was an adult. No one could force her to board the train. Apparently, not even the pain in her heart.

"Hermione." A quiet, shy voice reached her ears, forcing her to avert her gaze from the train.

Miss Granger couldn't help, but to feel surprised upon seeing Leslie, standing behind her with her hands tugged into the pockets of her jeans. She had clearly lost some weight, along with her usual spunk. Her eyes were missing their usual light, and Hermione realised that Leslie's pain must have been even worse than her own.

"Les..." she said in response, but found herself unable to continue. What was she even supposed to say? How are you? Are you alright? Everything seemed completely pointless and utterly stupid in the eyes of such a tragedy.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry," the girl said and shifted anxiously. "For not being there for you. I just... Well, I couldn't deal with other people's pain. Mine was too overwhelming."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. Everyone grieves differently and I don't hold anything against you," Hermione answered and smiled weakly. "I just wished I could have..."

"Don't," Leslie interrupted and, for the first time, she actually looked like herself. "You're not allowed to blame yourself for any of this. You risked your own life, as soon as you've heard that the girls may not be safe. That's more than I've done."

"You cannot blame yourself either!"

"I don't. Not anymore... But there is no denying the fact that I could have saved Grace, if I wasn't such a coward. We were all hoping that maybe we could somehow avoid getting involved in this war, that maybe we could live our lives like nothing was happening. But it's not true. It never has been."

Hermione stayed silent, not knowing if there were even words that could have been right in this situation. Leslie looked haunted, but at the same time, it was clear that she'd made a decision and was willing to stand by it.

"I just want you to know that I'm going to fight, whether you like, or not. Whether Ewan likes it, or not. And I finally understand, why were you so hell bent on keeping us safe," Leslie said and met Hermione's gaze. "I'd rather _die_ than allow my friends to get hurt again."

"Les..."

"No, Herm. I _know_ what I'm doing. No matter what Ewan says about this, it's not just grief talking. I don't want revenge, I don't want to start acting reckless, because I'm unable to deal with the emotions. I just want to do what's right. But I know I can't do it alone. So, I'm asking you to help me."

Hermione blinked a couple of times and then pulled the girl close to her own body, hugging her fiercely. Leslie had never been the one to seek out too much physical contact, but she clearly appreciated her gesture _now_. It seemed better than words in every single way. Because no words could express how much this moment meant to both of them.

And just like that, in that hopeless, cruel world, a light of hope sparkled again. It wasn't much, but it was something to hold onto.


	46. Chapter 44

**A/N: I've had this written for a while now, but... Well, I struggle with this story. I struggle _a lot_. Mostly because I don't have the time to fix previous chapters, which are _overwhelmed_ by mistakes and plot holes. Honestly, I still cannot understand why so many people seem to like it, because in my mind, it grew to something terrible. **

**Since I'm not a quitter, I'm aiming at finishing this story. Slowly, probably. In pains, most likely, but I will do it. So, pardon my previous mistakes, feel free to point out my current, since English is still not my first language. But other than that... Enjoy! I'm much better now as a writer and I hope it will show.**

 **And, to all of you who are celebrating Christmas - all the best to you! Consider this chapter my gift to you, and I hope it will be a good gift indeed :)**

* * *

Hermione had never expected to find herself in front of _this_ cave. There wasn't a single reason that would be able to force her to come down here, if her life had turned out like she expected it to. Unfortunately, things looked entirely different.

"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore's hand rested on her shoulder, waking her up from her daze. Suddenly, she noticed the breeze that sprinkled salty water all over her body, and she shivered violently. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Professor, we both know that there is no other way, if we want to put an end to this war. Voldemort's Horcruxes have to be destroyed. I'm as ready as possible."

"Then what are we waiting for?" he answered with a cheerful smile that contrasted with the gloomy weather and raging sea.

Hermione looked at him briefly and shrugged. They had no time to lose, but she would be a fool, if she hadn't stopped in front of the majestic cliff that loomed over their tiny figures, like the most terrifying shadow. Sharp stones behind them did nothing to soothe the anxiousness consuming her mind, but she knew that there was no going back.

With a sigh, she took a step forward and raised her wand, dispersing the darkness ahead. Dumbledore followed her immediately, doing the same with his own wand, and soon, they both casted light upon the steep descent, leading to a fissure filled with water.

Hermione glanced at the Headmaster and started to move, watching her every step with caution. The stones, covering the way, were slick and wet, which made them incredibly dangerous to someone, who would be reckless enough to simply rush ahead. Even with her excellent physical shape, she had troubles finding a safe route. Once she'd finally reached the bottom, she took a deep breath, waiting for Dumbledore to join her.

To her surprise, it didn't take him that long. He was, obviously, much younger than he was, when he'd been here with Harry, but he still didn't look exactly _agile_. Apparently, she shouldn't have been so quick to judge, because he hadn't even broken a sweat.

"Well, let's go for a swim then," he said and slid down straight into the dark water. It must have been cold, even if it was the middle of summer. Hermione didn't really want to follow into his footsteps, but what other choice did she have? Absolutely none.

With a reluctant sigh, she crouched down and slowly immersed herself into the water, shivering when the cold liquid touched her skin. Dumbledore advised her against casting a warming spell, mostly because of the dangers that could hide in the water. No one knew what exactly Voldemort had done to it, and triggering a hidden defence mechanism would be their worst nightmare.

Hermione quickly found out that swimming and holding her wand above the water's surface wasn't exactly easy. She had no clue how Dumbledore managed to stay afloat, considering his wet robes that must have dragged him down with a considerable force. Maybe she really needed to stop questioning his fitness, and focus on her own breathing instead.

Quickly enough, they had found themselves in a dark corridor, which instantly gave her a claustrophobic feeling. It was _disgusting_ to say the least; its walls were slimy and dripping with something that looked a lot like tar, or something similar. Hermione didn't want to spend too much time thinking about it, though. She swam forward, trying to focus on something pleasant instead, like _Sirius_ , for example.

Merlin, how she missed him… There wasn't a day that hadn't passed without her thinking about his laughter, or gleaming eyes that could better her mood, no matter how sad she felt. Hermione wanted nothing more, than to feel his embrace and inhale a familiar scent of leather, mint and cologne. Thinking about it all was painful, but it still allowed her to get through the worst part of her days. It certainly helped her forget about the cold, numbing her senses, or the stench, coming off of the water.

Suddenly, the corridor ended and Dumbledore emerged from the water, looking around cautiously. Hermione joined him, trying to stop her body from shivering violently, but it turned out to be completely impossible. She _hated_ feeling drenched and chilled to the bone. She could really use one of Sirius' embraces now… Unfortunately, all she had was her wand. She immediately casted a drying spell upon herself and sighed with relief, when her muscles stopped trembling angrily.

"We're here," Dumbledore said, after a moment of silence. "We just need to find a way to get _inside_. I believe you've mentioned that you know how to achieve that?"

"Harry said something about a blood offering."

"Ah, yes." The Headmaster nodded and took out an elegant knife out of one of his pockets. Hermione tried not to flinch, seeing a great resemblance to the blade that had once carved her forearm. Before she could scold herself for having such an irrational reaction, Dumbledore slit his palm and put it on the wall. "It's very primitive, indeed. I almost expected Tom to do better than that."

The wall lit up and Hermione opened her mouth at the sight of a silver outline of the door. Just a second later, the blood disappeared and along with it –the entire rock, standing in their way of getting inside. Dumbledore looked at her with a smile, and then he lit up his wand one more time, taking a step towards the darkness on the other side of the door.

She gasped quietly, when she joined him in front of a great lake that seemed to be filled entirely with black water. Hermione knew that it was just an illusion, but it still managed to make her heart race and bang against her ribcage painfully. The entire cave was so huge, that it seemed impossible to measure it in such poor lighting conditions. The only thing that was visible, was the greenish glimmer in the middle of the lake.

Goosebumps appeared on her skin, once she'd realised that it must have been the place, where Voldemort had hidden his Horcrux. She remembered Harry's tale, but she could never imagine the place to look like _this_.

"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore asked, and she realised that he had already moved forward. She moved instantly, but didn't look away from the glow in the middle of the lake.

"The Horcrux has to be there." She pointed the isle with her finger and the man nodded thoughtfully. He turned around and started to look for something –a boat, as she presumed.

Hermione didn't have to tell him anything. After all, he was a brilliant wizard, who'd spent the last month looking for all the possible clues. He didn't want her help, most of the time, saying that it would be better, if he could find the answers on his own. She'd seen no point in arguing with him. Actually, she _knew_ he was right. Dumbledore had to lead the Order to the Battle. He had to plan everything, taking every single detail under consideration, and to do that, he had to know _everything_ about Voldemort.

A minute later, a boat emerged from the water, looking positively disgusting. Apparently, Riddle couldn't care less for keeping it nice and clean, because it was covered in wrack and green slime.

"What now?" she asked quietly, and Dumbledore looked at her with cautious.

"I'm not entirely sure, Hermione. Tom must have thought about it a lot. I'd bet that he had considered not weight, but the amount of magical power that was supposed to enter the boat. You're a powerful witch, and in combination with me… Maybe I'll have to go alone."

That, she certainly didn't know. Harry hadn't mentioned it, when he talked about the cave, and Hermione didn't question him any further. She focused on the things that happened later, after they had finally reached the Horcrux.

"Professor, we both know you can't do it alone."

The task, lying ahead of them, was the only part of this entire journey that she had shared with Dumbledore beforehand. It felt like a good idea to tell him, so he could research that damn potion and come up with an antidote, which was something she couldn't have done on her own. Hermione might have been a decent Potionmaker, but she wouldn't bet anyone's life on her skills. Dumbledore had to deal with that particular aspect entirely on his own.

"Then what do you propose, Miss Granger? How did my older version solve this problem?" the man asked and Hermione sighed, furrowing her brows.

"I don't think he _had_ a problem, professor. My friend was underage at the time of their visit in the cave. Technically, he hasn't reached his full power yet. I think that he could safely board the boat along with you, and nothing happened."

"Ah, I see. You might be right, Hermione. Tom probably didn't think that an underage wizard would be capable of finding out his secret, not mentioning coming here to obtain it." Dumbledore looked at the lake and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "We have to come up with a different solution then. We cannot risk falling into the water."

Hermione crouched down, looking at the smooth surface of the lake. The water was completely still, giving off the impression of impenetrable darkness. She couldn't see a thing, but she still _knew_ what was hiding in there.

Her thoughts travelled back to the past. The image of the locket popped into her head, along with the note, written by Sirius' brother, and suddenly, a solution bloomed in her mind.

"Professor… I know how we can get to that Horcrux," she said and looked up, to see Dumbledore glancing at her with curiosity.

"Do tell, Miss Granger!"

"A House Elf. You can summon a House Elf from Hogwarts –preferably one you would trust with your own life. Their magic is not like ours, and the fact that they can break the Anti-apparition ward in Hogwarts is proof enough. Someone like Vol…" she stopped herself, remembering the Taboo curse. There was a slight chance that Riddle had cast a similar spell here, to notify him, if someone dared to say his name. " _He_ probably ignored the existence of the House Elves. I'm _sure_ he did."

"A brilliant idea, Miss Granger. I wouldn't have thought about it."

"No one thinks about the House Elves," she muttered in response, scowling slightly. She ignored Dumbledore's giggle, just as she ignored everyone else's laugh, when she had started her S.P.E.W. campaign.

Hermione briefly wondered what Sirius would say, if he knew about her ambitious plans to free all the Elves. He would probably make fun of her _forever_. She needed to make a mental note to herself that she could never even mention it in his company. Or James'. Or anyone's, actually. Better to be safe than sorry.

She watched as Dumbledore furrowed his brows, thinking about the best candidate for the job, and then he called out:

"Winny!"

A moment later, a small Elf appeared, looking around with curiosity.

"Professor Dumbledore, Sir!" the creature squealed and bowed lowly, making the older man smile gently.

"Hello, Winny. Forgive me for summoning you to such a terrifying place, but I really need your help."

"Winny will do anything for Professor Dumbledore, Sir!"

Hermione smiled, watching the excitement in the Elf's big, watery eyes. Winny clasped her hands together, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and watching the Headmaster with caution.

"We need you to transport us to that small island on the lake," Dumbledore explained quietly, while the Elf looked in the pointed direction. Her ears flapped, when she spotted the green light in the middle of darkness, but she didn't seem particularly frightened. "Can you do that?"

"Of course, Professor Dumbledore, Sir! That is not a problem for Winny!"

The Headmaster clasped his hand together and smiled.

"Good! Very good –yes. Shall we go, then?"

"Wait!" Hermione said and took a step towards the Elf, who looked at her with curiosity. "Winny… I'm afraid that's not all."

Dumbledore looked at her cautiously, but Hermione couldn't care less. She wasn't going to allow the Elf to go through a _trauma_ , without having the decency to tell her the entire truth beforehand. There was no need to be cruel, after all.

"Winny… We will need you to get us out of here as well. Professor Dumbledore and I have a very unpleasant task to complete. It will probably be very hard to watch," she said, crouching down in front of the Elf. "You could leave, but I'm not sure if we will be able to call you back."

The Elf looked at Hermione and then at Dumbledore, to make sure that the girl was telling the truth. The Headmaster nodded, offering her a sad smile, and the Elf fidgeted on her spot.

"Winny is a brave elf. Winny will stay and help."

Hermione smiled and stood up, taking a deep breath. Her heart was beating fast –faster than it should. There could be no denying that she felt scared, more than anything else. Harry was able to walk Dumbledore through the painful and extremely terrifying process, but she wasn't sure if she had the same strength. She'd much rather switch places with the Headmaster, but he refused to agree. Not that she expected anything else –he was, after all, the same man, only a bit younger.

"Hermione? Are you ready?" Dumbledore asked, noticing her hesitation. She nodded, unable to say anything else, and smiled at Winny, who watched her with growing curiosity. "Let's go, then."

A second later, Hermione found herself in front of a bowl filled with emerald green liquid, which turned out to be the source of the green light. The substance glowed beautifully, but at the same time, it seemed _deadly_ in a weird, indescribable way. Hermione knew where that feeling came from. Harry told them about the potion and its effects. He described it as a truly horrifying experience –watching Dumbledore's agony and forcing him to keep drinking had to feel awful. And now, she was about to face the exact same horror.

Before she could change her mind, she waved her wand, conjuring a goblet. It was simple, but Dumbledore didn't seem to mind. He simply grabbed it and smiled at Hermione, while his eyes twinkled happily.

"Cheers!" he said and immersed the goblet in the emerald liquid, filling it up to its rims.

Her heart stopped for a moment, as she watched him slowly drink the potion. It took a while for something to happen, but when a grimace appeared on the Headmaster's face, Hermione knew that it was going to be a _long_ hour.

"Winny, go to Hogwarts and bring a bottle of water here. Make sure it's just a regular water –not charmed. Can you do that?" she asked quietly, watching Dumbledore filling the goblet one more time.

The Elf hesitated for a moment, but when the man drank another cup and wobbled, she nodded her head and disappeared right away. Hermione took a deep breath and walked over to the professor, leaving behind her doubts. She could do this.

After witnessing so many horrible things in her life, doing _this_ couldn't be that hard. Not compared to the alternative of letting Voldemort win again.

"Keep drinking, professor," she pleaded and sighed, when his suddenly glazed eyes looked at her with torment. "It has to be done."

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I wish I could tell you how awful my day has been. I wish I could tell you all about it, but we both know it's complicated. I feel like the lousiest girlfriend on the entire planet, and the worst thing about it, is that I can do absolutely_ nothing _to help it. Nothing, except for writing you those stupid letters, so you'd know that I'm still alive and mostly well. And that I hate everything about this summer. And that I love you._

 _There's not a day when I don't think about you. I'm counting days to the end of the break, because I miss you so_ freaking _much._ _You're probably angry and worried, and I can't really blame you for it. I would be worried too if you were the one to answer my letters so cryptically. Please… Just trust me. Trust, that I'm telling the truth. Trust, that I'm miserable without you._

 _The break is going to end and before we know it, we'll be together again. Merlin knows, I've been telling this to myself for such a long time that it actually started to sound possible. I love you. It's not going to change._

 _Yours (and only yours),_

 _Hermione_


	47. Chapter 45

**A/N: All of the worshippers of fluff, unite! A new chapter is here and it is really sweet and light. But before we get to that gigantic portion of sugar, I have to thank you all, because I really didn't expect such a wonderful support! You guys gave me motivation to write that chapter ASAP, and I know it's not very meaningful, but it's a huge step for me. And it's fluffy, so who cares? :D**

 **Now, to answer your lovely reviews...**

 **ReaderRabid2 : I'm glad that you didn't see any plot holes. And I'll definitely continue the story, as you can see :) Thank you for reading!**

 **l eonix2009: Thank you so much for staying with my story for such a long time!**

 **Tidbit : Thanks, that's very sweet :)**

 **HarkaLlama : Oh, wow! That's a really huge compliment and I cannot thank you enough! I can only say that I'll do everything in my power to make this work even better! And here's more fluff for you! :D**

 **Black Banshee : Love seeing you here again! And thank you for such kind words! I appreciate them so, so much.**

 **LunaLovegoss: When I saw your review, I couldn't believe my own eyes. First of all -thank you for taking the time to write it, because it means the world to me. And also thank you for such kind words. Despite all of those mistakes I've mentioned, I still poured all of my heart into this story, and there are very great portions of it that I absolutely love. I just happen to be a perfectionist, so some of the issues bug me, a lot. But I'm still going to finish this story, if only for readers such as yourself, because you make all of it worth it! And yes, I'm planning on writing a love scene, which is why I still keep the "M" rating of this story :) And sorry for giving you such a short break from reading haha! I'd also love to check out your story :)**

 **Okay. Now, please, enjoy the chapter and I look forward to hear from you! xoxo**

* * *

Hermione almost couldn't believe that the summer was over. She couldn't help, but to hop up and down with excitement, after she had apparated onto the King's Cross station in London to board the train for the very last time. Of course, as exciting as it was, riding the train wasn't the reason for her agitation. Seeing Sirius, on the other hand…

Shivers ran up her spine, when a memory of her boyfriend's face popped into her head. It felt almost surreal that just one year ago, she stood on the same platform, yearning to finally meet the Marauders and save them from their horrible fate. And now she was dating one of them – Harry's godfather, to make things even weirder. Her smile faltered at the thought of her friend, but it was gone for just a second. As soon as the Marauders walked through the wall, she couldn't help, but to let out a shaky breath and subconsciously smooth her dress. Yes, she was wearing a _freaking dress_ , just to please him.

Just as she'd done a year ago, Hermione took in the silhouettes of three boys – James, Remus and Sirius. Her heart wanted to sing at the sight of her best friends, but it was too busy fawning over the last of the trio. Sirius wore his usual leather jacket, but it suddenly became quite… _fitted_. Okay, he was always impressive, considering the amount of strength needed to hit a Bludger. Even still, Hermione found herself ogling him like she had never seen a perfectly shaped male, and she had dated Victor Krum, for Merlin's sake.

Suddenly, she was not only emotionally overwhelmed by the prospect of their reunion, but also _physically_. The girl blushed and plastered a smile onto her face, when their gazes met, and Sirius had left his friends, running in her direction instead.

Before she knew what exactly happened, his lips were on hers and the whole world stopped for a moment. Hermione thought that she could faint just from all the emotions, but that kiss… That kiss made her want to moan, both in pleasure and in frustration, because it was so _damn good_ and at the same time, she couldn't exactly let it progress. They were in the middle of a freaking platform, and people were probably starting to pay attention to their little display of feelings.

"Merlin, I've missed you so much," Sirius moaned into her ear, when she forced herself to break the kiss. "You have no idea…"

"I'm pretty sure I do," she answered, inhaling his scent and letting it overwhelm her. Her daze lasted only for a moment, because he kissed her again.

This time, his lips moved slowly and delicately, as he tried to pour all of his feelings into that kiss. Hermione couldn't stop herself from simply doing the same, even though James and Remus had finally caught up to them and started to whine.

"Oi, stop that!" Potter yelled, but Hermione could hear the laughter in her voice. "Herms, you don't know what Sirius has licked over the summer. That's highly irresponsible."

"James, let them have their moment. They're in _love_ ," Remus scolded him right away, but Sirius broke the kiss and sighed.

"I hate you both sometimes," he muttered, looking at Hermione with awe. "Fuck, you're wearing a dress!"

She rolled her eyes, but seeing his reaction made her want to clench her fists in victory. Maybe she wasn't so bad at this whole _fashion_ thingy. And maybe she didn't completely suck at relationships too.

"You're bloody gorgeous," Sirius added and leaned forward to steal another kiss, but James shoved him away, taking Hermione into his arms instead.

"She's our friend too, you know?!" Potter said and spun the girl around, like she weighed nothing. "But he's right, you look absolutely terrific, and… Merlin, that's Lily!" He immediately let Hermione go and took a step back, looking at the redhead who had just entered the platform. "Isn't she beautiful? The loveliest out of all the fair maidens of the entire world…"

"If I ever talk like that, feel free to rip my balls off. I probably wouldn't even feel it, because they'd shrunken down by that time…" Sirius laughed and flung his arm over Hermione's shoulder. "Come on, love, let's find a nice compartment, where we could… _talk_ in peace." He said, while the Ravenclaw tried not to blush, which proved very difficult. "And you, Remy, my friend, can take our luggage!"

Before she could protest, Sirius steered her away from the Marauders. She could still hear James' whines about Padfoot being _full of shite_ , but they faded down pretty quickly.

"This was probably the worst summer ever, and I had quite a few of shitty holidays," Sirius said and gestured her to board the train first. Hermione was pretty sure that he'd done that only to stare at her ass, but his words were so sweet that she couldn't even scold him. She decided to wear a dress, after all. "I was worried sick, I hope you know that."

Hermione immediately scowled, as she turned around to face him. An apologetic smile that appeared on her face couldn't have done much to soothe his irritation, but at this moment, it was all she could offer.

"Of course I do, Sirius. If there was another way to go about it, I…"

"I know, love. You had to save the world, while your boyfriend was learning how to cook." He flashed her a grin, and Hermione raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"You were _what?_ "

"Let's find that compartment and I will tell you all about it," Sirius suggested, forcing Hermione to roll her eyes.

"You do realise that it's a bit hard to make out and talk at the same time?"

"Kitten, I actually _want_ to talk to you. But I guess that you'd rather do something else. Can't say I'm mad at the idea."

Hermione blushed and became aware of the fact that every student in the corridor was now busy with watching their interaction. She turned on the spot and stormed away, beginning to look for that bloodz compartment and wishing that she would finally learn not to fall into every single one of Sirius' traps. He probably planned everything all along.

"Come on, love, we can make a deal. We'll snog for a bit, and then we can chit-chat. I think we're both going to be pretty satisfied with such a contract."

"Shut up!" she laughed and shook her head, while Sirius trailed after her.

Merlin, how she missed that voice and sense of humour. He could be irritating and almost nauseatingly witty, but he could also make her smile, even if she was at her darkest hour. And she had a _lot_ of those during the summer.

They'd found an empty compartment at the end of the train and before she could sit down, Sirius pulled her into his lap and kissed her again. One of his hands grabbed her by the neck, bringing her even closer, while the other settled on her bare thigh, gently caressing the skin. As much as she wanted him to continue, Hermione's mind wouldn't shut up, reminding her that, technically, they were still on the train, among _children_.

"Sirius, we can't…" she started, but when his lips travelled down to her neck, she had to inhale sharply and postpone finishing the sentence.

"We can't what?" he asked, moving his mouth against her skin and sending a pleasurable shiver down her spine. For a moment, his question seemed quite reasonable, because that _feeling,_ that overwhelming _need_ felt just right. But then he stopped and repeated his question. She could sense the smile, hiding behind his words, and she knew that he had no intentions of letting things progress.

 _Of course, he didn't want to do anything in a bloody train_ , she thought to herself and shook her head. It was so easy for him to dull Hermione's senses and her usually impeccable mind… She was still amazed by that special ability of his, even after spending so much time with him.

"You know what," Hermione muttered and averted her gaze, to his amusement.

"Are you sure you're not a virgin?" he laughed in response, but he quickly stopped, when she smacked his arm.

"You need to stop making fun of me, you git! I haven't seen you for two months, and now you're touching me, and…"

"And I can't exactly help it," Sirius said and smiled gently. "Touching you makes everything _real_. I've dreamt of seeing you for such a long time that it's kind of hard to believe it finally happened."

Just like that, she was reminded about the _other_ things she loved about him. Not his kisses, not his low, husky voice… Nothing could make her heart melt like his words could. Sirius Black wore his heart on the sleeve, and he never held back _anything_ , even if sometimes he really should. But when it came to his feelings… Hermione wanted nothing else, but his full honesty and she always got just that.

"I'm here. But most importantly, you're here too." She smiled and caressed his cheek, savouring the feeling of his clean shaven skin against her own palm.

Hermione doubted she could ever get bored of looking at his perfect features. She used to think that perfection was quite dull in a way, and that it quickly became ordinary, once someone had gotten used to it. But looking at his carved cheekbones and beautiful, silvery eyes, she had no doubts that it was, in fact, _exciting._ And she knew the reason for that. Sirius Black belonged to her.

The door to the compartment opened, breaking their moment and forcing Hermione to blush furiously, once she'd realised that she was still straddling the boy. Quickly, she freed herself from Sirius' embrace and turned around to face the newcomer.

"Lily!" she exclaimed happily and the redhead squealed, hugging Hermione tightly.

"Herms!" Evans greeted her and stepped back, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "I'm going to pretend that I haven't just caught you in a very compromising, _inappropriate_ position, because I'm so happy to see you!"

"Thanks, Evans, that's so nice of you!" Sirius chirped and earned himself a glare from the girl.

"I wasn't talking to you, Black."

"But you _are_ happy to see me, aren't you?"

Lily rolled her eyes, but she smiled nonetheless.

"A bit."

"Ha! I knew it!" Sirius laughed and winked at Lily, who shrugged and plopped down onto the seat across the boy.

"After spending summer with my family, seeing _anyone_ would be a pleasant change. Even Potter."

She'd chosen a perfect moment to say such a thing, because James walked into the compartment and smiled so brilliantly, that Hermione wanted to blink, in order not to get _blinded_. The Ravenclaw did nothing of the sort, though, since watching Lily blush a furious red was much more amusing.

"Lily, love, did I hear you say my name?" he asked and sat down next to her, causing the girl to flinch.

Hermione guessed that the redhead tried very hard to look offended, but she still didn't move away, which was a _significant_ change in comparison to behaviour from the last year. A smile appeared on Granger's face, as she watched the soon-to-be couple, but she decided to stay out of their little quarrel.

"Forgot to wash your ears again, Potter?" Lily snorted and crossed her arms on the chest, while James grinned.

"Nope. I bathed my _entire_ body, just because I knew I would see _you_ , love."

Sirius' barking laughter sounded in the compartment, as he simply couldn't stop himself from making fun of his friend.

"Oh, that's very true. He'd even stolen his father's cologne, because he's run out of his own," Black announced and Hermione smacked his thigh lightly. He _really_ wasn't helping his friend win Lily over… "But it's a nice cologne, I guess," Sirius added, trying to fix things.

"Yeah, for a sixty year old, maybe," Lily scrunched up her nose and glanced at Potter. "I prefer your usual one."

The girl realised what she'd said, and her blush grew deeper, while James started to look positively flustered. Actually, Hermione thought he found himself at the verge of losing consciousness. It was incredibly sweet in a way, so she pinched Sirius, in order to prevent him from saying anything quite hurtful and mean.

"Oh, get a room," her boyfriend laughed and James broke out his daze immediately.

"Said the bloke, who shoved his tongue down a girl's throat not so long ago," Potter said and it was now Hermione's time to blush.

"She's my _girlfriend_ , whom I haven't seen for two months. What's your excuse for spreading sexual tension everywhere?"

"Well, you're probably spreading fleas and you don't see _me_ whining," James spat back, but Lily had had enough of their conversation, judging by the anger boiling in her eyes.

"Stop! Potter and I are not spreading _anything_. And why on Earth would Black spread _fleas?_ "

Silence enveloped the compartment, as everyone tried to find a reasonable explanation for that _peculiar_ feature. Lily narrowed her eyes, evidently finding their behaviour suspicious.

"That's because Sirius couldn't stop himself from petting a little dog we've found in the village," James finally said and sent Sirius a meaningful glance.

"It wasn't _little_. I don't _do_ little dogs," Hermione's boyfriend protested right away, while Lily snorted.

"Okay, that sound's _horribly_ wrong, but I get the idea. What happened to the dog?"

"It stayed with us for a night, and then we've found its owner." James explained and Sirius nodded.

"End of story."

Lily eyed them suspiciously for a moment and then she sighed, deciding to let that matter slide.

"For such pranksters, you're terrible liars, but I don't really want to know what you've been up to. My brain would probably fry."

"Agreed," the boys said in unison and Hermione grinned, unable to stop herself.

She really missed them. Every second of that familiar banter made her body yearn for even more interaction, and a part of her wanted that moment to last forever. But it took only one look at Sirius to know that there were also _other_ things she looked forward to. Suddenly, all of her hard work from the summer started to seem less pointless and tiring. In the end it was all worth it.

The door to the compartment opened once more and Remus stepped inside. His face was almost as red as Lily's had been just a moment ago, and everyone immediately looked at him with interest.

"Loony, you seem… _feverish_ ," Sirius noticed, while the Prefect plopped down on one of the seats.

"I accidentally, somehow, managed to bump into a girl and…"

"And?" Everyone said in unison, while Remus covered his face with his palms.

"I might have… I mean, I _did_ …"

"What?!"

"Touch her… You know," he muttered and looked down, clearly ashamed. "Her… _breasts_."

Both James and Sirius started to laugh so loud, that Hermione flinched visibly. She felt awful for Remus, because she could easily imagine the girl's reaction upon being touched against her will. Still, she had to admit that the situation _was_ kind of funny, and judging by Lily's reaction, the girl shared the same thought.

"I hope she didn't hurt you too bad," Evans said and Remus scratched his head.

"Um… She kind of… Asked me out?"

"NO FREAKING WAY!" James yelled, as his laughter died immediately. Sirius' body kept shaking, on the other hand, while tears of joy rolled down his face. "I've spent _six years_ trying to ask Lily out, and you just touch some girl's boobs and she's fallen head over heels for you?! Maybe I should just…"

"NO!" Lily smacked his head, while everyone joined Sirius in his explosion of joy.

 _I missed them so much_ , Hermione thought, looking at Lily and James, who started to fight, as they usually did. _So freaking much_ …


End file.
